What do you HATE about being a parent? RANT AWAY(66 Posts)
So after my husband and i got married, we decided (yes WE decided) to try for a baby. After several months, we got lucky and 8 months ago i gave birth to a lovely lil boy and so we had our family. Most times are good and my husband is a doting father yet he complains MOST of the time. His sex drive is almost non existent now and he is always complaining about the lack of time since we had our lil one -YET I am the one that does most of the tasks but haven't reminded him that fact (yet!) Why didn't anyone tell me that when you have a baby, your husband turns into a complaining SOB that you just wanna bitch slap sometimes!!! Arrrrggghh
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Not all husbands do to be fair
Maybe you should tell him not to be such a whiny arse? And tell him to contribute more and you might feel like sex a bit more often?
Some blokes are such arses about this. Rant away!
I hate the stickiness. It starts at about 9 months and seems to get steadily worse. It's starting to abate a bit at 5ish.
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I hate that there's no such thing as a holiday.
Same shit, different view
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It's his sex drive that has gone down. I wouldnt mind him being tired BUT but i get up during the nights, he gives him his breakfast and i do lunch and dinner and bath, night time bottle and bed. We both work and yes he does a few hours more than me (about 6) but he is tired!! Grrrrr. He just keeps complaining that his routine is messed up and he is so tired. Ffs. Yes i agree with the cuppa bit too! Lil one is 8 months now so i have only just gone back to work and husband looks after lil one until lunch but come on!!
The constant feeling that you aren't doing a good enough job, and that you are a terrible mother. Oh and the guilt of leaving them all day to go to work when you know that all he actually wants is to be with you.
Well those are my hates anyway, but i've only got one 15 month old.
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I'm pregnant but not a parent yet, but dsd lives with us. I hate how dp barely ever tells her to do anything, so I have to, or nothing would get done. Even if I hint he doesn't get it... I worry I'll end up being the bad, naggy one. I have talked to him about it but it seems he just forgets or gets distracted as he said he'd try but nothing happened.
It's everything from get dressed to pick up your dirty clothes to don't talk with your mouth full.
He will support me though if she doesn't do as she's told, but he just won't tell her himself.
So I'm forever saying go shower, put your rubbish in the bin, wear a warmer coat, do your home work etc etc
I hate being constantly cleaning my clothes which are nearly always covered in sick by the end of the day.
I miss me time sooooooooooooooooooo much.
oh... and people nowadays trying to label any sign of not being a 'completely contented happy mummy who loves her baby sooooooooo much and couldn't want for anything else' as post natal depression!
Since when did being a mother mean you aren't allowed to have miserable days and moan without everyone suggesting you run to the DR!
'Same shit, different view'
I hate having to be interested in the inane drivel specialised in by 9-14 year olds. Though I do do it because they talk about personal stuff too, so its important but oooft, 95% is guff.
That there's no such thing as sick leave. I've got a hideous virus at the moment that's had me in an itchy rash, a horrible sore throat, fever and aching joints - in the old days i'd have had a couple of days in bed reading magazines, nowadays it's non-stop looking after a 3yo and 4mo (who's waking every 1-2 hours at night as well). I have never ever felt so exhausted and run down.
I miss weekend lie ins and lazy slobbing about. I hate kids tv and trying to entertain a toddler. .....but it can be all bad because I decided to have another which is due in 10 weeks
OP the competitive tiredness goes away after a while, hope your H starts pulling his weight soon!
Being a packhorse. School run equals book bag, lunch bag, pe bag plus umbrella, cardigan coat etc. It drives me insane! Then there is the assorted
tat treasures that they bring home from school!
The DCs have a cold, I have a cold but the moaning from DH as he has manflu and can't do anything with the DCs is pathetic.
Why is it that dads get to opt out but no matter what mum has to carry on. (I do call him on it- but he's still a grumpy git - and he can't cope if I am ill
Oh yes, Ghoston, the rubbish my 10 year old is 'into' and willingness to share the minutiae of his knowledge of it is mindnumbing. Like you I grin and bear it while inwardly screaming.
I hate that I can never be ill on my own, as soon as I mention that I don't feel well DH immediately catches the illness through fear of having to take over while I go to bed.
And that a supermarket trip on my own feels like a treat
I hate having to say "DS1 go and get dressed for school" every 2 minutes for a 20 minute period becoming increasingly more fishwife-like with every repetition. I once drove him to nursery stark naked (him, not me!!) after a similar refusal and he soon improved. However he cycles to school so naked cycling might be step too far...
