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Join our Philosophy forum to discuss religion and spirituality.

Join our Philosophy forum to discuss religion and spirituality.

Philosophy/religion

i need closure

25 replies

Titania · 07/11/2004 13:42

yes me again....sorry.....

my mum and dad divorced when I was very little. The last time I saw him I was 5, standing at the school gates and him telling me that he loved me......after that my mum took me away and kept moving me around to avoid him finding us.....

I so desperatly wanted to see my dad and finally, 9 years later, when I was 14, I got my mum to agree to letting me see him. The weekend I was going to go and see him, he died......had a heart attack......I never got to see him....

I think about him every day and I sobbed my heart out on my wedding day cos he wasn't their to give me away.....I know that him and my DH would have got on so well.

My children are asking me about my dad now....they can't understand why they haven't got 2 grandads like a lot of other children.

I have always wondered if he still loved me or ever gave up hope of ever seeing me again.......

I know so little about him and the only thing I have is a picture of me and him taken when I was 3. Its the only one in existence and I have had it copied numerous times in case something should ever happen to the original........I would never forgive myself.......

Nobody in the family can tell me what I want to know.....my own mother would never talk to me about him without harsh words.....

I am not religious in any way....but do believe that there is something beyond....

I have thought about going to see a medium, but tbh, I am to scared......I have never done anything like that before.

I miss him terribly, even though I hardly knew him.....I would love some sense of closure....the first and last time I saw him for so long was in a coffin.....

Can anyone help?

OP posts:

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gothicmama · 07/11/2004 13:49

there is usually a good medium / psyic fair in S soon if you like you can come with me.
I feel sure your dad would have loved you and never given up hope.

PamT · 07/11/2004 14:02

I lost my dad when I was 8 and prior to that he'd been in hospital for quite a long time, so I was quite young when I last had contact with him. I've had a lot of "what if" and "what does he think about...." thoughts over the last few years, together with a fair bit of bitterness over the way that he went. I have always accepted that he is gone but it has never been talked about within the family, I wasn't taken to the funeral and I don't feel that I can ask questions about him, so he is very much a lost part of my life.

Like you Titania, I often think about visiting a medium to see if he tells me anything, but at the same time, I don't really know if I want to know.

It's something that doesn't really go away and we're 29 years on now.

Titania · 07/11/2004 14:16

I just have this sinking feeling that feels like it will never go away.....

OP posts:

mumwithnoname · 07/11/2004 15:36

Please don't go and see a medium T. You'll probably think I'm strange but I do believe that there are dangerous forces out there that make use of our vunerabilities and finish up making our lives a total mess. There are a lot of frauds out there too. I've got a friend whose dad died when she was 6, I'll ask her how she deals with it if you like.

Take care.

Titania · 07/11/2004 16:39

thank you MWNN

OP posts:

Titania · 07/11/2004 18:22

and thank you gothicmama

I dont know what to do for the best really.....part of me wants to know....the others too scared to find out!

OP posts:

gothicmama · 07/11/2004 18:35

don't force anything when the time is right you'll know it is don't be scared

essbee · 07/11/2004 18:38

Message withdrawn

Titania · 07/11/2004 18:38

I'm feeling that if i dont do it now i never will........somethings nagging at me in the back of my mind and in my heart that i need to do it sooner rather than later........

OP posts:

essbee · 07/11/2004 18:40

Message withdrawn

Tessiebear · 07/11/2004 19:13

Where do you live Titania - i know a FANTASTIC totally trustworthy medium who has been used by loads of my friends and family with very encouraging and helpful results. I am thinking of using her myself

Titania · 07/11/2004 19:30

shropshire

OP posts:

Dior · 07/11/2004 19:46

Message withdrawn

mumwithnoname · 07/11/2004 21:55

Think maybe you need to let your dad RIP. Too many people out there taking advantage of folk like you. People spend lots of money going from medium to medium hoping to hear from loved ones. I don't think we can really hear from them this side of life and I'm not sure I like to think about where some mediums get their info from. Please be VERY careful I do believe that there are evil spirits out there as well as cheats!

