Should I take my children to their great-granny's funeral?

[Crotchety]

Great-Granny has died (91, expected, very peaceful). Don't know whether or not to take DSs (5 and 7)to the funeral though. They are used to going to church and are coping OK with the idea that she has gone to heaven. I think if we do take them maybe we would only take them to the church part and not the burial. But I'm not sure whether to take them at all? Any opinions/experience please?

[smeeinit]

i would definatly take them to the funeral,you say they are coping well with the fact than granny has moved on to heaven,and you have obviously explained it well to your children so if they and yourselves feel they can cope with the funeral then they must go.
i personally think that shielding children from this part of life is very wrong,i have a friend that stopped her children from attending their little brother and sisters funeral and i think its a great shame they were not given the choice as i know for sure that they would have attended and as a result have alot of issues to resolve.
at the end of the day death is a part of life.

[nearlythree]

Yes, take them. You might find older relatives tut-tutting but so what?

[BarefootDancer]

My Granny died when I was 6. My parents didn't take me to the funeral, but I think in retrospect I would have liked to go and to have a memory of saying goodbye to her like this. I have fond memories of her.
As an adult I think that children can give a positive feeling to the event - that life goes on and all that.
I don't see that children would be upset by seeing a burial - they have probably been in a graveyard with you and talked about that.. You can explain before what to expect and what will be expected of them.

[lemonaid]

We all went to my grandparents' funerals (aged 3, 5.5 and 8 for the first one and 5, 7.5 and 10 for the second one) and I'm very glad we did - it's important to me, in retrospect, that I had that closure. And we took DS to DH's grandfather's funeral last year.

All of these were cremations, though -- I think you should trust your instincts on whether to take them to the actual burial or not, but definitely think children at funerals is generally a good thing.

[roisin]

My dad died this summer and it never occurred to me not to take the boys (7 and 9) to the funeral, and committal at the crem. He nearly died 3 years ago, and we planned to take them then too (4 and 6). (He had a miraculous recovery.)

However, my grandma (their great grandma) died nearly 4 years ago and we didn't take the boys, as they didn't know her that well and it just didn't seem the right thing at the time. (They were 3.5 and 5.5).

[DizzyBint]

take them. it's good for them to see what happens, why hide it? my mum died when i was 9, my sister was 7, we both went to the funeral and burial.

[nearlythree]

I'd go to the burial. My dd1's friend died earlier this year and whilst we didn't take her to the funeral (because I was very distressed and didn't want her to see me like that) it has been helpful to take her to see his grave. FWIW we explained that her friend had an 'inside' and an 'outside' person and that it was the 'outside' person that had been buried. I think you are totally doing the right thing. My parents were rubbish about death and didn't talk to me about what happens at funerals at all. Then when I was 14 my aunt died and suddenly to them I was grown-up enough to go. I was petrified but too embarassed to ask anyone what was going to happen.

[Crotchety]

Hmmm thanks all. I think now I am tending towards taking them after all, and maybe playing the burial bit by ear after the service.