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Ex partner causing problems, and we have a 2 year old son! Advice needed.

(6 Posts)
Jadestar88 Fri 19-Feb-16 13:33:24

Hoping somebody could provide me with some advice... really at my wits end!
This is long winded so please bear with me. My relationship broke down almost two years ago due to my ex partner being unfaithful. From that relationship we had a child who was conceived via IVF due to my ex partner being unable to have a child. For this treatment we had to use a sperm donor so my ex partner is not the child's biological father. We had and still have a mortgage together, a mortgage on a property that he refused to leave throughout the breakup. After 4 months of living together but separated I decided enough was enough and moved out of our joint family home. For the four months I had injured emotional stress and strain caused by my ex partner drinking every weekend then coming home intoxicated waking our son up, and generally leaving all parental responsibility to me even though we were living in the same property. My son had little stability and it wasn't the environment I wanted him living in. When I moved out of the house my ex saw my son every weekend either Friday - Sunday or Saturday - Sunday. On one occasion he requested that he didn't have enough him time and reduced access to Friday - Saturday one weekend then Saturday - Sunday the next. Access to see my son has never been stable, instead of working events and activities around my boy, my ex booked things then cancelled or changed access agreements. I stopped contact on one occasion as my ex refused to buy him an appropriate toddler's bed and I found out he was still putting him into a small cot when he had a bed at my house. The environment he had been living in was also unsuitable and unsafe for my son to be in. Now I come to my current issue. He started a new relationship in October and right away wanted to introduce my son to her. I asked that in the interest of our son he waited until their relationship was serious then at Christmas time we could all meet and do it properly. My ex partner agreed only for me to find out the day after he had arranged an outing and introduced him to her anyway. My ex gave me an ultimatum saying if he couldn't see them both together then he would cut contact with my son. From this point access changed again, so he had quality time with his girlfriend one weekend he then saw my son Saturday - Sunday the weekend after, so we're now down to fortnightly visits. Because we still have a mortgage together but are seeking to sell the property I have contacted my ex on a number of occasions to try and sort decorating etc., on these occasions he's had my son and I have heard his girlfriend in the background shouting things to me. She has also taken it upon herself to text and phone me causing extra strain for my own family. (I am in my own relationship and we have a daughter of our own) She has stated to me she cannot have her own children due to an eating disorder she has, and wants to spend as much time with my ex and my son as possible so she doesn't miss out on family life. I fear that my son is being used as an emotional crotch for them both. My son has been picked up and dropped so many times depending on my ex's social life but now they are doing everything to create their own family, which includes his girlfriend posting pictures of my son on social media sites: Something which I am not comfortable with especially when they have only been in a relationship for 4 months. I know if their relationship ends my son will be dropped again. My son's behaviour when he comes back from his dads is challenging (there's very little discipline) and he becomes upset for the rest of the day. I don't know what to do for the best but I really feel my son is gaining nothing from his one night stay every fortnight, especially when attention is shared between him and his girlfriend.

Quoteunquote Fri 19-Feb-16 20:09:38

Did you legally sort out access arrangements?

MumOnTheRunCatchingUp Fri 19-Feb-16 20:52:48

One night is better than none, surely?

Jadestar88 Fri 19-Feb-16 21:21:12

No, we've always tried to keep things civil and do it ourselves. My friend has a solicitors number that I may give a try. Get something legally binding so nothing can be chopped and changed.

Missgraeme Wed 03-Aug-16 17:08:09

If the environment is unsuitable u need to use that to argue your case. If your ds hasn't got an appropriate bed for example. He is legally obliged to provide one.

YouAreMyRain Wed 03-Aug-16 17:21:41

So, your issues are;
Your ex being unreliable with contact arrangements in the past but this is now regular.

Your ex seeing GF at same time as your DS.

Your exs GF posting pics of your DS online.

Your DS not having a proper bed at exs.

Your DS being unsettled after contact.

And you want to reduce contact?

Okay...
You have no control over what ex does with DS during his contact unless DS is being neglected or harmed etc however you can object to the pics on social media - I would do this via email.

Is the bed issue now sorted? If not, how big is the cot? My DS is nearly 3 and still fits in his travel cot for occasional use.

All kids are unsettled after contact, unfortunately, it's not an indicator of anything bad, just that they need to readjust.

I can't see how reducing contact would be in your DSs best interest to be honest.

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