Help - my daughter holds her wee!

[Wendla]

My daughter is now 3 years old. I've been trying to toilet train her now for over 6 months (yes I know its late but its so difficult as I'm a full time worker). When I started, I was using the potty and she started holding her wee in. When she finally went it would flood out of her, distressing her and probably creating a vicious circle of holding it in again. She now holds her wee for 12 hours at a time, which is causing her pain and now possibly a water infection.

I stopped the training originally as I thought she was hurting herself and put her back in nappies which she happily used again. Then about 3 weeks ago her bottom got very sore so the nursery suggested we put her in pants again to help the rash. My daughter started using the toilet at the nursery and they thought she was toilet trained as she sat on the toilet, wiped herself and flushed afterwards. However she would come home in pain and it turns out she was not weeing at all. We've put her in nappies again now but she's starting to hold it again.

I took her to the doctor who had no idea what to do as its seems to be a psychological problem rather than medical, and the health visitor was stumped too. The nursery has phoned me today to say she's filled a nappy but was in pain as she was weeing, suggesting a water infection now. She's not scared of the toilet as she sits on it happily. I know if she could just do one wee on the toilet calmly it would break the cycle and she'd realise she can do it without hurting herself. I wish there was a button on her tummy I could press to make her wee! Any suggestions gratefully received - I'm at the end of my tether!