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Philosophy/religion

How do I make my home feel happy?

26 replies

nearlythree · 27/12/2006 11:22

We moved into our house exactly a year ago. Moving was v. stressful. Just after moving our friend's ds died, and then both dd2 and myself were very ill. Then after ds was born dd2 got ill again and then all three dcs got cp. Dh and I haven't been getting on b/c of the stress and I am unwell all the time.

Our house feels overwhelmed by sadness. There are bad memories in every room. It's not my home, it's somewhere we live. In theory it's perfect for our family but if I could I would leave tomorrow. That isn't an option.

So, what can I do to make it fell a happier place?

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QuootiepieTheChristmasAss · 27/12/2006 11:26

Im sorry you've had to go through all that... DH and I moved here, because of bad memories everywhere, and have managed to create some bad ones here already! All I can think of, superficialy, is decorate it exactly how you'd love too... not just "nice" but how you would really love it, and surround yourself with things you love... Like a nice chair you've seen in an antique place, nice paintings... things like that. It is a boost walking into a room you really love. The only room like that in our house so far is DSs (unused) nursery!

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Pruni · 27/12/2006 11:28

Message withdrawn

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lulumama · 27/12/2006 11:29

i am sorry you are having a bad time....it is not nice when your home is not a comfortable place to live

you could try smudging....burning sage and using the smoke to clear any bad energy/ sprirts etc. don;t really know much about this,, but i;m sure someone else will....

i am sorry you are feeling unwell and stressed xx ((hug))

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nearlythree · 27/12/2006 11:36

Thank you so much for all your replies! We do have it decorated just how we want it and I have a lot of things that give me pleasure to look at, although a lot of my ceramics ans sculptures are currently packed away as dd2 can get to everywhere that they would be displayed. I agree that the fact this house is modern is a factor - our last house was a tiny 18th century thatched cottage - lovely but impractical for one child let alone three. Neither of us liked this house but we bought it for the space and the fact it is in the same village.

Financially moving is hard, and leaving the village would also be tough b/c of the school - we need to be in the village to be in catchment. So it'd mean waiting for another house to come up for sale, which took 18 mo last time.

I just have no happy memories here. Even Christmas made me feel sad.

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nearlythree · 27/12/2006 11:38

Sorry to hear you're having a hard time, Quootiepie.

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Elasticwoman · 27/12/2006 11:47

Memories are in your head, not in the bricks and mortar. If you were to move, which would be v stressful and expensive in itself, how would it make you feel any better?

I think it would be better to focus on the future where you are now. With 3 young children you must have plenty to look forward to.

Or you could ask a priest to come and exorcise the Evil Spirits!

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BaileysMilkshake · 27/12/2006 11:49

I am happiest when the house smells nice (nice burner on) and the soft lights are on and DH and I are relaxed. This can either be with or without the DC's around. But especialy nice if we are watching a film altogether and having cuddles.

Do you feel up to trying to create some nice memories?? Is there something you could all do together that you would enjoy. I know it's hard when you're down.

We had DH's grnadad to come for the day yesterday and were hoping to take some nice pcitures of him with the DC's and create some good memories but he is quite poorly at the moment and he ended up sleeping the whole time. And when he left he said "I'm glad I got to see the little one" about DS who is 2 weeks old. DH and I said afterwards how it seemed to be a goodbye from him - I hope not!

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nearlythree · 28/12/2006 11:56

Thanks for the replies. I think the bottom line is that dh and I need to work on our relationship. It's hard to create happy memories when we aren't happy together.

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secretlywishIcouldknit · 28/12/2006 12:40

nearlythree - you have hit the nail on the head, if you aren't happy, your hme isn't going to be...no matter how much decorating, soft furnishings you throw at it.
But, in the meantime, while you work on you and dh, there are some things you can be doing.
1: Cleansing - someone mentioned smudge sticks, but IME, use whatever you have - incese sticks would do - sometimes it's about the intent and the ritual rather than the accessories IFKWIM.
have a look at some hints here
You could also have a family session, where, having cleansed each room, everyone takes a noisy instrument (bells, drums, whistles and ,arch round every corner of the house, making some noise, visualising any bad vibes being driven away, before sitting down to a special family meal.

