Hen night 4 weeks after birth

[cheekymummy89]

Hi guys I don't know if I've posted this in the right place so apologies if I have.
I'm a maid of honor in September and the hen night us booked 4 weeks after my due date.
My husband is also the best man and the stag do is the exact same night.
We both feel this is too soon after our baby will be born. We don't want to be finding a babysitter so soon after the baby is born for several reasons but we have tried explaining the issues with them and all they reply is we will be fine we will sort something out. I for one know I won't be feeling like having such a crazy night so soon after giving birth and hubby has said he doesn't want to go incase there was ever a emergency. (Stag is out of town) so it would be difficult for him to get home if there was. I had quite a traumatic birth with my first which could result in similar issues following this one too. Are we being unreasonable in saying we cannot attend these nights out being a big part of their wedding day? Or should at least one of us just bloody go? We don't want to fall out with them but we feel like if they carry on pushing us to go we will. There not exactly planning a few drinks these nights out are planned to be long and a bit crazy (lots of drinking, early start, late finish) both out of town. Please help

[CathemeralChild]

I clicked on this thread to tell you that you were being bonkers, but it seems they're the crazy ones.
Try posting in AIBU; they'll all tell you you're not!
Try and make non-committal noises at the moment and pull out properly nearer the time.

[cheekymummy89]

Thankyou for your reply. I just don't understand how anyone could expect someone due to have a baby that close to the date to not only be able to go out but want to leave a baby so early on. Wouldn't mind they have kids themselves so they know how you feel after giving birth. Anything could happen, could go over, could end up having a c section. Nobody can predict it. Even if it all goes smoothly I'd probably last an hour anyway lol. Glad you agree I'm not silly for not going. Would probably be in bed that night for 8pm lol.

[Crumb502]

Could your husband go to the stag do and you stay home with baby?

They are being very selfish IMO...

[SleepyRoo]

Don't do it

[elQuintoConyo]

Crikey! I had barely gone an hoyr without ds when he was 4 weeks old! They are a screaming bundle of needs at that age and i was most definitely in no fit shape to go anywhere but the Holy Triangle of bed-bath-sofa! And i bottle-fed.

I'd be fine with dh going out, he did go out to dinner with people for a celebration of sorts and i was fine with it, although it was in the same town and he wasn't drinking. I won't go into post-birth detail but i had quite a sore undercarriage and barstools/dancing/drinks/plus semi-decemt looking clothes i could fit into would have sent me running!

Try and pull out nearer the time. Hopefully they'll realise what a knobbish request it was when they have children of their own.

Congratulations

[Crumb502]

And given they have organised both nights on the same date, they need to accept that both of you may not have been able to attend anyway as you already have a child... Plonkers!!

[AppleMagic]

A friend came to my hen do when her ds was 8 weeks and regretted it. I wish I'd reassured her more that it was ok for her not to come.

[MakeLemonade]

Is it a big weekend away type affair? My best friend's hen do happened when my DD was 5 weeks old - she was exclusively breastfed and no chance I could leave her. As hen do was fairly local I hosted pre-drinks on the Friday night and then went along to the meal (with baby) on the Sat night but left about 9:30pm. Would something like that be an option?

[cheekymummy89]

They are both big nights out. No meals etc just one big party basically. They want to go out around 5pm and return home around 3am. Because it's away from our town none of us would be able get home without the transport they are providing. I honestly won't be going regardless but dh doesn't want to go too. I've told him just keep being honest if he really doesn't want to go nobody can force him. And they SHOULD understand having a new baby is a massive deal for both mum and dad. I've told him don't not go because I'm home go and enjoy himself but he insists he wouldn't enjoy.himself (he isn't a party type of guy anyway) and he feels the night would be wasted looking after a bunch of drunken guys when he could be home with his family. I wouldn't expect anyone to be there on any night out after having a baby so soon if anything I'd insist they stayed home and I'd plan something for us that didn't involve them being away from the baby and getting drunk.