As with all health-related issues, please seek advice from a RL health professional if you're worried about anything.

I'm at the end of my tether :-(

(4 Posts)
MrsMxo Tue 18-Oct-16 19:42:17

I have a 3 month old absolutely beautiful perfect baby boy, he is my first. I'm 23 years old and married, my husband works abroad ( ALOT ) so i'm almost always on my own.

I can't even start too explain how i feel to you... i'm hoping to gain some answers or find someone too tell me that i'm not on my own.

I can go from being the happiest woman on earth and i can't describe the love i have for my baby boy, too a very low dark place where i look at my baby and think evil thoughts within the space of 10 minutes. All he has too do is cry, and i feel this awful feeling in my stomach, i start too feel hot and sticky and i just can't cope. My mind is telling me too keep calm yet my body is wanting too shut my child up whatever way i can. This morning i actually had my hands around my babies throat, i never added pressure or anything.. they were just placed there. Then i snapped back, and instantly started crying. I feel like Jeckel and Hyde, i have past all the post natal depression tests that the health visitors have given me. I just can't pick up the courage to go and talk to a doctor. I feel like a failure, i know that i am not a bad Mum, i am giving absolutely everything to my baby. But how am i going too cope if i'm like this after only 3 months?! I'm petrified of when he starts too teeth because i don't know how I am going too manage him crying. Everytime i try and express feelings that i am struggling mentally to the likes of my Mum she thinks i am being stupid and tells me i have a child to look after so i need to snap out of it, i don't want too tell my husband because he worries enough. I feel so trapped, i am sorry for rambling on. I guess i'm just looking for answers of somebody, i am not a bad person. I'm really not. sad

FindingNormal Tue 18-Oct-16 19:48:11

Being a mum is hard hard work and I can only imagine how much harder that would be with your husband away a lot. It sounds like you could do with some support and there is absolutely no shame in needing some help. No one will think any less of you if you ask for help and no one will think that you don't love your beautiful baby. Can you talk to your husband about how you feel? Your dr or health visitor really will be able to help and they won't judge or criticise you for how you're feeling. So many women suffer disturbing thoughts after having our babies - it doesn't mean you're a bad person or that you don't love your baby. But you owe it to yourself and your little boy to ask for some help. (Uncharacteristic hugs) x

Bubspub Sun 30-Oct-16 19:52:28

I don't have any answers really but just wanted to say I can empathise with feeling overwhelmed and trapped and feeling negatively towards my baby. It's a very overwhelming situation to be in being responsible for a tiny human. If your partner is away a lot and your mum tells you to 'snap out of it' it doesn't sound like you've got a huge amount of support. Are there local groups you can go to so you can connect with other mums?
Also don't feel bad about putting your baby in his cot to cry if you need to walk away and take deep breaths, I've been there many many times (had reflux baby who screamed for 5 months so understand). Sending you hugs flowers

rebeccaroskellthomas Fri 18-Nov-16 12:15:15

Please please go to the doctor and find some baby groups. You are not alone!

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