Potty training refusal - not sure what to do!

(42 Posts)
tinypumpkin Sat 17-Nov-12 20:26:38

Our 3 year old (3 yrs 1 month) is adamant she does not want to potty train. We tried in the summer and she was interested but we got nowhere. I did persist and went cold turkey but she was starting to get stressed about it. I posted here as I thought I should perhaps give up at that point and try later which was exactly what people suggested. I just felt we were making an issue of it when she had actually been interested originally! I did do the usual things of getting her to choose the potty, relevant books, bigging it up etc.

I have not officially started trying again but she is so resistant and I am getting worried. I knew tonight after bath she wanted a wee but will refuse to even consider the idea of trying the potty or trainer seat. Think full on tantrum. That is not a one off and is pretty much the response I now get if I even mention it. On a better day I just get 'not now, later..'. She is not keen.

I really don't want to make it more an issue but it is hard as so many peers are training at much younger. Stupid to compare I know but I find that so hard. She was prem (29 weeks) and I wonder if that is an issue or whether I am just making excuses. Bar talking (she is gifted in never stopping!) she did take longer to reach all the other milestones. I would say she has caught up bar this now though and the consultant agrees.

Any ideas? I am feeling like the crappest mum about this but truly don't know what else to do. Chocolate buttons are no incentive at all!

skorpion Wed 12-Dec-12 14:27:13

My DD has just turned three and is completely refusing, too.
Thing is back in the summer she went for about two weeks of using the potty for both wees and poos, I thought smugly I had it zipped. Not so. After numerous pants thrown away the pull up has gone back on. And she became a poo denyer as well, blatantly saying no when asked if she's done a poo, when it's obvious she had...
Good to know I'm not alone...

YerMaw1989 Wed 12-Dec-12 22:20:01

My son has never even got that far just feel such a failure.

thanksamillion Thu 27-Dec-12 09:34:00

Signing in here with a 2.11 potty refusing DD2. It's compounded by the fact that we live in a country where all children are out of nappies by two (if they have them at all), mainly through economic neccessity. DD has been offered a place at kindergarten after Christmas but they won't take her in nappies. It's doubly frustrating because DD1 was out of nappies before she was even 2, and DS was by 2.5. I feel like I'm getting worse at this!

She's in pants and wants to wear them but won't sit on the potty and is more than happy just to wee on the floor then go and get herself some clean clothes hmm. Help me!

ConstantCraving Sat 29-Dec-12 14:44:13

DD has had a bad nappy rash for the past week and cried today when her nappy was changed. I told her today that it would probably heal up if she wore pants - and so she is in them, quite happily. However no success with loo / potty so far and several accidents. She loves her pants and hates the loo (and hates potty even more!) She's in a pull-up now for a lie down while i devise a reward sticker chart - i have never used one of these before with her or my DS and am a bit hmm about whether its a good idea to use for something like this, but DH is keen we give it a go and as nothing i've tried so far has worked i feel i need to at least try... will report back.

leroymerlin Sat 29-Dec-12 19:18:53

I have two ideas that helped my DS:
1. Have them train their favourite toy - we did a lot of 'puppy' needs a wee, and big rounds of applause when they sat on the potty. Also interestingly DS cried when 'puppy' needed a poo, and said that 'puppy' was scared. I helped DS to reassure him. This is a way to take the focus off them, and give them some control of the situation.
2. Make a sticker chart with them, but not a linear one. (ie more stars equals a prize, my 2 year old doesn't respond to goals as his existence is in the moment) We made one with a rocket ship and filled the swoosh part with stars and a race track one that we filled with cars (not in any order).
Good luck!

ConstantCraving Sun 30-Dec-12 13:53:13

Hmm. no wees in potty or loo yesterday. Today she has sat on the loo twice, but no result. i know she's needed to go but she seems to find it dificult to relax. I sympathise as I know I'd find it difficult to wee if i didn't feel at ease. She has a soft loo seat and prefers that to the potty but am not sure how else to help. Tried reading a book with her on he loo - but still nothing. she has good bladder control and will just hold on until nap time when she has her pull ups on.
Leroy i like the idea of training a toy - will try that this afternoon. thanks.

CatL Tue 01-Jan-13 16:15:10

Hi all,
Checking back in here as am retrying potty training after previous failed attempts (see my original thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/potty_training/1603498-Not-sure-where-to-go-next-with-potty-training).
DD turned 3 just before Xmas, so in the month or so beforehand, whenever subject of potty / toilet came up, we put the idea in her head that she would be old enough when she was 3, and try again then. So, since the day after her birthday, she has been in pants in the house (except overnight), but so far pull ups out of the house / visiting others. She won't even try the toilet and gets very upset / scared by the suggestion, but is a bit more positive about the potty this time around and will sit on it (although sometimes refuses when we suggest it, but not as negative as last time so far). However, she has had no success at all with actually telling us she needs to wee (and we've been doing it a week and a half). Her only successes so far have been from times when we've suggested she sits on the potty, often encouraging her to sit there a while with stories etc, and from twice when she told us she was going to poo. She's weeded on the potty 7 times in a week and a half. We have made a fuss of these times with a sticker chart and lots of praise. There have been countless acccidents, sometimes a minute after we've asked her to sit on the potty and she has refused saying she does not need to go.
So, I'm not sure of she can't tell she needs to go (in which case she isn't really ready I suppose), or if she just doesn't want to bother going to potty so leaves it. is it possible she stil can't tell at age 3? My mother insists she should be ready and that we should keep going, but not sure it us worth it or I can keep up with the washing!!
Any ideas?