Take care.

mumwithnoname · 07/11/2004 21:56

Think maybe you need to let your dad RIP. Too many people out there taking advantage of folk like you. People spend lots of money going from medium to medium hoping to hear from loved ones. I don't think we can really hear from them this side of life and I'm not sure I like to think about where some mediums get their info from. Please be VERY careful I do believe that there are evil spirits out there as well as cheats!

Take care.

mumwithnoname · 07/11/2004 22:01

Think maybe you need to let your dad RIP. Too many people out there taking advantage of folk like you. People spend lots of money going from medium to medium hoping to hear from loved ones. I don't think we can really hear from them this side of life and I'm not sure I like to think about where some mediums get their info from. Please be VERY careful I do believe that there are evil spirits out there as well as cheats!

Take care.

MummyToSteven · 07/11/2004 22:52

hi titania. i agree with gothicmama. one of my former work colleagues had parents who divorced when he was small, and the divorce was extremely acrimonious, mother was quite unpleasant, my colleague had no contact with father for seveal years because of this. when my colleague met up with his dad several years later, once he was out of his mother's clutches, his dad told him that he knew that he would always come and look for him. i think that your dad would have known exactly what your mother was like, and would have felt the same way.

i wonder if rather than trying to get in touch with your dad via a medium, there would be anyway of you getting "in tune" with your father via any form of meditation maybe? other people like wk, melsy or papillion will know more about this sort of thing than me. I guess I am concerned that, whether the medium has good or bad intentions, you may hear something that upsets you when you are already feeling low.

Titania · 08/11/2004 07:36

I don't know what to do.....I keep having this dream where my dad is standing right there and it's like he is trying to shout but I can't hear him and I end up crying cos I can't understand what he is trying to say........then he starts getting further and further away and we are reaching out for each other crying but he eventually disappears and then everything goes black.........

OP posts:

cab · 08/11/2004 08:16

Titania how about getting in contact with as many people as possible who knew him - his friends and relatives. Also let your mother know how awful you're feeling. Counselling?

anorak · 08/11/2004 08:44

I agree it's important to do something about these feelings. You experienced a devastating blow losing your father twice over, as well as dealing with the surrounding silence. Part of grief is talking about the person, feeling the comfort of our memories. You have not been able to do this.

I think mumwithnoname and the people who recommended you go with your instinct to see a medium both have points. Personally I don't particularly believe that one can contact the dead, but who is to say that these people cannot sense some need in you and find themselves able to respond in a way that might help you feel better? I would most certainly listen to mumwithnoname though, and beware of the many charlatans out there.

For my money, I would have thought counselling a better option. A counsellor will help you to understand how natural you deep need to know more is. He or she will help guide you through your own feelings until you reach a point where you can be at peace over it.

I also wonder if there is any way you can trace the people he lived with or among since you were 5, and maybe find out a little more about him.

wobblyknicks · 08/11/2004 08:51

titania - you already know most of what i think about it but have also thought that as you weren't very old when he died, it might help you to have your own private 'memorial' for him to help you find closure - say plant a tree for him or something so that you've done your own personal thing to get closure.

glitterfairy · 08/11/2004 10:43

Wk that is very sound advice! I think places and rituals around our emotions are very important on a day to day basis but even more so when it comes to closure and putting things in their place in our lives.

wobblyknicks · 08/11/2004 10:45

gf - on msn I was trying to suggest some 'rituals' to titania to help her get in touch with her dad herself (not necessarily literally) without having to put herself at the mercy of a medium. have asked paps for ideas but would love some from you too - if you email me I could pass her addy on unless you've already got it.

Tessiebear · 08/11/2004 10:52

South Kent is a bit far to go then Titania!

mumwithnoname · 08/11/2004 11:24

Has he got a grave? if so you could visit it and have a "chat" with him. I know it sounds daft but it might help!

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