3.2 year old DS not interested in potty & I've been called lazy!

[CJones1982]

My son was 3 in September. I've tried potty training him 3 times now and he simply doesn't seem ready. It's like he doesn't get much warning when he needs to go for a wee, he just looks down and before you know it he's wet himself. He still doesn't have the communication skills to say 'Mum I need a wee' - My mother and MIL are disgusted with the fact that he's not PT as in their day it was by 2 years old! They've said I'm too soft and that I should make him sit on the potty! I would never force him to sit on it as I don't feel that's fair and just forcing the issue. I've tried so many ways, rewards etc and tried for at least 5 days each time. He also hasn't the ability to pull his trousers down too. Is anyone else in my position? I'm not going to rush him if he's not ready but I do feel some pressure as all my friends and family's children are younger and PT. Any advice please?

[grants1000]

Tell them both to piss off, he's your child and he will do it when he is ready.

I'd keep a potty in each loo, so he becomes familiar with it, practice sitting on it even if there is no wee or poo. Get your other half to wee in the potty too as this encourages him to use it. Put a Teddy/toy on the potty and pretend to be having a wee/poo etc.

People should mind their own frigging business, mothers and MIL's included!

[grants1000]

Also get him some easy to pull down joggers to start to practice, make it into a game, like musical bumps, trousers down when the music stops, trousers up when it starts again! It will most the most of a wet afternoon or two!

[PerfectPrincess201]

Well he is getting a bit older. My son was trained at two and my daughter at two and a half.

[skyeskyeskye]

DD went to preschool in pullups and was trained within 2 months. Peer pressure did it for her, when she saw all the other children using the toilet she didnt want to be the only one in nappies. The preschool took the children to the loo at regular intervals and she didnt want to be left out.

I had tried endlessly with her but she would sit on the potty for ages then get up and poo on the floor. She did it when she was ready and like I say, peer pressure helped...

she only had around 2 accidents and has never wet the bed.

[MollyMatey]

If he has other developmental delays then it's not a surprise he isn't toilet trained yet.

[absentmindeddooooodles]

Tell them to naff off. Your ds will do it when hes ready.

Im getting those comments now and ds is 2.8. Hes not ready so im not going to force him. Simple.

I know its not nice when youre up against other people though. Tey to ignore them.

[CJones1982]

Thanks for the kind messages. In response to perfect princess, mumsnet is about help, guidance and reassurance not having a dig, I fully appreciate he is getting older, I'm sure my LO is not alone out there in being on the late side of being potty trained, I'm not being lazy, his body is simply not mature enough. We can't all be perfect mums can we, but I try my best!

[Shakey1500]

Then weren't you fortunate perfectprincess

OP, agree with trying joggers etc. Also have you thought about holding him on the toilet? For me personally I couldn't get my head around the idea of a potty and bought one of those padded seats with handles? Made a big fuss about it being the "big" toilet etc. Might be worth a try?

Good luck, it's not easy!

[gamerchick]

Some people need to knob off with their stupid comments.. including on this thread

He will get it I promise. Mine didn't get pees until 3 1/2 and he was 4 before he would dump in one. Since my first was trained at 2 and second just before 3 it certainly wasn't laziness in my part.

Some do it gradual and some just get it all if a sudden. Try putting a pair of duds in underneath a pullup when you go out so he recognises when he's wet and try not to show him any stressing about it. Just keep trying... you don't see teens in nappies after all.

[gamerchick]

There's also those plastic urinal things you can get now that clip on to the toilet.. He might find that fun.. or there's the ping pong ball (cork?) down the toilet thing which boys and men love to aim at.

[Shakey1500]

Ooh yes, had forgotten about the game of hitting the ping pong ball type thing.

It's hard not to stress I know I remember have a stack of "big boy" pants downstairs and saying "oops never mind" a gazillion times.

FWIW Ds is now six and still not dry at night. We tried for about a month, thinking he was ready and gave up and reverted to pull us last week.

[girliefriend]

Does he seem to be able to go for a few hours dry in his nappy inbetween weeing iyswim? That gives a good indication of bladder control ime.

The learning around knowing when he needs to go is a skill he has to learn and some figure it out sooner than others. You know your son best so obv don't push it if you don't think he is ready.

Is he talking much? Am trying to remember how much dd could say at that age and am pretty sure she could tell me if she needed a wee or poo. Am wondering if his speech is slightly delayed if there might be something else going on. Have you had his hearing tested?

