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Help and advice needed please (Teenage son)

(3 Posts)
Squirrel18 Tue 30-Aug-16 18:45:18

I'm new to mumsnet but need help and dont know where to turn. I left an abusive marriage after 14 years, my son was 13 at the time, I'd hidden most of the abuse from him so he was devastated that I was breaking up the marriage. I explained the reasons for the break up to my son, but his reaction was that I must have deserved the treatment by his dad. I got a new home for myself and my son near to his school and friends to minimise the disruption. His dad moved in with his girlfriend out of the area. 3 years of alternate weekends with his Dad followed although his dad wouldn't tell me the address where my son would be living. The alternate weekend thing wasn't the best because weekends with his dad would be quality time and weekends at home were spent out with his friends and I was left with the hard part nagging him about school work revision and out relationship suffered. My partner moved in although my son liked my partner, this soon fell apart too. We never really stood a chance. My ex husband would tell my son not to talk to my new partner, and that I couldn't tell him what to do, tell you ma to etc. Its been a living hell. My son is 16 now and just finished his GCSE's he gone to live with his dad now that he doesn't need to be near his school. He's been with his dad 9 wks and in this time his dads got him a new phone, on the proviso that he doesn't give the number to me otherwise it will be taken off him. My son's told me that his fathers partner whom they live with won't allow me on the road they live on and if I want to see my son then I have to pick him up on the main road. I haven't got his GCSE results because they were emailed to my ex husband's partner and she won't forward the email. I am fed up of it all and worry what's next. His father is very controlling but I need my son to stand up to them otherwise where does it stop, but he won't, i end up getting cross with him and its making our relationship even worse. I'm considering telling my son that although I'll always be there for him that I can't carry on like this and that he should come back to me when he's can treat me equally and fairly.

Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 Sat 17-Sep-16 11:56:43

By law you are entitled to see the results so phone the education department. You were also entitled to have known where your ds was living with his dad. However the amount of nights. Now he is 16 prob not. I also walked away temporarily from my ds 13th until he saw the light. He did and is living with me full time. If it's to save your sanity then leave them to it. Be patient and he will be back.

Squirrel18 Sat 17-Sep-16 13:29:36

Thank you I didn't know that I was entitled to know where he was staying with his Dad before he was 16. I only managed to find out by putting a friend locator app on my Ds's phone - sneaky I know but what else could I do. Im told that my ex husband and his partner are selling their house soon, so disappointing that now DS is 16 I won't have the same problem right, so won't know where he will be living. I know what you mean, I just have to be patient but its hard, not sure my sons ever going to stand up to his dad tho. I've asked him to, explain to his dad how he feels, without getting angry, but he can't or won't. My son said I don't understand how difficult it is for him, but I do, I lived with it for many years. Son says that his dad will take his phone off him if he gives me the number, and being 16 and in a new area he doesn't want to lose contact with his old friends, which I understand. Good to know that things turned out right for you, gives me some hope, thanks.

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