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March 2013 - we're gonna need a bigger wine rack(999 Posts)
Being with a small person 24/7 is very hard.
My period has come back. Heavy and painful this time. I haven't a clue why this has happened. Im so pissed off im spending bank holiday weekend laying about and i should be enjoying the sun with ds and dh.
Ds and dh are out. Poor dh is getting it from me. Im ever so snappy and every small thing is making me upset. Im so glad he is so patient.
Evening all. And a lovely evening here in Norfolk. Hope same with you.
Yummy Sounds crap. The fact you realise you're being snappy probably means all is well with dh. I bet he just wishes you were feeling good and able to join in. These things tend to peak and then wane fairly quickly so maybe the pain will ease overnight and in the meantime plenty of hot water bottles and being kind to yourself. Thanks for some great snack tips. I want halloumi bread now myself!
Plonky, likewise thanks for snack tips! I need to stock my fridge with some quick stuff that can be presented with ease. With regards coil other than mild discomfort which I have to focus hard on to recognise on first day, I have no pain with coil now. I do get a kind of crap dull ache in my vuvu (is it Betty we have to thank for that?) which is probably more of a post birth thing than a coil thing. So really it's just longer bleeding (a week) with two very heavy days. My cycle has developed cruelly too. About twenty one days So unless you're very unfortunate too Doli and yummy we won't be synchronised for long! But in conclusion plonk I'd say there's not much to fear from our copper friend. I'm enjoying just the humming background level of bonkersNess that not having hormonal interference means for me.
Betty tell us about your shift. I'm really interested in the sorts of situations you deal with day to day. Forgive my ignorance, do obstetricians first train generally as doctors and then specialise? Ignore me if that's too nosey.
Doli dear it says something about you (or possibly me!) that I had no real handle on the fact that the last few weeks had been particularly trying for you because you are always so chipper and make light of the nap refusal. I have to say having dh away Mon to Fri is a big deal for me and throw in the (very occasional) nap refusal day and I think I deserve a medal. Those times really are holy in their importance here because, like yummy and stormy, I am an introverted thinker and need space to process stuff that's just gone on. I am sending virtual medals to you, and dh for stepping up and being useful. Now we need to sort out how to ensure you eat properly on these nap refusal days. I make a vat of soup after breakfast maybe one a week or once a fortnight and freeze that in portions. unless I eat when Ecotod does at lunch time it often doesn't happen. I've also taken to putting jacket potatoes in oven at half nine ish before we head out so we have lovely lunch to come back to. Any good?
Stormy is your girl dancing to normal music now? By normal I mean music that's not piping out of one of those awful toys? Ecotod dances to those but not music on radio yet. I'd like to see that though. Sweet.
We had a whole 'feck the naps' day today and left the house at nine to go to a nearby national Trust place for the whole day. I was fed up of being held hostage to the cot (a rod I built for my own back of course). We offered car and buggy naps at her usual times. She slept for thirty minutes in total compared to the usual two and a half hours. The world didn't end. She still functioned (and enjoyed hanging out in woodland dens and chasing around parterres). She has gone to bed and slept. If her overnight sleep is not rubbish I'll see this as a victory.
I love May! What a gorgeous month. Horse chestnut candles, cow parsley, birds on nests, ducklings, buttercups, dandelion clocks, dangly beech flowers, that gorgeous heady pollen scent, birdsong, hot sunshine on occasion, dewy lawns in the morning, lily of valley in flower! Luscious. I'm a May kind of girl.
Yummy it certainly is. Usually I enjoy every minute, but just recently with the back to back nap free days, and long periods when DH isn't around to help I have really struggled. Then I feel bad about struggling, and the guilt kicks in... which makes me struggle more. I tried to talk about the need for a break with DH, but he turned it around to make it sound like I didn't enjoy her company, and didn't like being a mum, which made me feel worse. It's one of those no win situations isn't it.
As for how I cope, I push the pram round the field while we both cry, which ironically makes us both feel better. Then we come inside, have a drink and biscuits and play chase the toddler round the cot. For those yet to try his, you need to hide behind the door, with the toddle in their cot. I then say 'hiding, hiding.... BOO' and jump out at her, and she runs round her cot giggling. Fills the day anyway.
