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5th birthday party - only inviting half the class

37 replies

dinny · 05/03/2007 19:44

Is this going to cause probs or is it perfectly fine?

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mrsflowerpot · 05/03/2007 19:46

We did the same last year. We had the party at home and I could not have had 30 kids here. I think inviting half the class, or a select few is fine, it's inviting all but one or two that is a problem.

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kid · 05/03/2007 19:47

Its fine, but just try and hand out the invitations discreetly.

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dinny · 05/03/2007 19:47

already feel guilty but a. having it at softplay that is too pricey for more than 15 and b. dd is VERy definite on who she likes/dislikes.

blooming parties!

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dinny · 05/03/2007 19:49

yeah, will get teacher to put them in trays, but word does get round. annoying too as some of the mums of the children dd really doesn't like, I do, iyswim

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mrsflowerpot · 05/03/2007 19:51

the thing is, they don't all get invited to all of them. DS is having his 6th birthday party soon (if I ever get around to booking it) at a soft play place, and I'm limiting the numbers to 15 again as like you say, it's blooming expensive otherwise. Also, I've noticed that quite a few children have had birthday treats with one or two friends only this year.

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LilyLoo · 05/03/2007 19:56

Why is this such a nightmare going through same thing myself. Only 22 in class including DS but with friends kids etc it becomes v.expensive (soft play area too.) I know he won't even be bothered it's just adult politics. But keep telling myself it fine then thinking of mums stopping me asking about it as DS been invited to a few full class parties.

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dinny · 05/03/2007 19:59

maybe will make sure I invite all those whose party dd as gone to. which prob wld anyhow, iyswim

difficult working out who to invite who hasn't yet had party tho

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chocolatekimmy · 05/03/2007 20:44

I did that last year, just got a list of all the names of everyone in the class and got my daugter to tick all the ones she wanted and those she definately didn't. Had to cut it back and cut it back but she understood that she had to make a choice as she couldn't invite everyone. It gave her a sense of responsibility too.

Does it matter if anyone else finds out about the party and they havnen't been invited? There are always lots of parties going on, some you get an invite to, others you don't but its no big deal

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paulaplumpbottom · 05/03/2007 20:46

You could hurt some feelings. How do you think your DC would feel if they found out that some of their classmates had been invited but they had not. You wouldn't like it done to your child, don't do it to someone elses

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chocolatekimmy · 05/03/2007 21:20

Paulaplump... B**cks to that, my daughter is in a class of about 28 and theres no way she gets invited to EVERY party (thank god).

Also, why shouldn't my daughter take responsibility for herself and make her own decisions about who to invite/not invite

Life is full of upset and rejection, how do expect someone to handle it when older if you don't teach them to deal with it at an early age. We often hear about a party that she isn't going to (all other parents obviously don't invite the whole class - its the done thing to limit numbers) but she doesn't get hysterical or over react - its my job to make sure she doesn't by instilling in her a realistic understanding of the situation.

She is friends with all of her class and others in different classes, the fact she doens't get invited to everyones party is no big deal (unless YOU make it a big deal). I'm not going to get all overprotective about it, it won't do her any favours at all in the long run.

It sounds like you are the one thats upset about it, not your child!

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dinny · 05/03/2007 21:53

so, just don't have a party, then, Paulaplumpbottom? what would be your alternative suggestion?

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chocolatekimmy · 05/03/2007 21:57

I think we as adults should set the budget and encourage our child to have some input as to where/what.

Then, let them decide who to invite based on the number you have set in accordance with above.

It needn't get political, its not about us anyway. Let the child take responsibility, they are resiliant. Do you think they would have a discussion this intense about it on the mat at school?

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Budababe · 05/03/2007 22:07

Teachers at our school will only distribute invites if all children in class invited. They have to deal with the fall out otherwise.

(Not saying that you need to invite all BTW!)

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mysonsmummy · 05/03/2007 22:17

i do believe if you accept an invite from someone in the class - if you then have a party in the same year then you should invite that child back. i only mean if you are not having a same sex party.

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cat64 · 05/03/2007 22:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Themis · 05/03/2007 22:35

Only inviting half the class - not a problem - any reasonable parent would realise that it is not possible to invite the whole class , whether it be too expensive , tight for space or bascailly you dont want them their and shouldn't get 'upset' because their child hasn't been invited ! Lifes full of disappointments and children cannot be expected to be invited or go to every party.

What if you want to invite friends outside of school or family - numbers could be up in the 40s !

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dinny · 05/03/2007 22:50

my dd hasn't been invited to all the class parties - just those that she is good friends with/if the whole class have been invited.

would definitely invite those whose parties she has been to.

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paulaplumpbottom · 06/03/2007 08:18

I would invite them all or not invite any of them. My DD is only 3 and there are only 15 in her class at pre-school so she hasn't been NOT invited to a party yet, and if this does ever happen then I will tell her to put her chin up, but lets face it, it sucks when your child's feelings get hurt. I have had parties for more than 28 before. I think you are thinking of yourself more than the children in her class

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Mala · 06/03/2007 09:24

When I was doing dd's birthday invitation list I agonised(!) over it for ages. There were 4 different lists with different variations of children at one point. In the end I called all the girls, even though dd wanted to invite a a couple of the boys. I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings and was trying to do it in the most sensitive way.

However, the majority of parents obviously don't give it so much thought and dd has been left out of a couple of parties, while her best friend has been invited. One mother was happily handing out invitations in the playground. The next time I am not going to bother with who is being left out or not, I will just ask my dd to name names and be done with it.

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Mala · 06/03/2007 09:26

Oh-just wanted to say, I think it is fine that you invite just half the class.

My dd was not particularly upset about not being invited to these two boys parties-so they are tougher than you think.

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FluffyMummy123 · 06/03/2007 09:27

Message withdrawn

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Spidermama · 06/03/2007 09:29

dinny I let my ds invite the people he wanted to invite. He turned five last week. There were about ten from his class then my kids and a couple more brought the number up to 16. Ample. It was a good party.

I think inviting all members of the class makes the whole thing too much like a day at school. Also then it's more about his classmates needs than his needs.

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LilyLoo · 06/03/2007 09:31

Just went through the class list with DS before he went to school asking who he would like to invite he left two out! Back to the drawing board

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tortoiseSHELL · 06/03/2007 09:31

It's madness to invite all the class as a matter of course. Inviting half the class is fine.

I heard (prob on MN!) that a child should have the same number of guests as their age, and that is ideal for parties. Last year, ds1 for his fifth birthday had 4 from school, and about 5 from outside school, and that was perfect. This year he's having a 'gym' party, so will have a few more (it's not in our house!), but probably 10-15 from school, and 5 or so from outside school.

Tbh, I don't think children age 3-5 care whether they're invited - they're not old enough to follow through with the 'they don't like me'...

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ChocolateTeapot · 06/03/2007 09:33

Paulaplumpbottom, as they get older the parties in DD's class have got smaller and smaller and they are all well used to not being invited. None of them seem in the slightest bit psychologically scarred by this and as far as I can tell the parents aren't either, well I'm certainly not.

It is the harsh reality of life that choices have to be made. And my DD has dyspraxia so is one of the ones who gets less invites so I am not speaking as someone whose child gets invited to everything.

Dinny, go ahead just maybe discretely hand out invitations to parents at the gates if you can.

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