Christian perspectives on divorce, support please?

(11 Posts)
dippyDoohdah Sun 11-Nov-12 12:57:24

hi.me and husband are in process of divorce , it's very sad but its been a damaging and abusive relationship.we also have two young sons.I considered myself a Christian, or nearly one, a few years ago, but have backed away from church in last year or so.it's a lovely pentecostal church with some great people.I went back for the first time today and it was lovely but I went forward for prayer at the end and was in bits...the sermon had been on forgiveness.one lady prayed for my marriage to be healed...did not sit quite right as I do not believe that can happen.another prayed that we can part and be good parents and heal as people.but I know the Bible sees divorce as a negative..so my question is how can I go to church but feel positive in being divorced and maybe even meeting a new partner one day?

dippyDoohdah Sun 11-Nov-12 20:29:15

any Christians willing to put their ideas here, please?

cloutiedumpling Mon 12-Nov-12 14:06:35

I saw this and didn't want it to go unanswered. I have no advice but know that there are some lovely ladies on the prayer thread who have been through or are going through something similar who might be able to help. You may have more success posting there and putting a link to this thread.

I am sorry to here about the breakdown of your marriage and the abuse you suffered.

I hope you and your sons are managing to start a new and happy life together.

I am a member of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and am a Christian, you may have heard of us as Mormons.

While we believe that marriage is sacred we also accept that in some cases divorce is the best option in certain cases, particularly those of abuse and adultery. The church's guidelines are that in some cases divorce is unavoidable and while this is sad in these cases it is the better option. It is not a decision to be taken lightly and without advice and counsel.

I think that we can use all our experiences in our life for our benefit and growth and that divorce while a better choice in your situation is not an easy choice and that raising your children by yourself will be hard.

I think that to try and become more like Jesus Christ we must follow his example and forgive all of those who sin against others but forgiveness does not mean that our lives are freed from the consequences of our choices. While you might want to replace any feelings of anger and hate you have towards your husband with compassion and mercy, you, in my opinion, are under no obligation to stay married to him. This of course is not always an easy thing to do and in many cases may take years to come about.

I hope this helps. I probably haven't been very clear but wanted to express my view and the view of my Church. I do have a few friends in the church who have escaped an abusive marriage and the majority of them are now happily remarried to people who seem to be good and kind and treat them the way they deserve. I wish you all the best.

A number of people in my last church (C of E)were divorced. One of those was the priest. Some were in second marriages.

Relationships are complex and the reality is that some will fail and that with all the good will in the world they aren't salvageable. Yes the bible sees divorce as wrong but the sort of marriage that was the norm in the culture of the time is not what we have now. The C of E spent a great deal of time discussing the issue of divorce about 20 years ago and will remarry divorcees so divorce is regretable but sometimes necessary.

Not sure if any of this is helpful but be assured of prayers for your situation.

amillionyears Mon 12-Nov-12 17:58:26

The bible says that divorce is not allowed except in the case of adultery.
But the bible says that serparation is ok if the people concerned cannot live together in peace, but they cannot marry again.

However, you are not yet a Christian.

So the church should welcome you in whatever marital state that you in.

dippyDoohdah Mon 12-Nov-12 21:14:51

thank you for all of your replies.there was adultery too, but more than that there was anger and scaring the children. w have been separate two years and this is not a decision taken lightly..I dearly wish it had all been different.
I was baptised two years ago but I wandered away as it was too painful and I was too confused.the pastor Fromm my church and one of the elders sent me lovely emails too today, as well as your kind messages of support, for which I am thank full.I will pray for my husband too and for his future x

amillionyears Mon 12-Nov-12 21:24:39

If there was adultery, then yes divorce is allowed by God, as the marriage was broken by the person committing adultery. It is not the other persons fault in that aspect/regard.

When you say you wandered away, do you mean you wandered away from the church? You do not mean you no longer believe, do you?

Glad they have sent you supportive emails. And glad too you are praying for your husband.

dippyDoohdah Thu 15-Nov-12 22:14:49

I wandered from church and had waning beliefs and behaviours..am trying rectify that now.am lucky that my church understand the difficulties in this relationship and supportive of divorce

neontetra Sun 18-Nov-12 08:16:35

I too am a divorced Christian, and prayed hard about the decision. I strongly felt in the end that God had not given my exh and I the great gift of life in order for us to be miserable in it! He is a forgiving God who forgives our mistakes, and does not wish unnecessary suffering for his children. Good luck and God bless.

dippyDoohdah Sun 18-Nov-12 10:21:01

thanks neon x

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