having our dog pts and children.

(12 Posts)
lazydog Wed 09-Jan-13 23:24:38

My ds (9) went with my husband when he took our old cat to the vets for an emergency appointment on New Year's Day. Sadly the surgery necessary to remove the blockage would have been too much for such an old cat and he was in pain so the decision was made to put him to sleep. sad

DS was given the choice to leave the room or stay and he chose to stay. Afterwards he said he really wished he hadn't... His exact words were "It's one thing to know they've died, but much worse than I expected, to actually see it happen" sad This is from a kid who's used to farm life, has lost pets before and has generally been quite matter of fact about life and death.

I really wouldn't let her stay while it's done. Not at only 7 years old. I totally agree with your idea of her leaving the room just before - that definitely best plan.

I don't think even that coming back into the room to say goodbye again would necessarily be that bad...? I guess that depends on the child. I just know with DS it was definitely being there at the "lights out" moment that he struggled with. He had seen equally loved pets that had passed away and not been as upset...just never witnessed the moment of death before.

watchoutforthatsnail Wed 09-Jan-13 20:07:33

Thank you, this all helps.

I think, what im going to do, is let her be there until the last momment, say her goodbyes, feel like shes been there for him, and been involved, but then get her to leave into another room with a grandparent.

The reality might be different for her, and i suspect part of it is that she wants to be there for me.

sunnymorning Wed 09-Jan-13 19:45:00

Our 11yr old Cav died last yr, ds was six and a half. He coped amazingly with it, he was not here when the dog died (naturally at home) but when he came back from school he wanted to cuddle the dog, wanted to know all about what happend, helped to dig his grave and now puts flowers and silly toys and things on the grave. He still talks about our dog and misses him (although we have since had two rescues that he utterly adores) but does so in a compassionate but sensible way. Not sure I would have been brave enough to let him be with us if the dog had needed to be pts but maybe because I know that I would blub like mad as the reality of it hit me (have had three dogs pts over the years and wailed with each of them). Good luck with your decision you know your daughter better than anyone, with the dogs I have had to have pts in the past it has been quiet and gentle with each so not traumatic in that sense.

I can understand how she feels too and I think it she is being so brave and mature about it.
My reservation is that the reality will just be too much for her when it is actually happening, so that's why I would opt for a quiet goodbye, into the other room, then come back to join you.

Could you ask the vet what they think? They may have seen similar situations and be able to advise.

I hope you have a little longer with your boy x

watchoutforthatsnail Wed 09-Jan-13 17:27:05

carling, thats a good idea.
for mum to be there in case.

DD just said she would have to be there, me, her and him. We are family, she had to be there.

I can understand that she feels strongly about it.

I have explained wont be nice, and that she might be frightened. And about the injection and then he will be dead. And that we must not cry in front of him. but can afterwards.

But that we can stroke him and touch him and talk to him.

I am surprised she wants to be there, but i sort of feel she is old enough to have her wishes listened to.

It is horrible, i wish i wasnt in this position either, but it is what it is. I cant stop it, all i can do is look after him, and make sure hes ok. Its not about me its about him.

Hes currently ok. I dont know what hes going to be like tomorrow, or if he might be ok for a month, or even a few. But its going to happen, and i expect it will be like this morning ( and thats what the vet said too) His hips will just go, and that will be that.

I feel that i need to have a plan ( which i do) but i hadnt considered DD at all until this morning.

AllOverIt Wed 09-Jan-13 17:22:57

I'm sorry you're in this situation thanks

Personally, I wouldn't want DS to be there. He's very mature for his age too, but he's also very sensitive. I agree with going in the next room.

We had our cat PTS before Christmas sad due to old age.
I would go for the sitting in another room that way your daughter can say goodbye once it is done and they look very peaceful but just in case anything does go wrong that way she has the memory of your lovely old boy at peace, but none of the possible distress of seeing the actual procedure.
It is very emotional and a hard decision to take, really feel for you OP.

watchoutforthatsnail Wed 09-Jan-13 17:17:24

I know, im so torn.

Is sitting in a room any better though?

She will still be waiting, knowing what happening.

But she wont know whats happening, tbh, i dont know, its not sometihng ive done before. I hope to hold it together until hes gone, i would hate him to be worried. But i dont know how realistic this is....

Essentially im trying to make a decision, but i dont know myself what it will be like, it makes it very hard to judge.

I can trust dd to behave, she will just stroke him, she wont be hysterical.

I dont know if i should honour her wishes to be there or not.

CarolingFanjoChops Wed 09-Jan-13 17:12:23

I'm so sorry that you are having to make this decision, I was present when my dog had to be pts but I was 16. It was very emotional but I had to be there. It was quick and my dog wasn't stressed by the situation at all. I think if your daughter is mature enough to handle what is asked of her during the procedure then you should let her be there. You know her, you know what she is capable of and she would probably always wonder what it would have felt like to be there. Which ever option you choose she is going to be upset so I think it would be nice for her to be able to sit with her best friend and help him one last time. Would your mum be happy to be there just incase it does get too much for your daughter? That way she can comfort her and you can be with your dog still. Once again I am so sorry.

'DS' if it were my dog, that is.

Personally, and it is a very personal thing, I would go for the 'sit in another room' while it is done. It would be horrible for your DD to go right out of the house and be at your Mum's wondering "Has it happened yet?", but I would balk at DS being in the room while the vet does the actual injection.

watchoutforthatsnail Wed 09-Jan-13 16:52:06

my lovely old boy is 11.5.
he has terrible hips.

Im realistic about the situation, and the vet, just last week said 12 would be good for his breed/ size. 13 maybe if you are very very lucky.
Hes a lab, but a very big one.

Anyway, he had a fall last night, slipped going out of the door. Ended up limping, couldnt really stand. This morning he couldnt stand at all, kept trying but couldnt get his back end up. I thought that that was it.

Its not, hes ok now, and running about like nothing happened.

Im not silly enough to think that this isnt a warning or a sign of things to come.

I have planned i will have the vet out, i am not going to let him suffer in any way, its not about me, its him.

DD is 7 this month. Hes been around all her life, she adores him.
I have spoken to her about this for a while, just casually mentioning it, so she knows its coming and isnt a shock. She understands.
I have explained to her what will happen ( as above)

I dont know what to do with regard to the actual pts-ing. Part of me wants her to be there, it will be at home, its her dog too. To be there, me, her and him. She has said she wants this. She knows it wont be pleasant, but ive told her what will happen. And that she is not allowed to cry until its done as its a serious issue and i cant have the dog stressed.

My mother thinks that isnt on and i should send her to hers, or get mum to sit with her in another room.

I think that that would be worse, to be shut out, waiting for it to happen, knowing whats happening.

I cant decide what to do for the best. DD is adamant she wants to be there.

Does anyone have any advice/ opions

thanks

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