Has there ever been a food pedanrty thread in here before?

(222 Posts)
StNiChaolas Mon 17-Dec-12 09:19:24

Inspired by Morrison's claim that vegetarians should spice up their Christmas dinner with a Naice 3 Fish Roast from their Fishminger.

hmm

Tomatoes and cucumber arre fruit.

Roobarb is a dog.

Okra is bleurgh.

You must eat a doughnut without lickling your lips.

Aspargus and cutlery are not friends.

Marathons were far superior to Snickers.

BahSaidPaschaHumbug Mon 17-Dec-12 09:21:18

You can't eat a doughnut without licking your lips.

Alcohol and pudding do not mix.

GrimmaTheNome Mon 17-Dec-12 09:24:37

I don't think so, long overdue. grin

"Knowledge is knowing the tomato is a fruit, wisdom is not putting in your fruit salad."

I can't think of anything I'm particularly pedantic about TBH, except for some items not being finger food whatever DD may think to the contrary.

GrimmaTheNome Mon 17-Dec-12 09:25:18

>Alcohol and pudding do not mix.

Untrue if the alcohol is part of the pudding though.

ArtexTheHallWithBoughsOfMonkey Mon 17-Dec-12 09:27:16

grin

You're on fire this morning Chaos.

BahSaidPaschaHumbug Mon 17-Dec-12 09:27:32

But its wrong grimma. Alcohol should only be served in a glass, and pudding in a bowl. You can't mix the two, its just grim.

GrimmaTheNome Mon 17-Dec-12 09:38:39

Its probably significant you've 'bah...humbug' in your name at the moment grin
There are lots of classic desserts which have alcohol as an integral component.

BahSaidPaschaHumbug Mon 17-Dec-12 09:41:11

and they're all horrible wink

GrimmaTheNome Mon 17-Dec-12 09:45:51

There's no accounting for lack of taste. wink Your personal preference doesn't make something wrong.

BahSaidPaschaHumbug Mon 17-Dec-12 09:54:11

grin What makes yours right?

StNiChaolas Mon 17-Dec-12 09:55:41

SIOB.

No fisficuffs on my thread!

BahSaidPaschaHumbug Mon 17-Dec-12 10:04:44

sorry miss

EleanorGiftbasket Mon 17-Dec-12 10:08:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HaveYourselfAMardyLittleXmas Mon 17-Dec-12 10:09:35

Oh the irony of Chaos starting a "pedanrty" thread! [wunk]

HaveYourselfAMardyLittleXmas Mon 17-Dec-12 10:09:57

I want to do some lickling.

StNiChaolas Mon 17-Dec-12 10:10:18

Only 3?

StNiChaolas Mon 17-Dec-12 10:11:09

Ahuum.

wink

HaveYourselfAMardyLittleXmas Mon 17-Dec-12 10:11:11

Gravy should not be made with Bisto.

Turkeys should not be procured at Asda.

EleanorGiftbasket Mon 17-Dec-12 10:13:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Battlefront Mon 17-Dec-12 10:14:29

Yorkshire pudding is an accompaniment for beef - it has no place in a turkey Christmas dinner

HaveYourselfAMardyLittleXmas Mon 17-Dec-12 10:15:52

yy to rare beef and lamb.

Carveries are the work of the devil.

Ham should not be shiny.

Cheese should not taste of soap.

Soup is wrong in a powdered format.

HaveYourselfAMardyLittleXmas Mon 17-Dec-12 10:20:12

Mass produced Christmas dinners are rarely tasty (soggy roasties and reheated brussels anyone?).

I love okra, especially in curry.

Allalonenow Mon 17-Dec-12 10:29:30

Chips must be served with mayonnaise.
Bacon sandwich must be made with unbuttered white bread.
Boiled eggs must have runny yolks.
Hard boiled eggs must not have a horrid grey ring.
Mashed potatoes must not have any lumps.

Not that I am at all fussy....

TunipTheVegedude Mon 17-Dec-12 10:32:23

Sorry Battlefront, have to disagree on that one. My Yorkshire dad believes in Yorkshire puddings being served with any roast dinner (though they don't usually bother for Xmas, but they could). It's a regional thing. The pudding was meant to take the edge off your appetite before you get to the meat.

Cheese should not have fruit in it.

HaveYourselfAMardyLittleXmas Mon 17-Dec-12 10:33:03

English mustard is an abomination.

Colman's French mustard is not actually French mustard.

French mustard usually comes from Dijon not Norwich.

(I don't think I've ever had so much to say about mustard on the internet before.)

EmpressOfTheNorthPole Mon 17-Dec-12 10:33:13

Sherry trifle, ok.

But tiramisu is LUFFLY.

HaveYourselfAMardyLittleXmas Mon 17-Dec-12 10:34:31

Just reread the OP. LMAO at "fishminger". Not sure if that is a Chaos typo or not.

AudrinaWhiteChristmasAdare Mon 17-Dec-12 10:41:55

Have they not shooed you out of Pedants' Corner yet Chaos?

Totally agree about scrambled eggs. DH tried to make them in a frying pan the other day. WTF?

Battlefront Mon 17-Dec-12 10:43:03

LOL Audrina, that was a attempt to make an omelette grin

HazeltheMcWitch Mon 17-Dec-12 10:45:48

Tomatoes MUST NOT go in the fridge.
Chocolate should not go in the fridge either.

Smeggnog Mon 17-Dec-12 11:03:43

Garlic cloves must be either very finely chopped and gently fried, or cooked slowly (whole) for a long time till soft and sweet. Not thrown in large chunks into a pasta sauce where it does no more than warm slightly, then eaten by the unwary partner of said 'experimental chef'.

