Party virgins need help

[prettycandles]

Ds is 4 at the end of September, and we want to have a birthday party for him. But it's our first children's party - until now it's just been a family thing and we have the only children in the family.

What sort of things do you do for a 4th birthday party? We don't want to hire an entertainer, and as we'll probably have the party at the beginning of October we can't rely on going into the garden. How many children should we invite? How many adults? What activities should we lay on? What sort of food? Alcohol (for the adults of course! )?

[woodpops]

Musical bumps and pass the parcel always work well. I went to a party recently with ds where they had 2 pass the parcels going round at once (in opossite directions) so at times the kids had 2 parcels at once. They al;l thought this was fab and it really did keep their attention. Good luck you're a braver woman than me. We're going to a softplay area in 2 weeks for ds 3rd birthday.

[prettycandles]

How old were the children playing p-t-p, Woodpops? At a party ds attended recently, all the 5yo were loving p-t-p but the 3-4yo just didn't get the hang of it.

Softplay, not a bad idea. We're being old-fashioned cheapskates about the entertainer, but I wonder how a softplay area would work out costwise compared to doing everything at home?

[woodpops]

Most of the kids were 2-3. But there were sweets and chocolates between each layer of paper!!!!!

The soft play party is costing us £7:00 per child, which includes:-
party invites
Buffet
2 hours play
Party host
Party bags for each child
Prezzie for the birthday boy
And best of all no mess at my house.

I worked out that what it would cost me for 17 kids is the same if not less than I'd spend at home. By the time you've brought all the novelty tableware, made party bags up, brouoght prizes for party games done a buffet etc etc. Plus as many adults can go as you like and you don't have to pay for them to go in. I'd reccomend looking into it!!!

[Lonelymum]

The first party I gave was for my oldest when he was 5. It was at home and I wanted to do old fashioned games but it didn't go well and I was really mad that my son's "friends" had messed up ds's first child party. Since then, we have learnt two things: 1) organised parties, eg in the local sports centre, are expensive but seem to be enjoyed more by children and organising parents alike and 2) if you do have a party at home, be very sure about what the children are going to do and take the lead, getting them to join in because, given the choice, a lot of children say they don't want to join in and then get up to mischief when the others are playing. Personally, if I was doing a party for four year olds, I would hire a bouncy castle or go to a sports centre that provides one. You can always do a couple of games after the food. Musical bumps is simple enough, or just have loads of balloons and get them to play at keeping them all in the air. Have fun!

[WideWebWitch]

Hi prettycandles. I'm always saying this on here but can you hire a hall (scout hut or something? you'll be surprised at what there is if you look around) and get a bouncy castle? This went down a storm at my ds's 4th birthday party and kept 20 odd kids occupied very very happily for 3 hours. You usually just press a button to inflate and deflate it so you deflate it when you want them to eat (or go home!). I'm a meanie about party bags, don't do 'em, so just hand out fun size sweets at the door with a piece of cake. Games are a PITA at 4yo IMO, at my son's 4th they were a bit shy and not that interested so the castle was wonderful and we didn't bother with games - there was no need. Also, don't do too many sandwiches or savoury things, IME they want to stuff themeselves for about 10 seconds and then go off and play so you can easily waste a ton of food if you do what I did and make up loaves of sandwiches and healthy snacks. Yeah right, what they wanted was BISCUITS and CRISPS CAKE and that was it! I've never provided booze at a children's party but have seen it done. 4 is when a lot of parents think it's OK to drop and collect later too so be aware and make sure you've got plenty of adult help if you can, don't rely on the parents staying.

[Lonelymum]

Some parents of four year olds may want to stay because they know their child doesn't like to be left. You could try asking parents when they accept the invitation if they will be staying or not. I had an embarrassing moment the other day when my very confident four year old daughter went to a party and it was clear when I arrived that the parents (party virgins like yourself) expected me to stay. Unfortunately, I had already made plans to go out and spend some quality time with my three sons. Dd didn't want me there anyway (she is used to her older brothers going to parties and being left, and she wanted to be left too) so I made my excuses and left. I felt embarrassed because I wasn't sure if they had gone to any effort for me and also because I was worried they weren't confident looking after my dd for a couple of hours. I would have really appreciated it if they had asked me my intentions when I accepted my dd's invitation.

