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ZOMBIE THREAD ALERT: This thread hasn't been posted on for a while.
FEB 2010 Two and a half to three...the "contrary age" (no it isn't! yes it is!)(989 Posts)
Come in, sit down, fresh coffee is brewing, Prosecco's in the fridge for later and there's a bumper box of Lindt chocolates for all....
I have received the piece of advice from MN for the 3 yo. Not sure it is very helpful or thoughtful, even if it is true:
<She will devote her days to trying to be like you, copying how you go to work or look after the house or talk to your friends on the phone. This is the process of identification by which *she will pick up all your bad habits and retain them until she gets to be a mother, so your inadequacies can be revisited on the next generation.*> as we are not worrying enough already (also 3 yo is when we reach saturation point and start letting go, I noticed with DD1)
I treated myself to a new bag as mine were peeling and looking very scruffy when I go teaching. I splashed out on a teal patent bag with shocking pink interior for 6£. <go away looking like a crazy old lady>
On the birthday question, a cake for school (old fashion home made no cream or icing or shape) and a cake at home for family and godparents, no friends as it is on monday.
we went to a nice three year old birthday party today. It was in a small village hall and they had hired someone to do all the party games.
Thanks for the birthday wishes! DD had a tiny party (only three friends plus their carers) but it was lovely and she was in her element. She's now trying to learn how to ride her new bike and enjoying wearing her new doctor costume....
Yay for better talking, mous!
Yay for better sleep Scones!
I reckon drop down to 2 days for now, Survival. Not an easy decision, though.
DS' eczema pretty much cleared up, so I stopped the hc cream and lo, it's now coming back again. Bah. Still, he's been sleeping better because I've been putting him down awake at bedtime and letting him settle (with me right there beside him, hand on him, shushing gently). First night he howled for an hour before nodding off, last night intermittent howling for 30 mins, tonight a bit of whimpering and grizzling for about fifteen mins. We've had three nights in a row of only two awakenings before 06.00 - huge improvement on the 5 or 6 he was doing. He's getting my cold (which kept me awake while DS snoozed quietly beside me the first couple of nights of fewer awakenings....as well as baby sleep-lag....)so we'll see whether that affects things. Also, we'll start heading into Wonder Week 26 soon, so I'm not anticipating continuing improvements. Still, good to know he can do it!! (And me too, come to that...)
How are things with you, Bc?
Today I realised that I'm starting to not wish DS2 hadn't have happened when he did!
<worried that might not make sense with two negatives>
Basically normally regretted having DS, but that's changing. Not that I don't love him of course and always thought he was/is adorable.
Glad the party went well IC
I get used to this post 6 waking and she goes and wakes up at 5:45.
Well, he wasn't exactly in the plan, was he CP?!! But I guess if you always intended to have more than one child, there is the realisation that you can get all the crappy sleep etc. aspects of having very young children over in one fell swoop.... and you're still young enough yourself that you will be able to reclaim your own life and ambitions as they become more independent.
Boo at DD suddenly landing an early one on you again...
Technically, DS slept through last night - basically, his two awakenings were at 23.00 and 05.00. Tonight he went down with even less fussing and fidgeting - took less than ten mins and I was a little further away from him. All good. Naps though....hmm. Not so good. But I don't have the luxury of time and space to work on those because of DD....
...speaking of which, I dropped her off at nursery at 14.00 ("Do you want to wave bye-bye to DS and Mummy through the window?" "No thanks....") and picked her up again at 16.30. She was completely fine. Excellent. She starts in earnest next Monday, which will be good for both of us as I've realised even on improved sleep, I'm unnecessarily snippy with her - I think we need a bit of space from each other. Lots of cuddles and love too, of course - but mixed in with irritability. I've noticed she's already becoming a bit more independent when it comes to doing things herself and tidying away her things when she's finished. A long way to go yet but I think the Montessori approach will lick her into shape. And also when it comes to turn-taking and interacting with other children, she's become rather snatchy, pushy and kicky (she doesn't tend to do any damage because she's so small, but even so...)so I'm hoping nursery will help her get better in that respect too.
Finally made it back on here. My phone is not very reliable at opening the thrad and getting on the computer depends on work in the evenings, giving dh some time, etc..