GrimmaTheNome Mon 17-Dec-12 13:10:46

If you're scrambling eggs for one person, the best thing is a nonstick omelette pan. What's the point of a quick easy lunch if you've got an eggy saucepan to clean? confused

>English mustard is an abomination.
English mustard powder however is a good addition to cheesy recipes (scones, sauce, Welsh rarebit...).

GrimmaTheNome Mon 17-Dec-12 13:12:54

>Cheese should not have fruit in it.

Goes without saying. If you want fruit with cheese, have fruit with cheese or some good* chutney.

*either homemade or from a farmer's market where you can try it before buying.

HaveYourselfAMardyLittleXmas Mon 17-Dec-12 13:33:40

OK I'll concede you the mustard powder (as long as it's in recipes) Grimma

FlimFlamMerrilyOnHigh Mon 17-Dec-12 13:40:15

When pouring a cup of tea from a teapot (loose leaf of course), the milk goes in first.

FlimFlamMerrilyOnHigh Mon 17-Dec-12 13:41:21

Scone, butter, strawberry jam, and clotted cream last.

StNiChaolas Mon 17-Dec-12 13:45:37

Knives, forks, spoons.

BahSaidPaschaHumbug Mon 17-Dec-12 13:47:42

Scone, cream, jam.

<thinks about cutlery drawer>

Spoons, forks, knives.

Rolos and cheesenonion crisps are supposed to be eaten in the same mouthful.

OhDearNigel Mon 17-Dec-12 13:51:53

ooo i love this thread.

To the makers of Great British Bake Off. It is NOT creme patisserie. It is creme patissiere. A patisserie is where creme patissiere is sold

AndIfATenTonTruck Mon 17-Dec-12 13:52:13

Espresso. That is all.

StNiChaolas Mon 17-Dec-12 13:58:40

Oh, yus, GBBO - it is a FRIFFING Vitoria Sandwich, not a sponge, you doilies.

Pantofino Mon 17-Dec-12 13:59:20

Now you will all think that a Helmeted Cock is smutty, non, but it is in fact a mediaevel recipe

HaveYourselfAMardyLittleXmas Mon 17-Dec-12 14:02:07

Welsh rarebit. Not this

mum2twoloudbabies Mon 17-Dec-12 14:04:59

yy chocolate should never go in the fridge (when will DH learn this hmm)
It should also never contain less than 70% cocoa and should not be full of unnecessary sugar and dairy, otherwise it isn't chocolate it is confectionary.

Valpolliandtheivy Mon 17-Dec-12 14:05:07

A saucepan for scrambled eggs? What? Why not a frying pan? <boggles>

FellatioNelson Mon 17-Dec-12 14:07:28

Oh yes! <punches air>

A food pedantry thread sounds right up my street. I have been ALL OVER a cutlery pedantry thread this week, so it's time to diversify. Hang on, let me read the fred. Back in a mo, once I've got the hang of it and warmed to my theme. grin

FellatioNelson Mon 17-Dec-12 14:08:28

Beofre I read the thread, are we doing things like 'whoever invented the chicken tikka pizza should be taken out and shot' - that kind of thing?

GrimmaTheNome Mon 17-Dec-12 14:09:20

> warmed to my theme

I'm sure that should be thoroughly heated until piping hot wink

FellatioNelson Mon 17-Dec-12 14:10:03

Right, fundamentally disagree about the alcohol/pudding thing......

FellatioNelson Mon 17-Dec-12 14:15:55

YY to Battlefront. Yorkshire pud does not belong in the Christmas dinner menu.

I am however, a fan of Bisto. Only the cornflour- based Bisto powder (mixed with the meat juices as an easier alternative to flour) but on no account should just gravy granules and water shock be used with a decent roast.

HaveYourselfAMardyLittleXmas Mon 17-Dec-12 14:16:01

Me too. I love a crisp white wine with a chocolately dessert.

AmberLeaf Mon 17-Dec-12 14:16:41

Surely this is merely personal opinion?

Anyway, I agree wholeheartedly with some on here, but alcohol and pudding don't mix?

Fuck orrff!

HaveYourselfAMardyLittleXmas Mon 17-Dec-12 14:16:47

Sorry I was responding to the alcohol/pudding remark. Still hate bloody bisto.

AmberLeaf Mon 17-Dec-12 14:16:57

English mustard is well shit though.

HaveYourselfAMardyLittleXmas Mon 17-Dec-12 14:18:01

Tomatoes and cucumber may technically be fruit, but you're not going to stick them on top of a cheesecake or make a smoothie out of them, are you?

FellatioNelson Mon 17-Dec-12 14:18:02

Grimma is right about the scrambled eggs and the English mustard.

HaveYourselfAMardyLittleXmas Mon 17-Dec-12 14:18:45

Unbaked cheesecakes are infinitely superior to baked ones.

HaveYourselfAMardyLittleXmas Mon 17-Dec-12 14:20:05

Buffet food should not be overwhelmingly brown and from Iceland.

AmberLeaf Mon 17-Dec-12 14:20:13

Yes scrambled eggs should be made in a saucepan. but sometimes a frying pan will suffice when I cant face the dirty eggy saucepan aftermath

BahSaidPaschaHumbug Mon 17-Dec-12 14:20:25

Ok I can see I'm in a minority about the alcohol/pudding thing.

However, Im right and you are all wrong.

So ner.

FellatioNelson Mon 17-Dec-12 14:20:27

Scone, butter, jam, clotted cream.

Anyone who serves me a cream tea with no butter and says 'you don't need it - you have cream' gets VERY short shrift from me, let me tell you. Likewise anyone who thinks it's ok to give me whipped cream instead of clotted cream.

Honestly, there are some jackasses in this world. hmm

AmberLeaf Mon 17-Dec-12 14:21:34

Scone, clotted cream then jam grin

FellatioNelson Mon 17-Dec-12 14:22:01

Cheddar cheese should always be vintage/mature. 'mellow' or 'mild' is a euphemism for flavourless rubbery shit.