2: Create a blessings tree. Could be a large pot plant, or some gold sprayed branches/willow wands whatever. Write down anything you have to be thankful for, anything which has made you feel positive (Start small if you find it difficult to think of things, eg a nice afternoon with the family with no arguments; a lovely meal you have enjoyed; a compliment from a friend) and hang it on the tree. You can roll up the 'blessings' if they are 'private'. Also add any 'thank you' cards etc you may recieve. Try and find one thing a week to feel thankful for and encourage children to do the same.

3: Positive visualisation. Sit in a room/area of room where you currently feel sad or uncomfortable. Light a candle to help you focus. Clear your mind of everything and imagine yourself bathed in warm light; as you breathe, imagine the warm light flooding through your body and then out into the room, filling every inch of the room in a warm, comforting glow. Concentrate on capturing happy feelings (again, start small if it's hard for you - the smell of your children, being cuddled) and project those feelings into the room.

if this is too new agey for you and not what you are looking for, apologies. i hope someone else will have some more ideas for you. Blessings x

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secretlywishIcouldknit · 28/12/2006 12:41

Just to add, being happy is about appreciating the small things inbeween the big dramas and excitements of life, literally taking time out to smell the flowers.

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Gemmitygem · 28/12/2006 20:04

I would consider decorating in nice colours with family or friends helping out, really upbeat music on and imagining to yourselves the positive vibes filtering into the house.

or throw a big party, if you're feeling hippyish everyone could chant something together like 'happy house' or whatever..

generally try to 'paper' the house with happy times, even little ones, and every time you come into a room, try to consciously recall those times.

hope it all gets better for you.

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winnie · 28/12/2006 20:15

I was going to suggest burning sage. I know people who have and have found it very cleansing.

The blessings tree is a lovely idea.

However, your house will not change radically until you are happier and a small suggestion about helping you feeling happier is keeping a blessings journal. Whenever, I am finding it difficult to count my blessings I return to my blessings journal and write each day anything big or small that has happened that I feel is a blessing. I always start this by writing 50 things to feel blessed about now. This can be anything from the fact I have running water, beautiful children, a washing machine and food in the cupboard to sunshine streaming through the dinning room window, a walk through the park, or a comment on the radio. Over time one can literally read the abundance that one has in ones life. HTH x

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kitegirl · 28/12/2006 20:21

I was in a sort of junk/antique/knick-knack store in Santa Monica, CA on a holiday and saw this buddha statue and just had to get it. It was only a small one, but I really liked it. I put it in the prettiest place in the house, in front of a huge window with lots of daylight, and I knew when I brought the statue home that it would make my house a lot calmer, more harmonious. We had had a very unsettled year up until then but every time I see the little buddha, I feel calmer - sometimes I touch it on my way up or down the stairs. DH thinks I am bonkers. So maybe you can find an object that represents calm and happines and make it a central piece in your home - something that makes you feel happy everytime you see it?

I feel for you. Hopefully your home will feel like a home soon.

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nearlythree · 31/12/2006 11:59

Thank you all. Secretly, this is just what I am after. Thank you for your blessing too. And kitegirl, I have things that matter to me spiritually but they get buried under clutter so I need to clear away and get my things on display. A blessings journal is a great idea.

With sage, is that burning the herb or the oil?

Many thanks again to everyone and I wish you all a blessings-filled New Year.

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nearlythree · 31/12/2006 12:00

Sorry, Winnie, the journal is a great idea!

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lulumama · 31/12/2006 12:10

the herb itself.. but the sentiments behind the burning is also important.....recall something about ringing a bell in each corner of the room too


when we moved into our house , there was definitely some sort of presence there, that scared the pants off me on one occasion.. so i stood in the hall the next day and asked if we could all live together nicely, with no more scaring please!

seems to have worked!!

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nearlythree · 31/12/2006 12:47

Okay, I know where I can get some fresh sage.

There isn't a presence here, just a sadness. Maybe moving here just co-incided with a lot of unhappiness.

