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December 2011 babiesnet!(160 Posts)
Me and mummy liked the idea of babiesnet!
So today I went to nanny and grandad's house, where I kept being sick on mummy and nanny. I screamed loudly for aaages to stop grandad being able to hear the football, then I had a bottle and used mummy as a pillow for an hour and a half.
I just made
mummy my milk fetcher and sick mopper think I wanted a bottle, then made sure I was asleep by the time it arrived, result!
I don't know what the two feeding units were up to this afternoon. They put me in the carrier on the bigger one, then walked me round outside in the freezing wind.
At least it's nearly bedtime, so I'll get my draught milk and sleep somewhere warm! I will have to suffer the indignity of the larger feeding unit changing me and putting cream on my bum, but I'll have to put up with it <sigh>.
Tomorrow we go to see Grandpa and Oma, and my Aunt and Uncle, so obviously I'm going to spend some time plotting evil deeds to ensure the two feeding units look like incompetent parents.
[evil cackle emoticon]
farley chops checking in
mad aunt bouncing me way too much. got my revenge by yacking all down her very random ensemble of patched trousers and seventies cardie.
BabyBuggy posting while bfing!
Today the big milk thing and the one with the spikey face took me out. I cried whenever the Nana held me. The Nana was cross about this so I projectile vomited over her floor, shoes and table. Twice.
Hello everyone, it's Desperate Dan here. I'm starting to think I would quite like a cow pie for tea, but I guess I'll settle for milk for now. At least my big sister is in bed now so I'll have a nice long feed in a bit of peace and quiet before going to bed. Mummy would like me to sleep until at least 3 tonight, but I like to keep her on her toes
<high fives the yakking crew>
Today was another adventure in exposing
the milk victim my mother's breasts on public transport. I found that grabbing her vest top and jumper then going utterly rigid a rather effective technique. I may use that one again.
I've been awake a lot today, but I'm not entirely sure I'm going to balance it out with a lot if sleep. My milk vampirism needs to be fed somehow...
i've pulled a good one - i've fed for short times and had long gaps in between. should guarantee i'll get my ma to myself all night...
Felt a bit poorly today but not as bad as that guy called 'daddy' who went for a lie down this afternoon
Decided to give my milk provider a hard time because that's the way I roll!
The people I own are weird, they keep trying to shove breastmilk flavoured mush in my mouth and also this pink sticky stuff that makes me gargle... What's all that about?
The Sebalater here!
I've had a REALLY weird few weeks. The One Who Provides Milk and The One Who Jiggles Me spent weeks putting all our stuff in boxes, then this week taking it all out again. But in a different location.
I feel very unsettled, but have made them pay by refusing to sleep.
BOi here, checking in. Good work with the vomiting my friends. If they continue to wear such embarrassing parent fashion (they think they are still young, but they are soooooo old!) then they deserve it.
They are so embarrassing. Mummy wore some snakeskin patterned stuff with feathers (quad the f@@@?) on her head, and then danced. A lot. To some 90's dance music. Mum-dancing. Arghhh! I just closed my eyes and pretended to be asleep.
And the next one to mention my hair or cheeks gets the projectile vomit.
Oh bob, get this, I had to wear BEIGE. With a tie. So very not impressed. (so I dribbled all over it. And vommed down the tie but mum cleaned it and I still had to wear it. Gah!)
Must say though, the others were really envious of my wheels. Proper pram-envy. Well cool!
Good day, all in all. G'Night fellow feedsters. You know the drill, keep them in their toes. The more tired they are tomorrow, the less they can embarrass us.
Chops' big bro here dropping in from kidsnet. Top tip for all you who've got front runners, tag team my friends. Make sure you let those food providers just drop off then take it in turns to raise merry hell. They'll be putty in your hands come daylight.
AethelSpawn here. It's very odd at my place: there's a lot of noise most of the time, but luckily the one called Mummy is usually on hand with milk and then a chap can get some sleep. Oh, and it is SO much fun having a built in waterpistol: all you boys, make sure you get in some target practice. Tem points if you hit your mummy or daddy's trousers......
I have played fun games with Mummy tonight. Her and Daddy get to sleep in a lovely big bed but for some reason insist that I sleep in a small barred box next to them, this is of course very unfair. I thought maybe crying lots in the night might help me get into the big bed but Mummy kept putting me back in the cot after my cuddles. I pondered this for a while, just long enough for Mummy to fall back asleep but them decided that crying again was the best course of action. We played this a few times over before I won and got to sleep in the big bed for a few hours with Mummy.
I have not yet worked out how to wake up Daddy, however much noise I make he seems to keep sleeping. I will keep trying and report back.
Oh, I'm sorry, were you asleep there?
Hey AethelSpawn, how many points for the face?
BJRBaby what is it with these barred boxes? I'm not into it at all. I faked some grizzly breathing last night and turned down the radiator, result: blue groegg, and me in the big bed. Right on the edge though near mummy. Daddy was pissed and not trustworthy
and smelt like the floor in the gents.
Very funny. Mummy was in the kitchen, daddy drinking lucozade and popping ibuprofen. I did a poosplosion all up my back and daddy had to deal with it. He was GREEN! Ha ha! Mummy had to get clean clothes and dress me as daddy had to go and lie down. Ha!
Excellent effort BOi Your dedication to the cause is commendable. Have a soggy half chewed pompom...
Good one Boi!
I peed all over The One Who Provides Milks "jeggings" (what the bob?) and someone elses carpet yesterday. Do you get points for other people's house?
The One That Jiggles Me is still missing this morning. The One Who Provides Milk appears to be preparing a big list of chores for him to do when he gets here. She thinks they can actually PLAN to do things. With me in the BACKGROUND. As if that is going to happen.......