EleanorGiftbasket Mon 17-Dec-12 14:22:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FellatioNelson Mon 17-Dec-12 14:23:04

People who do not parboil their roast potatoes are buffoons of the first order.

HaveYourselfAMardyLittleXmas Mon 17-Dec-12 14:23:54

"People who do not parboil their roast potatoes are buffoons of the first order."

Do people actually do that?

EleanorGiftbasket Mon 17-Dec-12 14:24:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HaveYourselfAMardyLittleXmas Mon 17-Dec-12 14:25:15

It's OK three days before Christmas Eleanor (get out clause 22.12.12)

BahSaidPaschaHumbug Mon 17-Dec-12 14:26:20

I don't understand how you get fluffy roast potatoes without parboiling first. Don't they just become tough old bullets?

FellatioNelson Mon 17-Dec-12 14:27:07

Do what Mardy parboil them, or not parboil them?

Are you the buffoon Mardy? hmm Are you?

There was someone on here once (sullying my Poncestastic Christmas thread I think) who said that she didn't parboil or even peel her roast potatoes, she just cut 'em up and slung 'em in. And she said they were the best roast potatoes ever.

LIAR.

EleanorGiftbasket Mon 17-Dec-12 14:27:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FellatioNelson Mon 17-Dec-12 14:28:43

Honey good on parsnips. Not tried on potatoes. I might stick a couple in with the parsnips on Christmas day and try it. grin

HaveYourselfAMardyLittleXmas Mon 17-Dec-12 14:29:01

Sorry for the confusion. I can see that was ambiguous.

Of course I bloody parboil. And then drain and shake so they get nice and fluffy. I am no buffoon.

At least not in the potato department.

FellatioNelson Mon 17-Dec-12 14:29:58

Phew. grin

EleanorGiftbasket Mon 17-Dec-12 14:31:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HaveYourselfAMardyLittleXmas Mon 17-Dec-12 14:31:18

The oil needs to be nice and hot too.

However, I'm never sure whether to parboil parsnips or not.

EleanorGiftbasket Mon 17-Dec-12 14:32:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FellatioNelson Mon 17-Dec-12 14:35:47

Pizza bases should always be very thin.

Whipped cream out of a can is only fit to top the hot chocolate of an 8 year old.

Steak should always be medium rare, or on occasion, medium or rare. 'Very well done please' people don't deserve to eat steak. They should be given polystyrene or an old shoe to eat. They clearly can't tell the difference. People who make a big attention-seeking deal out of telling the waiter they want it 'cremated' should be given a lifetime ban from every restaurant in the land.

HazeltheMcWitch Mon 17-Dec-12 14:36:38

I know that this is not really about food pronunciation, but I must insist that bruschetta is brew-sketta. Not brew-shetta. And if you correct me in a patronising manner, I will judge you BIL.

FellatioNelson Mon 17-Dec-12 14:38:22

I don't tend to parboil parsnips as they go to mush too quickly and I am not good at remembering to watch them. grin I find they don't take too long as they are if you cut them up small enough, and they don't really go fluffy/crisp like potatoes anyway, so not really worth the effort. If I could be bothered I would parboil them lightly, and leave them cut a bit thicker, but I'm a bit too lazy for that.

LadyClariceCannockMonty Mon 17-Dec-12 14:38:41

Arf at 'Fishminger'.

FellatioNelson Mon 17-Dec-12 14:40:28

Yes Hazel, but bizarrely, we should still call chorizo 'chore -itzo' because saying 'hor-eeth-o' makes you sound like a bit of a knob.

It's one of those anomalies of the rule. wink

EndoplasmicReticulum Mon 17-Dec-12 14:45:47

Panini is already a plural. There are no such things as "paninis". Or even "panini's" (arrrggghh).

GrimmaTheNome Mon 17-Dec-12 14:46:16

If you want to parboil parsnips, the trick is to start your spuds off first and then bung the parsnips in a few minutes later. If you forget its not a disaster and you only need to watch the one pot.

doireallywant3 Mon 17-Dec-12 14:47:23

if you have a fry up, the beans must never touch the egg or the bacon (or mushrooms or tomato), but they are allowed to touch the sausages
cheese and jam sandwiches are best made with cheshire cheese
croissants do not need butter or jam but can be dipped into a latte/hoc chocolate (never tea, never. but tea can be drunk with the C&J sandwich)
crisps & chocolate in the same mouthful - very good, but crisps can only be plain/CnO/SnV
kitkats must be eaten in a certain way - chocolate ends nibbled off first, then sides, then top & bottom (without breaking the now delicate wafer). then attempt to separate the wafer but give in a scoff it
scone (rhyming with gone), butter, jam, clotted cream
porrige with sprinkly of brown sugar on top, with toast & marmite dipped in (toast must be white, warburtons medium sliced small loaf)

i need to get out more

doireallywant3 Mon 17-Dec-12 14:48:29

also, only butter allowed in my house. no substitues. margarine should be illegal. olive oil spreads are beyond vile

FunnysFuckingFreezing Mon 17-Dec-12 14:52:30

Fruit and meat are an awful conbo - Hugh FW I am looking at you. Years and years of rubbish recipes every Saturday. Stop It.

The white of an egg must never be jellyish, it is better to have a hard yolk than jellyish white.

Offal is offal

Allalonenow Mon 17-Dec-12 14:52:47

Pudding should have alcohol with it, chocolate and port go together woderfully, and what cake type pudding is not improved by a shot of liqueur?

I do parboil potatoes, but not parsnips, prior to roasting.

Pizza should never have sweetcorn or pineapple as a topping.

