Confused about God

[Awakeindreams]

Hi I'm hoping someone may have advice for me. I am from a family of atheists and have always been one myself. However in the past 6 months I've found myself connecting with God (I think!)

The thing is I find this both comforting and scary, I'm started to worry I will be punished for things I have done in the years before. I worry I am not worthy and therefore haven't even been to church yet. These worries were not there when I was an atheist so finding God has created a lot of questions in my mind.

I also get this tingly feeling when I pray, is that normal?

Sorry if this is a bit of a ramble, as you can probably tell I am very confused any advice would be great.

[capsium]

None of us are 'worthy', as you put it. This is why God forgives, why Jesus redeems us.

I feel a sort of warm tingleness when I pray too.

[Questionoffaith]

The most amazing realization for me was the start of an understanding of the love of God and how there is nothing you can do or have done that can change how he loves you. It just is. Am reading a book by Desmond Tutu at the moment that talks about this a lot. Loads of great reading out there which reinforces this message and what it means and how it should liberate us from our past, weaknesses and screw ups.

[niminypiminy]

Awakeindreams I too am from a family of atheists and was one myself before God found me. I had to do a huge amount of rethinking -- perhaps that's not over yet! But it was a turning point in my life and has been a wonderful gift.

It actually helped me a great deal to go to church. I realised that church isn't a place full of perfect people but ordinary people with baggage, just like I am a bunch of sinners, in fact. At first I just used to sit at the back and let it wash over me, and it took me ages to talk to people. It took me a long time to get involved, and to pluck up the courage to say I'd like to be baptised (that was a scary moment). But it did really help me to see that I am loved and forgiven because every service had time to think about the ways I fall short of what God wants, and every service had an absolution if we repent we are forgiven to try again.

Going to church also helped me to focus on Jesus, and to begin see how he gives us God's love and hope. I might not have got that on my own.

I think it's normal to get tingles when you pray -- and also normal not to!

[cloutiedumpling]

Please don't worry about feeling not worthy. We all screw up. Each and every one of us. Yet God still loves us all, whether we are Christians or not.

If you want to, there is nothing to stop you trying out a local church. Most churches now have websites which will give you a feel for the church along with service times. Like Niminy, I went through a period where I'd sit at the back and just listen but without getting involved. I'd arrive about 30 seconds before the service started and would be about the first out of the door afterwards. Churches are usually very welcoming and don't ask visitors difficult questions (I only mention this because a friend who'd not been to church before thought that people might ask her about her faith and this had put her off going). If you've got any questions feel free to post here, although there is more traffic on the chat and prayer threads.

[Awakeindreams]

Thanks for your advice it's really helped. I have contacted my local church but I am too chicken to go! Might try out sitting at the back and easing myself into it.

The other thing I question is I believe in God and Jesus, I actually think he has come to me at a tricky point in my life and for that I am eternally grateful. However some of the church's stances I don't agree on e.g. Homosexuality and feel like I might be picking and choosing the bits I like?

I went to a catholic school which was highly homophobic so I might be confusing C of E with the Catholic Church, hopefully they have a more broad minded approach.

Thanks so much for replies, glad the tingling thing is normal ish!

[niminypiminy]

Re homophobia there's a spectrum of opinion you'd probably find independent evangelical churches more likely to have a 'love the sinner hate the sin' kind of attitude (which I loathe), in the Cof E, Methodists and URC there are lots of people with more enlightened-- liberal attitudes. And there are lots of groups like Changing Attitude and Inclusive Church working for change.

[niminypiminy]

Oh, and there isn't a membership test! I should think most church-goers have things they don't agree with -- I know I do!

[Laphem]

I am a bit like you I think. I was an atheist all my life then God came into my life too. I absolutely believe in God, feel his presence and find it a great comfort. I do have problems with some key christian beliefs. I've been to church a few times but find the time commitment difficult with an atheist family, and i am not sure i can accept all the views. I think the CoE is pretty homophobic in their official line, but there are lots of individuals and individual churches with a different view.
Sometimes I think as a convert I think I feel too strongly the need to agree with it all. Maybe people brought up in the church are more comfortable with difference between their views and the official line?
Anyway, God is in my life now and I ain't letting go whether I go to church or follow a particular religion.

[seasavage]

You've reminded me of how easy (and rewarding) I found prayer when I first found faith within myself. :-) I did feel tingles and warmth. I struggle (even now) to accept that god can accept me as my view of the world doesn't match to anything stereotypically 'christian'. Also, right now, I am angry and feel let down by life (and god).
It is actually really nice and productive to sit prayerfully (mindfully if you like) and say (silently or out loud) 'this is why I am stuck' and one day that turns to 'can you help?' (Or at least I found it a natural step one day).
Right now I feel I do need that connection. But I am scared to. (My anger). I hope I'll open up again.
If you feel odd praying, think of it as an exercise in reflective thought. A mental exercise in examining what you feel needs improvement within you/ your family etc.

