Due to postnatal social services are taking me to court to take my children

[Loopdeloop09]

I asked for help nearly six years ago as I broke down in a school meeting not long after my servicing twin was home cut a very long story short as I can I lost one of my twin girls she was 16 days old and hospital perforated her belly 3 times bless her anyway I ended up a mess asked for help not realising ss was there they have taken e court 3 times now one time I won due to proving sw was lying since them I ent been court they have done legal meetings etc which I have proven new sw to be lier to anyway before I had my little man everything in there eyes was alright after I had him by c section cause there were things I couldn't do and I have suffered my norm postnatal which they all know about which house ends up complete mess and I can't be asked with myself etc routines go out door well coz of this ss are now taking me to court to have my children I have spoke to docs several times still no joy there then I have been in touch with them to due to realising I'm a hoarder which don't help due to house etc and I really ent gd at routines etc I'm single mum which there using I really don't know how to stop them this time I really don't the family intervention team support worker explained to my eldest what was happening a couple days before Xmas so all my children know now which hasn't helped as they have behaviour problems already and when they worry they get worse everyone one seams to think its best idea for children to go in care which to be fair I know that isn't best option if they helped me with the issues that are making me this way it would help out loads and it wouldn't be such a problem all this due to mental health that needs treatment which I have asked for I just ent got clue what to do

[gamerchick]

You poor thing you sound really stressed.

Isn't there a family member who could take your kids while you sort yourself out? What about their dad.. can he help take some of the load?

[Bakerof3pudsxx]

How old are your dc op?

Is there anyone who can help?

[cafebistro]

As the other posters have said, are their any family member who could take the children while you get help for your mental health issues etc ? Is it 2 children you have?
I know it's upsetting but maybe the best thing is for them to go into temporary foster care until you're in a better position to care for them. If SS have been involved for 6 years then there are obviously lots of issues that need to be resolved. Your better working with SS than working against them iykwim. If your children are placed in foster care it doesn't mean that you won't get them back.

[Loopdeloop09]

No my family have there own lives to lead jobs and stuff there own homes the fathers are a waist of time to be fair but ss have done a check on them all before and stated none of the people who's names I put down ate suitable na they wouldn't be they just want my children and what's worse is that I have always fought them which is why they have me pulled this trick on me

[TheNightIsDark]

Sorry but maybe it would be best if they were taken into care whilst you get the help you need.

You may love them but you need support to sort out the problems and it would be easier on them if they were someplace else whilst you do this.

[Loopdeloop09]

If they get my children I won't get them back and I really must say no matter what I have done its not gd enough in someways wish I could prove you that I have done everything and asked how high constant

[TheNightIsDark]

Hoarding
Can't be arsed with routine
Kids with behavioural problems
House a mess


Social services are more than likely not trying to trick you.

[gamerchick]

This is true ^^ have you managed to put in place a routine and get your house too and kept at an acceptable standard? It's some of the battle of working with SS.

[TheNightIsDark]

You also don't seem to have done anything to help yourself. You say it's been going on for 6 years but you don't mention if you've asked home start for help, made an effort to tidy, been on parenting courses etc.

I'm sorry about your baby but you don't seem to be doing anything to help your situation or other children.

[Loopdeloop09]

My older 2 children would never cope or deal with it at all and to be fair may sound really selfish of me but I know already if I allowed that I would never get them back due to everything I have done and been doing and yet still doing yer I had my lapse which I do with postnatal but I'm now on track with a lot of things and that is with no help from them at all it's me been chasing docs me been chasing up everything that needs to be. Another reason why I can't have my children put into foster care is due to the fact without them I wouldn't cope at all and I would go completely down hill if not worse. To be honest people need to really check out what ss is really like I would say now I have def worked them out to a t and its a pity they have to lie so much and of I wasn't a mum who knows what I do etc then there ent no way I would have proven two social workers to be lying

[gamerchick]

So have you sorted out a routine and tidied and kept your house at acceptable standard?

[gamerchick]

See the thing is you're not seeing things from your kids point if view. A chaotic life is really damaging.. you can't think of how things will affect you when you have little ones.

[dashoflime]

It sound like you need some decent information and advocacy.

The Family Rights Group might be able to help you find your way through the maze.

www.frg.org.uk/

Good luck

[dashoflime]

To be fair, I think OP has acknowledged there are problems. I think her position is that with more support she could manage. Am I right OP?