[whizzz]

I did an 'at home' party for DS 3rd birthday. Pass the Parcel is great although smaller children will need help in unwrapping 1 layer at a time. Good old fashioned games are good - Pin (or Blu-tak !) the Tail on the Donkey or the Nose on the Clown etc. Musical statues / bumps or 'Best Dancing' competitions. Choosing a theme is good too - loads of websites have ideas. Always fancied setting up as a Kids party Planner - whenever the 'real' job looses its appeal ! We had 9 kids to cope with !

[prettycandles]

Wow, this is great! Thanks, people, please keep the ideas coming so that I can show this thread to dh - I think we need to get our act into gear pdq!

[clary]

some good ideas here. Pc we went to a soft play for DS1/DD 4th/2nd parties last year and I was quite disappointed; it was very hot and the food was not nice, tho the kids liked the soft play. This yr we hired a hall, got a clown/magician who was excellent and I did the food - NOT MANY sandwiches, lots of sausages, crisps, fruit bits, cherry toms, cakes and biscuits (but don't put those out until later). We had 26 kids (was goign to be 30 but a couple of late cancels); for a soft play this would have cost about £240 if one would do it! We had so many because of the joint party thing. So I would say it depends how many kids. Also make sure you check out the venue/see what food they offer etc. A friend had a party at a local school where they set up lots of soft play/balancing stuff/tunnels etc, then tea and a pass the parcel. That was cheaper (because it's a school) and successful i think. We did pass the parcel with forfeits (do a forward roll, sing a nursery rhyme, pull a funny face) which went well and meant that at least the kids stayed with it as opposed to running off as soon as they had their sweets! Best advice is to keep it simple; 4yos are best amused by runnign about with balloons ime!

[hana]

what about having a craft for them all to do (if you have it at home) keeps them occupied for a little while longer - not sure what craft though - am going to do bracelets and necklaces for dd's 3rd party in September I think.
or they could all decorate their own cupcake or cake?

[Tanzie]

I have now done several parties for my 2 DDs (aged 3 & 5). The first one was a nightmare - I was clueless, they had played all the games in about 15 minutes, then they had tea, said they were bored so I packed them all off into the (wet and muddy) garden for the last hour (!).

What I learned from bitter experience:

2 hours absolute max. We did 1 1/2 hours for DD2's 3rd b'day and it was plenty.

Max number of guests = the number your table/food area on floor will comfortably seat. No more than 12.

Pass the parcel twice - once early on, second one after tea to calm them down (and make chances of being sick less!).

Other games: musical bumps, musical statues. Keep the music going for longish periods as well as short bursts. Best done before tea to tire them out. Small prizes (eg small lollipop) for highest jumper, best dancer, best hopper etc (put straight into party bag or tell them that is what you are doing, otherwise they will want to eat them straightaway). Pin the tail on the donkey also popular, as is hunt the thimble (hunt the lollipop went down even better!). We finished up with sleeping lions and a couple of the children fell asleep.

Take them all to the loo before they have tea. When one goes they will all want to, so it will help if someone can be toilet monitor (an adult, not one of the children!)

Keep the food simple. Don't waste time on sandwiches. Crisps, sausages, cherry tomatoes, pretzels were all popular. Fairy cakes (the brighter the icing the better - the birthday child often enjoys helping to decorate too!), iced gems, chocolate fingers, cornflake cakes and birthday cake quite sufficient. Oh, and don't put the sweet things on the table with the savouries. Wait until they have had a good go at the savouries before bringing on the fairy cakes. Disposable everything, including tablecloth, and handy binbag essential! Lidded cups with straws for younger ones are a good idea.

Be very, very firm with the children. One boy at a recent party ate two crisps then announced he was going to go into the garden and play football. Two others stood up with him. I said, "No you are not, you are going to sit down and eat your tea with everyone else." And he did!

Personally, I found a large G & T helped me get through it (and I am not a spirits drinker!). Although the other mothers who stayed looked horrified and only drank tea! Oh, and at DD2's 3rd b'day party, the mums were a nightmare. They did nothing to help, but sat on the sofa drinking tea, which my DH ferried back and forth. If you are going to be faced with nightmare mothers (and if you don't know them, you won't know until they arrive!), get a very good friend to give you some help/support. DH and I felt like the servants at this party.