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fullmoonfiend · 31/12/2006 18:15

As it's New Year's Eve, you could also write down any negative things you wish to discard this year(thoughts/habits/emotions) etc in big thick black ink and burn them (inside or out) As the paper burns, try and visualise these hindering negative energies dissolving ( you can say something in your head or out loud if you want, like ''goodbye misery, I don't need you in my life, you're holding me back and preventing me from being the person I want to be.''
Concentrate on turning the energy you spend on negative things into pure positive energy (silver is a good colour to use for this visualisation IME)

Hope this makes sense!
Happy 2007 to you
(I'm SecretlywishIcouldknt, but I'm back to 'normal' now )

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hortense · 31/12/2006 18:56

As a Christian my obvious answer would be to ask friends to join you in praying through your house...I dont mean exorcising evil spirits, I mean praying in love and good thoughts.

I think the idea of a blessing tree is lovely.

When we moved into our new house it was a newly built house and although it didn't feel sad and we were all very happy, it all seemed so new and no history...so being musicians we invited all our musician friends round, they all brought food and we SANG and played instruments, the whole house in its beautiful new builed magnolia serenity soon woke up!!!!

Best wishes for the new year to the whole family..

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nearlythree · 01/01/2007 11:44

Big thanks, fullmoonfiend, for all your help, your suggestions feel 'right' to me, although haven't done any of them yet as I have been nursing dd2 and ds through a chest infection! I think I will print off this thread and the link and make a proper plan. Yesterday I suddenly remembered the family New Years from my childhood. M family are East Enders and we would go to my aunt or great aunts' houses to celebrate, and at midnight the whole street would come out with pots and pans and wooden spoons to bang them with - sounds very much like what is suggested here! Have a good 2007.

Hortense, I am a Christian too but right now I draw little comfort from the conventional ways of keeping our faith. I do have a lovely house blessing liturgy which I hope to use with the dcs before dd1 goes back to school - I think it would combine well with the other ideas here. Thank you for your post. Have a good one!

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JackieNo · 01/01/2007 12:28

You might also be interested in this site about 'Space Clearing'. I think there are people on MN who are more knowledgeable about this sort of thing than me - they may not be around today, but bump the thread in a day or 2 and hopefully they will see it.

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nearlythree · 01/01/2007 21:18

Thanks, Jackie, it's a good link and I will bump this thread!

Fullmoonfiend, meant to say I have always thought the same as you about having the time to stand and stare. The big occasions are always hit-and-miss; it's the little things, like playing dd2's silly games she comes up with, or watching the woodpecker in the garden with dd1, or holding a snuffly ds in the middle of the night that add richness to my life.

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squidette · 01/01/2007 21:43

nearlythree

I hope i am not speaking out of turn here, but when i experience 'unhappy' its usually because i believe or think or feel 'unhappy'.

Its sounds as though its you, not your house, that is feeling overwhelmed by sadness? If that is so, its a hard place to be and i send YOU my warmest thoughts.

Have you ever read The Twits by Roald Dahl - when he is describing how even when a really ugly person with a sticky out teeth and a wonky nose (!!) thinks beautiful thoughts, they shine out of her like sunbeams and she will always look radiant? Perhaps going a bit far, but your original post reminded me of this - i heard your sadness and feelings of being overwhelmed and i just wanted to say how much i thought that your post on my thread - about you wanting to become more intouch with the divine 'within' could be what you are looking for?

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funnypeculiar · 01/01/2007 21:55

Sorry to hear you're having a tough time - think this time of year doesn't help - so much focus on everyone being happy!

Agree with some others that it sounds like there is a need for you (all) to focus on the positives. I LOVE the blessings book idea, Winnie - tried to do something similar but didn't get it off the ground. What I do try to do, with ds, and also dh, is talk through the higlights of our days just before bed - just taking a couple of mins to reflect on nice things that have happened .. ds says 'tell me about my lovely day' when he gets into bed - I find it a really positive way to reframe a day (esp when you've just had the pre-bed fight....) Know this isn't house related per se, but could be reworked....??
hth.

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BernieBear · 01/01/2007 22:19

Oh Funny, Just realised I do that too. Although I also ask about about what was the worst bit about the day (ds nearly 3). Hmmm, think I will just concentrate on the best bits from now. Also moved to new home 8 months ago and trying to make our (mine and ds) stamp on it and prev posts struck a chord about being happy in oneself which helps improving ones space....... Although periodically burn lavender and the tree idea sounded good too!

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