Points are awarded for distance covered in pee and level of parental embarrassment Sebalator.
BabyBuggy is too cute a name for me. I insist on being referred to as Stormageddon.
Big Milk Thing has spent all morning on the computer, occasionally teaching me interesting words. I have objected to this flagrant neglect by demanding milk while I have a really smelly poo.
Other people's houses are worth a free 'screech for no reason'. Bank it and use it when needed/the tall ones get too cocky
My personal entertainers are missing today, they're out with the male unit. I'm letting the milk victim have a coffee right now, but as soon as she tries to get anything done
she was muttering about needing to buy wellies I'll wake up and remind her I'm in charge.
Talking of embarrassing, mummy keeps calling me pudding, and the one with the prickly face calls me a dumpling, not impressed.
I've discovered a great game of turning my head to the side when mummy gives me a bottle then smiling so the milk runs out. She said I was being awkward so I was sick on her. Me and my BB (big brother) are doing well at stopping her getting the housework done, I object to being put down and he keeps insisting on playing some odd game with cards called snap.
Ten points for the legs/trousers, twenty for the upper body, and fifty for the face. Deduct five points if you pee on yourself during the process.
Rats, I think I may be teething. Fortunately Mother is at my beck and call. It's a good job she doesn't have anything else to do.
The bigger ones are watching some abysmal monstrosity they call Total Celebrity Wipeout. It's noisy and pointless, though the lights are pretty. Feed me, Mother!
"Pudding" is awful.
I get "Treacle toffee" occasionally, but "Snuggle pumpkin" is the norm around here, I'm afraid.
(Mum's posted some pics on Facebook of my beigeness.)
BTW I meant, "Pudding" is a terrible thing to be called, you have my sympathies, but I believe that Snuggle pumpkin is worse.
I get called "Coming, gorgeous baby" quite a lot. Usually when Mother is slow to respond to my obvious priority. She says she needs to "do things" but frankly she's quite unconvincing. I'm thinking of having a call-bell installed to speed up her response time.
I have been outclassed by a belligerent cat today! He's managed to pee up the laundry basket! I need to get into practice mode if I'm to get that good, although the milk victim might not be quite as appreciative of my efforts as you guys...
I like exposing Mummy in public too. My method of choice is to feed for a couple of minutes and then gaze around to see what's going on. When Mummy gets annoyed I give her most winning smile, but I'm not sure how well that's working any more. She keeps muttering something about 'bottles' and 'formula'.
Mummy calls me Daniel-son quite often, and tells me to 'wax on, wax off'. What's that all about then? Crazy woman!
My mum calls me ''lovespud'' ....nuff said.
I'm apparently a pootle, but considering the elder entertainer is a squidgy I'm not going to push the matter in case the milk victim decides to get inventive.
Mini-chinnie checking in here, after a long day visiting Feeding Unit 1 (FU1)'s relatives.
Started the day by toying with FU1; I let her have over three hours unbroken sleep at the beginning of the night, but then woke three-quarters of an hour early .
I was, as is required, worshipped by the relatives, to the extent that I forgot to embarrass the FUs, although I did get a half hour of wailing in before we left for good measure.
They took me on another freezing walk strapped to FU2- what is it with their obsession?!
Oh, and FU1 refers to me as 'Mummy's Little Pickle'.
I am not amused.
I pullled an excellent trick on Mummy last night. I slept for much longer than expected, until 6am. Of course Mummy was awake from 4.30 and kept peering at me - the power I have over that woman . There is a downside in that it gives Mummy time to fill the milk bags to the brim and it comes squirting out a bit fast, but you can get revenge by vomming all over her clean pyjamas and the rocking chair. The you complete the trick by being wide awake and ready to play just when Mummy wants to crawl back into bed.
Good work on the nightshift check in there AethelSpawn!
I seem to be Monkey most of the time, but when there is no one else around Mummy does call me her snuggle monster, hope she doesn't start doing that in public.
Surpassed myself yesterday, giant poosplostion so good Mummy had to throw my clothes away. Then managed to wee in Mummys hair when she tried to get the poo clothes off me
Wow BabyBJR, that's good.
The milk victim has started calling me her polar bear I knew letting her buy the white fluffy snowsuit would backfire on me.
I'm refusing to wake up right now because I know that she wants to put the carrycot onto the pram. Can't let her win two battles in a months can I now?
Excellent work on the p&p front babyBJR, I think that deserves a half-chewed pompom too
Wow BJR, I am in awe. That's a hard act to follow
<intense look of concentration>
BeeMyMama checking in. I can't wait till I can crawl as I intend to exact my revenge on my sister and beep her nose until she cries.
Didn't really fancy sleeping last night. Don't much fancy it now either.
Mum wants to take me to be weighed this morning, but I hope she changes her mind, she looks rough. She'll show me up.
<Waves> I'm Sky. The person called 'Mummy' calls me Little Lady Moo Moos!
I slept incredibly well last night even in the small basket mummy keeps insisting I sleep in woke her at 6am tho by chatting until she chatted back! Then my big Sis came in and started singing to me whilst I was fed some milk.
This Mummy person is talking about something called swimming today - so won't what type if play that will be?
Hmmmm.... I sense a plot. I think FU1 may be trying to poison me.
Last night, she tried to feed me from bottles in the middle of the night, and the stuff was cold and virtually choked me.
Naturally I spluttered until she fed me properly. To reward her, I did deign to sleep all night in the big bed without her.
I am not sure about this progression from being able to feed from FU1 all night to just one feed.
I may seek to exact some revenge today, but sadly I did my enormo-poo yesterday.
<dons thinking cap>
Ha ha I slept like total shit last night. Thought it was unfair to keep it to myself so I yelled a bit and got mummy up several times. Fortunately I went straight back to sleep after a snack. Not so sure about ma though. Heard some fruity language that I've filed away for my first words.