Don't open presents as they arrive. This can be an after tea activity too (and kills another ten minutes). This will also enable you to write down who has given what for thank you letters later.

Mess was minimal - few crumbs under the table and one spilt apple juice. Table debris goes into binbag straight after tea and then you can have your house back again.

Softplay areas also fun, but one local to us does crap food and kids are all in together with other kids using it, so fairly impersonal. The other (nicer one, private, more structured with people organising games etc) costs 250 euros for 1 1/2 hours for 15 children max AND you have to provide all the food, table ware etc. Home was cheaper...

[lavender1]

have done parties for every year of ds and dd's life and they are now 9 and 7 1/2. At ds 4 year old party he ended up with 16 children, as the babies of some of the toddlers ended up staying, but you know they had one hell of a time...It wasn't to organised but these are the things we did:

1. We laid a table with sandwiches,crisps,potato with tin foil around and cocktail sticks of cheese/pineapple and sausage, sausage rolls, sausages, chocolate fingers, party fingers, jammy dodgers and a cake that came out at the end.
   
   
2. We had about 4 games to play, pass the parcel, musical chairs,pin the donkey tail and they played in ds and dd rooms (trashed yes but enormous amounts of fun).
   
   We have a hoover and after picking up pieces of balloon etc it took us about an hour to tidy up but so worth it, as it was personal....we did have a few parents to stay who ate a bit of the food but they only had about one glass of wine so it was pretty laid back really.....imho I would always have parties at home unless they are sulky teenagers who want nothing to do with their mum and dad ( and yes we had as much mess as anyone else but kids loved it) hope you have an enjoyable day.....and yes we did goody bags bought about 4 bags of Haribo etc from Woolworths, eyeballs etc, bit of cake and a balloon and had party blowers (which if you go to a place called Wilkinsons they are dirt cheap and just as good as anywhere else)...

[lavender1]

another thing think it's really nice to open pressies as they get them because that's what the children whose birthday it is wants to do, I know other mn's and friends wait until the end but tbh that is very organised and a bit military...when we were growing up we just ripped them open it is more spontaneous and fun (and can never understand why children take the presnets home and not let their friends see the excitement on their faces bit old fashioned I know but nice)

[Lonelymum]

Wow Tanzie, you have said it all I think. I particularly agree with the being firm with the children and with not opening the presents until later. These were two of the mistakes I made at my son's first party and I deeply regreted it.

[Tanzie]

Another Mum asked me if I would help with her DS's party as she didn't think she could be as firm with the children as I was.

I have to say, I did feel a bit like Sergeant Major Tanzie at times. I didn't shout, but I was very, very firm and found that a "Paddington Hard Stare" at the offending child also worked wonders.

[prettycandles]

Dear Tanzie

Please come to my birthday party!

Lots of love

littlematchstickman

ps Mummy could do with a bit of what you've got

[Tanzie]

I am sure Mummy will do just fine on her own!

[motherinferior]

Oh Tanzie, how incredibly helpful, will come back to this thread later!

Have to say my three year old went to an absolutely vile soft play centre ready-prepared party recently. I'd rather take a deep breath and do it at home.

[bettys]

Last year for ds's 4th we did a party at home which was great fun, so we're doing it again this year. I think it has to be structured, decide on the games & have them all ready. Last year's big success was a treasure hunt (got the idea from here!) Children are given pictures of things to look for (eg kettle, lamp, vase) to which was stuck a gold coin. When they brought the coin back they were given another thing to look for etc till the last picture which leads to the treasure (a prize in a wooden box) We'll be doing that again plus pass the parcel, pin the tail on the donkey (or more likely put Virgil in a Thunderbird as that's the party theme) and I'm going to try & make a pinata for the little darlings to bash. Oh and I bought some modelling balloons to try & make swords but I might be getting a bit over-enthusiastic there.

Food will be sausages, ham sandwiches, jam sandwiches, hula hoops, cheese & pineapple on sticks & salami put into a happy-meal style box so they can eat in the garden if it's sunny (while parents nibble on olives & drink chilled rose) I asked ds what he wanted to do, & this was his preference. Next year will be different when he goes to school, it may be my last chance to hang balloons on the front door.