Having to say no 1090 times a day (approximately)
OP your husband's poor sex drive could be due to your general attitude towards him? I was very resentful of mine until I stopped nursing so it seems it was mostly my hormones (ie he wanted to stay out of my way as much as possible and I didn't know how to ask for help in a non bitchy way - vicious cycle I always felt like I was nagging him as he would just sit there moaning about being tired and playing stupid games on his phone even though I was the one getting up three times a night to nurse dd during her horrendous teething phase). It feels like you're a mum of two, doesn't it? I was also a hormonal bitch when I was pregnant so after a year and a half it can wear a man down!
We are back on track now. Especially after I left him with DD at 7 months to go to a conference (a one day event but I chose to take up the offer of a hotel room and welcome reception dinner the night before just to have a break from my family ). I think it helped him realise what looking after dd 24/7 for seven bloody months must have been like for his poor dw.
Even though he'd had to go to work the night I returned, he got up the next morning and made her a bottle and I stayed in bed! I didn't even ask him, he just did it! I couldn't believe it - finally, after 7 months of no lie in, I had two days in a row to get up and sort myself out without having to tend to dd first!
It is shocking what we put up with.
Other reason for low libido could be your weight as well. I've lost half a stone since stopping nursing (bitch hormones and water retention) and my dh is definitely finding me more attractive these days. Or else I just feel better about myself so I am not taking it out on him haha!
Sorry for mega post. My rant about being a parent (although he is better now) would be always getting yelled at when DH finally comes downstairs at 11am and I ask him to hold the baby for a second til I get a bite to eat and he gives me the filthiest most indignant look he can muster and says 'DO NOT ASK ME TO DO ANYTHING UNTIL I HAVE HAD MY COFFEE AND CIGARETTE. I'M NOT EVEN DRESSED FFS!'
WHAT??????!!! You are saying this to a woman who has to wipe shit off a baby's arse, make a bottle, feed her porridge and dress her whilst desperately trying not to pee her own pants. A woman who NEVER GETS A LIE IN OR GETS DRESSED BEFORE TENDING TO DD? AHHHHH
Ha I bet while I was at the conference he discovered that DD dictates when one is allowed to pee shit smoke, drink coffee and sleep
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I'm reay sorry nirishma but your husband sounds AWFUl :O
stressbucket my dp does that too and it's so annoying! (Pretending to be ill when I am to avoid having to take on the dcs). I have to be literally throwing up before he accepts that maybe my illness trumps his
completely made up one.
And his comeback when I moan at him for it is 'well you seem to be managing fine, you can't be that ill'. Grrrr!
I hate not being invited to stuff because i have a child. And i hate myself for not having the guts to say it upsets me. I would still like to go to the cinema with you you bunch of thoughtless slags!
I hate HATE the way . My gorgeous p
PLANNED children play up to the high hills 4/7 days a week making my day a bloody misery but I spend 7 nights a week feeling guilty for the way I handled it .
I hate the sleep deprivation. I hate what it has done to me. I hate that I never have energy. I hate the impact it has had on our relationship.
I also hate hate hate to see my baby in pain. I can't bear it.
I agree bed sheet, my dsd was obviously part of the package when I got together with DP, so in many ways I chose to take her on.
And now she's getting hormonal and that combines with her ld leads to argument upon argument whenever she is asked to do something and floods of tears when she is told off or if she thinks she is misunderstood (ie if I tell her to stop running and she doesn't so I tell her off and she's like but I was going to stop in 1 minute and I say but I asked you to stop and then she's like but I decided to stop in one minute etc etc) and then I end up getting mad or not dealing with the situation in the best way especially as im pregnant and stressed and emotional, then I feel guilty as she's always being told off when she's not trying to be naughty she just isn't behaving!
The relentlessness of it. No down time. Cannot fall ill. Always doing something, taking care of everything on top of work. Cannot retire early.
Nirishma it sounds tough in your house. I hope things change.
I hate all the constant crying whining and whinging. It makes my ears hurt so bad. Can't stand it. It's unbearable.
The sound of my own voice by the end of the day.
The lack of spontaneity.
Holidays - same shit different view is spot on.
Friends who don't have kids who just don't get it. Today we got invited about twenty minutes ago to the pub to watch the grand national - great but said pub doesn't let kids in an anyway they're 2.5 and get really bored (I need to caveat this by saying I was exactly the same but it still makes me mad).
The fact that kids wreck things. My 2yo has now just pulled a couple of keys off my beloved Macbook and broken them. The damn thing is old enough but we can't afford to replace it any time soon so I look after it like a baby. Then she comes along and does things like that
I miss going out with my childless friends (weekends away etc..) I HATE the whinging and the fact that now as soon as DDs are annoyed about the tiniest thing I tell them to stop whinging even if what they have to say is valid. That you take them places you don't want to go because you think it will be nice for them and all they do is complain about it. And DH has always said he'd love to swap places with me but that's bullshit as he'd lose the plot with them every five minutes since they can be so annoying.