Morning... It's strangely quiet around here. Where did the big noisy sisters go? Hellloooo???
In other news, Mother cheered me up by singing the most peculiar song about a Funky Gibbon. She's fun, if perhaps a little unhinged... I plan to reward her later, though I haven't planned quite how yet.
Stand firm nabychinchilla! my mummy tried to give me a bottle this morning. What are they trying to pull? I refused, of course. Solidarity!
Well I found out what this swimming lark was - being dunked underneath the water is NOT fun the first time, slightly panicky the second time and not to bad the third time!
Went to a class where there was a lot of other mummy's singing and making weird hand gestures - think they were all slightly unhinged....
Then some lady stuck me with a sharp thingy 3 times and it hurt so much I paid mummy back with a lot of screaming then she fed me and now i'm home about to have a nap because i'm soooooo tired!
Sleep. Ha! Sleeping is for girls.
Today I am hungry! Big time.
This place is a mess, there's a pile of paperwork to be done, but I come first! Feed me, feed me now while I wriggle about. Farting.
Today I am channeling a very noisy dolphin making some totally wierd noises.
I've not pooed for 2 days < evil grin> Going to have fun with that later!
I went swimming today too, Sky, my mum has tried that dunking thing with me before but wasn't brave enough today. She did throw me in the air while singing about a broken egg...totally off key mind
I only woke once last night. My plan is to do this for a few nights so the milk lady gets used to it then wake 3 times so she feels like the living dead!
Indeed solidarity BOi! My farts were so warm and fulsome that FU1 had to check her jeans during my evening feed, and that was through a body suit and gro-bag!
You will have to share these special words farleychops, so that we can simultaneously delight our FUs with them. Need to wait until there's an appropriate audience mind, such as the HV, or our GPs.
I like your thinking, offspring of Rashka (I will not call you Lovespud, what is your self-given name?), raise their hopes....
I fear that yet again I will be banished to the bed with bars....
I got some of these from a £1 shop, misree, and they lasted forever! If yours are good go back and buy several, as once past weaning the small sizes are great for snacks like raising, mini biscuits, half grapes, and home-made jelly and desserts.
We used "weaning cubes" (get them from NCT shop or ebay.) though a normal ice cube tray works Ok too- just bash out the food cubes into a tupperware container with a lid once they are frozen.
Past my bedtime! Night all...
Aarg, the mother used my login!! Sorry about that.
The milk vampire has been talking about taking my entertainers to something called a dentist. I'm wondering where the enjoyment factor for me is going to come in. She's having cake right now. I'm letting her get on with it as I'm rather fond of the stuff myself once it filters through
Is anyone else's mouth being all hurty? I'm having to bite things, myself, the victim, the entertainers and anything else that gets too close to my mouth. The victim has been muttering about "sodding teeth" quite a lot. I may need to google when she's not looking...
From here on in, I shall be referred to as ... MiniRK
Well I had an interesting afternoon - I went to something called a crèche whilst the parental unit 1 learnt about how to feed me things other than milk . It was very enjoyable, rocked to sleep, fed and then entertained what more could a baby want?!
Hmmm...not sure I'm liking the sound of that. Food other than milk?!
I'm going to see if I can play the same games with my dummy tonight with FU1. Firstly I shall ping it off the bars, so she thinks its gone on the floor, spends ages looking for it and gives up, when in reality it's hiding under my back! I shall also repeatedly ping it out for a good half hour at about 5 .
My mouth is killing me BabyFlustered. Whenever FU 1 or 2 is stupid enough to hold me facing away from them, I take the chance to use the thumb joint as a teether. It produces ectoplasm-like goo, and it's even better doing it on FU1 as she mutters something about 'OOOOOWWWWWW, that's where my fucking tendonitis is!'.
I also eat the antennae of Mr C, my caterpillar.
Today I have been stabbed, stripped naked and put on a plate (with blue tissue), pushed around in the rain, been to a nursery with other babies (some had snotty noses, not cool), sniffed at by a smelly dog and been in and out of the car seat more times than I care to remember...
I can't decide how exactly to exact my revenge. To sleep or not to sleep?
My mouth hurts too. And everywhere I go, there are puddles. And mum keeps putting these gay bandana things around my neck. I think these things are related. I'm not keen on any of it!
Oh not sleep, definitely. At least you've been weighed, my milk provider clearly doesn't care about my weight and just keeps laughing at all the rolls on my thighs. <Sniff> It's a sensitive issue for me.
Still I am getting a good workout every night rolling over (and screaming until rolled back again) and wriggling like a demented ferret every time she puts me near her chest (yummy, nipples are so chewy!) and refusing the bottle the Big One keeps offering at night. So I will soon be goddess like.
Also I've done my first poop of 8 whole days so I feel like a new baby but a bit exhausted by all that effort
Welcome Shrew 'tis good to know you're on course for deification
The milk victim has eaten lots of cake today, the milk is gooood!
I like those gay bandana things. They are tasty!!! Takes my mind off the ** teeth thing.
I hung with L'il Tyel in his 'Hood today. The dude has a killer baby swing.
We even conversed for twenty seconds before our attention spans ran out. And I demoed my explosive ability, I think he was impressed...
Ah much respect to those who have mastered the clench-to-poosplosion! We rule!!
My food providers are trying to buy a new play space for me. The people selling it are being a bit weird. But, if we do get it, you're all invited to come and stay (there are free bedrooms and another room) and party with me.
And we can have a bandana-fest, and whoever covers it in the most drool could win a prize.
And the food providers could do a BBQ, and then liquidize it for us.
Well Party going on over at Oi's house woohoo!!!