HazeltheMcWitch Mon 17-Dec-12 14:55:20

Ah, yes oh wise Fellatio it can be a fine line between pedantry (but right, natch) and knobbishness. I, of course, remain firmly on the correct side. grin

LittleChiefRunnyCustard Mon 17-Dec-12 14:57:22

I suspect I may be alone in this matter but... it's mincemeat pies NOT mince pies (which are in fact minced meat pies of the savoury variety).

CatPussRoastingOnAnOpenFire Mon 17-Dec-12 14:59:38

Scone, butter, jam, cream.
Knife, fork, spoon.
Tea, sugar, milk.
Yorkshire pud goes with any roast, but should be eaten first ti dampen the appetite.
Neeps and Tatties are SWEDE and mashed potato, NOT turnips!
Ketchup should NEVER be kept in the fridge.

FellatioNelson Mon 17-Dec-12 14:59:56

haha - doireeally I read that as 'the beans are allowed to touch the sausages, the cheese, the jam sandwiches...' I thought WTF kind of weird fry-up is that? confused

grin

voddiekeepsmesane Mon 17-Dec-12 15:00:16

Another who may be alone in this ....it's kiwifruit NOT just kiwi. A Kiwi is an endangered bird ( or a colloquial term for a New Zealander)

nickelbabylyinginamanger Mon 17-Dec-12 15:00:30

food pedantry would be pantry.

<will now read the thread>

FellatioNelson Mon 17-Dec-12 15:01:39

I used to loathe fruit and meat together but I have had a fruit/meat epiphany and I have come to my senses. I can be wonderful. Not on a pizza though. Oh no.

FellatioNelson Mon 17-Dec-12 15:03:02

Instant coffee is only for plumbers and my mother.

CatPussRoastingOnAnOpenFire Mon 17-Dec-12 15:03:04

Fruit and milk do not go together! Especially in the form of milk jelly! <<faints>>

FellatioNelson Mon 17-Dec-12 15:04:15

Yes! Milk jellies are a heinous crime.

Also middle eastern style meat things swimming in pools of hot yoghurt. hmm

ReinDearPrudence Mon 17-Dec-12 15:06:43

The correct drink to have with sandwiches is a cup of tea.

Eggs should be sieved before scrambling.

Jaffa cakes - edges, then chocolate, then remaining cake and finally smashing orangey bit.

nickelbabylyinginamanger Mon 17-Dec-12 15:07:23

oy !
cutlery drawer argument was won by me

that means it has to go spoons forks knives <with teaspoons along the bottom and big stuff down the side>

don't make me rant about this one.#

talking of ranting:

it's called a Victoria Sandwich - it's not a Sponge cake, it's a creamed cake.

Brussel sprouts must not be soft.

Best gravy is Bisto ~(the veggie one)

Roast dinners may comprise: mashed potatoes, roast potatoes, roast veg (of any type as suits you), stuffing, Yorkshire puddings, boiled/steamed veg (of any type that suits you), mushrooms, meat or meat substitute (of any type that suits you), gravy and any other type that suits you.

ReinDearPrudence Mon 17-Dec-12 15:07:51

Totally agree with milk and fruit/jelly.

Jelly and ice cream is an abomination.

FellatioNelson Mon 17-Dec-12 15:08:01

Bacon sandwiches and English breakfasts should have white bread and brown sauce. Not ketchup. Ketchup is for hamburgers and fish fingers only.

GrimmaTheNome Mon 17-Dec-12 15:10:10

>Instant coffee is only for plumbers and my mother.

People who give tradesmen instant coffee instead of ground have only themselves to blame if they get shoddy workmanship.

nickelbabylyinginamanger Mon 17-Dec-12 15:11:54

you don't need to parboil - just heat the oil with <handpicked from the garden> rosemary and sage. then throw and toss.
(they're not fluffy, but they're certainly not hard and horrid)

nickelbabylyinginamanger Mon 17-Dec-12 15:12:56

i'm veggie so i think jelly and ice cream is horrid too.

i like okra though

and there should be no such thing as (rubbery) scramble egg - it should be cheesy egg.

CatPussRoastingOnAnOpenFire Mon 17-Dec-12 15:22:45

KNIVES, FORKS, SPOONS.
Roast dinners may comprise: mashed potatoes, roast potatoes, roast veg (of any type as suits you), stuffing, Yorkshire puddings, boiled/steamed veg (of any type that suits you), mushrooms, meat or meat substitute (of any type that suits you), gravy and any other type that suits you.

Mushrooms have NO place in a roast dinner! shock

nickelbabylyinginamanger Mon 17-Dec-12 15:28:35

no, i won that thread, it's spoons forks knives.

that's historical MN fact

and yes, mushrooms are gooood on a roast dinner - if my dad heard you talking like that, he would get very annoyed at you.
he may even wag his finger.

CatPussRoastingOnAnOpenFire Mon 17-Dec-12 15:30:47

I saw no such thread. And you are wrong! grin

nickelbabylyinginamanger Mon 17-Dec-12 15:36:41

i'm soooo not - advanced search ratherbeonthepiste and the said cutlery items.

nickelbabylyinginamanger Mon 17-Dec-12 15:37:36

[[http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/897402-It-goes-knives-forks-spoons-knives-forks-spoons here]
i won.
the deal was the last person to post won the argument, and that was me

nickelbabylyinginamanger Mon 17-Dec-12 15:37:54
GrimmaTheNome Mon 17-Dec-12 15:40:23

>Mushrooms have NO place in a roast dinner
they are permissible in some stuffing recipes

nickelbabylyinginamanger Mon 17-Dec-12 15:41:29

they are permissible under the rules I laid out above - "any types that suit you"

TunipTheVegedude Mon 17-Dec-12 15:42:46

Milk jellies are fine. If you're medieval. Preferably gilded and flavoured with rosewater.

LadyClariceCannockMonty Mon 17-Dec-12 15:43:38

'Eggs should be sieved before scrambling.'
WHAT?!?

