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Dec 08 mums - any more for any more?

(988 Posts)
JumpJockey Wed 17-Apr-13 21:02:20

New thread! Hope this is ok smile

Vagolajahooli Fri 28-Jun-13 13:26:11
Vagolajahooli Fri 28-Jun-13 13:25:03

here is the bew thread complete with dodgy title

Rubena Fri 28-Jun-13 10:43:24

Happy birthday Beans Are you going to be Beans38 now? grin

Rubena Thu 27-Jun-13 19:26:41

Oh that's good beans. Yeah was going to say I wouldn't be surprised if they're already on watch. If its quite obvious.
Was going to basically give away this old falling apart antique trunk we had been using as a coffee table. We bought it at an antique shop in London ages ago so decided to put it on eBay for a tenner. It's now only £9 shy of what I paid for it (tho we did best him down a bit) rather pleased!

Have just taken the dog out. Have knackered her which is always a good sign! I must be improving fitness!

DeidreBarlow Thu 27-Jun-13 19:15:11

Ha ha after saying all HVs are useless I got to the DCs swimming lesson and my friend who's a nurse is retraining as a HV!!!! Sleep sound folks there may be one decent one out there soongrin

beans37 Thu 27-Jun-13 18:37:10

Thanks Vag. Have spoken to my friend about it. She's a teacher and also knows our nursery teacher very well. She is going to speak to her about it tomorrow for me informally and keep me anonymous. She thinks the family are already on SS register from what she has picked up, so suspect they are already on radar. Lady, you are right. Have been trying to strike up a bit of a friendship/support for the mum and will continue to do so. It is a bit like getting blood out of a stone, but she's v sweet and will persevere.

Rubes and Kady, I feel your pain. DH was asking me where the invitation was to this party we went to on Sunday just before we left in a really accusatory way. I lost it a bit. It's not solely my responsibility to deal with the whole of the family. Sometimes it's like I already have three children!!

We need a new thread... Any suggestions?

Rubena Thu 27-Jun-13 18:21:44

Ah yes I meant to say I heard its good. Yes I em remember that too Vag. Only remember somethin bout Gallipoli?
Right, need to get motivated. These kids have drained me today. Plus Ive spent the better part of the last hour getting something out of my eye.
Hayfever getting worse. Suspect mowing lawn and potting plants doesn't help.
Oh and Arti less stressed yeah now off standby. Lucky it's only once a year on average. Hols are just around the corner too. grin

Vagolajahooli Thu 27-Jun-13 18:15:51

Ok have finished reading phew, that took ages. I spend a day on uni work and you girls chat for England!

Invis when you going to Australia? Loved hearing about your lovely little reader.

Lady I haven't read a fortunate life but it was made into a mini series when I was like 10 or something close to that age. I think the entire nation watched. I can't fir the life of me remember anything about it apart from some bush and a homestead?

Mckayz Thu 27-Jun-13 18:15:39

My HV from DS1 has come out of retirement and she is amazing. I really thought she was brilliant so was over the moon to see her yesterday for DDs jabs. She said to keep DD in my bed until DH gets home and then if we want to try to get her in the cot then to call her.

Shame the others here are so bloody useless.

Rubena Thu 27-Jun-13 18:04:00

Oh and Arti. A classic example of every HV I've ever met..... Fundamentally useless.

Rubena Thu 27-Jun-13 18:01:36

Urgh, I know EXACTLY what you mean Shady. It's the same round here, seriously, he only ever shows some imitative sorting the kids out if we've either A) me had a massive rant about it or B) he has to because I'm away (rarely) and only then it's all done half arsed.
But, we've got an immaculate set of stairs dh has just repaired / replaced in the garden, of the house we still don't own....
Seriously, the fighting with my two recently is out of control.... I'm handing them over to dh when he walks in... and taking the dog out....
They have actually just had a massive argument over the toilets and who uses which!!!!!!

Vagolajahooli Thu 27-Jun-13 17:55:41

Sorry I'm way behind you lot have been super chatty. I'm only up to Beans post but just wanted to say you need to talk to the school child protection officer, it will be one of the teachers even the head teacher. Don't feel your being nosey, the GOSH motto is 'the child first & always' you need to put the little girls needs above what you feel others might think. Let the child protection officer know you would like to remain anonymous. I wouldn't be surprised if they are already known to the local child protection team & if the child is SN then she will have a statement and will probably be known to SS. By speaking to the school you will enable staff already working with the family know that there are problems. If everyone keeps quiet, everyone fails the vulnerable.

