Winter Celebrations without Mr Claus - how????

[SomethingIncrediblyWitty]

I am not a Christian, but i celebrate around Christmas time, calling it Christmas so as not to annoy my own mum, and not to get my kids ostracized at school.

Well, thing is, when my two eldest were little i resolved not to 'do' Santa, as my husband's family didn't and i wanted to go with his wishes, but, when i was shopping near Christmas when they were two or three years old they kept being asked what Santa was bringing them or if they were excited about Santa coming...and i gave in and they had Santa until they were seven.

Now i have another lo, and soon i will be having the same dilemma again. Help!!!!
How do i make xmas special without using the biggest lie ever told? How do i explain this to other people, and how do i stop her from telling all the other kids at school???
Suggestions from any religious/non-religious background are very welcome!

[RedLorryYellowLorry]

We do celebrate Christms but last Christmas when dd was 6 yo I had to go through the problems Santa causes when your child goes to a multi-faith school. One of dd's closest friends is muslim and doesn't do Christmas. She told dd and others that FC wasn't real. Dd fell out with her as did the other children who heard. I just explained that he comes to those who believe. She accepted this but we have since had the Tooth Fairy question - she asked me to tell her the truth. I did and she didn't believe me i.e mummy leaves the £1.00. I am sure I'll have the same questions this Christmas but she a clever child so probably will work it out. Good luck whatever you choose

[jetjets]

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[jetjets]

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[Desiderata]

Oh, I'm confused. Is your husband from a different religion?

Why do you call Santa Claus a lie? We all know he doesn't exist, but it's about imparting magic to Christmas. In himself, he is not a religious figure. Christ is the religious figure. If anything, FC is a commercial creation.

I don't know ... each to their own, but I think it's sad when adults start worrying about Father Christmas.

It's MAGIC. It lasts just a few years and then they work it out for themselves. I honestly don't think your lo will thank you for 'taking a line' on this.

[wheresthehamster]

Absolutely Desiderata

[SomethingIncrediblyWitty]

Lol...okay, a white lie, but really a large bearded bloke doesn't actually hop down the flue on xmas eve to deliver your daughters barbie dolls does he!!!!!!!

[jetjets]

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[Desiderata]

er, no. Of course not.

Look, if you don't want to do Christmas, that's up to you.

I feel sorry for your kids, but as long as you can explain your politics, I'm sure it'll all work out fine.

[SomethingIncrediblyWitty]

Btw dh is an aetheist, has always been, but i was raised a good old Roman Catholic (prety strict too!), and just realized i didn't really believe it when i was about 13.

I think there must be ways of capturing the magic of christmas/yule (i actually tell the kids we celebrate the winter solstice) without the use of a commercial figurehead who has unlimited money. That's part of the problem. At school they ended up being embarrassed anyway cos what Santa gave them wasn't as expensive as the other kids' presents, and they wanted to know why Santa didn't like them as much. It was quite sad really.

[jetjets]

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[Desiderata]

There are ways around it. I still don't understand why being an atheist disbars you from the Father Christmas thing, though. He isn't a religious figure. In fact, I'm sure the big JC would have been horrified by him!!

I tell my kid that the little presents come from Father Christmas (who is busy, etc). Things like books, jigsaws, etc.

The big presents, that tend to come from relatives ... come from the relatives. Otherwise, how can we square writing thank you letters in January

So, the child gets to share in the short-lived magic, without forgetting their manners!!

I was seven (btw) when I figured it out. Oddly enough, it wasn't at Christmas, but sometime on a hot summer's day in July. I was gutted, but I got over it.

[Desiderata]

And as a codicil to my last post, I wasn't gutted because I thought I'd been sold a pup by my mum.

I was grateful that she had kept the magic of Christmas alive without spilling the beans.

I just figured it out by myself.

[SomethingIncrediblyWitty]

It's not anything to do with being an aetheist, i just pointed that out because it may have originally been why dh didn't have Santa.

I just asked him and he says no, it was just because his dad worked 40hours a week, gave himself chronic back pain and tinnitus and Santa got the credit for his hard work!!!

I think it is not fair to let kids expect that santa can fulfill their christmas wishes and then be so disappointed on Christmas day when they don't get Baby Born, a Nintendo DS and a DVD player for their bedroom.