Thank you for all your advice. I hadn't even thought about writing the pros and cons down and that's normally the first things I do. If I cut down to two days now there is no gurantee that I can pick it back up later, or that they will be able to reduce the actual caseload for me (which would kind of make things worse, not better), but it might make me do something different and my gut is telling me that is the way forward. I have spoken to dh about him dropping his shorter hours on a Friday instead and taking on more at home. Unfortunately, this has led to a whole new can of worms to do with him just not liking the idea and yet having no ambition or feeling of responsiblity to provide the best for us by progressing in his career/job. This has frustrated me somewhat as I had a career and lots of ambition and assumed that he did too, as he wouldn't originally agree to changing his hours when we had the children. It turns out it was just because he didn't fancy the idea/was scared of change. He was therefore prepared for the children to go to childcare 5 days a week and I thought they should be at home more than at childcare (and financially we could manage it too), so changed my hours. How does this fit with your decisions you made? I suddenly feel rather out of my depth and a tad resentful. I'm afraid I have made this blatantly clear and he is giving it all some thought. Despite this, I'm feeling generally happier than I was on Friday, when the magnitude of 8 sets of hospital visits in 3 different hospitals all got a bit much, with the wrangle we were having over DS1's treatment on top. Luckily, these are passing moments with me and I woke on Saturday as optimistic as ever . Apologies for the 'me' post.
It's been lovely to read about all the different parties (and especially the ones that have already happened).
CP I'm glad you are enjoying DS now. Hope you can get his skin sorted. Push for the referral if it is not immediately forthcoming - remember a GP has to have a good reason not to refer if you request it.
IC those sound like huge strides in the right sleepy direction and great news about the settling in at nursery too. Scones glad you finally got some sleep too. Hope it has continued!
Great news about DD2's speech Mous. I'm sure she will fly now. SB I think most bilingual children take longer to master their main language and there must be a huge range within that too.
<waves to the rest of you before going back to discussions with DH>
I don't know the answer to your questions survival but it did knock me for six when DH changed to mind to not wanting to become a SAHD for a while and I resented the fact I had to change all my back to work plans as I wasn't prepared for them to enter childcare 5 days a week yet. It really threw me for six actually. The best advice I can give is to have frank conversations. My weakness is normally not wanting to upset DH so I plan before hand all the points I need to make. I'm guessing you have a similar thing you tend to avoid or not handle as well as you should so try to go into the convo knowing what you want out of it, rather than a aimless chat that you hope will magically come to some conclusion.
ps I had a well good climbing session tonight
and took DS out for his first proper walk today, it was great not having a sling or a buggy.
<waves to everyone>
I will return bleary eyed in the morning as DH is out before getting up time.
Survival good luck with whatever you decide and boo at being wrong-footed by your DH.
Good stuff on the climbing and the walk, CP!
Well, I had a go at settling DS in his pram for his naps today and by golly, it worked! I think because I used the same technique as at bedtime he knew the drill and after about ten mins of protest, fell asleep each time (previously, he's howled and kicked for 20 mins and I've given up). So I'm pleased with that and will continue with it when we're at home.
Tonight he was even quicker to settle at bedtime - I keep having to kick myself that it's working so well, certain that Part II of the 4-6moSR will kybosh it...but heck, it's given me hope and determination that I can make DS into a good sleeper a hell of a lot quicker than I did DD. I figure good habits created now will pay dividends...
Good old Andrea Grace! It's basically her methods I'm following. I kind of knew what to do for DD, but didn't do it - don't think I had the gumption to sit out the inevitable crying until I got really desperate some 7 months or so down the line...
<politely ignores good news about younger babies sleep> No honestly, always happy for other people to have good news on that front. Since Christmas we haven't tried putting DS back in the cot as there has always been something. We're still happy we can just lay there with him until he goes. Since his skin nosedived obviously he has been really itchy. Plus he is still transitioning to one nap so a bit overtired at bedtime.
IC such a great news.
survival I hope you'll find a solution which satisfy you (and your DH?) quickly
SC you've been quiet recently. Everything okay?
Ninite all [ smile]
IC that's great news on the sleep front. Keep it up ICDS.
DD2 has been having such long naps today and yesterday (3 hours) that I was alarmed. I had DD1 with me both times so not a rest, but it is really nice to be able to spend some quality time with DD1 without DD2 climbing all over us.
CP I hope you REALLY enjoyed your last child-free afternoon. Just think, it won't be long until DD gets her free childcare hours and then at least you will have some toddler-free time (although I expect your DS counts as a toddler now. DD2 certainly doesn't as she has not so much as taken a step yet).
What do we call our February DCs now?! Pre-schoolers? Sounds too old! <wails>
Also great that you don't wish any more DS hadn't come when he did. I totally get it. Even though DD2 was kind of planned, in retrospect the timing was AWFUL especially with the house move. I spent most of last year regretting the timing although she has been an angel for most of the time. This year I feel a lot happier about it all. Even thinking about what to do about work now.
survival glad you feel better about your work/life predicament. I think that going with your gut is a good idea. We have gut reactions/instincts for a reason, we often try to reason ourselves out of them but they are often the most truthful reaction. Has your DH changed his mind at all since you spoke....?
