if you lose a baby before its born, where does its soul go?

(34 Posts)
memoo Wed 25-Jun-08 13:24:34

This is something that has been torturing me for a long time now.

3 years ago i had an ectopic pregnnacy that ruptured when i was 10 weeks pregnant. I never had any kind of funeral for the baby because i never really knew it was an option until now.

I have never really been particularly religious but i know that many people believe that a childs soul enters its body upon conception, and this is something that i believe too.

Now i have reached a point where i am desperate to know where my little baby is, does a persons soul still go to heaven if they weren't born or christened?

My friend has suggested talking to our parish priest but i really don't know what to do.

zephyrcat Wed 25-Jun-08 13:29:26

I don't know if you have ever watched John Edward, but he often says to people that the child is waiting for them...meaning a child that they have lost either after it was born or as a miscariage.

I also read a fascinating thing on here about the circle of angels or something similar, and that you have a certain number of angels with you which are your children, and if you lose a child in pregnancy it simply goes back to it's place in the circle.

I'm going to try and find the thread because I don't think I've explained that very well at all!!

But I certainly believe that their spirit/soul is with the rest of your family which have passed.

Roseylea Wed 25-Jun-08 13:32:25

Oh Memoo, I'm so sorry for your loss. What an awful thing to happen.

In different circumstances altogether, I bought someone a card that had words in it that have stayed with me and helpedme since then - it said, "Each life is a gift, no matter how short, no matter how fragile. Each life is a gift." Those words have helped me so much - but it is so very hard to have that precious gift for such a short time only.

About the soul; well, I believe that God is the most wonderful parent, and all our parenting is a reflection of his loving kindness, his patience and his infinite love. (God's not a man, obviously, but I use "him" as a shorthand to say that God has a personality). So if you can think of your little one in the arms of the most wonderful heavenly Daddy - of course the little one is in heaven, of course God will be looking after him / her with such tender compassion.

Hope this helps.

claricebeansmum Wed 25-Jun-08 13:33:02

Zephyrcat - I remember that thread.

zephyrcat Wed 25-Jun-08 13:36:08

Here you go, look at the first post and click on the link for 'spirit babies'

www.mumsnet.com/Talk?topicid=1600&threadid=114631#2468149

hereagain Wed 25-Jun-08 13:36:37

I believe that, yes, the soul of your little baby is stil in 'heaven'. Depends what you believe really and I'm sure there will be plenty of people to 'poo-hoo' my thoughts, but I believe what I beleiveIn breif)

All souls are continually learning lessons, some only need to be born, some need to live a long life and some only need to be conceived in order to learn what they need to learn at that particular time/stage of progression.

I believe in heaven in the form of a 'holding area' of souls whilst they reveiw the lessons they have learnt and decide (or until it's decided for them) what the next steps along their personal journey are....

So sorry to hear of your loss and the pain that has caused you, but (IMO!) you were chosen to help that soul acheive what it needed to, and that's pretty special xx

canofworms Wed 25-Jun-08 13:40:01

I can't answer this fully I'm afraid but I vaguely remember a comment that our vicar made at the end of his sermon once. His wife had not long ago had a mc and he told us where his baby's soul was and that was definitely in heaven - it made no difference not having been born or christened.

I'd definitely speak to your parish priest and hope you get some answers

memoo Wed 25-Jun-08 13:41:15

thank you all of you for you're kind words. It really does give me so much comfort to think of my baby being in heaven, being loved and taken care of.

I will go and have a look at that link now zephyrcat, thank you so much

Roseylea Wed 25-Jun-08 13:42:32

Just to add - christening is about welcoming and receiving the child into the church, not fitting them for heaven. So your vicar is right, Canofworms.

zephyrcat Wed 25-Jun-08 13:44:16

I've just read through that old thread again and am covered in goosebumps!

If you get the time, read through some of the MN'ers experiences, it really is heartwarming

KayHarker Wed 25-Jun-08 17:22:41

I'll add another voice affirming that they go to heaven.

allgonebellyup Wed 25-Jun-08 20:21:29

just out of interest - what happens to babies' souls after an abortion then?

forevercleaning Wed 25-Jun-08 20:23:59

aborted babies will also go to heaven i'm sure of that.

