Not sure of the etiquette on this board, but I'd like all Muslims to pray for my father in law please.

(55 Posts)
LostAndNeverFound Thu 17-Jan-13 20:44:21

He passed away on Saturday, a sudden heart attack.

His family are heartbroken and not coping well. They've all travelled to Pakistan to bury him.

I'd like to talk about him a little if that's ok.

He was an amazing, kind man who put everyone else first. He doted on his grandchildren, he was looking at photos of my DD's on his phone as he had the heart attack. So they were the last faces he ever saw.

I always said to my mum I felt sorry him, he struggled with various disabilities, but he just got on with it even though he was in pain (not heart related, that was out of the blue).

We would visit him and my inlaws 3/4 times a week, so we were very close, my youngest DD in particular adored him (my eldest DD is from a previous relationship).

He welcomed me and my DD into his family with open arms (once my husband told him about us) and once DD2 came along he treated both my girls exactly the same. He forgave his son for having a haram relationship with me, and was overjoyed when we got married.

I know he thought a lot of me, he was always telling me that I did a good job with the girls, even though he did always feed them whatever they wanted straight before mealtimes!

He was a man with a strong faith, and I truly believe he is now in a better place.

He was surrounded by his family and friends when he passed away (he was kept on life support until we agreed to turn the machines off) and he looked so peaceful.

I'm not sure what the point of this post is, I think I just needed somewhere to write this down.

Inna lillahi Wa inna ilaihi Rajioon.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee Thu 17-Jan-13 20:48:44

I'm not muslim and I don't 'do' religion, but I just wanted to say that he sounds like a lovely lovely man and I'm sorry he's gone - I'll be thinking of you all x

EduCated Thu 17-Jan-13 20:56:55

I'm not Muslim or religious either, but he sounds like a wonderful man and a lovely GF xx

LostAndNeverFound Thu 17-Jan-13 20:57:05

Thank you, that's kind of you.

Sorry I hope my post didn't come across as excluding non Muslims.

LostAndNeverFound Thu 17-Jan-13 20:59:49

Thank you both x

WaynettaSlobsLover Thu 17-Jan-13 21:07:11

What a beautiful kind man he sounds. This has brought a tear to my eye. May Allah give him Jannah, forgive him everything, make his barzakh spacious and full of light, give him peace, and reward him for everything ameen. Sis, everyone makes mistakes in life, may Allah bless you and your husband and your beautiful kids inshallah ameen. Keep praying for your father in law and always remind the kids to do it. You have my sincere condolences xxxxxxx

WaynettaSlobsLover Thu 17-Jan-13 21:10:01

If you need to pm me to talk about it, please do xxx

LostAndNeverFound Thu 17-Jan-13 21:34:53

Ameen.

Thank you waynetta, that means a lot. xxx

I've had to be the strong one whilst all this was going on and now they're all in Pakistan I'm able to grieve for him myself. He will be missed greatly by every one. My DD2 keeps asking where her baba jee is (she calls him 'dad' in urdu because she picked it up when she started talking and it just stuck). She's only two. So much reminds her of him, I had some nuts and raisins yesterday, 'baba jee gives me those'. She saw a pomegranate in tesco, 'can you ask baba jee to buy me one, I don't like the ones you buy'.

This is going to be tough, inshallah time will heal.

It doesn't help I'm having separate issues with my husband (won't go into it here, I want this to be about my father in law).

Thank you again.

ethelb Thu 17-Jan-13 21:41:54

Im not muslim (but i am christian) and he sounds like a wonderful man. I am so so sorry.

LostAndNeverFound Thu 17-Jan-13 21:45:40

He was ethel, I couldn't have asked for a better father in law (or mother in law - they're both lovely).

