DH "change of heart" about contraception (long)

(52 Posts)
JumpJockey Sun 03-Nov-13 21:53:32

I've put this here rather than relationships because it is to do with religion, and otherwise I'd just get told to LTB.
We've been married 7 years, I was baptised and confirmed before we married and DH is a cradle Catholic. Before the DDs were born (now aged 2 and nearly5) we discussed contraception and were both of the opinion that it's fine, and once we'd had children he would get the snip. Hormonal contraception kills my sex drive, and we're both against the idea of the coil.

Now DH has said he has had a change of heart, and feels that contraception is not right. He's happy for me to use it as I still don't see it as an issue, but he's not willing to get snipped. I got pregnant within 2 months of trying both times (had been using condoms) so am now petrified of getting pregnant again, we agree that 2 kids is enough and don't want more. His argment is that by using contraception, we'd be interfering with God's plan if that should involve us having more kids, but is ok with a)NFP or b) me using contraception.

My issues with this:
1: he had previously agreed that even NFP is, at the bottom line, getting in the way of any plans God might have. If we go down that route, I'd have to do all the work, and am not confident enough in it to be brutally honest.
2: hormonal contraception gets rid of my desire for sex - but even then we've not had sex in 3 months since he made this announcement. I'm terrified of getting up the duff and don't trust cndoms (which, oddly, he is ok with)
3: this is a very major change of heart - he's become more religious since dd2 was born, which is fine, but this is something that had not been a concern before. He knows my feelings about it - sex is a wonderful gift, and should be part of our marriage, but not in a way that means more kids. I couldn't cope with more, find our two hard enough anyway.

Any ideas as to where to go from here? The choices seem to be no sex, or I go on hormonal contraception and lose any vestiges of sexual desire. And have to take on all the respnsibility, which had been the case when we first got together, and he had agreed that after kids, it would be his responsibility. I think that is the main issue - it's become my problem entirely. I'm not sure what he would say if I suggested we just shag away randomly and if God wants more kids we have more - I'm pretty sure he'd not be happy with abstinence for ever!

Coupon Thu 07-Nov-13 09:11:15

I was going to suggest the Mirena coil too.

Branleuse Thu 07-Nov-13 09:33:44

if he wont get the snip, which is up to him, and you still want to have a sex life, then maybe get sterilised yourself, and then problem solved.
It does involve general anaesthetic, which is one of the safest and most tested drugs out there.

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