Well I was stripped neked, put In a cold plate and kept still and then told by PU1 that I was a porker feed and sleep to think that trauma off
Yeah, I got stripped too and stuck on a plate: What is the attraction of this activity? It's freezing cold and Mother and the other lady both seemed enthusiastic, while frankly I felt it was most undignified.
Oh well, mother has announced she wants to do some "Housework" before she picks up the big sisters. I am not convinced at all. Her purpose is as chief food dispenser and pillow. I shall sleep on her, that will thwart her plans. <snore>
I decided I would keep screaming when PU1 sat down with me and then when she stood up I stopped - what a fun game for me
Now seeing if I can get my play gym bar to fall on my head if I pull it hard enough!
Good one aethelspawn - they can't object, but then neither can they move. It is an almost honourable, Gandhi-like non-violent approach- are you feeling well?!
FU1 completely messed up any routine today- with my assistance of course! I woke about half an hour early, too late to go back to sleep, to early to feed, so of course she cracked and took me into the big comfy bed with her. I was able to feed to my heart's content, and then of course we both fell asleep, meaning she overslept by an hour and we had a huge rush to get out of the house!
Sky - given your indignities, the 'only stop screaming when Big Ones are standing up' game is the least you could do to them!
Twice today I've pulled the 'only poo once you have a brand new clean nappy on' trick. How many points for those clenching skills?
MiniChilla I'm now messing around with my feed. I want it but going to be fussy about it!
Good trick Desperate Dan, I'm also a fan of the poo just after they take the nappy off trick! Now that one keeps them on their toes
I've done the poo wait poo trick. My ma is pretty skilled though and managed to catch the second poo in a clean nappy. I'll get her next time...
Aloha fellow babies!
Ah, the good old poo, wait, poo. Haven't done that in a while. Did manage to do a sneaky epic poo this morning, silly milk fetcher didn't notice till it had leaked all over her dressing gown. She said some words I haven't heard before, must be sure to remember those when I get the hang of this talking thing.
Been practicing my rolling really hard, makes the big folk jump and down and clap when I manage it. Got it's hard entertaining these people. In the bath last night, I was having a brilliant time, treated them to my first belly laugh, AND THEY STARTED CRYING! You just can't win round here.
Got jabbed in the thigh THREE TIMES yesterday, really hurt. The big folk gave me some really tasty goo at bed time, which kind of made it all better for a while. I'm SO TIRED though, have been napping like a boss today, but everytime I get comfy on the big person, she ups and turfs me back to my cage?! Cowbag.
OH, AND.. she was trimming my nails the other day (only after I scratched a chunk out of my face, see how much attention she pays to me?!) and she CLIPPED MY FINGER! Blood everywhere, and SHE has the nerve to get upset about it! I'm the one bloody bleeding!
The other big person has been away today, so he didn't give me my milk last night, and she keeps saying something about him not being home for bath time either. Maybe I should try and stay up late to see him, I'm sure he will have missed me. Yeah. That sounds like a good plan. Wouldn't want to deprive him of my company!
I'm playing the feeding game where i'm messing PU1 about to have my bottle making lots of screeching noises and i think PU1 is tired and irritable which is hahahaha....
Wonder how long I can keep her up for tonight and how many times I can get her up over night too!
Guys n gals, your efforts are sterling! I tried to score some points at baby massage today but both times I peed,,she caught it and shielded herself with her hand. Good work, mamma, but I will get you!
They're trying to make me drink my milk out of hard cold things. No. I want boobage. I think mummy wants to leave me in strange places. I don't mind these people, but I need my boobage.
Have had maximum cuddles today -from the nursery ladies, then ladies at mummy's work, then after massage with grandma and gramps. Cool. Am so chilled now. Z z z z z... Rest well folks. Maybe we should give them a break and have nice long sleeps tonight?...
I have only managed the poo wait poo trick once; personally I favour the stealth poo, where you do it quietly, or when a FU is out of the room so they don't realise, and it gives it maximum time to seep through nappy, clothes, and onto any surrounding carpet, rug, chair, etc . They do realise fairly quickly owing to the pong, so I get my bum cleaned...but not quickly enough!
I wonder if our FUs/parents are communicating BOi- my amount of boobage has been reduced to four times a day, and I do not approve.
I keep on hearing rumours that FU2 is going to be looking after me... I shall investigate and report back.
I tried the stealth poo yesterday when Mummy left the room, but my big sister spoiled my fun by shouting 'Daniel poo'! I'm building up for a big poosplosion today though. I normally do one in the morning but I'm storing it up today. I think I'll wait until we're out for big sister's birthday outing at the farm in order to cause maximum trouble
LOL, have totally confused the mummybot, went to bed at 7 last night, slept till about 2 when I woke up hungry, did a huge projectile vom all over dad, and my bedroom, then went back to sleep. Normally I'd wake up for food about 5, but I wasn't in the mood last night, so just slept all the way to half 7. Overheard mummybot say something about her being awake half the night wondering why I wasn't awake!
So, we went 'swimming' today. It's kinda like a bath, but not as warm, and they make you wear the most stupid outfits. It was fun though, mummybot blew bubbles under the water and it was HILARIOUS! And then we had to walk home in the rain, silly woman remembered my rain cover but forgot her coat. Skipped my morning nap this today, so had a lovely sleep at lunch. Actually, I'm getting pretty tired now too, guess I should probably stop watching TV and get mum to put me to bed.
I'm not tired. I'm not in the slightest bit tired. I'm not even tired. I've never been so not tired. Never have i known someone who was as not tired as me. N.o.t. T.i.r.e.d. Just not tir... Z z z z.
Sorry guys. Mum had wine and infiltrated my account. It won't happen again.
She's out for the count. When should I wake her for a feed?...
