4YO won't poo on toilet but is dry day and night

[mamadiva]

DS was 4 in June, as much as we tried we could not get him potty trained until February when we decided to just take him out of nappies during the day. We had a full week od constant accidents then it finally hit home.

BUT he has not done 1 poo in the toilet or potty he would always wait until nighttime when he got his pull ups on. So about 2 weeks ago we decided again to just remove them and see how he was, we have'nt had one wet accident but he is either pooing in his trousers and it's falling out the leg or directly on the floor! Everyday we generally wake up to hunt the poo but the most frustrating thing is he knows what to do!

He has been spoken to, shouted at, smacked on the bottom (not hard), had full explanations of why he has to do it in toilet, bribes and even threats of no Santa

His room is right next to ours and also the bathroom and we leave the light on all night so he does'nt get scared and we leave the small toilet seat on too but nothing seems to be working. Anyone else had this? how do you deal with it?

[mamadiva]

So it's not that common then...

[mamadiva]

bump

[pigletmania]

It is a very common problem, look at the bowel training issues post on here. My 3.6 year old does this sometimes, and has gotten better as the months have worn on, it used to be all the time in the Summer when we first trained her, now is is beginning to recognise that she has to go for a poo in the loo, still hit or miss thougn. Sorry cant be of any help.

[Lydwatt]

My son was the same at 2.5... he decided not to wear nappied any more and totally got weeing on a potty. (earlier than I wanted!!)

He HATED the toilet for poos and wouldn't use a potty.

Try reward systems such as star charts to earn a favouriate toy.

I found it was to do with understanding what the different feelings meant and DS learning when 'now' was...I spent a large amount of time reading him stories about potty training to help him realise what was happening...
We got there in the end!!

[spongebunnyfatpants]

My ds was the same when he was younger, we sat and spoke to him about it and it turned out that he said it made him sad when the poo was flushed away.
After a chat about the poo going on a fantastic ride on a water slide and meeting lots of new poo friends and all the wonderful adventures they must have, he was much better and he's been fine ever since!
If you are concerned or worried at all talk to your health visitor, I'm sure they will have dealt with issues like this before.
Good luck.

[Lydwatt]

LOL!!

That sounds familiar!!

[Mainer]

Going through the same thing right now with our 3.5 year old. He has been peeing very happily on the potty since he was about 2.5. He's still wearing nappies at night (tried him with pants and waterproof sheets, but had solid week of wet nights so we think he's just not ready yet). BUT, like your DC, he WILL NOT poo on the potty. He knows precisely when he has to poo. We have a most efficient ritual of putting the nappie on; he poos immediately, is changed and on we go with the day. His is definitely a psychological block against the whole notion. We've tried every kind of potty/toilet seat imaginable, potty training books, reward charts, promises of (increasingly extravagant!) toys, threats, long chats, pleading . . . everything you can think of. Nothing is working. Our latest strategy is just to not make an issue of it and hope, like LeninGhoul's child, that our DS will sort it out himself. (I did suggest a children's psychologist in my most desperate moments!). Trying to keep a sense of humour about it and stay relaxed, but it's hard. . . any suggestions (or commiserations) would be most welcome.

[cleoismycat]

bump

[abacrane]

I'm going through the same my 3yr old won't poo on potty or toilet i'm at my wits end i've tried everything reward charts a promise of a toy HELP i'v just put it down to her being idol

[TwoCotbeds]

I have twins of over 3 and half now, they are boy-girl. And my boy twin is like this. Wees he got at about 3, and he learnt those very quickly but pretty much 99% of poos since he has been 3 go in his pants or pull ups.

It drove me totally mad in the summer hols, cos we were out and about loads of places and he would just poo, with no warning in his pants and I had to try and clean him up where ever we were. So hard and disgusting.
He just doesn't seem to be able to control his bottom at all yet. And/or he cant distinguish between needing to go soon or needing to go NOW!

His twin sister got it in normal time - say a few weeks, so I know its nothing I've done wrong its jusyt him. Which maybe consoles me a bit ?!

What has made it harder is that he has started the pre-school part of our local primary in sept. And the rule is there that they MUST be potty trained. Well ! He started there, and I warned them I'd done all I could but he's had quite a few messy pant there. Its just luck whether if he needs a poo there it will just come in his pants he wont go to the loo.
I hope it just comes right by itself as we have tried everything. It must do one day surely ??

My health visitor was not very helpful. She said once he sees other kids at his new pre-school he will copy them and get it.
But he has a twins sister at home everyday to copy who is toliet trained ! And at his old pre-school last year most of the kids were a year older and trained and both those things have made no difference.

I do feel people judge me as he is nearing 4 now, and tall for his age, but what more can I do ? it is horrible

Anyone else in same position or who has some golden tips ?????

[3WiseMumsies]

Start off by trying to get him to poo whilst in the bathroom then when he's got the hang of that get him to sit on the loo while still wearing the nappy and do a poo. Get him a stool (ha ha, see what I did there? Sorry, back to the point) to keep by the loo to help him on and off and to make him feel safe while he's on there. Get one of those little-bottom toilet seats that you put on top of the ordinary ones, you can have padded ones if you want. It can be a bit daunting if you've got a little bum; sitting on top of big gaping hole that's filled with water and makes a huge flushy sound, easy to imagine isn't it? Making him feel safe on there is important. Stay with him, be relaxed. Once you've got him to this stage, which might take a good few weeks, you can cut a hole in his pull ups so the poo ends up in the loo directly from his bum. After a while of doing this you can remove the pull ups. If he's still unsure of doing it whilst being completely naked from the waist down you can move from pull ups with holes in to pants with holes in and then onto naked from the waist down.

You can supplement all this with reward charts, stickers and the like but try your very best to remain relaxed, positive and calm. Difficult sometimes when it's one of the easiest things in the world for you; going for a poo, but he's not finding it very easy yet so he needs a little gentle persuasion. You'll get there

It's not uncommon at all.