a philosophical question about Father Christmas

[oliviasmummy]

Christmas is not too far away and although we do not subscribe to any faith, we have always done the traditional thing by giving gifts to each other. This year our dd will be 3 and she is already talking about things like santa and presents. I feel a bit strange about this, and my dh thinks I am going bonkers! The thing is, I can remember how I felt when I found out (from a rather nasty little boy at school when I was 6) that the whole thing is a complete lie. I felt particularly bad towards my mum, who had gone to great lengths to keep the belief going, and badly let down by all the co-conspirators in my family. I know it is supposed to be a magical time for children but Im having a hard time with the dishonesty of being upbeat about santa coming etc. Soon there will be questions about how he gets round everybodys houses all in one night and I know I wont do well. Clearly, I need to lighten up and go with the flow, but Im trying to teach dd about honesty at the moment (she has started telling little fibs like no, she didnt spill paint on the carpet, it was daddy!)I think Im really asking, are there such things as good lies and bad lies?

[BATtymumma]

I do understand to a point, but where will your honesty stop? will there be no such thing as fairies, or unicorns or even mother nature?
Santa is all part of growing up and i think its rare that a child finds out about father christmas so brutally.

try and just go with it.

[gigglinggoblin]

of course there are good lies! santa gets round the whole world by magic, everyone knows that. i cant remember the exact moment i decided he wasnt real, i think realisation sort of dawned and i realised that his handwriting was just the same as my dads. i certainly wasnt bitter about it. ds1 is 7 and has asked if he is real as someone has said he is not. i have said that if you dont believe he wont bring you any presents. now technically that isnt even a lie, but its enough to keep ds believing for another year

[FrankenZooey]

I think if you don't go overboard with the deceit (personally I find all the footsteps in the snow business a bit insane) then it is not such a shock when a child discovers the truth. I know some people who say things like "well obviously one man couldn't get round the whole world in a night, so Mummies and Daddies hep him out", or even explain the idea behind the Father Christmas story and say that while we like to keep the idea of Father Christmas alive, that it is just a story to add some magic to Christmas time. It's ok not to go along with it just because everyone else does - different people believe different things - and I am sure your dd will have a wonderful Christmas whatever.

[oliviasmummy]

This is all very helpful, better than my friend's advice who said she would report me to the RSPCC if I outed santa! sometimes its the silliest things that make parenting hard. Also Im probably assuming that she will take it as hard as I did on discovering. Frank I think you're right about not going overboard with the information. I wonder how non christian children deal with it as they must be exposed to all the hype at Christmas, anyway, its given me a different way to look at it, thanks

[fairyjay]

We always went totally overboard. Ds was heartbroken when he discovered that there was no Santa - he'd seen him! It had just got to the stage where he was being teased at school for his belief, so we had to be upfront. He was about 10 though.

Dd was also 10, and she still refers to 'the fake Father Christmas', with a glare in the direction of me and dh - like how dare you lie to me.

I still believe though

[texasrose]

I know what you mean because I'm not very good at lying and BC I always said I wouldn't allow them to believe in something that's not true (heartless I know!) But then it all changed when I saw the delight on dd's face when she saw her full stocking...and when 'father christmas' came to our table in the M&S cafe and asked if dd would like some chocolate coins...you have to enter into the spirit of the season and allow a bit of magic i think.

We have a stocking for each child but we also give them seperate presents which we say are from mummy and daddy. We also put a couple of pieces of fruit / box of raisins etc in the stocking nad say that Father Christmas has left a special christmas day breakfast for them...which last year was the thing they got most excited about! (and it means that they get a healthy breakfast before all the feasting begins!)

Most children I think become ready to cast off the beilef in their own time, but while they're little, let them enjoy it, I say!

[nearlythree]

Someone wrote a book a few yrs ago 'proving' that scientifically Santa can do everything legend says he can - gets around the world in an evening, has flying reindeer etc.

I grew out of believing in Santa. I was gutted, but not annoyed with anyone - just sad that a bit of magic had gone. I agree it's a good idea to teach the story of St. Nicholas or Father Christmas, depending on whether you prefer the Christian version or the pagan!

Presumably you are doing the tooth fairy thing?

[roisin]

We gently went along with FC, but didn't emphasize it in any way. I was surprised, but relieved, when ds1 announced at the age of 6 that the "existence of FC was a logical impossibility" PMSL

However ds2 is now 7.5 and still an ardent believer. Dh tried to gently coax him about it the other day, but ds2 ardently insisted that it must be true "because one of his teachers said she had seen FC, and teachers don't tell lies" ... so I think somewhere down the line we are in for a bit of a bumpy ride with this one.

[fransmom]

rofl at "existence of FC ... logical impossibility"

i didn't know 7yr olds knew words like that

i like texasrose suggestion about the healthy breakfast but one thing that's sneaky! (but good)

[pointydog]

I'm not totally happy with the lie side of it either (dh thinks I'm a loon). I've always said as little as possible, smiling and nodding at their santa imaginings, reading stories and all the rest of it. When dd2 asked outright, I asked her back if she wanted to believe in Santa and all his magic. She said yes. It's just a great story.

[harrisey]

What do you mean, santa doesn't exist ????