Hmm, What are these things? They're pink and wave around a lot and have wiggly bits on the end.. Ooh, they fit in my mouth. I can bite them. Ouch! What happened there then? ....oh, I get it. Cool. Hey, Mother, look at these fantastic gadgets! What's that you say? hands? Fingers?
Ow, bloody hell (that's a good one I learned off Mother) my teeth hurt again. Mother!! Feed me!!
I find that the pink wavy things at the other end of me provide much entertainment too aethelspawn, you may want to try these.
I hope you punished your Mum suitably BOi, that's well out of order!
All change here- FU2 appears to be doing more with me, and keeps on talking about watching 'Breaking Bad' boxsets and something called 'Game of Thrones'. These sound like things he would like to do, and therefore must be thwarted...
Oh i really like the pink wiggly bits at the other end too, a reliable source (my big brother) has informed me they are toes. I find it fun to try and eat toes, is a good destraction from hurty mouth!
And talking about fun I've realised that if i keep waking mother up all night then its much easier to shoot her when she changes my nappy in the morning, she seems a little slower to react!
The milk victim is feeling poorly today, so I gifted her a bit of half digested milk 'cause I'm kind like that...
The older entertainer is making up weird songs at me, I just want to watch the news in peace but she refuses to go away, think I might do an epic poo to make her run away.
They've got friends coming over. Only a fool would let them tidy up.
Mother! Bring me the finest milk known to humanity!!
I want it here, and I want it now!
My parents have eaten both my Easter eggs, should I call ChildLine?
That's appalling MiniRK!
FU2 appears to be spending a lot of time holding me today, when FU1 is clearly here. Knowing that he is not a morning person, I have started waking at 6am. This should break him fairly quickly.
Excellent tactic my friend. Throw in some delightful singing at a night nappy change too, just to spice things up a little.
I'm being cantankerous today. Because I can be.
Today I am mostly wibbly. I don't know why I am but I expect my ma to, that is her job surely?
I might be hungry or tired or bored or all of the above. Wonder if I can spin this out all day?
I don't know quite what happened today, but lunchtime involved a strange palaver with mother giving me a most inferior imitation of my usual milk, despite her ample bosom being less than six inches away, she was mumbling enthusiastically about how nice it was and didn't I like it. Well, no, mother, I remain to be convinced! So there! I think she may be trying to economise or something, it shouldn't be allowed. Fortunately after about ten minutes's playing I feigned sleep and she took the bottle away. I woke up, used my many charms and managed to get some of the real stuff. Mother, you are no match for my cunning. Muah hah hah....
Muah hah hah! Tis indeed an excellent game. I too have been refusing the cheap stuff. You sleep, I scream until the real thing is proffered.
Although this morning I have mostly slept, I didn't want to sleep last night. They were packing bags. One was talking about work, one was talking about Scotland, and the mummy one was packing bags for me too.
I am being palmed off. Not quite sure what to do...
I was abandoned with an auntie and strange cousins this morning. After being taken out of bed at 6am. 6am! Luckily, Mum came to collect me at 12, which was frankly not good enough - one of the cousins was still in her pyjamas. (Mummy is teaching me how to be a snob, I like it. It involves much derision of weekend entertainment on the TV, but also comes with warnings about what I can and can't do when I'm older. Little do they realise I am taking notes and will use this list to drive them to despair. muah hah hah hah hah!)
Now I'm at Grandma's and mum is hiding upstairs.
Easter eggs? MiniRK - I don't think I even got any Easter eggs, should I call ChildLine too? What are Easter eggs? I want Easter eggs!
Break him MiniChin! And watch him crumble! I do this to my secondary unit too. He makes his appearance when it goes dark, and he expects me to drop everything and play. Well, I'm sorry, but I need my meditation time. So I scream and look longingly at mummy, and then the secondary unit looks all forlorn and tells mummy that I don't like him. - It should be good for treats and footballs later, eh?
Hey all, MiniRee checking in!
The Mummyone Woke me up this morning. I just want a lie-in.
She doesn't listen to me when I'm telling her how I want my morning munchies. I tell her over and over while she's changing my nappy but she just talks back in silly voice about teddy bears going round a garden? I dunno, I think she's lost the plot.
I hope she dunks me in the bath today. It freshens up my cool spiky hairdo.
Today I can't decide if I'm tired or hungry or whether it's my hurty mouth or snotty nose and nasty cough upsetting me, but I am not happy and I'm making sure Mummy knows about it.
Just had an awesome conversation with the gangly animals on the swingy thing. They make far more sense than the Mummyone.
Now I shall reward the Mummyone with a huge poo. <nnnnggggggggg>
Ha ha ha, I laugh at you, fake rubber boobies full of cheap milk. I fart in your general direction. Bring out the real stuff, Mother, you shall not fool me!!!
Heh heh managed to do my monster poo while we were out of the house but darn it she had back up to deal with it. And now she tells me we're off to sainsbo's this afternoon - sang it, I should have held on a little longer.
I went to this cool place today with lots of cool babies. I was on hunger strike. Well, I had a bit when they weren't looking - or so I thought. But I was seen and they wrote it down and told mummy. Grasses!
They also told her how I'd been dancing.
Mum looked relieved. This was not in my gameplan, so I cried all the way home, ...apart from the times when I forgot to cry. Well, she kept distracting me by singing. It was funny though. She had to turn off the radio, and I made her sing for the whole 45 minute journey.
They wrote all sorts down to grass me up. But they didn't detail my farts. They were the best bit. In case you need to know mummy, I did 47. Fart-asmorgorical!
Well I kept mummy up last night after I slept all night the night before hahaha.
Am going to try and eat my toys on the playgym and then get frustrated because I can't - scream and make mummy get up and down!