[Loopdeloop09]

I have been on 3 parenting groups I have found out I have a hoarding problem which due to the seriousness of that I have been paying for hypnosis until I can get the referrals from doctors which I have asked for and I'm running round day in day out tidying and cleaning my eldest boys have behaviour probs which means that of they decide to fly off handle they will throw things smash things and put shampoo etc everywhere I have been seeking advice on how to get organised and plan everything etc but that all co insides with being a hoarder look it up its very interesting actually there were bits I couldn't believe about it either but my word it's answered alot of why I'm the way I am oh and I have fire safety to check house on regular basis which this time when she came I explained about hoarding her comment was u finely realised so how long have the professionals known for oh I have has home start involved before I have family support team but to be fair all they do is walk in look around sit down and say so what u doing today and then leave sw comes in sits chats and leaves so where is the actual help

[TheNightIsDark]

What do you need help with? Coming up with a routine, managing the DCs behavior, the hoarding?
If you're local I'm more than willing to help but you actually need to want to change.

If you know your DCs would be better off in care and you know you can't get yourself together enough to give them a decent life then that would be pretty bloody selfish to fight it.

If you want help and want to change I can try and help. Work with children so have a few ideas.

[Loopdeloop09]

Yer it doesn't help when ur docs don't and haven't bothered since I rang them explaining how I was feeling etc when little man was 8 weeks old I'm still waiting even though I have been ringing every week he is now 17 weeks old and none of the support workers are helping to chase them either which I thought is also part of there job so yes dashoflime ur right thank u for noticing and not just assuming best place for children is care

[weregoingtothezoo]

Hi lovely,

I'm sorry things are so stressful and difficult. I have been there with Social Services, for different reasons. You are right that if they take you to court for a care order then the odds are you won't get them back. However much better you get.

How easy it is for others to judge and say "Not Good Enough" and how hard it is to be on the inside dealing with complex things. It feels like all they do is judge, and once you get to court all of your medical records become open. Even things you disclose to a private counsellor. You become utterly alone.

Loop I don't know if you have anyone to talk to but I think that what you need to do (in no particular order)

get everything from Social Services in writing

# find a solicitor. In Care Proceedings there is no means testing, it is always funded. ask them to deal with the Local Authority on your behalf

# get on to that structure that other posters have suggested. Cling to it, it is your new best friend. DCs know that mornings go up, breakfast, 20 mins tv, wash, get dressed. Either to school or playgroup or on to the next bit of the plan.

# Get Dcs involved. Plan a day - or a week if you're up to it, holidays are b**y difficult. Go out to free places, museums etc will have lots on.

# Get in touch with your local MIND centre - they will have lots going on from socials to courses to childrens groups. Life savers.

# If they insist on you seeing a particular agency, GO. (What you tell them... we can come back to that :) )

Break the day down in to 15 minute chunks if you need to. I believe you are doing your best in your circumstances and that you love them more than anyone else in the world. But now you have to fight. The more energy you expend on feeling the unfairness of it, the less energy you have for fighting (this is really important). You need to rid your mind of any self pity and feelings of persecution. Every time they come in - because however true, this is what takes people down and you are right to say that if they get them you will probably get worse. This will be why.

PM me if I can be any more help. Wishing you great strength.

[PhoebeMcPeePee]

I'm really sorry for the loss of your LO and your on-going MH issues, but help won't mean someone coming in physically taking on the clearing & cleaning of your home or parenting older DC - they will guide & support but ultimately you have to make the changes.

Do the older DC go to school? Their attendance & things like personal hygenie/appropriate clothing will also be noted & form part of a bigger picture. do you see a HV for LO - any concerns recorded there? I'm really sorry to say but 6 yrs SS intervention does indicate little or no improvement so I can see why it might (& need to) escalate to this

If you are in Kent please pm me as I am willing & able to help but as others have said, YOU need to want this & physically make the changes.

[TheNightIsDark]

Also SS are probably trying to help you or they would have put your children in care already. They are giving you a chance to help yourself.

Sorry if this seems harsh but you have had 6 years. You need to do something to help yourself as well.

[kilmuir]

I think your children are better off in care while you are unable to care for them.
Take the lead, show them you can do it, contact mental health groups.
No one will come knocking on your door and wave a magic wand.

[weregoingtothezoo]

I am really angry - how dare people say this person's children are better off in care based on a few posts??
From a bit that's written on an internet forum, even Social Services would not go from that. If she'd said she thought it was best, maybe we could ask why that was, but...??!
Do you know what damage separation does?
Do you know what these children want?
Would you like your very worst bits of parenting published on an internet forum?
Do you understand the care system??
Those judging should back off in my opinion.

[MurderOfGoths]

What might help is making a list of what you need help with, gps can be a bit rubbish unless you go to them and say, "I need this, this and this". Sounds like Homestart were also waiting on you telling them what you needed them to do. So if you can go to them and say what you are capable of doing yourself and what you need outside help with then things might start happening.

So write a list of anything that might help, even little things like "Someone take DC to park for half an hour so I can run a hoover around"

[TheNightIsDark]

If the OP didn't want the worst of her parenting posted on an Internet forum then why did she post it?