While I'm here no problems with mess, just go to a charity shop and get a load of towels. Put a tarpaulin down towels on top. The midwives will clean it all up after. Also put loads of towels or old throws on your couches or bed. DS2 was born on my beloved Persian rug that I bought in Iran & smuggled into Pakistan (not supposed to carry iranian stuff like that into Pakistan). Not a drop of anything on it because of the tarp/towel combination. If you have bub in a pool even less mess.

ShadyLadyT Thu 27-Jun-13 17:06:28

X-posted Arti. Wow to the cranial osteopath - and white light from the West Oxfordshire Cotswolds. That dialogue with your HV...uuuuuuuurrrrrrrggggghhhh. We've all had it.

I buy most of my jeans from Asda now, their skinnies suit my shape. And they cost £14!!!! Plus the occasional thing from Zara or H&M. Bit of secondhand Boden.

ShadyLadyT Thu 27-Jun-13 16:58:34

Beans, I think all Sybs said is right but I also think in addition to alerting school/nursery, just make general chatty overtures to the Mum. Whatever her situation, she sounds shy and lonely, and potentially isolated. It could be something as simple as her kid accidentally biffing her - DD2 clocked me with a Barbie - not on purpose - and Barbie's sodding plastic stiletto cut and bruised my forehead. But better to be safe than sorry. I think one should never, ever just ignore (not that you were going to).

Rubes, I think potting petunias sounds absolutely lovely! Sorry you got yourself all upset. Kids are very funny about discord between their parents. I gave DP a hug the other day and DD1 said so wistfully "I love it when that happens..." as if it hardly ever did (which is sadly true). What things bugged me on holiday? Me trying to cram a lot in, him just wanting to lie down at virtually every opportunity...me automatically being responsible for the kids, and everything to do with them, at all time. Doncher just hate it (and it happens to me a lot) when they say, or maybe it's just around here, "Where's x's sunhat/lotion/my sunglasses?" In a shocked/annoyed voice? Every time we so much as walk down the street I appear to be responsible for 4 people's essential requirements. I don't mind for the girls (OF COURSE) although it would be nice if DP thought to consider what they might need as well, as I do occasionally forget stuff.

ANYWAY, Arti, how was the HV? (I wonder if they all know that they inspire a collective, national groan from Motherkind?) I think you are right with your point about younger children - it is a point DP and I have both often made. He is a classic elder child, I am a classic younger child and both of our sisters also fit the same mould. I remember reading that psychologists place a lot of store on your position in the family, in terms of whether you are a first born, a middle child etc. DP is very hot on following rules, obeying authority etc. Er......I am so much the reverse it's not true. Although I blame my mother grin Even now she's always yelling "Question everything!"

I had DD1's Early Years Foundation Report today. I can hardly make head nor tail of it. The written bits are self-explanatory but the staging/banding is a bit of a mystery. She had her second taster afternoon at school today, which she seemed to like. I do worry about her though, she's quite quiet and I don't want her to get lost amongst the bolshy little varmints more outgoing children.

Well, after biting Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday we are so far bite and indeed violence-free with DD2 today.

DeidreBarlow Thu 27-Jun-13 16:29:57

X post. Arti your HV is nuts. Confirms what I've always thought about them, utterly pointless!

DeidreBarlow Thu 27-Jun-13 16:27:26

Ahh Rubes! DS hates in when I shout at DH, he asks if I'm cross/mad at Daddy. Always takes Daddys side, even if he's the one shouting at me. i think my pitch is higher though do my screechiness offends his ears moregrin. It seems to wash over DD mind. hmm

Artichook Thu 27-Jun-13 16:22:47

HV was totally pointless. Here is a snippet:

Her: do you think you are depressed
Me: no, I feel bad when DS is screaming but not depressed just a bit desperate
Her: if you are desperate you must leave him before you hurt him
Me: I never feel like I might hurt him
Her: you may soon feel like that, it's classic of PND
Me: I really don't think I have PND, I'm enjoying him a lot it's just I wanted some tips on dealing with colic
Her: if he has true colic you are likely to develope PND.
Me: thanks. Any tips on the colic?
Her: no, colic is untreatable, we can help if you get PND though.

Great. The good news is that I took DS to a cranial osteopath yesterday and we had no cuc last night and he slept from 6.45-6.45 with one dream feed. Love him. Please all send white light that the colic stays away.

