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intrusive grandparents (in laws)

(7 Posts)
jellybaby1985 Sun 30-Aug-15 22:14:42

I am struggling to keep a healthy relationship with my husband and in laws as they continue to be intrusive in our lives and with our children. I currently have a 4 yr old and soon to be 3 year old.

Some examples;
Turning up to the children's nursery without warning.
Expecting us to apply to their local school
Not listening to us when we request that they don't spoil the eldest due to changes in behaviour (they also help care when we are working)
Making decisions for our children and saying inappropriate things (telling the children they will buy them something and not ro tell us or calling my tattoos ugly and that they aren't nice to my eldest)
And recently persisting to hold a party for our youngest when I am at work and they just want to have cake and open presents when I have told them that we can do this on her birthday.

It's created much arguments between my husband and I as he thinks I am overreacting and that there is nothing wrong . They continually decide to show up in announced and expect us to tag along wherever they say. Make remarks over decisions we make .

Has anyone had the same problem and dealt with it successfully or am I really being ott sad

GiddyOnZackHunt Sun 30-Aug-15 22:19:20

They don't get to tell your dc to keep secrets unless it's about a present for you.
Apply to their local school? Is that for ease of pick up? In which case you might want to use that as an excuse to move to a cm or after school club.
Do you really need them for childcare?

jellybaby1985 Sun 30-Aug-15 22:22:39

Soon probably not as eldest starts school and youngest will go nursery and I am part time. I am trying to limit time spent with them however it feels as if the more I back off the more they push and just don't understand where they are being intrusive. The lying extremely upsets me also putting her opinion on a child's mind whose still getting t9 know the world especially against me. Her response was I didn't think she'd tell you. However I'm reaching my limit as my husband makes me feel as if I am being unreasonable and doesn't really support me when I try to say what is happening isn't right. He tries to live for the easier life.

Littlefish Sun 30-Aug-15 22:27:29

Your problem is with your lack of support from your dh.

If he doesn't see that there is a problem and tackle them about it, then your ILs will continue with their behaviour.

GiddyOnZackHunt Sun 30-Aug-15 22:28:40

OK well I don't think you're being ott or unreasonable. They do sound overbearing but as you realise you have a DH problem too. He needs to back you up and do the best for his family rather than his parents.

jellybaby1985 Mon 31-Aug-15 09:09:26

I do agree every time I approach topic with dh an argument occurs and then later he will say he agrees but then falls back into the same patterns with them

Missgraeme Wed 03-Aug-16 17:14:15

Remind your dh he made vows to u. His loyalty and support needs to be to u not his mother. And remind both of them keeping secrets is dangerous and needs stopping now.

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