ConstantCraving Tue 01-Jan-13 21:18:20

Hi CatL - it sounds to me like she's not ready yet. I tried DD at 3years and had the same sort of experience. she just didn't seem to click. We'd meant to wait til spring but as i said up thread, with the nappy rash we've ended up trying sooner - and she now does seem to be getting it (slowly). We have had no accidents today and even a poo in the potty smile - which I really wasn't expecting so soon. We are having to remind her to go though - or look for signs of her being fidgety.
For us waiting 2 months seems to have made a big difference - she's still not enthusiastic but is willing to try. Can't advise whether you should wait or carry on - but what helped DD with the loo was a suggestion I read on one thread to blow bubbles to distract them. Dd was anxious about being up high on the loo and would freeze up, but the bubbles made her laugh - and then she'd wee. The sticker chart has also suprised me by being hugely motivational to her - so am eating humble pie as i was convinced that was a bad idea!

CatL Thu 03-Jan-13 19:02:27

Thanks Constant Craving. We are still going with it when at home, just because she doesn;t seem too negative about the idea so don;t watn to go backwards. However, not sure we are getting anywhere - about 1 wee a day in the potty, alway when we've luckily got her to sit on it at right time, rather than her deciding to sit on it. Will give it a few more days. Might try the bubbles! My mum also bought some pants for her Bear factory bear, so might try training her too as leroy suggested!

lorisparkle Thu 03-Jan-13 19:26:17

we tried DS1 far too early and it was an awful battle. some children are trained amazingly early but in my experience the exception. with ds2 I waited until he was 3 to even try and it was a far better experience. what worked for us was to not worry about getting him to use toilet or potty but instead had a star chart for dry pants at the end of set time period. the stars were exchanged at the end of the day for a reward. from talking to friends having accidents is still common when they start school and not unusual at 7. my boys have weeed in some nightmare places including the bag area in the self scan till at tescosblush an apology, muslin cloths, wet wipes, spare clothes and plastic bags are essential.

MrsHavisham Mon 07-Jan-13 20:36:53

Dd aged 3.7 still refuses to even sit on the potty or toilet. Have tried bribery to no avail. Even tried to embarrass her by saying all her friends use the toilet. She wasn't bothered by this at all. She was an early talker but very late walker (21 months) Help!

DewDr0p Mon 07-Jan-13 20:50:50

Hi there I posted earlier about ds3 who didn't train until he was about 3.8.

Thought it might also be useful to share my experience from ds1 and ds2.

Ds1 had lots of PFB pals who were 6 months older so was very aware that everyone else was pting except him. At 2.6 he asked to join in so we had a go. It was OKish for a day or two then all went pearshaped. Backed off, tried again a month or so later... and repeat. Fast forward to May, ds3 about to arrive and me panicking that I would have 3 in nappies! Ds1 announced again "I want to wear pants" had one or two accidents for about 3 days and then we were off - about a month shy of his 3rd birthday.

Ds2: thought he might be ready around 2.10 and it was May half term so decided to give it a whirl. TOTAL disaster. Decided not to ruin half term with it and abandoned. Waited until school summer hols, put him in pants, one accident the first day, went out for the day the second (taught him to wee in a hedge grin ) and stayed dry. It was easy peasy. So he would have been 3.1 when he cracked it.

My main advice therefore is try not to stress, they will get there - and I think you can choose between trying to start before they are ready and making life hard for everyone or ignoring nursery/MIL and waiting until it's dead easy.

flamingtoaster Mon 07-Jan-13 21:00:32

You can lead a child to the potty but you cannot make it poo or pee. If you turn it into a battle it is a battle you can never win.

We waited until DS and DD chose to wear pants. When I thought they were nearly ready I offered a choice every few weeks - nappy or pants (explaining that pants meant using the potty or toilet - their choice). Eventually they each chose pants, each had one accident and that was it. My friends (potty training is a competitive sport unfortunately) had children who were "potty trained" anything up to a year ahead of DS and DD but they spent hours each week cleaning floors, carpets, furniture, car seats and clothing following accidents.

Be patient - the DC will eventually choose to give up nappies and you can save your DC and yourself a lot of anguish (and work) in the meantime.

katgod Sun 21-Apr-13 23:45:26

Sigh. This is me. Tried DD about 5 months ago-couple of successes but many many more failures and the successes were due to long periods sitting on potty. Gave up. Now approaching third birthday sowed idea of 'big girl pants for your birthday'. Birthday is in 2 days and the weekend has been worst ever pt day (she's the third child, I have done this before!).
Am going to persevere until birthday, but if no improvement going to reluctantly give up again. She has a nursery place for September and must be potty trained by then. Star chart, SMarties, nursery ( she really wants to go to school with siblings)- all used to encourage/bribe but nothing works. So so frustrating.

thegirliesmam Wed 01-May-13 09:19:18

watching this thread has made me sigh with relief! i have a 2.2 resister who has flown through milestones and is very aware of when she needs to go and has started to make attempts to 'hold it' but will not entertain the potty. But going of the ages of all your dc maybe im trying to soon? potty is left in the living room and she is aware its there but we chose it. would leting her choose a new one make a difference then? she starts preschool in september (at 2.7 as she is a clever clogs and needs the stimulus) and am daunted to send her there with no potty progression.

Lifeiswhatyoubakeit Sun 09-Jun-13 19:35:28

So glad to have found this thread. My very articulate DS is a few weeks shy of his 3rd birthday but not very interested either. Bought a load of cool pants today, and he was keen to try some but one wee in the potty and two accidents later (one wee and one poo) ended in refusals to sit on potty and end of training!

The gist I'm getting from this thread is that it's best to wait until they want to do it. But it's really hard resisting prompting from mil/mother/nursery. And of course all his peers are potty trained!

cacakariel Thu 10-Jul-14 19:20:16

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