Oh, and on clothes, I'm like Rubes and buy in fits and starts. Last summer after I lost all the weight I went crazy celebrating the fact I could wear size 10. I spent £250 in Cos in one day. This summer I suspect I will buy almost nothing as I am not a shape I want to stay for long (I say while crunching a second macaroon...). I could never spend £600 on a bag or any other single item though, £600 would buy us a weekend away or more and I'd always prioritise that.

beans37 Thu 27-Jun-13 15:44:35

Oh Rubes, it is horrid when you feel like that. DDs sometimes get upset about that sort of thing. DD1 doesn't like me going away because Theo daddy gets angry when they cry. Makes me a bit worried about what he says when I'm not here. But having said that, I can be vile when they're whining, so tend to give the benefit of the doubt!

I am also going to chat to a fellow nursery Mum, who is also a teacher and a good friend, so she'll have wise words on action to take.

Rubena Thu 27-Jun-13 15:38:40

Beans, def needs drawing to nursery attention. Not sure how. That sort of thing requires tact I suppose, of which I have none. Great advice from Sybs. How awful if it's one of those cases sad
Deids glad you're feeling a bit better. I need to get motivated for later. Had a rest day yesterday. Ooop - I shall tweet.
Invis, well done you should be allowed to beam about that - tis a brilliant result.
Lady glad you enjoyed Spain and the dds were great. What sort of things were difficult traveling with dp? Good luck on the new mortgage app. This one sounds like a goer, then potentially so does baby3? grin
Not sure re clothes money. Nothing consistent. Very much fits and starts. I sometimes spend my entire food allowance on trips for clothes, but then go long periods without. I tend to buy new stuff when I need it to wear somewhere. Ie like Deids, just bought a new bikini for holidays (ok I bought 2) but hadn't in a long time. So can't say I really know how much it averages as I can go long stints and buy nothing, then go a little mad.

Oh the ds thing was to do with bike grease gate. I went a little postal at dh as you know, and I was really mad and switched off the scalextric mid race. Anyway, the next day (I think) was the night before I was on call and I tried to explain to ds that I may be here in the morning but may not be if work calls (I was on a 6-2) and he said he "wanted me to go to work because when I was home I shouted at daddy and turned off the scalextric and I mustn't do that. Anyway, then I cried, and then ds felt bad and tried to back track - all round disaster and I was thinking about not going if they called.
I felt awful. Never good to go away like that. He's fine now, and I've promised him I won't shout at Daddy in front of him again hmm

Anyway, must go off to collect ds - loads more so I must come back later...

I've just potted Petunias, does that make me about 70?

beans37 Thu 27-Jun-13 15:29:22

Thanks Sybs. I will speak to their teacher tomorrow morning. I'm worried I am overreacting and may cause more trouble for the family, but I don't want to just sit and let something go on that shouldn't be happening.

sybilfaulty Thu 27-Jun-13 14:55:26

You tell any old member of staff and they report to senior person. Not you directly.

sybilfaulty Thu 27-Jun-13 14:52:01

Beans, you must speak to someone asap as it's a safeguarding issue.

Once you tell them what you have seen, it puts them on notice and they have to take certain steps (will have a written policy already) to ensure that DA issues involving the children do not get overlooked. We do not know of any DA issues yet directly aimed at the children but there are procedures to enable the right people (SS, possibly police etc) to deal. Basically it involves reporting to senior staff member (who will have child protection training) and they decide how to deal and when to review.

By all means speak to the mum too, but telling nursery of your concerns is vital to ensure that a. that they are not going to get into trouble for failing to spot obv signs and act on them and b. that the matter can be investigated properly by qualified people.

beans37 Thu 27-Jun-13 13:17:40

Yes, DB, I might do that. Might be best course. Know the teacher a bit.

beans37 Thu 27-Jun-13 13:17:03

It's one of those things you don't want to interfere, but if everyone thinks that, then it just goes on ignored. IF anything's going on... Yes, think I might ask her about it. I think I'm one of the only people who chats to her anyway, so maybe I should just be bold about it. Her kids seem fine, if a little badly behaved, but they're just kids, so it's kind of par for the course. They're both in my DD's year groups, so we do have some crossover. She's new to the village so doesn't know anyone.

Vag, you there?

DeidreBarlow Thu 27-Jun-13 13:11:34

Forgot to add if you are concerned for the children I would maybe speak to someone at nursery. They should have a better idea of home life and would know about child protection and how to refer.

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