Birthday party etiquette

[FrannytheQuinoaEater]

Birthday dilemmas part 1:

If your child has been invited to a party and can't make it, would you still send: a) card b) small present c) the same present you would have bought if you were attending the party. It's the party of an acquaintance and I would have just sent a card had we not been invited.

Part 2:

When it is your child's birthday, do you have to invite everyone who has invited your child to a party in the past year? What about people who invited you but you didn't actually go (see above)? If the answer is yes, then

part 3:

What the hell can I do at a party with twenty or so 2 and 3 year olds, without spending a fortune on bouncy castles etc?

Help please.

[harpsichordcarrier]

1. card only

2. no, invite who you want and who you can afford
3. don't be a loon franny. ten, max. otherwise you are running a zoo. small tea party or soft play.

[starlover]

part one: send a card

part 2: no, would ask who i wanted to come!

part 3: traditional games! pass the parcel, musical chairs, pin the something on the something else etc etc

[FrannytheQuinoaEater]

Ok, these are the answers I wanted to hear (although may send small present to child whose party we can't go to), but then what do you do about the people you are not inviting?

[flashingnose]

1. If either close friend of child or mother is a close friend of mine, would give present. Otherwise would probably just send card (but tbh, might not even do that).

2. No, definitely not. If you feel obliged to invite everyone, try to share the party with someone else to lighten the load, both physical and financial. For 2 and 3 year olds, they won't even notice who's there and who isn't.

3. See 2 . Church halls are good - bouncy castle, entertainer or just good old fashioned party games (v simple, obviously).

Good luck!

[harpsichordcarrier]

well you could just say to them that you are keeping it small for financial reasons
or just don't mention it
ps musical bumps

[FrannytheQuinoaEater]

I have got no probs organising the party if I can keep the numbers down. But I just can't bear the thought of people feeling snubbed if they are not invited. OMG. He is going to be 3 ffs. What am I doing worrying about this? It is a problem though, there are a big group of us and we all socialise together a lot, it is not like people will not know they have been left out.

[flashingnose]

"but what do you do about the people you are not inviting?"

What would you expect another parent to do if it was you? Would you always expect your child to be invited to parties where the host(ess) had attended your child's party?

[FrannytheQuinoaEater]

Yes ds has been practising his bumping technique now party season is upon us

[FrannytheQuinoaEater]

Flashingnose, yes, of course. Because we are the best guests and buy the best presents. Oh, and we bump the best.

[flashingnose]

[FrannytheQuinoaEater]

Actually I honestly would be hurt if we were not asked to the party of any of the people I want to ask, as I consider them all to be close friends of me or ds, or both. However it is all these acquaintances that keep asking us and giving me the fear

[harpsichordcarrier]

if you want to invite them all then could you join up with someone else and have a joint party?
could you say - we'll have a big celebration in the summer and have a picnic or something
or you could do open house all afternoon with cake and hope they space themselves out
or celebrate as part of your usual weekly activities i.e. take a cake along so everyone gets to celebrate
really franny I don't think anyoine will be offended

[flashingnose]

Just to really make you sweat, this only gets worse as they get older....

[harpsichordcarrier]

OK
ask the friends
ignore the acquaintances well just don't invite them
easy
[never realised you were so popular....]

[FrannytheQuinoaEater]

Yes joint party has been offered but as control freak cannot countenance that.

Am not doing it at home, want it in a hall. No reason really I can't have 20 except I don't want to and ds doesn't know who half of them are. Also I really want to do some special craft activities and it would cost too much.

I knew you would say I was being silly. But it is horrid to feel snubbed and I hate going around behind people's backs saying "oh by the way we're having a party."

Like the big 'everyone is invited' event, as well as a smaller party. Hmmm.

[FrannytheQuinoaEater]

HC, 3 of the recent invites have ended with the words, "Oh, and if you feel like bringing your giant play parachute so we could play a few games....?"

LOL suddenly all guilt has lifted

[harpsichordcarrier]

did they also say

oh and can you bring some of those lovely craft activities?
oh and a song tape??

[FrannytheQuinoaEater]

LOL one did have the honesty to offer to pay me, actually....

Do I in fact have any friends at all?

[harpsichordcarrier]

you've got me franny [condescending emoticon]
of course I have an invite
you can come to dd1's
if you bring some bark for dd2 to suck on
oh and your play parachute (wtf is that anyhow??~)

[Hulababy]

1. Card only, unless a friend/family of ours (rather than just DD) who we would normally buy for regardless.

2. Not necessarily. But last year (3rd birthday) we invited some nursery friends and children of family/friends - about 20 in total.

3. Big hall (about £30 to hire), pass the parcel, music and balloons, have some ride on toys/big toys (not breakable ones) to play with, crayons and paper. Bouncy castle takes lots of supervision anyway. Keep food simple and don't make loads - they never eat it anyway!

[FrannytheQuinoaEater]

I think the thing is I have this perfect party in my head with a few calm children doing beautiful elaborate crafts and then sitting down to a little quinoa-based finger buffet. Whereas the traditional children's bash is 25 sugared-up 3 year olds running around shouting.

HC, did you not like that lovely millet bark I sent you? Play parachute is a big circular rainbow coloured piece of lightweight fabric. You waft it and play games with it, tis marvellous.

[harpsichordcarrier]

hulababy you're right btw - no food gets eaten

[FrannytheQuinoaEater]

my food will get eaten, or they don't go home till it does

[flashingnose]