WaynettaSlobsLover Thu 17-Jan-13 21:50:07

Lots of love to our Christian bros and sis's on here cxx Sis it must be absolutely exhausting and physically draining subhanallah. With dd just keep talking to her about baba jee, remind her of Jannah and how we all belong to Allah and how we will all return to Him. With hubs, give things time and if he is venting at you, as awful as it is, stand strong with it. I've had my fair share of marital difficulties. If you need to talk in confidence just pm me like I said. Your problems are just as significant as everything else xxx

Delayingtactic Thu 17-Jan-13 21:52:30

Oh Lost he sounds wonderful. I am so very sorry for your loss. I am Catholic (but believe we all believe in the same God but in different ways) - would you mind me saying a prayer?

Please don't worry if the answer is 'no, thanks' - I appreciate we all take comfort from God in different ways.

LostAndNeverFound Thu 17-Jan-13 21:52:51

I would also like to add I'm 27 weeks pregnant and distraught by the fact he'll never meet his grandson.

The day before my father in law went on holiday (he had the heart attack abroad so we had to fly out to him immediately) my husband asked his opinions on a few names, and one in particular he liked, so it was decided that will now be our sons name. Even though my husband didn't consult me before asking him, this name is now so special and I wouldn't want him called anything else.

clopper Thu 17-Jan-13 21:55:45

I'm not religious at all, but I posted this on another thread the other day. This verse reminds me of my own father, I don't know who wrote it, but it sounds like it could equally apply to your father in law. Sorry for your loss.

Not, how did he die, but how did he live?
Not, what did he gain, but what did he give?
These are the units to measure the worth
Of a man as a man, regardless of his birth.
Nor what was his church, nor what was his creed?
But had he befriended those really in need?
Was he ever ready, with words of good cheer,
To bring back a smile, to banish a tear?
Not what did the sketch in the newspaper say,
But how many were sorry when he passed away?

crescentmoon Thu 17-Jan-13 21:56:07

Salam alaikum dear lostandneverfound.

The first thing I did when reading your post was recite Surah al Fatiha for your Fil. He sounds like a lovely man and I also pray for him as waynetta did. May Allah grant him the highest garden Al Firdaus, forgive all his sins, give him peace and light in the hereafter ameen. He was lucky to have you his family there at his side and to live after him praying for him and asking others to the same. I will also read Surah Ya Seen for him in the morning and make the intention it goes for him too. Bless you OP and your lovely girls too.

WaynettaSlobsLover Thu 17-Jan-13 21:58:34

Really lovely to see people of all beliefs on this thread xxx

LostAndNeverFound Thu 17-Jan-13 21:58:54

All prayers are welcome delayingtactic, I feel silly now for asking for Muslim prayers only.

Thanks again waynetta, that's what I've been telling her, he's with Allah swt and he's in a safe place. She then looks up to the sky and says 'what, all the way up there' and I can't help but smile through watering eyes. Husband isn't venting at me, he's doing the opposite and is so grateful for the way in which I've supported his family. They're all really worried about me, left on my own for 40 days with two DD's and 6 months pregnant!

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee Thu 17-Jan-13 22:00:08

It's lovely that your DS's name is special to both of you and not something that is going to cause an arguement.

<I'm not sure if you have posted on the Relationships board or not, but dont forget it's there, you will get a lot of support if you want it>

RandallPinkFloyd Thu 17-Jan-13 22:01:34

I don't know what I believe with regards to religion but I refuse to believe that this is all there is and I truly believe he is at peace.

He sounds like a wonderful man, I'm so sorry for your loss x

May he rest in peace, LostandNeverFound.

You are describing a lovely man and I can only imagine the loss you all must feel. My heartfelt condolences to your DH. I hope his family can find some comfort in saying their fairwells and that you can find the strength to be there for your DDs. No doubt they will miss their granddad.