In my (entirely imaginary) dreams, DH and I would both work 4 days a week - the same four days! - and have a day off, without the children (as this is by the time they are at school ), every week. Of course I don't even have a sniff of a job yet, let alone one that would permit DH to reduce his hours by 20%. I can dream though.
There was an active thread yesterday or the day before about do you miss your pre-DC self.... Mixed response but I certainly do. I feel a lot less interesting, and interested, now that I've been a SAHM for over three years. (I stopped work the Christmas before DD1 was born, and moved into deepest darkest Sussex from London.) Less interesting because all I do all day is care for small children, over and over and over again. Less interested because I just do not have the energy at the end of the day to even contemplate a hobby. DH plays badminton at least one evening a week and of course I could do similar but.... I can't imagine finding the energy. Not badminton. Maybe a gym club as I used to love gym. But I'm so tiiiiiiiiired......
Mous at the 3yo advice. I am well aware that DD1 is a sponge and I do try, but can't help the odd bad habit slipping though. She already wants to depilate her legs, put makeup on..... I try not to let her see me do these things but she does every so often.
SR how are things with you?
It was a great afternoon thanks Scones
Local pre-school doesn't take them until September.
You find the energy once you decide it's what you want to do. Hard to start but you fall into a pattern/routine. DH was instrumental in kicking me out of the house
Pleased to report that dd2 is spending the third night in a single bed and loves it. She'd started climbing out of her cotbed and I am keen to sell it to make more space in her room (She has a cotbed and the single in there, so less space for her to play). She does look tiny in such a large bed but very cute.
Tomorrow is her last day at her old nursery and she will take in a cake to say goodbye. She is VERY excited about starting her new nursery next week and I am hopeful she will settle in quickly.
SB Thanks for asking. I am in hibernation . Also battling some 'issues'. I'm not the most sociable person and feel that having flu set me back in that I would ideally just stay at home again and never go out. Thankfully I have the school run and work to get me out of the house but I do struggle with both. Not helped by still being effectively deaf in my left ear - it hasn't cleared since my ear infection back in Nov/Dec - and having a new infection in my right ear which is also affecting my hearing. I went back to the GP today and have another lot of antibiotics but the GP didn't look too hopeful . I may have to get used to hearing very little... It's a real issue around the house because I can't understand the girls unless I go down to their level, I can no longer let them roam around and play unsupervised because I can't hear where they are and what they are up to, I can't use the phone at all, I can't hear my alarm in the morning or hear the girls in the night if they want something. Don't want to go out because there is no chance I can follow a conversation in a group in a noisy environment, same goes for work meetings. Luckily the bulk of my job is having long chats with very old people who are often quite hard of hearing, so we get on like a house on fire shouting at each other .
did they give you an ENT referral?
SOC boo, go back and insist for an ENT referral (can you go private?) It sounds like you have significant hearing loss, your GP should be a bit more alarmed.
is no chance I can follow a conversation in a group in a noisy environment, same goes for work meetings you get used to it (that and being treated like an idiot) but you shouldn't have too if it is preventable/reversible which it looks like it is.
scones I saw that thread too, I am not missing myself, I am still "me". My life changed but I think it is sad that people define themselves by their jobs, they still should be a entire person beforehand (then they have a job, have children...). May be it is because I am older and did what I wanted before having children (I was unemployed too before having children so dealt with the "stigma" already).
you need a referral, agree with mous
I feel life changed post DS but we did so much in DD's first year that I know we will get some of that back again. For us it's financial rather than child constrained I would say. Not paying tax for a year was great!
SC that's rubbish - yes, go and see an expert. Poor you xx
I'll give the new antibiotics a chance (specifically asked her NOT to fob me off with amoxicillin yet again which in my opinion no longer works on any bugs due to high resistance levels) and will then go back.
SC ask for a referral. Even with an infection your earing should not be this bad! (I'm ised to ear infection/otitis)
SC how long for the new ABs to work, and this is for the R ear I take it, what about the L? Shouldn't you have an immediate referral for that? It sounds very worrying and really compromising your life Do go back to GP.
Mous I certainly didn't define myself by my job, which I hated but gave me lots of disposable income (I miss that). I went to the cinema, read books (so many books!), ate in good restaurants, went away occasionally. Kept up with the news which admittedly I still could but just can't be bothered. I don't seem to have anything to say when someone asks what I've been up to. All I do is wipe bottoms/get food/clear up, or work on the house. I was supposed to be doing some accounting work for a local firm, but they are not answering my emails! I assume that means I'm no longer wanted!
DD2 shutting her fingers in drawers, better go
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