I lost a baby at 12 weeks - and it still makes me cry now - but like Zephrcat I read that thread shortly after the miscarrage.

I believe that we all have spirit children which are due to be born to us and it just wasnt the right time for my baby to be born.
A year later dd2 was born - I call her my miracle baby.

I am not religious - But I found the idea that my babies soul would get another chance of life, if not with me then with someone close to me, comforting. It also helped my Mum who had never talked about her miscarrages (she lost one child at 24 weeks). She had never spoken about her loss until I lost my baby. I think it helped her to talk about it. It certainly helps me.

KayHarker Wed 25-Jun-08 20:41:14

allgonebellyup, babies go to heaven. All babies.

youcannotbeserious Wed 25-Jun-08 20:45:15

I'm a bit sceptical about this thread, but would like to say that I think that aborted babies aren't treated by whatever God there happens to be any differently to other babies that, for whatever reason, don't make it...

I think, if there is a God, he doesn't judge a child on the mistakes or actions of the parent.

And I think that most aborted babies were loved / would have been loved.

sad

chippergirl Thu 26-Jun-08 15:34:40

I don't know the answer memoo. But I'm sure of one thing - which is that your child's spirit is happy, wherever it is.

chippergirl Thu 26-Jun-08 15:35:42

And it saddens me that you say you are "torturing" yourself. Please don't.

MrsPhas3 Thu 26-Jun-08 16:07:39

I just want to say thank you for starting this thread. I lost my baby a year ago, and have been fortunate enough to have a healthy pregnancy son after and now have a wonderful three month old soon (much to his 2 big sisters delight smile). But since the mc, after the initial distress I have felt unable to grieve for my lost baby (which I have been putting down to guilt, because I have been so lucky to have three children). But reading this thread has flicked a switch. I have just had my first real cry about my lost baby, and it felt right (does that make sense, obviously crying/grieving hurts, but there's no guilt around the fact that I have a wonderful baby and should count myself lucky). Thinking about my lost babies soul/spirit has helped tremendoulsy.

A huge thank you again. I so hope I can move on, I'll never forget, but move on.

MrsPhas3 Thu 26-Jun-08 16:09:57

Oops - first son should be soon, and the soon should be son!

chippergirl Thu 26-Jun-08 19:40:22

Thank you MrsPhas, that brought tears to my eyes.

windygalestoday Thu 26-Jun-08 19:44:01

Dont think im odd but a few years ago i had a 'angel dream' my late mil was in it with a very hndsome younger man when i asked her who it was -it was her younger son whod died shortly fter his birth,there is no doubt in my mind at all that that is where all babies go.

luckylady74 Thu 26-Jun-08 19:45:45

allgonebellyup - ime when posters start with 'just out of interest' it's not 'just' it's actually to judge very strongly and make a clear point.

avenanap Thu 26-Jun-08 19:48:14

I have a good friend who has lost a baby. She told me she went to see an American Indian who told her that some babies are only destined to live for a little while because all they want is to feel the love that the parents and family have for them, and to experience being alive until it is time for their spirit to move on.

memoo Thu 26-Jun-08 19:59:43

I can't tell you how much your words have helped me. I have spent the last couple of days having a really good look at the websites you recommended and i love to think that my little baby is an angel.

Mrs P, I really now how you feel, I already have two children, the baby i lost would have been my third. I do feel like I should just be grateful that I have two beautiful children, and believe me i am because they are so precious to me. But having them doesn't stop me longing for my little lost one. there will always be a massive gap in my heart and in my life. I will always feel that i am missing one of my children.

I don't think there is a day that goes by that i don't think of her, Its been 3 years but i find myself thinking about what age she would be now and what she would be doing.

I wish i could just have had a few moments with her. I wish i could see what she would have looked like, Even though i say 'she' i don't even now if she was a girl or boy, and god knows i would give anything to have even the shortest, but most precious moment with my baby to be able to see and hold my baby, to feel her in my arms and to smell her skin, its like a longing that never goes a way and a grief that touches every part of your life

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