My name is Lady Clarice and I like pineapple on pizza. So sue me.

And it's forks, knives, spoons.

SHoHoHodan Mon 17-Dec-12 15:50:51

Spoons, forks, knives. Clearly. Anything else is just wrong.

Scone, jam, cream if using whipped double cream. Butter may be used before jam if someone has had the Godawful cheek to serve you a dry scone and there is no potted plant/ handy dog in which to dispose of it. Otherwise scone, clotted cream, jam. It's about density layering, y'know.

Tea, milk, sugar. Milk and sugar are supposed to be to taste. How can you tell what measure of accompaniment you require if you haven't poured the tea in first?

Gehrkins should be banned as they have no rightful claim to the term 'foodstuff'.

Likewise bread sauce.

And Parma Violets, for that matter.

SHoHoHodan Mon 17-Dec-12 15:51:33

Jelly chopped up with evaporated milk is fine on occasion though.

FunnysFuckingFreezing Mon 17-Dec-12 15:56:24

and yoghurt should only ever be fruit flavoured and never ever chocolate or toffee. The chocolate/toffee makes the yoghurt taste sour. Yuck

Gherkins have their place ie in tartare sauce or in a decent burger

BahSaidPaschaHumbug Mon 17-Dec-12 15:57:52

Biscuits should be dunked not crunched. A crunched biscuit is an unfulfilled biscuit.

nickelbabylyinginamanger Mon 17-Dec-12 15:58:06

the only yoghurt i can stomach is muller corners. but not the fruit ones.

GrimmaTheNome Mon 17-Dec-12 16:01:58

>yoghurt should only ever be fruit flavoured

unless its tzatziki/raita. Or plain greek of course <purist>

A friends elderly Aunt once served avocado pear as part of a fruit salad .

Pot noodles are the work of the devil and should never be seen in any decent woman's kitchen

TunipTheVegedude Mon 17-Dec-12 16:15:17

Chocolate flavour yoghurt still feels quite foreign and exciting to me.

I once gave a boyfriend his first avocado pear. He said 'I thought it was going to be fruit, it's like eating lard.'

WankbadgersBauble Mon 17-Dec-12 16:24:50

A meat pie is not to be eaten with cutlery. Ever. It is to have a drenching of tomato sauce, and eaten quickly. If second degree burns to the mouth and hands are not sustained, the pie is not hot enough.
To consider using cutlery at all is unaustralian.

<Australian>

BIWIshYouAMerryChristmas Mon 17-Dec-12 16:37:56

Turkey 'ham' and 'bacon' are abominations. As is any kind of cold meat with a bear face or in the shape of a train.
Bacon has to be smoked
Low fat anything should be exterminated
Tinned meatballs are the work of the devil

vladthedisorganised Mon 17-Dec-12 16:43:54

Broad beans should be boiled for the briefest possible period, then taken out of their inner pods before serving. Preferably on a salad, or, if you like, mashed lightly with olive oil and lemon juice.

They definitely don't appreciate being boiled to distraction until grey.

Three bits of wet lettuce and a slab of tasteless tomato is not 'a salad'.
A packet of Doritos with ketchup blobbed all over it is not 'nachos'.
Both of these things together are not 'an authentic Mexican feast'. hmm

FunnysFuckingFreezing Mon 17-Dec-12 16:45:55

well natch ref the yoghurt, and in fact the best uses for yoghurt are in savoury foods. And honey in yoghurt is fine too.

Tinned macaroni cheese is horrid but pot noodles are good 'not very well' food

HazeltheMcWitch Mon 17-Dec-12 16:48:52

Oh, ShoHo - I was liking the cut of your jib until this filth:
Jelly chopped up with evaporated milk is fine on occasion though.

FellatioNelson Mon 17-Dec-12 16:49:34

I agree that bacon has to be smoked BIWI. I have just eaten some non-smoked because it was all I could get, and it was a disappointment.

YY to low fat things, especially cheese. Things that are low in fat naturally are ok obviously, it's the low fat substitute abominations I deplore. I get positively furious when I see a recipe and it specifies using low fat cheese or yoghurt or butter substitute for no good reason. I'll be the judge of how much fat goes into my dinner thank you very much. angry

FellatioNelson Mon 17-Dec-12 16:50:35

Doritos and ketchup? shock <boak>

vixsatis Mon 17-Dec-12 16:51:30

Cranberry sauce is an American solecism. Turkey is not particularly rich and does not need to be served with jam.

Completely agree with all above objections to margarine, "paninis" "brooshetta" etc.

FellatioNelson Mon 17-Dec-12 16:54:36

Tinned macaroni cheese is horrid but pot noodles are good 'not very well' food

So true. grin

FellatioNelson Mon 17-Dec-12 16:55:07

Other good 'not very well' food is Heinz tomato soup with a cheese sandwich.

HaveYourselfAMardyLittleXmas Mon 17-Dec-12 16:56:32

Sorry but bacon is much better unsmoked. YABU.

GrimmaTheNome Mon 17-Dec-12 16:56:44

>Other good 'not very well' food is Heinz tomato soup

should be available on the NHS really.

GrimmaTheNome Mon 17-Dec-12 16:58:42

There is good and bad smoked and unsmoked bacon; the main rules are that it must be from a good, outdoor reared pig and must be dry-cured.

HaveYourselfAMardyLittleXmas Mon 17-Dec-12 17:00:32

Separate knives should be adhered to on a cheeseboard for the (disgusting) blue cheese and all the nice non-blue cheeses.

TunipTheVegedude Mon 17-Dec-12 17:00:40

Grimma is exactly right re bacon.

FunnysFuckingFreezing Mon 17-Dec-12 17:02:07

not bothered about the cheese sandwich unless it's toasted tbh, but agree with heinz tomato soup. DH would have it with chips, but he is from the north so...........