Hope you're feeling a bit less urgh now. So far this month I've told DH I'm leaving him, and meant it, decided I couldn't be a SAHM a minute longer or I'd go mad, and seriously considered re-homing the dogs. Then the PMT wore off and I remembered I love DH, and being a SAHM, and the dogs, and probably ought to make a few apologies. Hormones have an awful lot to answer for.
As for SPD I had it, and my 9 month pregnant about to pop weight was 9.5 stone, so not fat then. B***dy awful GP you have there.
Snacks are very uninspiring here. Water and a biscuit is about as fancy as we get. She eats huge meals though, and is built like a tank, so I don't think she really needs any more than that.
Might be back later, I have toddle duties to attend to now.
Doli that was a cross post. I take back dh medal and give you two instead. IT IS NOT UNREASONABLE TO NEED TIME AWAY FROM THE CHILD YOU LOVE TO THE ENDS OF THE EARTH. Sorry to shout at him but felt he needed that. I like him normally Being a sahm isn't making me feel especially whole but I do feel blessed to be able to be doing it for now. I think I need a day, or possibly two, a week to do my own brain requiring stuff, away from Ecotod. Might that sort of ratio suit you Doli? Don't like the image of you guys tramping around the field in tears. PMT magnifies things doesn't it. Horribly. But it doesn't totally invent things. She says! Hoping it's true! Maybe there's a grain of truth in how you feel pre period and you need to think more about a fix? Or maybe you don't. Just want to be supportive. Because we luffs you and all.
doli and . Sounds hardcore. But good that you still see the good times.
yummy I had SPD too. How unhelpful!! Happens due to pregnancy hormones relaxing things..no? Grr to your doc.
eco we got a back seat. Protects him from the wind but doesn't half throw my centre of gravity off!!! Apparently will for him up to 5 though so still worth getting even if you don't manage it soon.
Nice tea in the country today with friends knackered DS tho!!! Am going to join him by hopefully getting an earlyish night. to anyone who needs it and here's to another day off work tomorrow!! (Betty hope you're doing ok!)
Thanks guys, I've had a bit of a rum run recently, but that's but a mere blip in the grand scheme of things. Eco yes, you're right, I am looking for a bit more of a balance, but that may come sooner than I had imagined as we went to look at a potential business opportunity today that has us really excited. We probably won't go for that particular one as it requires a massive capital injection to turn it around, but the economy is picking up so there are plenty of viable alternatives out there. My days of tea towel toting may soon be numbered
Today was fun actually, as there is nothing like a day out to cheer everyone up and tire everyone out. Dolitoddle had a ball, so much so that she went down in 5 minutes flat at 8.30pm. That may sound late to some, but for her it is an early night, and I'm pretty confident that give or take a few night time squawks she'll probably sleep through until about 7am. I'll have jinxed that now, won't I?!
Well, I'd better get back to the snooker. I didn't know I liked snooker, but apparently I do. Ronnie O'Sullivan looks spookily like DH and FIL across the eyes. It must be a weird Irish thing. Sadly they don't share his talent at the table.
Doli I love a bit of snooker and have just watched the self same matching while throwing a sandwich down my throat and am now retiring to bed. I'm so so bloody tired. You really have had a bad run recently and I have no idea how you cope without DD napping. I'd go up the wall. You're bloody marvelous!
Eco, not too nosey at all. You do medical school then a couple of years of general training then specialise and do at least 7 years of specialising in obs and gynae before consultant. This particular weekend I've just been on for obstetrics and done 9 sections, 2 forceps, a ventouse, a third degree tear, drained and restitched 2 haematomas, dealt with a few post partum haemorrhages a shoulder dystocia and pre-eclampsia and some people in very premature labour. It's been a fairly busy weekend for operating but the rest is fairly standard. It's a good mix of things and keeps us on our toes. I'm not one for a boring life!
Off to snooze. I'll try to check in properly tomorrow! Night all.
So just another day at the office then betty?
Doli I like your new twist on the 'boo' game - we do that at the end of her bath with me ducking down out of view, then 'boo' and she tries to swim off. Gets her extremely worn out right before bed...
