Would you like to be on Mumsnet's research panel? We're especially keen for new parents (and parents-to-be) to join. You can sign up here - there's (nearly) always a great incentive on offer for your views.
October 2012... PELVIC FLOORS!(1000 Posts)
squid sorry to hear about your stressy week but looks like you had a lovely day out yesterday! DH and I get so exhausted with the idea of arguing that once we start we just tackle it head on, both end up apologising to each other (regardless of who started it) ie cannot be bothered working out which of us is being the nobber. Usually we can't remember what we were even arguing about later. I think we are both doing a lot more "just let it go" these days....!! I think everyone does when you have a baby!
Last night our good friends (who live round the corner from us) made me stay (but sent DH home) and plyed me with wine so that DH had to go and do the bath-bottle-bed himself. I was like "but but but DS cries with DH, it'll take longer, it's stressful for poor DH" but they were quite firm, poured me another glass of wine and refused to let me leave the house! They have a 13 month old and said that DH and DS have to learn and do the weekend bedtimes otherwise it'll always be me doing it... at first I thought they were being mean but I think now they are very wise! The mum said "if you're over here and can't hear him cry, you won't be tempted to butt in and take over". The dad said DH would have too much pride to call for help anyway . By the time I got home (very tiddly, too much to be of any real use!) DS was fast asleep (but he did cry during settling) and DH was doing the bottles... have learnt our lesson now, DH will do bedtime again tonight, and every Saturday and Sunday night (at least!) from now on!
smile have got a craving for samosas now
horsey no he doesn't feed overnight, DS currently does a full 12 hours at night without waking, has done since we got back from NZ... feel very very very lucky and grateful, did not expect it to happen. Sometimes on the baby monitor I hear him thrashing around, but every time I go in his eyes are closed so I just leave him and then he settles down again. But I do not expect it to last - I am constantly prepared for sleep regression <looks around corner> and expect every full night of sleep to be my last. My plan is if he starts to wakes up and it seems like teething, I'm going to give him a good dose of Calpol straight away.
Did a lot of re-organising and packing away of old baby clothes yesterday (including looking at all the teeny tiny newborn stuff in amazement!!). In a 2 brm apartment it's a constant battle to keep it all relatively tidy and under control, but I do have a sadistic decluttering streak so I always feel quite delighted and satisfied when I end up with lots of bags of stuff to throw out/recycle/donate to charity/give to friends.
Zara that sounds like a good way too argue. dh and I are not very good at confrontation (he gets frustrated, I get emotional) so we end up with simmering resentment instead which results in one of us snapping about something trivial and the other having to say 'now, what are you REALLY upset about?' and then managing to talk it out.
Sorry to hear about your week squid. It night new better to think of the 3am waking as a night feed rather than the first one of the day. It sounds more bearable that way.
4 month sleep regression is in full swing. It changes every night but usually she wakes and is fully awake and ray to okay at 3am which she hasn't done in about 2 months. Knackered.
I don't think they are pox They are just staying red not getting blistery and don't look that different from where she claws herself. And yes she is crankier and more tired than usual but she may well just have the cold.
Steps away from Google
Hang in there Squid and don't stretch yourself too thin. You'll feel better once your DP is back to 100%
Isn't there supposed to be another wonder week thing around 25-26 weeks? And since the shit hit the fan here a couple of weeks in advance last time I am gearing up for madness in another week or so... <weeps> She is gradually shifting her routine a bit earlier which will be okay when she's in her own room. I'm going to have to just start going to bed at a sensible time.
Stupid argument with mum last night - she phoned at ten to eleven last night and I was like why are you ringing so late when bean is in bed?! She got huffy and said oh okay I will talk tomorrow and off she went. I did feel bad afterwards but then I thought - woman, we were babies once!!! Would you have liked someone ringing that late?! It also freaked me out because relative is in hospital v poorly so because it was so late for a second I thought it was the 'I'm afraid he's gone' phone call
Why is it always assumed that I will look after dd? dh just dozed off on the sofa, which is ok because I was playing with dd. But it wasn't even discussed! If I wanted to have a nap, I would have to check that he was available to look after her and probably book him in advance. Annoyed.
