I am very confused about a friend's sudden treatment of me.

(18 Posts)
1944girl Sun 28-Jul-13 22:11:08

Hello everyone.
I have always considered myself as a very calm rational person.At this moment I am upset about about the way someone whom I got to know as a friend is suddenly treating me.
I am a practising catholic and a cathechist at my local churches RCIA group.I have recently been accepted as a Eucharistic minister.
For the past few years I have been friendly with a lady I met at the RCIA group.She was converting to RC from CofE.She then described herself as a Anglo Catholic who wished to become RC because of the Anglican church's stance on women becoming priests as she did not hold with female clergy.
I helped her alot on her conversion and she was recieved into the Catholic church which she now attends daily for Mass.
She started to help out at the RCIA after her conversion but dropped out of the group because of issues she was having with other leaders, including the priest.It seemed she was still having hang ups about the role of women helping in the church, eg readers and Eucharistic ministers.Although we had a few arguements we remained friends.
When I told her that I had been asked to become a Eucharistic minister she showed horror, saying she would never do that, saying she felt uncomfortable recieving Holy Communion from a woman, and if she was ever housebound she would insist on a priest coming to her house to give her Communion.
Recently I have begun having problems with a family member, which my faith is helping me get through.Sometimes I tell her about it(my DGD's behaviour) and she has been quite negative about it, saying I should cheer up and enjoy life and stop moaning.
Things came to a full stop after mass this morning and I feel terrible.We usually meet in the church cafe ater Sunday mass and have a cup of coffee along with other friends from the church.Today there were just three of us-another good friend along with my friend in question and myself.I hate to say this but her attitude to me was dreadful.She treat me like I was not there and criticised everything I said.I have recently recieved a payment from my bank about PPI and even said she was going to investigate it at her bank because she thinks I have defrauded.
The other lady picked up on my upset and when we were alone asked me if I was OK.I told her I was upset about a private matter but thanked her for her concern.

Sorry for long story.I have posted on this board as it is religion related.This person calls herself a commited Chistian but I am beginning to have my doubts.I have asked for God's help today in how to handle her.It seems to be me she is going for for some reason.

1944girl Sun 28-Jul-13 22:13:34

Sorry for typos.I keep missing letters!

celticclan Sun 28-Jul-13 22:28:10

Well she doesn't sound like much of a friend. I think you need to confront her, tell her that her behaviour towards you is upsetting and ask her what the problem is.

1944girl Sun 28-Jul-13 23:54:15

Thankyou celltician I intend to do just that

claig Mon 29-Jul-13 00:54:53

I think she is jealous of you. I think she also feels a bit silly and exposed about telling you her views about female clergy now that you are becoming a Eucharistic minister. It sounds like she may be angry at herself for opening up about that and exposing herself and is taking her anger out on you.

Good luck with sorting it out.

claig Mon 29-Jul-13 01:01:00

She is probably jealous about the PPI payment too, particularly if it is a large payment, and couldn't help her negative feelings from coming out.

claig Mon 29-Jul-13 01:09:04

"She started to help out at the RCIA after her conversion but dropped out of the group because of issues she was having with other leaders, including the priest."

It also sounds like she does not get on with other people as well as you do, which is another thing that is bugging her and making her envious of you.

'Sometimes I tell her about it(my DGD's behaviour) and she has been quite negative about it, saying I should cheer up and enjoy life and stop moaning.'
That sounds possibly like projection of her own problems and feelings and also a sense of not wanting to help and share which is probably due to her own unhappiness.

At the end of the day, it seems that her behaviour is to do with her own inadequacies and bitterness at those inadequacies, and they are heightened when she compares herself to you.

WafflyVersatile Mon 29-Jul-13 01:13:50

Well from her point of view she joined the church because of these issues she has with female roles in the church. You helped her with her conversion. Now you have taken on a role that she disapproves of women taking in the church, the very person who assisted and encouraged her conversion. She probably thought you shared her views and now feels betrayed.

only you can decide if your god approves of your role in the church. If you are confident that this is the case then that's fine.

Then you have to think whether you deceived her in any way about your own views when assisting her to convert. Perhaps you are owe her an apology even if you did nothing intentionally. But if she feels the friendship is no longer then that is her prerogative.

Being hostile to you for other matters isn't justified in my view.

Monty27 Mon 29-Jul-13 01:19:42

I'd tell her to get 'knotted', frankly. Silly cow. (Don's hard hat).

1944girl Mon 29-Jul-13 14:29:23

Thanks everyone for your help I am feeling loads better

1944girl Tue 30-Jul-13 00:09:46


I could not reply to you in full before as was using my phone.
When this friend was converting to catholicism she stated it was because she did not agree with women priests and I was in full agreement with her.She never mentioned the subject of women having other roles in the church until after she became catholic.If she had told me this beforehand I would have told her I disagreed with her on this subject.Therefore I do not think I have betrayed her.
I think she has as others have said, alot of issues in her life that she is finding hard to come to terms with.

cloutiedumpling Thu 01-Aug-13 13:40:01

I wouldn't confront her. I'd just find someone else to have coffee with. Sometimes friendships run their course and it might be that this one will fizzle out.

1944girl Thu 01-Aug-13 19:33:17

Thanks cloutiedumpling.You have just read my mind.
I actually met up with her yesterday and we had a ''talk''.She is still obsessed with my PPI payment and has actually been to her bank and discussed it with an official there!.
I now think she and I should go our separate ways, despite this being a Christian thread.I have now seen her in her true colours, pity it was a money matter that made me see this way.
There's nowt so queer as folk.

WafflyVersatile Thu 01-Aug-13 19:53:21

I think you're right.

marmiteandhoney Thu 01-Aug-13 22:20:16

Apologies. We (the CofE) seemed to send you (RC) some of our most prickly and difficult people in the ordinariate/over women priests+bishops. I'm sure some of them are lovely, but I know of quite a few who are very difficult humans indeed.

1944girl Fri 02-Aug-13 01:11:37

Thankyou marmiteandhoney

springytoofs Thu 15-Aug-13 11:36:09

This sounds like bullying to me - nay, persecution if she's hunting you down re the PPI. Mental health/personality disorder(s)? As this is a christian thread, I would be wondering about a spiritual disorder too re she seems to have a hatred for women.

Nothing to do with you, of course. Shocking, though, when you thought someone was your friend (I can't count how many wierdos I meet in the church tbf lol. Some clearly think I am too. Gotta laff)

I do commiserate, though, with the shock. I had what I thought was a dear, old friend suddenly turn on me in a fundamentalist blast, rubbishing me to the floor. The shock was immense. It couldn't have hurt more if she'd actually physically beaten me up. It was abuse - and what this woman has done to you is abuse.

Maybe it's spiritual stuff? <taps nose>

1944girl Thu 15-Aug-13 20:01:22

Thanks Sringytoofs.
I dislike saying this but I have felt much better since staying clear of her.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now