I too feel a need to be away from DD for a bit each week - it would be healthier for both of us as at the moment, whenever we go to see someone, she immediately reaches out for a cuddle with them. I should be offended but am glad of the rest!
Doli one thing jumps out at me from your talk of doing crying circuits of the fields. It's something you see the two of you doing together. Not something you're doing with toddler in tow. Can't express myself very well at this time of the morning, but it gives me faith that you and dolitoddle will be just grand, and very well bonded.
Was it eco who asked about dancing to proper music? I suspect Fartypants may have picked up the idea from watching me. The first things she danced to were theme tunes. Futurama usually. I always do a little dance to that theme tune when there's no-one else around to see. Same with the QI theme tune. Yesterday we watched a Doctor Who marathon. First episode, just me dancing. Second episode, just her. It is sickeningly cute.
Betty wow, that's some day. I wonder if you and your colleagues realise just how amazing you are? Probably not. So here's a reminder
Stormy I'm lucky, I adore the tiddly toddler, she's the best thing ever to happen to me. Her wakefulness can be exhausting, but then she's does something uber cute, or funny, and all seems well in the world. Plus she slept a straight 12 hours last night without a squeak. There was talk of me doing a run at 6am this morning.... which turned out to be just that. Talk. We all had a lie instead
Another sunny day, yay!
We had a tricky day yesterday as TEETH were happening but today is a new day and he's back to his old self again. So dh and I are doing serial fitness efforts and then dropping him at my mum's so we an go for lunch a deux!
You can love them desperately but still need space for you sometimes. That is perfectly ok. Agree with Stormy though Doli, the fact you're in it together even when you're in tears together is somehow a good sign. But give dh a slap from me - not wanting to spend every single minute with her doesn't mean you don't enjoy her or aren't a great mum. You don't spend every second with him and is he a bad dad for not being with the toddle all the time? Exactly... You don't need random guilt trips thank you.
I know you decided to pause nursery for a bit for bug avoidance but what about a childminder for a couple of mornings a week? You could go for runs or have baths or whatever. Just a thought..
Oh my im so happy 3 nights in a row with no waking up for milk. Ds slept for 6 hours straight. I feel a little more tired that I had a better sleep. My body must be very confused with less broken sleep.
doli I agree with eco I never realised how much of a hard time you were with the lack of day time naps. Your posts were upbeat and you hardly moan. Did you try blackout blinds? Im sure you tried everything anyway. There is me ecstatic ds slept 6hrs without a squeak. 12 hrs and I think I will faint from the shock.
stormy sounds like your dd is a groover.
betty you are an amazing woman.
I forgot doli don't you dare feel guilty for wanting time out sometimes. Let dh take time off work and let him do solo parenting tomsee what itvreally is like. Dads who work usually are the fun parent. They see dc for a couple of hours before bed and they think they have done parenting. They don't know half of it.
Thanks guys but not at all, the midwives do all the hard work, I just drink tea, make the risky decisions and come in at the end to steal the glory! It's a fab job though and I'm very lucky to be able to do it.
Doli, as always the collective wisdom of the gang is spot on. Time away from the small people is vital for sanity and to remember why you love them! I'd go bonkers otherwise!!!
Yummy well done on the milk free nights and extended sleep! I really need to cut out the night feeds but haven't had the strength yet but soon hopefully!
Have a lovely lunch Wotta!
Stormy I love the idea of the two of you dancing away to QI!!! So cute.
We're thinking of hitting a stately home and gardens later with the GPs and Miss Madam.....I think this might be a huge error on a BH Monday!
Happy bank holiday everyone!
Extra special for Doli
Betty did you do it? Sunny weather and bank holiday equals having a bit of a wait for your cream tea, but the small person will have had plenty of people and dogs to gurn at. What a beautiful day it has been. I love that Dolitoddle waited until mummy nor daddy had work to allow the lie in
Doli and Betty, I love that you like snooker. I like it when people surprise me and my pre conceptions. I'm unsure I do anything surprising
except read the times
Betty that sounds mega stressful/adrenaline filled. Puts my worries about the training I'm delivering tomorrow into sharp focus! I think today is international midwifery day or around about now, so raised classes to you all. That sounds like a lot of training, obviously needed for such a specialist area, and you must have worked hard. You do only look mid twenties though so not sure how you fitted that all in to life unless you started early
Doli your business exploration sounds really to have put a spring in your step! Great! Hoping you pursue other, better fitting, options and that you are spending spare moments idly daydreaming about it all.
