Struggling with potty training 3.1yo

(14 Posts)
KaraStarbuckThrace Sat 29-Jan-11 20:13:28

Hoping for some advice as I am feeling totally rubbish at potty training. Feels like every 3yo I know is potty trained except DS sad DH is also putting pressure on to get him trained as DC2 will be here early June.

He won't sit on the potty.
He won't sit on the toilet.
If he has his nappy off he could easily stay dry BUT if he does a wee or a poo, he doesn't seem to notice until after the event.

We've had a potty for about 6mo, and so have been trying on and off since then.

Apparently he follows the other children at nursery to the toilet but shows no interest in using it self.

He is quite happy sitting in wet nappy and even in a pooy one, he has been known to deny doing a poo even when I know he has done one!!

I've tried rewards charts/tv/chocolate to bribe him into sitting on the potty.

We have had a small success when DS sat on his potty today (a potty chair) but nothing.

Any suggestions/sympathy/kick up the backsides welcome smile

First of all relax - some kids just don't get this stuff till much later. DD has just just managed to get it right and she's 4.2 - there is a wide range of ages. If he isn't interested or indeed he's learned that not being interested gets a lot of attention he'll not cooperate.

Reward charts work from about three and a half. Have you tried playdates with potty trained friends and giving lots of praise when they go?

You also need to ignore it if he has accidents 'oh you are wet, here's some new pants and trousers, put the dirty ones in the laundry basket please' etc in a completely nonplussed voice can work wonders.

But don't stress about it - it will come in time - you are not alone

KaraStarbuckThrace Sat 29-Jan-11 20:47:53

Thank you
I will try the playdates idea, that might help!

LeChatRouge Sat 29-Jan-11 20:58:54

This reminds me of my sister's eldest. She used to reward him with treats like chocolate buttons and balloons. One day they were driving through a village and there were some balloons tied to a garden gate.
'Ooh look, what do you think is going on in that house today?' she asked
'Someone has done a poo on the potty?' suggested her son!

I would also recommend getting some Pull-ups nd then just giving him a bit longer - sounds like he is not quite ready yet. Could you wait til its a bit warmer weather and then let him roam around at home in just his pants? You might find it easier to try a wee every half hour or so. My twins were happy to stand on a step at the toilet (at the same time!) and wee into it like their big brother, he may feel happier doing this than sitting on it.

KaraStarbuckThrace Sat 29-Jan-11 21:36:35

We have some training pants so will try them again. We have tried them before but without much success.
I have asked him about standing up but he wasn't fussed, but again we can try it!

Back right off - it sounds like it has become a huge issue for you and he will know that. It could be that he's not ready yet, or that he understands to some degree that new baby will be here and "replacing" him so on some level he wants to stay a baby or just keep your attention(kind of classic pt regression when a new baby arrives, but in advance IYSWIM?)

The playdate thing is a good idea and I'm sure peer pressure at nursery will be helping, but you have to convince him that you aren't bothered if he still wears nappies, although quick praise when he does go to the loo is good too. He will decide in his own time that he wants to do it and at his age I expect it will be done and dusted very quickly by then, try and keep the faith!

KaraStarbuckThrace Sun 30-Jan-11 09:45:18

We have backed off, but we still had nappy off time.

However we had a small triumph this morning as DS did a poo on the floor, however he was rushing for his potty - it was a bit unfortunate one of his large toys happened to be in the way so he didn't quite make it! But it is a breakthrough as he did head for the potty!!!

He got very upset though sad so we praised him lots and lots while we cleaned up and once I cleaned him up I gave him a big cuddle and offered to put a sticker on his chart. But he didn't want it lol!!

One other thing that has been worrying me is at times his poos are very soft, a big squidgy pile rather than nice neat stools (sorry about TMI!!), he does have a quite varied diet, only drinks water but I struggle to get much fruit and veg in him!! Any thoughts on this? He does have plenty of fibre, he eats wholemeal bread and wholegrain cereals, such as weetabix, porridge oats, shreddies etc.

KaraStarbuckThrace Sun 30-Jan-11 20:42:24

Bit of a bump and a success! We have managed to get him to sit on the potty again, he has been hopping on and off, and managed to do 2 wees in the potty! He has done one on the floor, but I really feel like we have had a breakthrough!

lightwind Tue 01-Feb-11 10:27:05

You are not alone - my ds is 2.11, nearly 3 really, and is still not trained. I've been feeling awfully guilty, but its been a real struggle. He's been going through a series of illnesses - colds, ear infections, tummy virus, coinciding with slightly scary terrible two behaviour - aggressive, plus oscillating no/yes struggles over every decision/choice (whether to wear shorts or trousers, whether to go out or not, whether to go to nursery or not) and this spills over into the toilet training business. Ie 'Yes, will sit on toilet' followed immediately by 'NO! Will not sit on toilet!' and back and forth and so on. Plus I suffer from OCD and have pretty serious anxiety issues around toilets.
AND then to ... on Saturday, for the very first time my dh decided to take matters in his own hands while I was out. And guess what - ds did a poo on the toilet.No fuss, no fighting, nothing. And all the previous times I took him to the toilet he didn't as much as wee in it.
I spent all Saturday in tears, .feeling like a failure as a mum. I concluded that my son is picking up on my anxiety and thats proving to be an obstacle.
Again, on Sunday he did a poo with Daddy.
This morning daddy went to work, and ds did it in his nappy, refusing to go the toilet yet again.
I give up. He'll have to live his life in nappies - until he goes to uni, probably.

KaraStarbuckThrace Tue 01-Feb-11 19:34:44

Daddy was in charged of potty training on Sunday and DS id 2 wees on the potty.
When I was in charged he managed one on the floor.

I managed to get him to sit on the potty yesterday but not today!

jaynebxl Tue 01-Feb-11 22:04:57

Ah every sympathy! My DD is just 3 and although we had a few successful potty trips the first weekend we tried, since then we have had no joy. She can hold it in all day if she is in pants but will not wee on a potty or toilet. She would rather wait til she has a nappy on again to go. She will sit on the loo or potty but won't actually produce anything. So no accidents, but no wees where we would like her to either!

Watching closely for advice that might apply to us too ... we've tried the rewards, watching her friends go, massive praise ... no idea what to do next!

KaraStarbuckThrace Wed 02-Feb-11 06:57:09

I think it is probably a case of keep trying and have lots of patience! DS also is happy wearing his nappies.

And I will slap the next person who tells me that children in cloth nappies potty train sooner, because clearly DS is the exception to the rule hmm

jaynebxl Wed 02-Feb-11 07:04:13

Ah and so many times I've been told girls are easier than boys ... my boy took about a day when he was 2 and half!

MosEisley Thu 03-Feb-11 22:08:37

After a period of resistance we've just had some success with DS2. It started when I bought a peppa pig 'George' toy that he really wanted, and I told him that he could hold it whenever he was sitting on the potty.

Bribery, I know, but it is working so far. No accidents for 3 consecutive days!!

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