Simmering resentment, here we go.
Don't resent, say it out loud to DH. Or when he wakes up YOU go for a nap.
Or tell him to make you dinner because he got to nap
Or perform a sexual favour. You know, whatever works
I know what you mean londonmrss. what do you mean by "it is assumed" though... who assumes? You? Him? What would happen if you napped when he had her?
I think we get into patterns which are enforced by both partners sometimes. Like yesterday because I was upset with him I openly corrected how he looked after Jess at the zoo in front of mates... normally I am very strict with myself to just let him work it out
blunder through ... I spend more time with her when he's working and therefore I know her nap/play patterns better... the only way for him to find these things out and not ask me for help all the time is to work it out himself. But it is very tempting to correct... it's easier and quicker. I try not to.
In the long term, boyfriend is also going part time to look after Jess so I really don't want to get used to me always taking the lead.
So weekends and evenings I try and just let him take over sometimes, I go lie down, go to the other room, etc.
Some boys are just nobbers though.
Boyfriend has apologised to me for all the crap ^^ in my last post and looked after Jess for the day. He took her out for a walk and got lots of attention in the shops and bought me a cushion with an embroidered bird on it "for Jess' nursery when we make it" and a notebook "because you keep leaving bit of paper everywhere". OCD nobber. Kidding, that was sweet of him.
I am tired and have done little today except phone people and lie down. I did go to get some food and a cute 8 year old boy said "I love babies! what's the baby's name" and I said "Jess" and he shouted "GOOD NAME!" and ran off. That was very cute.
I have what I guess must be a period? But it's very light, just a faint pink when I wipe. Second one since giving birth. Man, all periods should be like this.
What with diarrhoea and vomiting and growth spurts and fights I can't remember the last time I had sex. OH, but my mate (who hasn't had kids) has a copper coil and says it's fine so I'm going to man the fuck up and get one. Hmm, this was a bit of a stream of consciousness, sorry. I will nap now.
London it goes without saying that I do the childcare in our house. (Childcare?, its not childcare, they are YOUR kids too for Christs sake!)
If DS wants anything, he comes to me. If the baby is crying, even if DH is holding her, its left to me to work out what is wrong and deal with her. The other week she wee'd through all her clothes. DH said he would change her but could I get the clothes as he had to take her nappy off and didn't know where her clothes were. Well they weren't in the bloody bath were they, where did he think they were?
I've done ALL the night and day feeds with both of my children, all the nappy changes, bottle making, baths, everything. I used to complain and ask for help but don't see the point anymore. At the end of the day the kids need looking after so if he won't do it I have to. And I don't mind so much now.
I'll give DH his due, he works nights, is lucky if he gets 4 hrs sleep during the day, his job is shit and a lot of pressure but its the only thing going right now that means I don't have to go back to work. He also takes DS swimming every Sunday morning, and has both kids for a couple of hrs on Sunday afternoons so I can go to Bingo and have a break. Believe you me, this is a HUGE improvement on 5 yrs ago when DS was a baby, and DH was going clubbing every weekend, leaving me home alone. He would go out alone, and not roll in until 3/4 am. I'm sure I could ask a few questions about things that may have happened on those nights out, but the state he used to get into, I doubt he would even remember. For the sake of my kids, I've let it go, to be honest, Id rather not know!
Basically, I know it feels like it, but you are not alone. They're all nobbers.
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
ugh, it sounds like I'm criticising you londonmrss
I'm not, I 'm just tired, and words are coming out wrong... just thinking aloud about how I try and handle parenting, cause it is hard
I think it's just the rules we have slipped into- he obviously works full time and I'm a full time mum so generally if he wants to see some mates he probably can whereas that kind of thing takes more planning for me. I'm being a bit of a nobber though because when he offers, I think 'you shouldn't have to offer, you should just take her like I do!' which is totally unreasonable of me. I'm finding out harder and harder to let him do it on his own thigh- particularly as he's been away for 2 weeks ago I have been making it work completely on my own. He's just 'offered' to take her so I have a bath. I told him it makes me feel slightly resentful.