I agree with Heinz tomato soup as good not very well food .
An excellent drink for convalescing or hangovers is hot ribena .

FunnysFuckingFreezing Mon 17-Dec-12 17:03:06

bacon should not release so much water that you have to drain the frying pan. Even Waitrose are guilty of this shock

FunnysFuckingFreezing Mon 17-Dec-12 17:03:33

ooooh hot ribena, or Bovril

LadyClariceCannockMonty Mon 17-Dec-12 17:06:56

I prefer unsmoked to smoked bacon. Although I love smoky bacon crisps.

Heinz oxtail soup with a cheese sandwich is even better than tomato.

GrimmaTheNome Mon 17-Dec-12 17:09:01

Unsmoked bacon for breakfast. Smoked bacon in most recipes.

Allalonenow Mon 17-Dec-12 17:22:56

Gherkins are allowed if in tartare sauce and are compulsory when seving pastrami.

Bacon should be dry cured and smoked.

Anything "low fat" is pointless, it the fat that makes it taste of something.

Agree with Vlad about broad beans, a so called "chef" once argued with me about this, saying it made no difference!

HaveYourselfAMardyLittleXmas Mon 17-Dec-12 17:39:25

Rich Tea do not count as a nice biscuit.

AmberLeaf Mon 17-Dec-12 17:40:49

Whatever happened to bacon with rind on?

I used to like chewing on a bit of bacon rind fried crisp.

TunipTheVegedude Mon 17-Dec-12 17:41:13

Chorizo does not go with pesto just because they are both vaguely Mediterranean DH I'M LOOKING AT YOU

HaveYourselfAMardyLittleXmas Mon 17-Dec-12 17:43:30

If you can pronounce espresso and bruschetta correctly, you can also pronounce chorizo correctly. "Choritso" is giving something Spanish an Italian pronunciation ffs.

HaveYourselfAMardyLittleXmas Mon 17-Dec-12 17:46:35

Delia needs to go on a pronounciation course for most forrin ingredients especially Who Mousse

Fedupnagging Mon 17-Dec-12 17:54:48

Carrot cake counts as part of your '5 a day'. Fact.

As does a gin and tonic with ice and a slicegrin

Ruprekt Mon 17-Dec-12 18:02:03

Spam should have been left in World War 2.

Always smoked bacon. And always crispy. Proper crispy.

There is NO NEED to peel a butternut squash.

Roast it with the skin on and it goes sticky and soft.

Scone, butter, jam, cream.

Yorkshire puddings can be served with all roasts despiteWhatMotherSays

HaveYourselfAMardyLittleXmas Mon 17-Dec-12 18:26:50

Anything manufactured by Weight Watchers will taste as if it's full of chemicals.

Because it is.

Chorizo pronunciation for non Spaniards is one of my bug-bears. When in Spain I say tchoh/REE/thoh but here in UK don't feel the need and just say choh/REET/so.

Having lived and worked in Spain with a Language degree it's annoying.

However - agree with all of the above except alcohol/dessert!!

shrimponastick Mon 17-Dec-12 19:12:34

All breakfast cereals are NOT known as Kelloggs FIL!!!!

CatPussRoastingOnAnOpenFire Mon 17-Dec-12 19:15:10

Cranberry sauce is an American solecism. Turkey is not particularly rich and does not need to be served with jam

Disagree. The Americans invented turkey. They get to say what goes with it!

<gavel>

TunipTheVegedude Mon 17-Dec-12 19:17:58

On the subject of pronunciation, why do Americans say filay instead of fillet and erbs instead of herbs? Surely herbs and fillet have been part of the English language for long enough for us to be able to pronounce them like the rest of our language?

AmberLeaf Mon 17-Dec-12 19:39:44

I hate 'Erbs'

Allalonenow Mon 17-Dec-12 20:37:13

Oh yes "erbs" is so irritating, I always thought it was a NY Italian affectation.

Agree with carrot cake and G&T with lemon both being one of your "five a day" as are wine and chocolate, natch.

Yorkshire pudding is a course on its own, served with gravy, before roast beef.

CatPussRoastingOnAnOpenFire Mon 17-Dec-12 20:52:17

Brocolli, or any other green vegegetable for that should NOT be YELLOW once cooked!

CatPussRoastingOnAnOpenFire Mon 17-Dec-12 20:54:20

I'm looking at YOU Mother!

Lottieloulou Mon 17-Dec-12 20:58:38

Eggs should be sieved before scrambling

I cannot get past this post. WTAF?

TunipTheVegedude Mon 17-Dec-12 21:03:38

I just googled. Makes it fluffier apparently.

ReinDearPrudence Mon 17-Dec-12 23:08:34

Sorry, I went away.

Eggs should be sieved before scrambling because it removes that hideous jelly-like bit that never cooks properly. Beat thoroughly, then run through a wet sieve. Doesn't everyone do this? grin

And I agree with whoever said they are best with cheese (although not parmesan).

SHoHoHodan Mon 17-Dec-12 23:23:58

HazeltheMcWitch - ok I confess that I haven't actually eaten chopped up jelly with evaporated milk since I was a kid. It probably is filth-but it was a standard birthday food when I was young (and one of the few dishes my mother could prepare without burning it grin )

I think my jib is still well-cut.

LadyClariceCannockMonty Tue 18-Dec-12 11:29:31

What jelly-like bit?
I genuinely don't know what that means. I've NEVER done this and always thought my scrambled eggs were fine.

Doubting myself now though.

AmberLeaf Tue 18-Dec-12 11:49:33

Isn't all egg white jelly like when raw though?

Ive never done nor head of sieving eggs!

GrimmaTheNome Tue 18-Dec-12 11:53:40

There's a couple of anchors in the eggwhite, that's maybe what she means. Sort of thicker strands.