Having said that I adore being a mum much more than it annoys me, but there are things I'd very definitely change if I had a magic wand.
I hate tantrums (and having to deal with them calmly and sensibly when all I want to do is scream back at DD!!), I hate days that start before 7am, which is most of them in my case, I hate not being able to go to the toilet on my own, and if I do I hate the sound of the shouting and banging on the door outside!!
Otherwise, I like it - I like growing a baby into a person and seeing their little personality develop. I have to say my DP has not behaved the way your DH has. He complains very little, and helps as much as he can around a long work day. He gives me a bit of 'me' time at my request, and I do the same for him. If he did start complaining with frequency I'd say something to him, especially if I was doing the bulk of the work. I think you should do this, he needs to know that he isn't being very helpful - 8 month old babies are hard work for most.
I hate feeling constantly tired, even when I go to bed early I'm still the tired the next day! I hate how my body has changed. I hate no lay ins on a Sunday. I hate changing pooey nappies!
Why did we do this again??? [:-)]
Nope can't do a smiley face!!
I hate that you have to get up and GO. I do not operate well for that first half an hour. I am know thanking god that DC is old enough to actually sit still and watch telly so I can put it on for twenty minutes first thing while I try and prise my eyes open.
Also the repetitive nature of the little things like lunchboxes.
I also realised that I haven't had a lie in since Christmas <insert self-pity icon here>. It's not particularly a problem as DC sleeps very well at the moment so I get my 8 hours. But after several months I could kill for just one morning where I get to go back to bed with a coffee and a book!
Millie you don't need brackets around it unless you're typing the word out
Thurlow I definitely agree and yes, that moment is fantastic.
The waste. DS is 21 and still demanding attention like a 10 year old. Still rebelling. Still jealous of DD. DD is 17, still entitled.
Have helped and given them every possible thing we could think of. Have given up.
Sick of 21 wasted years of life and energy and money and all I neglected on the way to my ultimate role as the family scapegoat.
The thing I hate is not being able to put my baby (5mo) down for longer than about 5 minutes without her whinging, steadily progressing to screaming. Raaaahh! At least I have good arm muscles now.
I hate the relentlessness of it, that DS simply has no awareness of my needs (obviously, he is only 16 months). When I'm ill, or having a bad PND day, or if I'm bone achingly tired, he just carried on regardless and there are some days I feel I just can't do it anymore
OP - are you complaining that his sex drive has gone down, or is he? I'm no expert but I imagine it's pretty common. Being a parent is knackering sometimes, and when your kids are still wee they take up so much of your time, whether it's looking after them or all the extra house chores that come with them. I'm always surprised when I read on Mumsnet that people have gotten pregnant a few months after having a baby
or even in the first year because I think "where do they find the time??! How are they even interested in having sex?!". Also, OP, things get easier the older they get and the exhaustion doesn't last forever.
If we're ranting about the worst things about being a parent, my gripes would be -
1. Being ill - gone are the days when you hole up in bed or on the couch to rest and get better. You just have to struggle on. Those are really the worst.
2. (in the early days) the sheer relentlessness of it. How you somehow achieve absolutely nothing all day, but have been kept busy doing god knows what
3. That we miss out on lots of nights out and other fun things that we used to do. We don't go out as often as a couple, if we are going out, it's often separately
4. that you feel guilty moaning about these type of things
I must be mad getting pregnant again!
I mostly love being a parent, but one thing that drives me mad is the way that no matter how petty, argumentative, stubborn, rude, obstructive and violent my 3yo can be on occasion, I have to try to rise above it, be the sensible grown up, and not throw a tantrum myself. And that if I do snap and shout, cry or flounce out, I have to show a good example and apologise for my behaviour first! Aaaarrrrrggghhh!
Oooh, that felt good
I hate the fact it's like a military operation just to get out of the bloody house. Gone are the days when I could just grab my car keys, phone and bank card and be out in less than a min.
I love my 13mo DS with all my heart and am 8wks pg with DC2 but if I'm honest, I preferred my life before him.
Of course at the time I was just desperate for kids, so the grass is always greener it would seem.
I guess that's just human nature. I enjoy spending time with DC and I still LOVE stuff like petting zoos, theme parks, water parks, treasure hunts etc - all older kid stuff - so I expect I will enjoy life much more when DS and his future sibling are 3+.
Although I'm not looking forward to them answering back
When dd was younger, it was the mind-numbing isolation. When slightly older, the school-gate competitiveness. Now it's being the default taxi service, and the hanging round playing fields watching dd having all the fun and pretending to be interested. And the school angst. I've never got why parents get their knickers in a twist so much about how their darlings are progressing or otherwise at school. There are high points, obviously, but generally soul-destroying, energy-sapping, unpaid grunt work.