Hello all, not posted for a while but reading along on night feeds (still very much a feature in woolyland).
Glad you found your ring Livvy
londonmrss We have a habit of calling it 'babysitting' whenever dh minds dd. My fault as much as his I suppose!
We went swimming today too, this is lesson number 5 and the first with no crying so they do get used to it (although still not impressed with the getting dressed afterwards...)
at weaning onto bits of fluff! Same here, everything in the mouth which depending on who you listen too it teething, weaning readiness, or (I think) just exploring the world. DD is 26 weeks on mournday Thursday and 6 calender months on the following Tuesday so I always had starting Easter we in mind but I'd def like her to be able to sit up a lot better than she can at the moment so we will see. Interestingly saw my friend's baby recently, he was a lot heavier than dd at 8 weeks but she weaned him at about 14 weeks and they're now the same which backs up what oren was saying.
As I've been typing dh has been experimenting to see what music inspires jumperoo bouncing best. Can report that dd is big beck fan but not so keen on stone roses
Ever noticed how the closer you get to the end of a task the more you arse about instead of just doing it?
I am 750 poxy words away from hitting my weekly wordcount and it is far easier writing 750 words on here instead...! Gah!!!
And eating crisps in spite of massive lunch
A shout out to Yomping - how are you? Don't know if you are FBing instead of MNing but a wave
Finally! <Does a little dance> DD napping too so I am going to have a cuppa!
hi all! wooly we're still up far too much at night too. more and more, in fact. it sucks. a lot.
went out last night for the first time since our wedding anniversary at the end of September it was a lovely evening - friend's birthday surprise - but I was super stressed that one or both of the boys would wake and freak out without us there. we use an agency to babysit so no-one they know, and they arrive after they're in bed. made it hard to enjoy the evening properly.
of course both asleep like angels all evening! it was after we went to bed the fun and games started
it was nice to drink a bit of champagne and have some proper adult conversation. I only knew 4 of the 20 people there though and I felt really stretched trying to be sociable. never my forte at the best of times
livvy so so glad your ring turned up, what a relief!
squid so sorry about your friends' baby news like that is such a big thing to deal with. I know nothing about cystic fibrosis but hopefully the little one will have a lovely happy life.
weaning - have been a bit norty and let ds2 suck and gnaw on fruit I'm eating every now and then. he hasn't swallowed any of it but goes absolutely bonkers for it, it's hilarious. when I try to take it away he gets incredibly cross. then I have to eat a yucky slobbery bit of fruit
no plans to start properly til 6 months.
ds1 and ds2 have been super cute today. ds1 is officially ds2's favourite person in the whole world, and when he approaches ds2 gets incredibly excited, flapping, squealing and laughing madly. gorgeous ds1 was loving it too, chatting and laughing with ds2 <melts>
Give him his due, who am I kidding?
I've only just sat down after cooking and clearing up dinner, putting the kids to bed and putting clothes up to dry on the airer.
DH is asleep on the sofa (like last night) as he's been pub this afternoon (like yesterday). So its me, the tv and a book. Again. As it is every other dam night of the week coz he's at work Mon- Fri! And its the same EVERY flipping weekend. Ever feel like you are living in fucking Groundhog Day?! I never spend any time with him on our own, how the hell did we make 2 kids??
We are going on a weekend away in 2 weeks for DH birthday (I booked it, he wasn't that bothered and said so! It's def more for me than him).
Sorry for the rant you can carry on reading now.
crazy I'm with you there, DD adored her big brother, his silly antics resulted in her first ever giggling fit, sooooo cute! Now she coos, gurgles, blows raspberries, and giggles at us all day, and tonight began screeching, its hilarious!, And according to DS I'm "the best mummy in the world" I was adopted and cannot for the life of me understand how anyone can give up their baby, so to hear MY flesh and blood say that means the whole world. My babies are beautiful xxx
cwest londonmrs my fuzzy brain has forgotten everyone else!! Sometimes you have to leave them to it. Ok it might not be done right but they have to learn. And the way one of would do something is not the way another would do it or think to do it. Tbh I would not have used a dummy. Dh chose to and in all fairness it helps him sleep when he needs it. He was also immensely supportive in our quest and failure to bf. he can still be an absolute idiot at times!! And unhelpful. Especially with housework. Spent ages cleaning the kitchen. Within an hour it was horrific.