AmberLeaf Tue 18-Dec-12 11:55:35

They cook though don't they?

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nickelbabylyinginamanger Tue 18-Dec-12 13:11:38

it's the safest way for vegetarians.

GrimmaTheNome Tue 18-Dec-12 16:25:01

The way to get brown gravy is to have an onion in the tin and brown it and the meat when you start. Naturally brown gravy results. My mother used to add a little gravy browning - by which of course I mean a sort of caramel solution which is purely for colouring. Bisto isn't 'gravy browning' its gravy powder, totally different thing. Useful only if you really want gravy with something that doesn't produce the right sort of juices like sausage and mash.

FellatioNelson Tue 18-Dec-12 16:37:58

I think the Americans think that certain words are only available in French and therefor have to be pronounced the French way. So filet instead of fillet, and bleu cheese instead of blue cheese, and au jus instead of just jus, which of course is just a thin gravy from the meat juices.

Some American recipes/restaurants will describe something as being with au jus, which is just nonsense. Au jus means 'with its juices' so with au jus makes no sense. Recipes often say things like 'buy an au jus mix' hmm which means buy some powdered stock mix. grin

Quite why they think 'herbs' is French and needs to called 'erbs is one of life's great mysteries. confused

FellatioNelson Tue 18-Dec-12 16:38:10

therefore

FellatioNelson Tue 18-Dec-12 16:41:08

shrimp does your FIL say 'I'll have a bowl of Kellogg's' rather than saying he's having cornflakes or Weetabix or Sugar Puffs? That would REALLY annoy me. Like, a massive amount.

HaveYourselfAMardyLittleXmas Tue 18-Dec-12 16:42:10

Ingredients of Bisto Gravy Granules: Potato Starch, Maltodextrin, Vegetable Oil, Salt, Colour (E150c), Wheat Flour, Sugar, Flavourings, Flavour Enhancers (E621, E635), Emulsifier (E322) (contains Soya), Herb and Spice Extracts, Onion Extract

Aah e numbers Bisto! hmm

Bisto original has a shorter list of ingredients: Potato Starch, Salt, Wheat Starch, Colour (E150c), Dried Yeast, Onion powder.

Have just looked up e150c and it's a caramelising agent.

TunipTheVegedude Tue 18-Dec-12 16:45:31

They say bleu cheese too? shock

<deletes American Facebook friends, just in case>

HaveYourselfAMardyLittleXmas Tue 18-Dec-12 16:45:38

"Useful only if you really want gravy with something that doesn't produce the right sort of juices like sausage and mash."

But you can get a decent onion gravy for sausage and mash without resorting to Bisto - like Nigel Slater's one at the bottom of this link

I just hate the way that the taste of Bisto takes over the whole meal.

FellatioNelson Tue 18-Dec-12 16:55:09

I agree about Bisto granules, but the Bisto original powered has very little taste on its own. You couldn't just use it with water on its own - it needs meat stock/juices. It's merely a thickener with some caramel/colouring in, so not so different to flour but with a bit more oomph. I find it easier to blend than flour, and it produces a deeper. glossier finish as well.

SDTGisAChristmassyWolefGenius Tue 18-Dec-12 17:05:41

When I have made a lovely, crispy, full-of-air yorkshire pudding, it is sacrilege to pour gravy all over it and make it go soggy. Yes, I am looking at you, dh.

GrimmaTheNome Tue 18-Dec-12 17:06:11

I'll amend that to 'useful if you really want gravy and don't have any decent stock and wine available' then grin

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GrimmaTheNome Tue 18-Dec-12 17:15:26

It was clarification for anyone who needed it, LF! School domestic science lesson recipe for beef stew called for 'gravy browning' once - my mum went hmm and said it wasn't necessary, didn't really want me taking the glass bottle in. Everyone else took in Bisto which was evidently what the ignorant southerner teacher meant. Weird.

nickelbabylyinginamanger Tue 18-Dec-12 17:17:40

I like Bisto, though.

frankie4 Tue 18-Dec-12 17:25:07

Don't like making sausage, mash and gravy any more as it reminds me too much of the bisto proper family meal advert.

And there should never be any need to rinse mince.

BIWIshYouAMerryChristmas Tue 18-Dec-12 17:26:38

'Herbe' is, I believe, French for grass ...

BIWIshYouAMerryChristmas Tue 18-Dec-12 17:27:37

Rinsing mince is just weird. Actually it's rise than weird, because it washes all the flavour out

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BIWIshYouAMerryChristmas Tue 18-Dec-12 17:29:25

rise?! Worse, obviously!

frankie4 Tue 18-Dec-12 17:39:22

Maybe I'm a bit strange but I also don't like people saying veg - I prefer vegetable.

mum2twoloudbabies Tue 18-Dec-12 18:08:57

Rinsing mince?! confused who does that? And why would you do that?

FellatioNelson Tue 18-Dec-12 18:28:32

Me too Frankie! Actually I don't mind 'veg' so much but I HATE 'veggies'.

I also really hate roasties, toasties, yorkies, chocs, sarnie, butty, and cuppa.

They make me feel a bit squeamish actually. confused

HaveYourselfAMardyLittleXmas Tue 18-Dec-12 18:34:31

There was a whole thread on mince rinsing once I think.

HaveYourselfAMardyLittleXmas Tue 18-Dec-12 18:35:56

Fellatio: butty is OK if said with a Northern English accent imo. But it sounds weird on Southern lips.

LadyClariceCannockMonty Wed 19-Dec-12 10:36:44

'only available in French' is really making me giggle, for some reason. grin

Mardy, there was indeed a mince-rinsing thread, and does that sound like a dreadful euphemism or what?

