3.2 pooes in pants ONLY

(9 Posts)
skorpion Fri 08-Feb-13 11:34:49

Please could I have some advice as I am about to lose it, I think...

Week before Christmas DD1 decided to use the potty and was absolutely brilliant. For about a couple of days. Since then she's been using potty / toilet for wees but every single poo goes in pants. I have thrown away about ten pairs and then decided I haven't got a fortune to spend on bloody pants so ended up hand washing shitty pants every day. Three bloody pairs a day on average. She's quite productive in this department.

She doesn't want stickers, doesn't want chocolate, doesn't want gifts, is not bothered by the fact that telly is not permitted anymore. She knows what to do, she's great at weeing, we've only had two little accidents with that.

Today after another poo in pants she just went: poo in pants, no peppa pig umbrella. COMPLETELY NOT PHASED!!!

DH and I are both enjoying the no telly thing, but heavens above I am at my wits' end with this! It is just willful and don't-give-a-shit-mum attitude! (pun not intended)

I am this close to shoving her back in pull-ups!

Sorry it's so long, had to get it off my chest. Thanks in advance for any advice.

Off to scrub poo out of pants now...

Shelleylouise Fri 08-Feb-13 19:25:02

Hi. Completely sympathise, how youre feeling is completely understandable. I have been there, done that and spent years washing poo pants and cleaning up my son. I felt a complete failure and used to swing beteen getting frustrated with him because i felt that he wasnt behaving "normally" like other children and bursting into tears about it. He had unfortunately developed his defiance to not using the toilet into a habit and also used to hold himself so long that he used to end up constipated. Health visitors and doctors didnt help me, they all just said it would be fine, just persevere with it. Nobody took us seriously until he was about to start school and then it was reward charts, watching him every minute and recognising the signs that he might be about to go, he used to go pale and not be as energetic. Sitting him on the toilet every hour for at least 15mins and getting him to push gently a few times (we used to keep a load of books in there to read). With hindsight i wished i had just put him back into pull ups at the time and tried again a few months later. It took until he was 6 years old to completely stop soiling and i wouldnt want anyone to go through what i did at that time. Hes fine now, 21 yr old at university and doesnt remember anything about it all! I had no problems with my other two children. Sorry ive written an essay, havent talked about it for a long time.

skorpion Fri 08-Feb-13 21:04:17

Oh, Shelley, thanks for posting, it sounds traumatic.

I can completely relate to that. I think the biggest problem for me is not the poo anymore, it's the way I start to feel about it all. I try so hard to remain calm, not to rant, not to punish, but just find myself getting angrier and more frustrated as the weeks go by and nothing changes... I'm afraid of leaving some long lasting damage there...

And both DH and I feel so helpless when faced with her knowing exactly what she should be doing but not doing it and not being bothered about incentives or consequences.

Allinadaze Fri 08-Feb-13 21:30:15

Does your dd ask for pull ups? Do you think she has control (was it luck the first couple of times?) or does she just not want to do it in the potty/toilet?

Ds1 wasn't interested in a potty at all but at 3 starting toilet training and went quite a long time in between using a toilet for wee but asking for a nappy for No2s. Wee's he got straight away, dry at night after the first day of trying! Rarely ever a wet bed.

But toilet for bowels, he did not get properly for another year. I think he was daunted by it. But my saving grace was he would ask for a nappy when he wanted a poo and I went with it in the end rather than stressing us both out. Bit annoying but I didn't feel under any pressure to get it sorted and luckily playgroup were accommodating. So I would listen to ShelleyLouise and perhaps not worry so much if you try pull ups again?

She WILL get there smile

MrsCF Fri 08-Feb-13 22:24:21

Hiya, my DS is similar, he has mastered wees in the last four weeks but most poos are in his pants. I am using Dry Like Me pads (they are a bit like tena lady for kids) in his pants which helps with the washing.
We have been reading Liam Goes Poo on the Toilet and Peek a Poo which are helping a little, he certainly knows the theory!!
I also bought a special toy for him it has separate bits, if he poos in his pants I keep part of the toy out of reach where he can see it and if he goes on the toilet he gets it back, over the past week we have had two or three accidents and similar amount of poos on the toilet. I think he is very slowly getting it. I am grateful he is not withholding it though.
It is difficult knowing whether to go back to pull ups but for us the pads are a good alternative.

No answers I'm afraid, but just to say my dd1 is exactly the same! She's been trained for wees since last May, and except for a couple of poos in the toilet when we were training, every poo goes in her pants. I have no idea how to deal with this. Everyone just says it'll sort itself out. But they're not washing the shitty pants!!

Catsdontcare Fri 08-Feb-13 22:31:45

Ds2 was the same and about the same age too. It was frustrating but it was just a phase and stopped after a couple of months. It is very common for children to be dry first and still poo in their pants.

skorpion Sat 09-Feb-13 07:24:52

Thank you all for replies.

I'll give the pads a go, MrsCF, thanks.

She does not ask for a nappy to go and I think she has control. She can hold it in (does not go while at nursery) but is fully aware when she goes, as she admits to it straight away.

Thanks again.

Shelleylouise Wed 13-Feb-13 16:38:34

Hi, im glad youve had so many helpful replies. The pads sound like a brilliant idea. Hope it all goes well. X

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