Also building up a poomageddon for later
Mummy has packed the car, apparently we are going to Wales! We were supposed to leave at 11 but Mummy needs to feed me first and I fancied a really really long nap. Making her wait is fun
I am sooooooo hungry! feeed me, Seymour!
No, mother, not that silly ersatz milk, we're not on Rationing, you know.
<zzzzzzzz>. hey, she fell for it. Again. Muah hah hah....
Well my Poomageddon happened whilst I was at Crèche and mummy was cooking some sort of mush for me to eat so the crèche lady had to deal with me...darn it.
It's not just you boys who can pee on the Mummies... just as Mummyone was going in with a wetwipe, I let rip with a superwee! Oh yeah!!
I decided to object very vocally to swimming today for a change. As soon as Mummy gave up and got me out of the pool I was all smiles again
DMummy tried to put me in the cage thingy in the day again today!! Will she not get the message?! I was very loud until she fetched me.
I'm due a big poo but I'm waiting until after my bath. Overheard mummy tell 'big sister' that daddy is working late tonight - haha opportunity for me to be a cheeky monkey then!
Thought I'd see what all the fuss is about with you guys keeping your mummies up in the night last night but the cunning old mare put the magic dummy in and I forgot I was supposed to be awake... Gah!
It was my first night in the box with bars tonight. Must admit it was getting a bit snug in the little box. I must be getting tubby. Does my bum look bigger to you?????
Uh-oh I sense change afoot.. Mummy has been reading a book with lots of pictures of babies eating mush. What IS she planning now?!
Also why can't she remember what she did with my DT brothers? Silly mummy.
I can see a flaw in her plan already, the baby on the cover is immaculate
and the mummy in twee twinset, you know the one while I plan on smearing grorange mush as far as I possibly can
Morning all, the Sebalater checking in.
Today is Granny's birthday. She is very old I think. Think YEARS old rather than weeks or months!!!!!
I have been saving up a pooh. This is an appropriate gift, no?
I took pity on The One Who Provides Milk last night and only woke up at 3, 4.30 and 7.30. She is ridiculously grateful. And silly if she thinks we have "turned a corner".
Heh heh heh I did the most massive poo earlier shortly after my big brother did the most enormous vile poo. Ma spent the best part of an hour cleaning us both up. That is what I call teamwork. It tired me out so much that I've had a gigantic nap this morning 3 hours and counting. Fortunately big bro is on the case knackering ma out. I'll take over when he goes for his nap. Got to keep her on her toes!
I have come up with a novel way of waking mummy up in the mornings - the superpoo! Not only is it louder than one of daddy's popoffs, it smells diiiiiiiisgusting
Mummy put me in my own room last night in something a lot roomier than my basket which was lovely. However, still got her up at 3:30 and fussed with a bit of mill and eventually a dummy. Then woke this morning was a busy day yesterday!
Am planning a poomageddon for later and general keeping her on her toes day
Hey all, sorry for my absence, I've been out and about a lot. Spending more time with grandma and grandpa -oh boy do they adore me, I get away with anything and they get me presents! I am an angel for them. And then I get more presents.
Been to my auntie's more too. Same thing. Angel = presents.
One place doesn't give presents. I am on hunger strike there til I work it out.
Mummy needs to get with the programme and stop giving me a hard time, then I'll be an angel for her too.
For instance, don't shove orange stuff in my mouth. Breast is best. I've seen the leaflets.
Secondly, The big bed is fine. In the big bed I reach out and get a handful of chest hair at one side and an eyeball at the other. This is comforting. I don't want to feel bars. (chest hair is very ticklish. Grab and pull hard and your daddy will squirm and make loud, funny noises. Try it, it's hilarious!)
Babyree your bum looks fine.
Thirdly, stop trying to smother me! Does anyone else's mummy do this? Or have i been really bad? She grabs at my face with a White cloth. My body reacts by firing out a green poison, but it doesn't stop her. I hate it. But when she stops, she's all smiles and calls me a good boy. ...maybe it's ninja training. I arch my back really quickly and go at her with karate chop hands. Is this the correct fight-mode?
<whisper> I have heard, from a most reliable source (my litle big sister) that if I wave all four limbs fast enough, I will take off and fly. I've been trying all weekend without success... Could it be that I can't trust her wisdom after all? Can any of you enlighten me?
(and MAN, my teeth are still annoying. I shall gum everything until they make their mind up one way or another. And what is this mush stuff you speak of? Is it related to the evil fake cheap booby debacle??
Mummy has looked rather green today so I have given her lots of presents in the way of stinky nappies I don't think they made her feel better but she did reward me with a snuggly nap in the big bed with her though!
I've decided I don't 'do' daytime sleeping. I've been awake since 8.15 and I'm still going strong! Mummy tries to trick me into sleep by putting me in the car or strapping me to her in the magic bag, but I'm wise to that and as soon as any movement stops I snap my eyes back open . She's put me in my cot now but I'm not going to sleep, I'm going to lie here singing for a while la, la, la.....actually, maybe I am a little bit sleepy.....zzzzzz
Dude! Wake up! She tricked you!
Ooh, they're sneaky, these mothers. Mine has noticed that the only thing I sleep in is the buggy, so she puts me in it ON PURPOSE. Anyone would think she wanted me to sleep, instead of acknowledging my sparkling conversational burble. I'm ever so good at raspberries now, is that not enough?
I treated mummy to a poomageddon this afternoon and lack of sleep today. may sleep tonight and get her under false pretense for tomorrow lol!
My mother has realised that I only 'properly' nap in the car so you'll never guess what she does? She leaves me in there! I'm pretty sure that's not in the red book! Least she hasn't tried to dump me in the cage in the day again this week...
