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feel overwhelmed with guilt for having second baby

(10 Posts)
lesley07 Thu 03-Jul-14 16:18:43

Hi. Iam due to have baby no2 any day now and i cant explain the feelings iam having of guilt for my first. Shes two yrs old and doesnt understand that the days of just her mummy and daddy are almost over and that there will be a baby coming to live with us..
i cant even focus on my new baby(and also feel guilty anout that too) as so worried about my first child and how she will cope with the massive change in her life..
i want her to have a sibling and sure in yrs to come she will be so grateful we gave her that chance...but for the here and now iam not sure how to cope.

I had the same feeling just before the birth of DC2 at the end of last year. I don't know if it is something to do with hormones at the end of pregnancy but I had convinced myself it was a massive problem.

I did do my best to spend special time with DD in the couple of weeks before DS was born and we went to the cinema and did things that would be difficult to do with a small baby. I think this helped, and in any case once DS arrived she was very excited to be a big sister and it was easier for me to concentrate on the positive aspects of giving her a sibling.

I hope that you feel better about this soon, and please don't spoil the end of your pregnancy worrying about this like I did. I promise you it isn't worth it and I am sure your DD will be too excited about the baby for the first few weeks to care. IME DD started getting slightly jealous around six weeks when the novelty was wearing off, so try and plan some activities to keep her busy then when the boredom begins to bite.

Be kind to yourself. flowers

I forgot to add that I had also convinced myself that I wouldn't love DC2 as much as DC1, but when he came I did. smile

theelvisyears Fri 04-Jul-14 21:31:53

When I had my 3rd, with just 22 months between all of them, I felt like you. I felt I was restricting the fun I could have with the other two because I was sat for hours on end breast feeding. A lovely health visitor said something to me I will never forget - that I was giving my children the best gift ever - another sibling and in time they would thank me for this. So go easy on yourself.

beccajoh Fri 04-Jul-14 21:38:24

I felt like this too, particularly as it wasn't a planned pregnancy second time round. My darling girl wasn't going to have a clue what was about to happen (she was 18 months when her brother was born) and I was so sad it wasn't going to be just me and her any more. Our little club of two.

It's been absolutely fine. They ADORE each other and DD has really taken it in her stride, although I appreciate that's not the case for everyone. I make sure she and I have some time for just the two of us still. Usually after I put her brother to bed we have 20 mins of reading stories or just cuddling up whilst she has her milk.

whydoIhavetodoeverything Fri 04-Jul-14 21:39:24

Its a bit late now!

Seriously, though, I can sympathise with how you feel, I felt exactly the same before DC2 came along, but in a year, you'll actually squirm a bit that you posted this, you'll love baby number 2 just as much, you'll see them interact and your heart will melt.

GermyElephant Sat 05-Jul-14 08:07:52

I felt the same. I did loads of special things with DC1 in the last couple of weeks. I felt like I was about to ruin his life...

DC2 is now 10 months. They get on amazingly. Can make each other giggle like nothing else can smile

Norfolknway Sat 05-Jul-14 08:56:10

Ahhh! You'll be fine once it's all happened and you see your little family grow.

The way your DC1 will look and act with the new baby - it'll melt your heart.

I'm 8 month in with dc2 and dc1 adores her baby brother.

Tbh, I did majorly concentrate on dd when baby was born - I made a massive effort to make her feel special and that DS was her baby too (she was 2.4 when he was born)

You'll all be grand! Good luck x

AnotherStitchInTime Sat 05-Jul-14 09:07:45

It will be fine. I worried when I had dd2 about dd1 (then 2.8), in reality it was fine.

A small baby sleeps a lot so there will still be lots of 1-2-1 time. I used to make sure that I spent some time playing with dd1 when dd2 was asleep, but also read books or sat on the floor with her whilst she played during breastfeeding.

When I had ds dd2 was only 22 months, I had been in hospital for two months prior to his birth and was recovering from major abdominal surgery after so couldn't do much. She coped fine and still gets lots of 1-2-1 time as ds has 3 naps a day at 6 months.

frankiebuns Fri 29-Aug-14 16:24:43

My ds is nearly 4 and ever since about 12 weeks pregnant I felt guilty to what I was doing to him, everything went through my head from abortion adoption etc, it wasntvan easy pregnancy I was poorly from 15 weeks I was signed off and was warned that I could loose this one and poss die myself so I made this one a summer to remember with ds just incase I made a summer fun book with pictures of things we had done etc and told him how much I love him etc. 11 days past having dd and I still feel wracked with guilt with what I have dun but think of the bigger picture when we are pushing daisys 60 years in the future they will have each other to lean on for support and the thought of my ds alone in the big wide world with no family (brother doesn't want kids etc no cousins) filled with dread I know what I have done is right and he is an amazing big brother to her he has really stepped up to the mark and then some and before 3 I doubt she will really remember a time when it was just her as real memorys start from about 3 yes she might getg jealous I'm the youngest child in my family and my brother was 5 when I was born and he was besotted with me and my ds is with my dd although he doesn't like the crying and really truely thought she would be able to play bricks etc as soon as she was born! I have pnd and my son is a leading light in how to adapt I'm following his lead and my god he is an inspiration. He wants to read books to her and do shows for her , really its fine

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