There is nothing to stop you from talking about him when your DS arrives - my DSs all 'know' my FiL even though he passed away before they were born. We have photos of him around the house, we speak about him often and tell them wee stories about him. Like yours, he was the nicest man and very welcoming FiL and I am often sorry I did not get to know him better.

crescentmoon Thu 17-Jan-13 22:06:50

I'm going to make more effort with the other prayer threads I always automatically assume they are for Christians and don't post. Your thread has shown me that it is so encouraging to give thoughts and condolences at anytime and for everyone. peace to your FIL OP, yourself and everyone else on this thread.

LostAndNeverFound Thu 17-Jan-13 22:06:57

Clopper I'm now a blubbering mess, that was lovely, thank you.

Crescentmoon - Walaikum asalaam. I'm glad you've found me. I've been lurking on mumsnet for years (literally) and I'm always in awe when I read your posts. You have so much knowledge. I only reverted this time last year but I have learnt so much these last few days, not only about our religion but about the kindness of others. Reading with the intention of my father in law is very touching.

And yes, thank to all of you with different faiths and to those of you with no faith, I really am very touched by it all.

Delayingtactic Thu 17-Jan-13 22:07:14

Look after yourself. It sounds like you are a very loving family and can draw together at this time. At least he has peace and can rest easy. Your DC sounds absolutely lovely - I think sometimes they know just the right way to make us a smile.

WaynettaSlobsLover Thu 17-Jan-13 22:12:02

No matter what faith we are or not, it's all about being decent, kind and moral human beings isn't it. Lost, if you need to cry then you cry and let it out. Do you know how compassionate and kind Allah is to the point that He is more merciful and loving towards us than a mother is to her child. Keep learning about islam and keep reading Quran because it is a source of healing. Like Allah says, with hardship comes ease, verily with hardship comes ease cxxxxxx

LostAndNeverFound Thu 17-Jan-13 22:17:28

Chipping - I have posted on the relationships board, for another reason as I needed support in dealing with the issues I'm having with my husband. I'm trying to separate the two now, I don't want my father in laws passing to be tainted with my husbands actions.

Crescent - I always read those threads and if I was a regular poster would feel the same, but I'm glad that we can all come together when it comes to things like this now and I'm so pleased that I haven't made anyone feel uncomfortable with my original 'Muslims only' request. Praying is praying, and I can't get over how kind you all are.

RubyrooUK Thu 17-Jan-13 22:19:04

Lostandfound, I'm also not Muslim. I'm Jewish by birth and I'm pretty atheist in practice.

But I will be thinking warm thoughts about your FIL. I think he sounds like a wonderful person who got the best out of life and was loved very much in return.

Your post was so lovely about his relationship with his granddaughters. You read so many sad stories on here about people who don't like/love their families or in laws. And your FIL put love above everything and welcomed you and your DD into his family.

Hope you are bearing up ok. Very sorry for your loss.

Wolfiefan Thu 17-Jan-13 22:21:33

What lovely posts Crescent.
Your FIL sounds lovely OP. Not Muslim but another one who felt moved by your thread. You should be proud of all that he was (look at how he has drawn all these different people together!)
Wishing you and your family peace and eventually happiness again.
Actually tearing up a bit here. You sound so lovely.

WaynettaSlobsLover Thu 17-Jan-13 22:27:18

Shalom rubyroo I'm Muslim but have Jewish descent on one side smile.

RubyrooUK Thu 17-Jan-13 22:41:17

Thanks Waynetta!

I am lucky enough that my family (and now my in-laws too) are a big mix of different backgrounds, cultures, religions and nationalities and both my own family and my inlaws have always felt that this is a brilliant and interesting thing.

But I know that not everybody experiences that, so it's lovely to read Lost's stories of her FIL who was so open and welcoming.

LostAndNeverFound Thu 17-Jan-13 22:54:33

Wolfie I was just thinking about how my father in law has brought people together.

I used to look after my nephews for my brother 5 days a week, and during that time I used to drop DD at their house then bring my nephews back to mine. Then one day he said, why don't you bring your nephews in, your family is my family. So from then on my nephews were regular visitors to their house and were treated no different to my DD. I stopped having them in July last year, but he always asked about them and how they're doing. He used to laugh when my youngest nephew (then 18 months) used to ask for a ham sandwich!!

