Can anybody help with these weird dreams?

[Embarrassedandconfused]

Can anybody help me decipher my recent dreams? I am a regular but you will see why i have changed my name for this in a minute.

For about 7 days I dreamt that DH was either cheating on me or was so horrible to me that I had no option but to leave him - really quite vicious dreams. We have had some problems over the last couple of years but we are trying to work through them.

Over the last three or four days I have been dreaming that I am having a consensual sexual relationsship with my father - In my dreams I know it is wrong and we are trying to hide it. I wake up feeling shocked and queasy.

I was sexually abused by my dad and have only told a couple of very close friends but it not on my mind all the time - and why do I dream about it now and why is it something I want in my dreams?

This is freaking me out at the moment - any ideas would be gratefully received.

TIA
x

[Embarrassedandconfused]

just bumping this.

Anybody any thoughts?

[Embarrassedandconfused]

just bumping this.

Anybody any thoughts?

[HuwEdwards]

I think you may need some professional counselling re: your past treatment by your dad.

[Nanou1]

how tragic.... do you have any reason to doubt your husband? has he cheated in the past? i agree it would do you good to see someone to help you heal. also could it be that you are blaming yourself for what happened with your father and your troubles with your dh? do you suffer from low self esteem, depression? hugs from me to you, must be terrible for you.

[Embarrassedandconfused]

Dh and I have had a bad year - another woman was involved but he claims nothing happened. We did have some quite vicious rows at the time but at the moment tings seem to be better although things will blow up now and then.

The other dreams just make me feel sick. I cannot think why I would have them now - nothing has changed, nothing has happened.

[Nanou1]

maybe you are hurt by your dh and maybe you don't trust him anymore. could you feel that you are not good enough and that's why he went to someone else? at least your dad loved you very much... even if it was wrong?
am i getting it right? where is your mum in all this?
you need a big hug don't you? feeling for you....

[Embarrassedandconfused]

I don't trust DH implicitly like I used to but I ackowledge that - my father and I have never had a close relationship although as he gets older he is asking for my help more re helping him sort out his finances etc. I am happy to help but I don't really like my dad as a person very much - he is mean spirited, a coward and incredibly selfish and has been a pig to my mother over the years - she is very traditional and would never leave him.

I have been having some 5 elements acupuncture recently - maybe that is makeing my dreams go haywire - thanks for listening.

[Nanou1]

hey you should have said re acupuncture. you are right in the healing process that's why. you are healing. this is all good honey! it will get better soon. stuff deeply buried is coming out so no wonder you are going through hell at the moment. re his actions maybe your dad is asking for your forgiveness. re your mum; bet you have a difficult relationship with her too... come and join us on the prayer thread when you need to in case you don't visit already; look after yourself and let me know how you get on. well done btw on your first steps towards recovery. and very brave too. xx

[twocatsonthebed]

I think the acupuncture might have something to do with it.

And I know that this sounds wierd, but perhaps the dreams about your father are not entirely a bad thing. It may be that for some reason you now feel more able to confront this directly rather than bury it. It could be the acupuncture, or it could be - from what you say in your latest post - that the balance of power between you and your father has changed recently.

Another thought that occurs to me is that you seem to have switched your reactions to your father and DH in your dreams - is there some similarities in their behaviour?

I would agree with HE, that perhaps this might be the time to talk to someone about this. Or if you don't feel up to this, and the dreams keep coming, try and write them down as soon as you can. For me, this can really help to see what they are trying to tell me.

[Embarrassedandconfused]

Thanks for your replies. I hope that this is a healing process - I have been out of sorts for a few years now- really since becoming a mum (dd is 6). Balance of power with H shifted, then I became SAHM and then the issues with other woman. I am wary of my dad around my DD.

I feel as if I am drifting - after years of being corporate woman with clearly marked goals I am (in the world's eyes) doing nothing. Sorry I am rambling.