At the end of dinner in a restaurant in New York once I asked the waiter what the cheese in my salad was, as I'd really liked it. Response: 'Blue cheese.' Me (Englishly): 'Yes, but – sorry – what sort of blue cheese?'. Waiter (slowly, with a supercilious mini-smile, as if to a simpleton): 'Bl-u-u-ue cheese. It's blue cheese.'

Wanker.

AmberLeaf Wed 19-Dec-12 10:51:19

I think the mince rinsing came about from a misunderstanding

If you put cold water into mince, the fat on top will harden and its easier to remove it.

I saw a friend rinse mince with hot water, she said she was getting rid of the fat, I told her she was also getting rid of the flavoursome juices too!

Personally I try to use the best quality mince I can [lean steak mince] and let it cool then pick the fat off once its cold.

AmberLeaf Wed 19-Dec-12 10:57:14

Browning liquid is nasty bitter stuff, I can always taste if its in something.

For gravy I use a cornflour paste at the end. My best gravy is made with a mix of vegetable cooking water, meat juices, onion and a bit of 'this and that' [seasonings depending on what Im cooking]

FellatioNelson Wed 19-Dec-12 10:59:14

I don't think Americans really understand cheese to be honest. grin

Ugh, 'cuppa' makes me feel ill too.

LadyClariceCannockMonty Wed 19-Dec-12 11:09:04

You're right, Fellatio.

ethelb Wed 19-Dec-12 11:14:20

"Tomatoes and cucumber arre fruit."

Do you know how thick this one makes you sound?

There is no botanic difference between a fruit and a vegetable.

Yes they are fruit (as well as vegetables) but why stop there?

GrimmaTheNome Wed 19-Dec-12 11:29:57

>There is no botanic difference between a fruit and a vegetable

There can be. Some vegetables are not fruits. Some are roots, tubers, stalks. In the case of rhubarb, we have a 'fruit' that isn't a fruit. grin

>I don't think Americans really understand cheese to be honest
Very few do. We lived there and found a deli which had a Stilton. I'm pretty sure we were the only people who ever had any of it before it got totally past it (but still sadly on display).

I was always rather worried by the pizze etc claiming to be topped with '100% real cheese' ... or rather, by those without this wording, WTF was the yellowish rubbery stuff on them? confused

TunipTheVegedude Wed 19-Dec-12 11:37:46

My vegetable love should grow
Vaster than empires, and more slow

<irrelevant>

HaveYourselfAMardyLittleXmas Wed 19-Dec-12 11:41:06

Don't hold back ethel confused It's a light-hearted thread.

ethelb Wed 19-Dec-12 11:41:31

But there is no botanic definition for a vegetable! It is a purely culinary term. And people spout that shit about tomatoes being fruits as though they are scientific genii (sp).

HaveYourselfAMardyLittleXmas Wed 19-Dec-12 11:42:33

Still no need to call someone thick even if it is Chaos. Just make your point without being snippy.

ethelb Wed 19-Dec-12 11:44:41

@ladyclarice that reminds me of the time I was sold olives in basil paste. With garlic.

StNiChaolas Wed 19-Dec-12 13:12:59

And a Happy New Year to you, too ethelb.

smile

StNiChaolas Wed 19-Dec-12 13:13:31

Comma.

LadyClariceCannockMonty Wed 19-Dec-12 13:43:42

ethelb, sorry, I don't get the olives/basil thing ...

[slow on uptake]

nickelbabylyinginamanger Wed 19-Dec-12 13:53:04

grin

poor chaolas. sad

mum2twoloudbabies Wed 19-Dec-12 14:11:47

Now I understand the mince rinsing <boak>

amberleaf with you on the gravy have never used gravy browning but always wondered what on earth it was for because my gravy is perfectly good without it.

ethelb confused and I am f*confused

GrimmaTheNome Wed 19-Dec-12 14:13:03

>But there is no botanic definition for a vegetable! It is a purely culinary term. And people spout that shit about tomatoes being fruits as though they are scientific genii (sp).

But there is a botanic definition of a fruit. Problem that the word fruit is used loosely to mean 'sweet edible plant thing' and vegetable is 'savory edible plant thing' (more or less). So I think its as inaccurate to say 'There is no botanic difference between a fruit and a vegetable' as to say that tomatoes are fruit not veg.

Now, this being a pedantry thread, we have to query 'scientific genii'. Is that a genie who emerges from an electric lamp? grin Using latin plurals wrongly looks a bit thick

GrimmaTheNome Wed 19-Dec-12 14:15:54

>tomatoes are fruit not veg
and in case that's not clear, tomatoes are botanically fruit but colloquially/in culinary terms vegetables. So its scientificall correct to say they are fruit but incorrect to say therefore they are not veg. Logic fail.

'Snacky tea' that's another one that makes me shudder.

nickelbabylyinginamanger Wed 19-Dec-12 14:20:33

aham.

The botanical definition of a fruit is an organ that contains seeds, protecting these as they develop and often aiding in their dispersal. This may be at odds with everyday usage of the word "fruit." Botanically, pineapples, oranges, and apples are fruits, but so too are "vegetables" like tomatoes and cucumbers. The pods that contain peas and beans are fruits, as are the dry, inedible structures that bear the seeds of many wild plants.

Read more: www.biologyreference.com/Fo-Gr/Fruits.html#ixzz2FVX14gj1

booge Wed 19-Dec-12 15:13:07

Why has no one defended English Mustard, I can't eat a sausage or ham sandwich without it. It's the only thing.

HazeltheMcWitch Wed 19-Dec-12 15:19:22

I hereby maintain that whether a tomato is a fruit or vegetable, or one masquerading as the other, once in a domestic setting it has No Place within a refrigerator.

BIWIshYouAMerryChristmas Wed 19-Dec-12 19:17:00

I agree, booge. English mustard is a wonderful, irreplaceable condiment.

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