Yummy you do know three nights makes a habit don't you? I'm hoping you get a fourth. Long awaited and much deserved.
Wotta how was lunch? Sounds romantic! Special occasion?
We were at nct barbecue today. Seven toddlers and parents in sun with beer. And meat. And puddings. Lovely. The toddlers favourite pass time? Sitting IN the flower beds. Or, better still, walking in water and then walking over flower beds. Feral lot by the end of it. Added to which Ecotod had a jalfrezi for dinner. The subsequent scrubbing in the bath was thorough
My first day as a freelancer tomorrow. I'm teaching outdoors but the forecast is a bit grim. So cruel after today's sunshine.
I think it's wine o'clock now so I'll go and sort that out. Glad many of you sound to have had a good weekend. Night night.
You lot are far too nice and have cheered me right up. As did today, which was just about as perfect a day as anyone could want.
This morning we went for a walk down to the reservoir, with the toddle on DH's back, which is pretty much her favourite place to be, and then this afternoon I went for a swim! Blimey it was cold. You know when it's so cold the water burns? Well like that, only worse. 500m, and I ran for the shower, feeling the best I've felt in ages and shivering so much my teeth actually chattered. Which was hilarious. An interesting side effect, the cold loosened up all the stiffness in my back, so I can finally touch my toes again. Goes some way to explaining why athletes sit in ice baths I guess.
You're right, I'm so excited about getting my teeth into a business project. We're looking into buying a hotel, turning it around, and boutique-ing it. Risky business though, and not an area either of us have worked in, but we figure that with the right management team in place we could pull it off.
Eco yes, what is it about flower beds
other than dirt? Much time is spent in them here too. Good luck for tomorrow, may the sun shine!
DH is doing the bedtime routine tonight, and I can here joint teeth cleaning over the monitor. Very funny.
As for the snooker, I can't watch. Ronnie's lost his nerve. Sob.
Eco I'm a wee bit older than that, I've been qualified 7yrs, plus I love darts too! It's always nice to challenge expectations!!!
Sounds lovely Doli.
We did indeed go and had a potter round some fancy gardens and a farm. DD went potty for petting the lambs, calf and piglets. She needed a bit of persuading to stroke rather than whack though, it's a good job our dog is so patient!
Busy busy weekend here so just ducking in to say hello, sounds like you've all had lovely weekends - even Betty who, despite working like a trooper also managed a day out (how do you get the energy?! I suppose working in the nhs is sufficient training though!)
Doli new venture sounds exciting. How on earth you managed a swim is beyond me but so pleased you did. If I'd have known how truly rotten you'd been having it id have been wandering around Kent, laden with meridian produce searching for a sobbing woman in a field. Glad you've had a lovely day.
Eco BBQ sounds like perfection. Not sure I do anything surprising. And yy to mud and flower beds.
We've just got back from the PILs. Spent some time in their field inspecting the beehives, looking at coots, moorhens and tadpoles, watching the whippet bounce around and generally having living the bucolic idyll for 24 hours. Until bedtime when I had to squish into BILs single bed with a rather distressed ds. Thankfully BIL now lives in Oxford so no awkwardness, just bloody molars.
Spent a lo-ho-ooot of time discussing the house we are yet able to afford. Aargh. But not enough aargh to ruin the weekend. Also got treated to fancy pants fish and chips by the PILs. And ice cream. So now I'm tucked up in bed with a cuppa and I'm letting that lovely cosy feeling spread from head to toe. Dp has tomorrow off work (I don't) so for once I'm off the nighttime hook, and so happy about it.
I'm really struggling to keep up at the moment. There's so little going on in my life that I never have anything to say then I lose you all!