And no, they won't get large presents from relatives as none of em are that well off either. I thought the magic of Christmas was the warm fuzzy feeling you get from spending a lovely day with your family on Christmas day, not receiving presents

[Desiderata]

I agree with you on that.

But honestly, I don't think it's a good idea to tell them that Santa Claus doesn't exist ... not until they're old enough to figure it out.

It's a huge part of childhood - and I really don't think they'll thank you for it.

Do you want the credit? I mean, it's not like they won't put two and two together and realize it was you all along, anyway. I graft my tits off, cleaning, to buy my son toys. I would still rather he thought FC bought him the ones I actually bought him.

I think you're mistaken.

I'm also skint, so don't think I'm coming at you from the middle class pov.

[SomethingIncrediblyWitty]

Glad u came back - thought i had annoyed you for a bit! Answer is i dunno...it's just that in my other dds school i think everyone has a credit culture or really are better off. I thought maybe it would be easier to explain that it's not that Santa likes these other kids more, but that it's actually me, and do the old 'money can't buy you love' thing! I haven't decided yet. I loved the thought of Santa when i was little, but then i didn't have a load of people rubbing my face in the fact that they got more iyswim? It mainly stems from the teacher having asked the whole class to tell her what they got for xmas...surely she realised it was gonna upset some people???!!

[Desiderata]

Ah, then follow the advice I've given.

Our kids don't think by our standards. They don't compare, they don't compute. Not until they're much older.

I've seen a lot of this on threads lately. Ordinary people, such as myself, made to feel inadequate by better off people.

Honestly, don't kill the Father Christmas dream. It's all part of the magic of childhood.

Father Christmas doesn't have to buy them much. You can buy several great toys for very little. Let them imagine that they've been good, that FC loves them, and that they've been rewarded for it. The presents that were bought from relatives are different. As I said. Tell them it's from Uncle or Aunty.

It isn't a lie, it's a beautiful fabrication. Everyone gets it in the end, and there lies fond memories.

I'll say it again. I honestly don't think your kids will thank you in later life, if you shatter this blissful little bit of innocence.

[Desiderata]

Oh, and by the way.

That teacher was a twat. You really shouldn't do that.

[SomethingIncrediblyWitty]

i thought so too. G'nite. I'm off!

[Desiderata]

G'night Witty!

And ... Oh!

HAPPY CHRISTMAS

[krazykoolkazza]

I realy can't be doing with people getting all heavy about things like Father Christmas. It's fun, it's fantasy and as others have said it's totally part of the magic of childhood. Aren't everyone's fondest childhood memories all about Christmas and everything associated with it? I know miine are.

I tell my DS that Father Christmas asks us (as parents) how good he's been and what he'd like, we then give him a list (with the money!) of the stuff he's asked for (within reason of course!) and then FC wraps it amd delivers it. We've come a cropper with the wrapping paper issue on occasion as he invariably spots that FC uses the same paper as us but I've even told him that we provide that too! He always seems happy enough with the story and is far more interested in the fact that FC actually does the business on Christmas Eve than cross examining us Jeremy Paxman style about the veracity of our story.

The fact that we tell him that we pay for the gifts gets over the fact that he can't just ask for anything he likes and also exxplains why some children have more or less than others - depending on what their parents can afford. With my approach, DS also doesn;t find it remotely preposterous that FC goes to Argos and Woolies to get the stuff!

I also feel sorry for kids who are denied the right to engage with the whole Father Christmas thing. It's a part of shared culture and shared experience and shared experiences I believe bind people together. At the end of the day kids don't want to be different from each other.

[SueBaroo]

ok, well, we're Christians, and we do celebrate a fairly traditional Christmas. We told the dc that Father Christmas is a story based on a man called Nicholas who loved Jesus and gave people gifts.

We say that a lot of people now play a game at Christmas that Father Christmas comes to visit. There's no more sense of 'lying' in the game of Father Christmas as there is in the game of Princes and Princesses or whatever. It's a make-believe game, and it's completely healthy and harmless.

That's how we approach it, don't know if it's any help to you

[andiem]

we deal with it by saying santa brings the things in the stocking which are all small and mummy and daddy buy the presents under the tree. That way my ds knows that we buy the majority of the stuff and santa brings chocs books etc. I'm hoping this will make it less of an issue when he discovers santa isn't real!

[harrisey]

WHat do you mean there's no such person as Santa???



My Dad always says "If you dont believe in Santa, dont bother hanging up your stocking'.