Tongue tie and other first time difficulties

[Cinnamon84]

First time mum here and my baby boy on Monday which im over the moon about. However am finding these first couple of days really difficult- I don't think I've had a block of sleep longer than 20 mins since labour started at 1.30 Monday morn. I'm also really struggling with feeding and feeling a huge amount of guilt. It's just impossible to get dis to latch on - I saw so many midwives and bf helpers in the post natal ward who managed to shove him on and everytime it was so painful. I managed to a do a big feed by myself last night and I was in tears by the end of it as it hurt so much and my nipple is now covered in blisters. Bf councillor came over today and after an hour of unsuccessfully getting him to latch on she thinks he might be tongue tied. As a short term measure I've been expressing and feeding him with a spoon to avoid nipple confusion in case we can figure out how to latch on successfully. I'm just frustrated as my stitches are still really painful to sit on and my breasts are sooo tender so dp has to help me with the spoon feeding - I feel terrible about this as I feel so dependant on him and it just takes so long to pump and then spoon feed. Wondered if anyone has had a similar experience and can offer any advice? If we can't go back to breast feeding will bottle feed expressed milk.

[beela]

Firstly congratulations on your new baby

I reckon having a baby makes you feel like you've been in a train wreck.

Both my dc were tt. Bf them was agony until (and for a while after) they had it divided. Get dp to do the spoon feeding while you have a rest. Could dp take baby for a walk for an hour while you lie down for a bit?

Of course you are dependant on him at the mo and that is fine. I remember eating a roast dinner that my dh had made when dc1 was a few weeks old. Ds was cluster feeding. I was crying. Dh was cutting my meal into tiny pieces and feeding it to me. It's all normal!

[Cinnamon84]

Thanks beela, think it's just cos you hear so much about the mum being in charge of the feeding and sometimes I don't want to even hold him as my boobs hurt so much. Also i just feel so bad that when ds needs a feed we both end up being sleep deprived and as I'm so sore and not as mobile as i normally would be dp is having to look after me as well, cook, clean, drive out to mothercare etc. Think I'm just feeling overwhelmed right now and ds gets so upset and keeps rooting and looking to suck which makes me feel awful. Good to know that the feeding can be improved once they've had the snip though, thanks for your positive words!

[beela]

Oh bless you. Don't feel you have to do it all yourself just cos you're the mum. Expressing is exhausting. Let DP share the load, especially if he is on paternity leave at the moment. Also you've just given birth! Let him look after you.

I think newborns can be overwhelming even if there aren't feeding difficulties. It sounds as though you've got access to a good breastfeeding counsellor though, did she leave you with a plan?

Hope you've had a better day today and managed some rest.

[curliegirlie]

Have you tried Medela nipple shields? They were a God-send to me when DD was tiny - she didn't have a clue how to latch onto my nipples (tongue tie, inverted nipples and low muscle tone due to Down's Syndrome) but when I tried nipple shields she got it instantly. I used them until she was about 4 or 5 months when one day she knocked a shield off, but kept on feeding. I'm still breast feeding her now and she's just turned one! Good luck Cinnamon!

[newroundhere]

DO NOT FEEL GUILTY.

There is absolutely nothing for you to feel guilty about. Breastfeeding can be really really hard - I didn't feel prepared for it at all when I had DS (he is 5 weeks old today). He was tongue tied but managed to latch sort of ok (just painfully for me). We had his tongue tie divided and it has made life easier, although it's not an instant fix as they have to relearn how to use their tongue.

Nipple shields are worth a try - you need to find a way to manage the pain otherwise it will be impossible.

I would also say don't rule out the formula option if you need to use it. Sounds like you really want to breastfeed, which is great, but my personal view is that you need to find the right balance for you and the baby. Don't make yourself ill trying to do the right thing - I'm not at all suggesting that you give up, I just don't want you to feel as helpless and trapped as I did at the beginning. I realise that people have strong views on this subject but that's just my opinion.

Definitely rely on your DP for help and find some way to get a bit of sleep. It does get easier, I promise.

[Hufflepuffin]

Take everything day by day, in a week or two everything will feel more manageable, you'll still be in survival mode but right now is the worst bit. You're due a huge hormonal change over the next few days as your milk comes in, this is likely to make you feel very weepy. Just weep! It's fine! Most mothers cry a lot the first week (dads too, and babies obviously).