Yummy are you feeling better? Definite synchronisation happening through the net - period here too which excitingly means the weight loss seems to have brought my cyst addled ovaries back to about a 35 day cycle. This is an improvement on 58... And this was the first post baby period that didn't have me in actual agony for 24 hrs. Hopefully it continues.
Im feeling sad tonight, the playgroup I go to religiously is shutting down. It has become such a huge part of my life, so many close friends there and dd sees the people that run it like family! We've been going for a year, and I organise my week around going!
Doli- hotel, local? Gissa job... I'm finding my current job really tough at the moment. I don't really like my current role and am considering going full time from September just to secure a role change/promotion. But right now I've got a project that I just don't seem to be able to get my head around. No one to delegate to, has to be sorted in the next couple of weeks. Not even really anyone to discuss ideas with. I'm having to fight very hard against the small child in my head shouting "run away, bury your head in the sand!!!" At the moment every time I think about it I feel a little bit sick with anxiety.
Plonk dare I ask how the wedding plans are coming along? Or is the topic verboten?
Snack ideas have been very helpful, I'm trying to rely less on biscuity type things and more on proteiny snacks. Cheese cubes a particular favourite here as well.
Walking coming along slowly but surely here, and we've had a nice day getting grubby in the garden. Dd has realised that daddy doesn't really like creepy crawlies, so we spent quite a lot of time finding earthworms today to show him!
gerry I too have recently felt the loss of a baby group shutting down and ruining my weekly schedule. They moved it to another centre but I went along and hated it. The woman that ran the old one was a superstar and a few times we went (just after Christmas) it was just us and her and it was like a home from home. Now DD is too big for baby groups, we've been test driving toddler groups but as yet haven't found one that fits And I detest all the soft play places - especially since someone pointed out that they sell alcohol and I noticed parents sitting around drinking whilst their pre-schoolers terrorise the little ones and they don't care
Exciting news doli - a hotel? Fabulous. Like you say, employ the right team and all you'll need to worry about are the soft furnishings
gerry and any i totally get where you are coming from re playgroups. Since ds is old enough to go baby groups i haven't found the right playgroup where the older toddlers don't take over the group. My search continues.
gerry hope your cycle stays regular. Its nice to know when your cycle ends so you are armed with supplies for the next round and know not to wear white. Im feeling better thanks.
Nice project doli be prepared to work like you have never worked before. A lesson we learned when we opened the cafe is that once the doors shut work at the end of business work continues. The biggest headache for us was staffing. I hope you are succesful in the hotel project and hope to see a whole chain of them called dolicapax.
We skipped our baby group this morning. I just couldn't face the embarrassment of watching DD wipe snot all over every baby there. It's a good group though. At the children's centre, so there's parental involvement rather than letting toddlers run riot. Age 0-5, but the oldest there look more 3 to me. I suppose after that they're at nursery. But there's half a dozen small girls in the 12-18 month range so Fartypants has plenty of people to play with. And she loves the bloke who runs it.
If my workdays were different there's no doubt we'd be attending various baby things. As it is we've never been to a single one. Maybe I'll brave them with baby no.2.
Doli your hotel talk (and a very interesting online marketing seminar) have completely set my brain afire with thoughts of entrepreneurial success. I should know better, having grown up in a household with both parents being self-employed and the stress that brings - holidays cut short, many parents evenings missed etc - but I am really starting to want it for myself. Damn your eyes Miss Capax.
Well, the good news is that today was our first day out of the baby room and into the toddler room. Totally different, far less personal, far less lovely. So next week being the last week is less sad. But I found out today it's been running for 35 years. They probably have 100 families there a week. There will definitely be mums going that went as toddlers themselves. I can't believe something like that has to stop because of a lack of volunteers (and before anyone mentions it, no, I can't volunteer myself, you have to be a member of that church, and I couldn't bring myself to do all the churchy bible-y bits, of which there aren't many, but it would be a little hypocritical if I got up and led the prayer...!
I notice none of you have offered to do my work for me today. Even though I said I was finding it very difficult. Well I'm now sitting with a cup of tea staring blankly at a screen, so I guess I'm doing it myself. Some friends you are...
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