Def get him some jogging bottoms that he can pull up and down by himself and if you go for it with pt you will prob need to perservere longer than 5 days, it took nearly 2 weeks with my dd until it finally clicked.

[CJones1982]

We visited the audiologist last week as he does have very sensitive ears and hates loud noises and even praise which was also a problem when I tried PT. His hearing was fine and they said he was very shy and quiet, like me really. Will definitely try the jogger pull up practice & look into the toilet thing! His communication and speech improves daily so maybe I need to give it longer than five days. I've never got cross with him over weeing on the floor, just said next time in the potty for big boys wee wee. I wish he could be easily bribed or directed but he's a very stubborn boy and it really will be on his say so, bless him, oh no tears have started! Mothers and guilt trips!!

[sparklysilversequins]

I would bypass the potty altogether tbh. Get one of those child's toilet seats that fit over the top of the adult seat. Just leave it in the bathroom, no pressure. He will most likely ask what it is (ours had Winnie the Pooh all over it). When he asked I told him and asked if he wanted to try, he did and went straight away. He was out of nappies then and dry both day and night two weeks later. He was around 3.2 as well. Maybe your ds doesn't want up spend ages on the potty?

I wouldn't give two hoots what anyone said. There were a few enquiries as to when I was planning to start and I just said when we are ready. Same routine with dd.

[Monkeyandanimal]

My DS is 3.5 and although he spent the summer in big boy pants, he wasn't instigating ANYTHING himself; it was all work on my part, with bribing etc and lots of poos and wees in pants and on the lawn. I have given up again; he has no interest at all. In fact i think he is bored of the process. i'll try again in a month or so. In the meantime he's in pull ups at home, with the occasional success on the potty, and he goes to pre-school in pants and sometimes manages to stay dry (but again, i think its down to how much energy the carers are prepared to spend encouraging him to sit on the loo rather than his own inclination). I would say don't worry about what other people think; he'll get there when he's ready; my DS has a few delays too, esp with physical things like pulling up clothes etc; i'm not worried; its just an inconvenience! perfectprincess your comment was not helpful at all. and your user name says a lot about you.

[gamerchick]

I wonder if it is interlinked with speech. Mine didn't start talking until 3 1/2 and using the toilet came a short time after that.

[Idespair]

I had more trouble training my dd who had loads of speech than my ds who was a late talker and needed speech therapy. Chocolate is a universal language you know . I used to sit ds on the potty in front of the tv and give him choc if he weed. No words necessary!

[PerfectPrincess201]

I am not having a dig! Maybe you should get him checked.

[sparklysilversequins]

I've said it before and I will say it again, what MN needs is a nice shiny gold medal emoticon. You'd be first in line I should think princess.

[BranchingOut]

Apart from a simple urine test to see if children have a UTI, as far as I am aware (from talking to a HV) there are no specific services around daytime continence until children are 6+.

CJones, do come over to the Gentle/Slow potty training thread - a safe-haven for those of us going through these woes!

[TantrumsAndBalloons]

Checked for what princess?

Not all children do things at the same time, ds1 was 3.2 before he was out of nappies. He also was the DC that talked first, walked first, could read first, it doesn't mean anything, ds2 was out of nappies at 2.5. He didnt speak more than 10 words until he was 2. Now he is the student council rep for his year.

All DCs do things differently. That's ok, you know?

[PerfectPrincess201]

Checked for some kind of learning disability.

could also depend on the childs environment.

[SpockSmashesScissors]

I would get a seat to fit on the toilet, I didn't bother with the potty just went straight to the toilet with seat like these , we had the plastic £6 version and the matching step as well, he could choose it himself.

I was just thinking that he might be finding the potty a bit uncomfy if he's getting bigger.

Then I would get some easy jogging bottoms and some pants that are quite large so they are easier to pull up and down, and give it longer than 5 days, with one of mine everything went on the floor for 2 weeks and then all of a sudden he got it and never had an accident again.

[Ilanthe]

My DS didn't train till after 3. He hated the potty and also wouldn't sit on a trainer seat. One day I showed him a picture of a child using a trainer seat, just by chance, and he decided he wanted a try. He was dry within a couple of days. He withheld poo a bit so we used chocolate buttons and the iPad as bribery. The potty never saw the light of day again.

He's still not dry at night but we're getting there.

And a learning disability for not being toilet trained at 3, FFS? I've heard it all now.

[georgedawes]

A learning disability because he's not yet potty trained? Dont be daft.