The dreams have really shaken me up though especially the ones about my dad - I don't want to cry but I just want to hide in a dark hole. I can't talk to anybody in RL about this - only a few people know about H's "dalliance" and hardly any any about my dad.

I am scared of going to counselling - firstly I am fed up of crying and being miserable and secondly I am scared of talking to somebody about tjhis and being judged.

Thank you again for your replies

[Nanou1]

i can relate re counselling cos would feel the same - and i reckon that this is a lack of self confidence and very low self esteem - no wonder... BUT you have done nothing wrong, you are a victim who wants to move on and be healed(hence your going to the acunpunturist). Going counselling is brave and half step through recovery too. With regard to judging you - i truly think that people training in counselling have people's best interests at heart. Your recovery is far more important than what people may or may not think. Be strong - there will be light. x

[MaryBS]

No counsellor should EVER judge you, you are the victim here. I find it incredible you could ever want anything to do with your father after what happened. Is there any possibility at all that you blame yourself for what happened with your father, even a slight, irrational fear? Or do you feel you should have reacted differently at the time? You don't have to answer, but I just wonder if there's something deep within you thats triggering this.
Without going into too much detail as to what's happened to me in the past, I still question myself as to why I didn't fight him off, why I allowed it to happen to me. Even though I know it wasn't my fault, there was an element of 'why why why', which I've only recently been able to let go.

Many hugs, I hope you can find healing. xx

[clerkKent]

Although dreams can be literal, the husband and father in your dreams may represent some aspect of yourself that, in the first case, you want to leave/leave behind, and in the second, you want to reveal/come to terms with. It may not be all about sex.

[twocatsonthebed]

I think that being fed up with crying and being miserable is a very good reason for going to see a counsellor - it may be a hard process in parts but, certainly for me, the end result was more than worthwhile, and quite a lot of the time it was really fascinating.

As for being judged - as others have said, no good counsellor would ever do that (and I think that perhaps this is something that is in your head about other people judging you?). And remember, you aren't committed to the first one you see - any decent one should do you a trial session. And if you don't click with them, or feel that they are judging you, find someone else. And it will, of course be completely confidential.

[Ags]

I have practised as a counsellor/hypnotherapist in a former life! There is a technique that you might find useful would be to examine each aspect of your dreams while taking the role of that person/object.

For example if I had a dream about being in a forest in front of a large tree beside a stream, I would describe the dream from each perspective as if I was that object/person... "I am a large tree, I sit all day beside a stream that runs free and cold. I am rooted deep into the ground .....", "I am a shallow stream freezing cold from the shelter of the tall trees that stand around me...." etc. etc. etc. It can be useful to record your descriptions or perhaps even write them down.

The thought process behind this is as Clerk says, your dream is created by your subconscious mind and therefore each element is created by you and contains aspects of you.

However, I strongly recommend that you consider seeing a counsellor. You can go through your GP or if you go privately, ensure that you use a British Association of COunselling and Psychotherapy registered and preferably accredited counsellor. I spent quite a while lecturing and training counsellors and I can assure you that neither myself or any of the hundreds of people I encountered who eventually became counsellors would judge you. That is just not in the job description and anyone who would will not make it as a counsellor for very long.

Please take care of yourself. You sound as if you are having a tricky time at the moment and a counsellor would really help especially as you don't feel you have anyone in RL to speak to.

[Embarrassedandconfused]

Thanks for your replies everyone - I don't think I am really ready for counselling yet - I dont feel I can actually say the words out loud.

Sorry It has taken me so long to come back to this but it disturbs me and I can't deal with thinking about it alot.

MaryBS what you say is very interesting - I DO wonder whether I am to blame - I know rationally that that can't be right but I do wonder should I have said no, shouted , cried - as it was I was just terrified.

The dreams have stopped for now - thank god but they do still disturb nme.

[mummycan]

Had another session of acupuncture today - hope the dreams don't come back!