Yeah- at grandma's house! I have doggiz to annoy, and grandpa keeps telling me something about steak pies, they sound good. Play play play play play play! Until Grandpa puts a cowboy film on, then I'll sleep.
Just because I sneezed, like, twice or whatever, mother injected some foul liquid into my mouth earlier! Urgh!
I got my own back by falling asleep on her favourite chair. Still pretending now...ssshhhhh
I thought that 'cos we no longer live in Manc Land I'd got away from the scary lady with the needles. But no, The One Who Provides Milk found another one, this time with 3 needles. Ouch!
I have rewarded this by crying pretty much non stop since 11am, apart from when attached to boobie. Hah!
More snuggly naps in the big bed with Mummy today...
At grandma's again! play play play play play play play! doggiz doggiz doggiz! walk to grandpa, make him smile. Sleep when he puts a cowboy film on.
I went to my mummy's friends house this morning. Haven't quite worked out the point to this but mummy and her friend eat toast, drink tea and talk nonstop. My big sister and her mate keep kissing me like it's a competition or something. I know I'm extremely good looking but give a guy some space, yeah?!
I'm a sack of potatoes according to Mother. We went into town, to the school, back, to grandads, and back. I am considering whether I should complain about having to sit in the rocky seat thing quite so much. The s
I'm a sack of potatoes according to Mother. We went into town, to the school, back, to grandad's, and back. I am considering whether I should complain about having to sit in the rocky seat thing quite so much. The sole saving grace is the dangly bunny who hangs off it and makes tinkly noises when I bash him. Do the panel think it's OK to put up with this sort of treatment or should I seek retaliation?
Ow ow ow my teeth huuurrtttttt
<whispers> I think my Mummy might be a bit....slow.
She keeps coming into the bedroom where she left me in my cage and asking me what I am doing.
Ummmmm, waiting for you woman!!!!!!!
I've discovered sugar. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!
How about this, let them bath you then once you are in your warm fluffy towel up chuck all the milk you guzzled earlier!!
Mummy gave me some mushy stuff on a spoon today. It was yummy and she took a big smiley pic of me with it all round my mouth to embarrass me with when I'm bigger
I saved up my biggest poosplosion for a long time for the car journey to Rhyme Time this morning . It backfired a bit though because I missed half of the songs whilst Mummy changed my nappy and all my clothes, she put me in the most hideous pair of jeans that used to be my sister's, and then I had to travel home in a rather damp car seat that Mummy had wiped down.
I did an awesome poo yesterday when I was just in my vesty and left a lovely yellow squishy pile of poop in my chair
I've finally hi-jacked one of Mummy's computers (the selfish cow has two, and a smartphone: why won't she bloody share?), and her login!
So lovely to speak to you all; we've been friends since we were in utero, haven't we?!
I'm quite pleased that you're all so interested in my favourite subject of poo, and I'd like to commend those of you who compartmentalise in the poo - wait - poo technique. It's a bit like a snake who's swallowed several hamsters, isn't it?
Thanks also for the warning about the bait-and-switch milk. She tried that on me this evening, so I showed her by coming out in a rash - ahahaha - so I ended up getting some of her wine instead.
I think there is something to this reflexology malarkey. Ever since I discovered my feet, I've been able to yank them and make myself poo! It really is all in the feet.
I'm a bit worried that Mummy may be considering another namechange. I don't mind this name, but what if she reverts to an earlier one? I really think I might be scarred by shame if I had to be named POOpervert!
Feet? I haven't discovered those yet! Can I eat them? I like to eat everything, it makes the mouth ache stop! My current fave is one of them things Mummy wraps me in while I have my milk. They're so munchy
I think the Mummies have been talking to each other too. Mine tried that poor substitute for milk on me today! I played around with the funny plastic thing for a while, it was quite fun to chew on, but then something thhat tasted horrid came out of it, and I was having none of that! Thanks for the warning everyone
Reflexology makes me wee, as proved by me and mummy in massage. "this little piggy goes wee, wee, wee all
over mummy's jeans the way home.
Yo poo good to finally meet you.
Last night Mummy put me in a pink sleeping bag that used to belong to my sister. The cheek of it . I showed her what I thought of that idea though, and did a huge poo right through it this morning
Very good effort, Baby Kate!
Quick weaning question: does anyone know when they can give us coffee? Mummy has hers very milky, so surely that will be all right. I've heard her talking about "express-o", too: could that be a kind of pre-weaning food?
(Re the name: I didn't like pootocrap - too vulgar - and pootocrat also a bit infra dig. However, I like dignifying my digestive issuances as "scat"; it makes me feel all scientificky!)
Nice one babyKate!
I too favour the use of poop for messaging. At weekend mummy and daddy were peeking at a house, so I filled my trousers and socks right up to show them that I too thought it was nice.
Mummy got it, daddy was slow to catch on. but I think that's coz mummy likes shopping and spontaneous purchasing, daddy is slow and considered and likes to think about Ev-er-y-thing first.
The downside of poop messaging is that then you have to view new houses without any trousers or socks on.
Mummy's going to have a proper look at the house tomorrow, but she said something about not taking me. Bare faced cheek! (hmmm that gives me an idea, I shall show her what I think about that!) >--<
Ha ha! I also sent Mummy a message this evening about squeezing me into size 3 nappies still, just because she bought too many when they were on sale. I did such an explosive poo it shot right up the front as well as the back of the nappy, all through my vest and jeans
My cunning plan of wrong footing my ma continues. I'm liking to mix it up with moving from poos every four days to daily ones and I slipped in a really long sleep last night to make sure it really hurts tonight when I pull an up every two hours job. Give them a taste of what might be then it makes it all the sweeter when I bury them with millions of feeds. Hee hee hee
I did a wicked trick on Mummy earlier... big foofies just as she got me out of the bath so she thought I poopied in the towel shoulda seen the look on her face! Priceless.