[SBGA]

The thing is I find this both comforting and scary

I really understand this. When I had not believed in God (for a lot of years), I felt like I was going to jump off a cliff if I let go of my unbelief and trusted in God instead of my own works.

I was first introduced to the idea that God may be real when I came across a well-known, but perhaps little understood, verse in the bible: John 3 verse 16 which says "for God so loved the world, that he gave His only son, so that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life".

I looked deeper into the context of the word "believe", and found it meant to trust in and rely upon HIM. Other verses in the bible spoke of how God says we can't earn our own way to Him through; good works, going to church, being baby baptised etc. and fitted well with this new concept: a free gift from God, that all of us at some point in our lives either chooses to accept or reject. A gift that is given freely because everyone has done wrong at some point in their life and there is no-one righteous enough, meaning perfect enough, to be above needing this gift.

I'm started to worry I will be punished for things I have done in the years before.

This is perfectly normal and the reason you feel this way is likely to be because you've realised, perhaps for the first time in your life, that you're what the bible calls a 'sinner'. I'm one too, we all are. It just means we do wrong and God's spirit it prompting you to know that you deserve punishment, just like we all do. The bible says "the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life". It really is good news to learn that Jesus paid the penalty so you don't have to. The bible says "He paid ONCE; for ALL". Anything you have done wrong in the past, or will do wrong in the future is covered. There is no need for worry when you see this, it brings instead a deep gratitude for such undeserved grace and mercy.

I worry I am not worthy and therefore haven't even been to church yet.

None of us are worthy of God in ourselves because none of us are righteous.

Philippians chapter 3 verse 9 says: "But not having a righteousness of my own...., but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which comes from God on the basis of faith"

Romans 4 also says "Now to the one who works, his wage is not credited as a favor, but as what is due. But to the one who does not work, but believes in Him who justifies the ungodly, his faith is credited as righteousness, just as David also speaks of the blessing on the man to whom God credits righteousness apart from works

^“Blessed are those whose lawless deeds have been forgiven,
And whose sins have been covered.
“Blessed is the man whose sin the Lord will not take into account.”^

I knew I hadn't done anything hideously wrong by most people's standards, but I also knew that no one really is perfect and that included me. I now know I am made righteous by Jesus, because of my faith, and not of myself.

By all means find a good church where you can grow, but do test their teaching is not contrary to the bible, otherwise you're following a man-made religion instead, which is pointless. My recommendation to you is to research it all for yourself, take no one's word for it (either for or against), the answers are all there if you take time to read and study them out.

These worries were not there when I was an atheist so finding God has created a lot of questions in my mind.

Sometimes we don't let ourselves think too much, I know I didn't. But asking questions is a very good and healthy place to be, don't let anyone try to stop you! Even God says we should "test" and "search" teachings.

[SixImpossible]

Unbelief is not bad, is not wrong, it just is.

It does not matter how you believe in god, nor what you were like previously. What matters is what you do with that belief.

If you feel that you have acted wrongly in the past, consider apologising to the individuals concerned. If you feel that you need to make a general expiation for your wrong-doings, consider giving something back by charitable work or volunteering.

There are many ways to approach Deity. Christianity - or any organised religion - is only one way to connect. Look at other routes as well, to find the one that welcomes you and sits well.

[biscuitsandbandages]

Gods ability to understand and forgive and still love us is immense compared with our own. He is the most gracious, the most merciful.

I can forgive my kids almost anything and understand they are doing their best and I have only a fraction of His capacity for forgiveness.

This is why I dont worry about getting things wrong. I dont believe God punishes you for things you did wrong by accident, through weakness when you at least tried or for things that you did before you had learnt they were wrong. I trust him to understand im doing my best.

[vdbfamily]

One of the best examples for me that illustrates how it is all about Jesus and not about us is when Jesus is crucified. The guy one side of him mocks him and says 'if you really are the messiah then prove it by saving us all' but the other guy described as a criminal ,has a revelation of exactly who Jesus is and he says to the first guy 'we are getting what we deserve but this man has done nothing wrong' He then asks Jesus to remember him when he 'comes into his kingdom' and Jesus promises him he will be with him in paradise. What I love about this is that this criminal has lived a bad life,has met Jesus and has no time to do any good thing to 'redeem himself' but the point is, we cannot do anything to redeem ourselves. The good work was done by Jesus on the cross. He redeemed us ,so all your past life is forgotten and as a response to His love, we of course want to serve Him with 'good works' but they in themselves get us nowhere.
Have a look at the painting 'Light of the World' It shows Jesus knocking on a door with no handle. He is knocking on everyone's door but some are not listening.When you hear the knocking, you have to open the door as he cannot force it open.When you let him in and get to know him by reading his word,talking to him and meeting with other Christians,He will help you deal with the issues that bother you.

[SixImpossible]

the point is, we cannot do anything to redeem ourselves

I find that stance very sad. Do all Christians believe this?

OP, if you're still seeking, have a look at Unitarianism.