Wolfiefan Thu 17-Jan-13 23:05:33

Keep remembering him laughing like that. He sounds so loving and loved.

LostAndNeverFound Thu 17-Jan-13 23:14:41

I will, thanks.

X

I'm sorry I'm not Muslim I'm Roman Catholic so I hope I cause you Jo offence

I read the op though and just wanted to tell you that I will pray for him, and I will ask that his god goes with him
He sounds like a wonderful man and I'm very sorry for your loss
Again, I hope this doesn't offend x x

WaynettaSlobsLover Thu 17-Jan-13 23:21:05

Bless dear baba jee. I will try and always remember him in my duas for the future inshallah. Lost, get a good nights rest and read some Quran. Keep being the brilliant mummy and wife that you are to your family and you will all come through this in ease. Don't ever forget, you will meet your father in law again one day inshallah. He is simply waiting now, as we all are. Night my sis and sweet dreams xxxxxxxxx

WaynettaSlobsLover Thu 17-Jan-13 23:22:04

Korma - lovely to see other peo

WaynettaSlobsLover Thu 17-Jan-13 23:22:40

ple of faith on here smile. I hope you're well. Often read your posts xxx

RubyrooUK Thu 17-Jan-13 23:25:16

One of the things we always say in my family, Lost, that people who are loved never really die completely because they live on in the memories of the people who cared about them.

I drew my son a picture yesterday and suddenly remembered that the reason I drew it a certain way was because my granddad did it that way to make me laugh as a child.

My son will never know my granddad but he was trying to copy the picture and maybe one day he will do it like that too. And my granddad's quirky humour is still here in our everyday family life.

I hope there will be lots of areas (it sounds like it from your lovely posts) where your FIL is still a part of yours and your children's lives. Hopefully all the times you talk about him will mean his influence and love go on.

sorry if this is super cheesy - I am pregnant and a bit emotional

Thank you waynetta smile

DIddled Thu 17-Jan-13 23:35:41

Lost what a beautiful thread. I am RC but will pray the Eternal Rest for your lovely father in law tonight. Bless you all xxxx

WaynettaSlobsLover Thu 17-Jan-13 23:36:41

Ruby. Ditto being pregnant and emotional. That was a lovely post of your just then :') death is part of life but is yet so difficult to accept. Korma, hope you're better lately. Sometimes I lurk on your threads but just don't know what to say. Think you have a hell of a lot to give to the world though and more strength than you know. Being completely genuine here, no patronising. X

DoodlesNoodles Thu 17-Jan-13 23:38:08

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Your post is very touching, he must have been a special man. thanks

waynetta that's an incredibly kind thing to say, thank you x x

DIddled Thu 17-Jan-13 23:40:00

I meant .... And will pray....

I love the fact he embraced all your family including your brothers children.... He sounds gorgeous smile

Hope everything else gets better for you soon my love- you sound like a caring and loving lady xxx

DumSpiroSpero Thu 17-Jan-13 23:45:01

Another non-Muslim here sending you condolences. Your FIL sounds like a truly amazing man.

And how lovely that in death he has also brought together a bunch of strangers of all different faiths.

Wishing you and yours peace and happy memories.

WaynettaSlobsLover Thu 17-Jan-13 23:48:00

Hang in there Korma. I don't know about you but mumsnet is so much more than just a chat website. We all at least give each other support on here with everything from mental health, relationships and bereavement. Times are hard but I always try to day that there's sunshine after rain. Lots of love to everyone on the thread tonight. xxxx

DeepRedBetty Thu 17-Jan-13 23:53:13

I will add your FIL to my prayers, he sounds like a thoroughly lovely decent man. CofE but I know we all worship the same God. Clopper that is beautiful, brought tears to my eyes!