I've just gone in and his pots still weren't in the dishwasher. Why is it so hard?!
Afraid I'm just kind of marking my place really as I haven't posted in so long.
Reading and will post properly soon.
Lisbeth, are you ok? You sounded quite low in your last post, can you get a break at all? It's so much to cope with single handed. Thinking of you.
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
First ouch. Have a . And do whatever it takes to survive!
CWest swift kick to the crotch required for DH...
Crazy glad you had a lovely night out
The non-sleeper in our house is me Bean had a great night but I have yet another fucking cold and it got into my throat. Ouch. I have never had so many colds. Babies = tiny germ factories! Need to start taking vitamins. Someone on another thread suggested swallowing raw garlic pill style but not sure if the bean would object to the smell in milk. (DH would for sure )
We do the simmering tension thing until one of us snaps, which leads to a row, which relieves the tension - it's like lancing a boil.
I think I do it to myself, this whole thing about the opportunities he has to go out, nap on the sofa and the difference between us - all of which resonated from y'all posts by the way. It's my language about it, I think, that needs redressing. If I said - going out to meet someone for coffee, that alright love? he would totally say yes. Yesterday I said, if you and ds are alright I'm gonna go get some laps in the pool - again the answer, totally fine my love.
But I think of it in terms of handing DS over to DH to be looked after. Can you just watch DS while I bathe is how I think of it, not DH. Regardless, being the nobber I am, I continue to build resentment and not take time for myself - time which is being almost forced on me by DH. I get myself into all a spin about. It's freely given without needing to ask for it - yet I treat DH like he sees it as "looking after" DS. I am a nobber.
But we don't have many of the luxuries of time a lot of people on this thread do - - which I know sounds like a nobberish thing to say! But DH can often leave the house at 6am and not return until 10pm. He is exhausted, DS should be asleep anyway and I don't feel it's fair to hand DS straight over to him. Maybe if he worked a regular 9-5, it would be different. I know it would be different. DH is more than capable of bathing DS and getting him off to sleep - he just doesn't have the opportunity to do it, and when he comes in at 10pm he often has to try and get to bed as soon as he can, as he's up at 5 again the next morning.
All of this is fine - it's the life we've chosen, the downside to the fabulous upside generally of working for yourself. I've gotten into my groove with DS, I do get some time to relax...I just need to work on taking things when they're given to me. I didn't go swimming yesterday even though DH was telling me I need physical time alone. But instead we went to the park, hung from trees, crawled in the grass and had fun.
OH! A new thing discovered - DS LOVES being upside down. He just turns his head left and right, looking at this new upside down world.
Total fog of sleep regression here. firsttime you pretty much described my last three nights. Hideous. And much overtired screaming during the day. Sigh. Am repeating to myself squid's mantra of this too shall pass and hoping it'll be over soon.
londonmrss and orenishi the default setting is that I look after dd and I'm not always great about saying "I need you to do x" because I want him to offer. But I need to be realistic and just ask! On Saturday lunchtime I said I needed to go to sleep after another hideous night and asked him to keep an eye on dd and sort her out if she woke. She did and he sorted it out. Yay. I got about 1.5hours kip.
cwest rant away. It sounds like you're absolutely entitled.
crazy glad the night out went well. We are about to book a babysitter and I'm pretty nervous about it!!
wooly thanks for the encouragement about swimming. Am hoping it'll improve.
Thank goodness it's sunny today. I need the morale boost. So. So. Tired. Argh. Still, dd is a late oct baby so am hoping this wonder weeks storm will be over soon.
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
This thread is not accepting new messages.
Please login first.