Daddy took me to nursery yesterday. It was really cool as I got to ride up front in his van. I chatted to him all the way there, and then showed my appreciation via poosplosion. Apparently he's not so sensitive to these things as mummy. And so even though it was all over my vest and legs, and had seeped through my trousers onto the car seat, he didn't notice and just handed me over to Jenny. And they didn't seem to notice for a while either.
In the future, I have to sit in the back and ride in Mummy's car.
Foofies? Mummy and daddy call them pixies. Apparently "there's a pixie in the kitchen" is not as barf-inducing as "Don't go in the kitchen, I've just farted --and it stinks--".
Guys, I've been in baby heaven. Seriously. Mother took me to something called an NCT sale and wow, there were, like PILES of toys. All colours, all sizes. She was mean and only bought me this really cool shaky giraffe thing with ruffles....oooh, it rattles....wow, it's got reeealy crinkly feeet...ooooo.....
<salivates and falls over from sitting>
I'm soooo jealous, aethelspawn! Mummy made me make do today with some books I wasn't allowed to put in my mouth. I could just murder a crinkly toy!
When I do have nice toys, she makes me lie on my back for ages, with them just out of reach...
Why can't I eat the remote control?
Why can't I put the phone in my mouth?
Why did everyone shriek with laughter yesterday whien I tried to put my Daddys big toe in my mouth?
Mummy keeps picking my nose. One day I shall remind her about this...
She also says, "Top trump" and "Good burp" a lot.
Today I am at nursery with some other snotty kids, but they all have sun hats. I don't have a sun hat. Am I a neglected child?
On the plus side, mummy is very excited about moving to our new house and getting out of "this shit tip" (anyone, any ideas? she whispers the last bit and she thinks I can't hear her), and says that I have my very own garden and bedroom. Plus I'm going to grandma's tomorrow. I bet she'll get me a sunhat.
Mummy sings about creamy on my lala when doing my nappy I laugh just to humour the madwoman.
After several days of Mummy not taking me out anywhere whilst she laid about complaining about being 'poorly', she took me out this afternoon, took almost all my clothes off and took me into a big pool of water . I was so grateful I decided not to complain at all, even when she dunked me underneath
Grandpa said I could have a swimming pool at my new house. Mummy laughed and said something about a lottery. If I get a swimming pool, you can all come and play in it. If I don't, I'm ringing childline.
1. still no sunhat
2. not allowed to have my own i-phone (to chew)
3. not allowed the remote control
4. no pool
5. when I tried to share mum's orange juice yesterday, she let me have a drip off her finger. It is jus from heaven, all sugary and lovely. But then she wouldn't let me have any more. It made me cry.
6. She keeps wiping and swiping and picking at my nose.
The list is growing.
... and I think they want to cut my hair. Mummy's having hers done on Saturday. Grandma thinks I should get mine done too. Mummy was a bit sad about this. but it does get in my eyes a bit, and it's hot.
Today I went in a kind of bath in the garden, called a paddling pool. There were lots of balls in there for me to try and grab, and I did lots of big splashes. It was such fun
Arg, I saw this paddling pool thing today. Mother dunked my feet in. It was FREEZING! So I told her about it in no uncertain terms and have submitted a planning application for a permanent pool at the regulation 39 degrees with rubber duckies and little boats. Amateurs.
Mum and dad deserted me today but it's ok cos I had fun with my Great Aunty Sheena (she's a bit batty!) and then with Nanny and Grandad! Grandad was in bed all day (he's worse than me for sleeps but nanny said he's poorly) and Lola kept licking my foot. She gets sad when I cry though and climbs up the sofa.
Today I went somewhere called a beach. There was lots of sand to play with, and it felt lovely between my fingers and toes. It doesn't taste very nice though, and it's not so much fun when it goes up your nose or inside your nappy.
I went to grandma and grandpa's today. They bought me more stuff! I now have a Thomas Tank paddling pool with loads of balls in it! I impressed them with my ball handling ability. (they are so easy!)
I've not pooped today. Might wait til tomorrow when mum's ready to leave for Germany. I will register my protest in the best way I know!
I am loving this hot weather - mummy got me some special pee pads so I can wiggle on the floor all nekked and stuff! I like being free of my nappy!
Daddy is home as well. He can't hold me very much because he's a bit ouchy but he still talks to me lots and pulls funny faces. Daddy is my favourite
Today I went in the roller chair and had great fun whizzing around the living room in it! There was another baby in the room but she copied all my best moves... Mummy and Daddy thought it was funny I was playing with my 'flection
BOi registering for active duty. Provide your best hints n tips.
I didn't get a lot of sleep last night (muwha-ha-ha-ha!), so I'll have a couple of hours now. Grandma can catch up on her ironing. This is OK, just as long as mummy never catches up. She needs to learn that precious time with me, her pfb, at evenings and weekends should be spent playing and not tidying and ironing.
oh - convince your ma's n pa's that you are a genius, by picking up one of those flat round things off the coffee table, put it in the floor, then place your sippy cup in the middle of it. Then you shall get much clapping and kisses.
And, when they shout at you for hitting the tv, just kiss IgglePiggle instead, then they stop shouting and go soft.
I must say, life is more interesting now I have greater mobility. My plans for creating a thermonuclear device from leftover weetabix, sequins and dribble are starting to come to fruition, especially as I can now influence Mother by waving my hands and giving her toothy grins of enthusiasm when I approve of what she's doing. Like making the milk-warm-box go ping, this means my bottle is imminent. Sometimes I bring her the bottle as a hint. If any of you would like to join my master plan, just indicate your interest using the standard channels. Muah hah hah.
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