The ever present responsibility sometimes feels like a huge weight for me. I also hate feeling that I've been an awful mum when I've snapped at my two year old (pregnant and ratty) and, more than anything, I hate that I'm about to turn his world upside down with a new baby. I will so much miss our one on one time together and part of me doesn't want a thing to change. Our bond is so strong and the thought of not having time for him and seeing that reflected in his eyes is bloody awful.
Did anyone else feel like that before number two arrived? Think hormones are playing a part in all this at the moment.
I hate not being able to randomly go out ( you have to plan everything ), hate it when they are ill and hate it when I have to cook 2 or 3 different meals to please everyone ( though this is mainly due to dh being so fussy ).
I hate those days where you just don't feel like doing the daily routine. Don't feel like going for walk, don't feel like singing songs, don't feel like toilet training or having a tea party...don't feel like making breakfast (snack,lunch, snack, dinner etc, etc). Those days where you just want to be left alone to lay on the couch and watch tv while eating junk food in peace like you used to once upon a time.
It can be hard to rise above on those bone tired days.
Not that I'd choose anything else mind you, but that doesn't mean there aren't hard days.
the relentless bickering
the fact I can't turn my back on them for more than 30 seconds without the bickering starting up
did I mention the bickering...
Love this thread. I hate the competitive parenting thing. You know the mums you meet at toddler group who say 'I've never given him chocolate' or 'She only eats organic goji berries for treats' whilst frowning at the biscuit your child is
smearing on her face eating. What do these women expect you to say 'Gosh, you're right. You are a much better mum than I am. I'll try and be more like you from now on'? Because frankly, my kids are better than yours or anyone else's, therefore I'm the better mum and you're rubbish.
That stuff they inject you with after childbirth, its not anti D or vitamin K or any of the other fancy titles they give it. It's pure guilt.
The never ending mountain of ironing.
The never ending flow of snot.
Of course a 2 minute cuddle makes it all worthwhile.
Oh god yes, the competitive parenting. But I hate the way it creeps up on you even if it's not deliberate. I'm an constantly comparing. A friend mentioned the other day she'd started potty training her DC, who is exactly the same age as mine. I hadn't even considered it.
I'm quite bothered by this now Am I leaving it too late? Am I doing something wrong??
Its true, I do that too. Why is that? I have a friend who's little boy is lovely but has a tendancy to be an annoying little whinger. He's on a stage higher reading book than my daughter, and despite the fact that he is 6 months older than she is, I can't help myself stressing about it. Crazy.
Oh DAISY I hear you on the bickering. Easter hols here and I have a banging head ache from hard core refereeing all day.
I've thought of another one that I am really detesting at the moment - annual leave from work I've got one week's holiday booked this year which will be nice - but then the rest of the leave is taken up covering for the childminder's holiday (worth it really because she's so much cheaper in the long-run), illness, DP getting called into work on an emergency...
I'm sitting here planning the rest of the year - to be fair, DP doing shift work doesn't help - and just covering odd days in advance I have 4.5 days left, which is barely enough for random illnesses
Second the holidays - same shit, different location.
Also hate when I try to do something special with the children and they moan all the way through it. Took them to Vikings at the British Museum today. They moaned about the train being delayed, the walk to the museum, the crowds, the heat, the walk back to the train, etc, etc. Why do I bother?
Yes! The inane drivel! I've wasted far too many brain cells on Pokemon, Minecraft and Ben 10. I could win Mastermind with any of those topics.
Responsibility and lack of freedom. I think I'm a free spirit by nature and knowing that I have to do drop offs and pick ups at certain times and will have to for the next 13 years makes me want to crawl under the duvet and never leave.
barbarian that sounds tough. I hope you d
Don't feel like that every day.
I hate the lack of sleep and the way that even in my sleep I am tense, waiting for the sound of a baby. I also hate the constant responsibility and the fact that I have to ask dp in advance if I can have an hour off here or there when he's looking after the baby. Meanwhile he happily tells me about what he's been reading or watching on telly or just thinking about and I want to say - why do you get to have free time? Why do I have to ask your permission for any of my own? (And then feel guilty about it)
Puke, shit, puke and more shit, snot and illness, shit and puke and more snot.
The incessant laundry that only gets much, much worse the older they get.
The boredom of maternity leave, lonely and boring. And I have lots of friends but trying to have a conversation when we have to find highchairs in a restaurant, feed our babies, make sure they are happy, change nappies, get them off to sleep, give a drink, bottle, more food aaaaahhh and then you find yourselves just talking about babies anyway!
I miss the grown up conversations with my girlfriends about moving house, careers, sex, holidays, books etc etc. Now it's all potty training and developmental milestones. snore zzzzzzz
Can't wait to go back to work so I'm also more interesting myself when I talk to my DH, feel like a boring housewife with nothin to talk about!
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