Peace be with you.

nailak Thu 17-Jan-13 23:54:27

Inna lillahi wa inna alayhi rajiyoon.

Ameen to waynettas beautiful dua.

Your fil sounds like a truly amazing and special person. There are not many who would act the way he did. Inshallah his traits of good character, welcoming and openness will live on in his grand children.

Sometimes kids don't remember things, but they still have a positive impact on their lives. Their experiences form the way they think.

May Allah grant him jannah.

nailak Thu 17-Jan-13 23:55:47

Also have you thought about sadaqah jariyah? I know some people raise money to build wells or stuff in their family members names after family members die, as a source of continuous reward.

crescentmoon Fri 18-Jan-13 11:53:01

Salam alaikum dear OP, I hope all is well for you this morning. Jazakhallah for your comments but really reading about your FIL last night was a 'snap out of it' for me. Would that when I die my family would say feel such good things about me. I really like the poem posted earlier by clopper too deepred!

LostAndNeverFound Fri 18-Jan-13 21:01:32

Korma, of course no offence is taken, I'm so grateful for all the well wishers on here. I've not read any of your threads but I hope life is being kind to you.

Nailak, thank you, I've never heard of that. Once the dust settles I'll bring it up with my husband and see what he thinks, it's a lovely idea.

Crescent, I'm not sure of the right words use but I'm pleased something good has come of this tragedy.

Ruby, that's lovely. I hope I can do the same with my children. My father in law had lots of regular sayings which me and my girls are already remembering fondly. Often with smiles on our faces as we remember his strong accent, whenever he gave my DD's food he would ask 'sweeeet?', even if it was the sourest of clementines! I've said this once today to DD2 out of the blue and she laughed and said 'baba jee says that!'

Diddled, 'eternal rest' is a lovely saying, thank you.

Thanks to dum, doodles and deepred also. I'm touched.

All of your prayers, thoughts and kind words have been with me all day, and I believe have got me through the day without any tears but lots of happy thoughts of my dear father in law.

I had a heart to heart with my husband on the phone earlier, and he sounds like a changed man. I'll be honest when I say he's only Muslim by name. He goes to jummah, eats halal, fasts during ramadan and teaches the children arabic, but he's one of these men that fell in with the wrong crowd and could never leave it behind. I was once in that crowd but I turned my life around, he just didn't follow me.

I've never known him pray 5 times a day, but he hasn't missed a single prayer since Tuesday. I know that doesn't seem like a big deal, but for him it's massive. He's been going to the mosque and reading the Quran daily. Inshallah this will be a turning point for him. It's just so sad his father will never see this side of him.

WaynettaSlobsLover Sat 19-Jan-13 00:10:03

I feel so happy that your dh is praying his prayers, that's just amazing subhanallah. Lets all make sincere dua for him and for you Lost , that Allah keeps you close to Him. Things will only get easier now inshallah and turning to Allah is everything. Bless you, your dh and your family ameen. We are all thinking of you our dear and special sis xxxxxxxxx there's always sunshine after rain.

HardlyEverHoovers Sat 19-Jan-13 08:03:33

May Allah widen his grave and grant him the highest place in janna, he sounds wonderful mashAllah.
xx

LostAndNeverFound Sat 19-Jan-13 21:22:12

Thank you hardlyeverhoovers, much appreciated.

Waynetta, you speak such beautiful words yet again. I've just read some of your thread with regards to removing your hijab, it sounds like you could do with some support as well, so I will say my dua for you tomorrow inshallah.

I'm very moved by everybody's support.

WaynettaSlobsLover Sat 19-Jan-13 22:15:41

We're all here for you my sis xxx hope your day has been a nice one inshallah. Thanks for the mutual support too smile

alemci Sat 19-Jan-13 22:34:09

Lost and found. i am not a Muslim and am very sorry to hear about your father-in-law. Will pray for him and his family. Thinking of you

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