how often do your children see their grandparents

(50 Posts)
marriedwithkids Thu 27-Feb-14 10:05:50

I was wondering how often your children see their grandparents. my parents live 3 1/2 hours away so my children hardley see their granparents but my oh parents live 5 min drive away and they never really just pop round to see them. when I was pregnant my mil was all happy about having grandchildren but now they are here she doesnt really see them apart from when I have to drop them off at their house for when I go to work.

ShatnersBassoon Thu 27-Feb-14 10:07:38

A handful of times a year.

Is your MIL looking after them when you're at work? Doesn't that count as seeing them?

Mrswellyboot Thu 27-Feb-14 10:07:42

Both live half an hours drive. I see my own parents twice a week and dh once a fortnight. Sometimes dh brings baby on his own too.

CMOTDibbler Thu 27-Feb-14 10:10:43

Can be as long a gap as 6 months, but usually every 2-3 months.

But if you drop them at MILs when you are at work your children are seeing them then?

Pagwatch Thu 27-Feb-14 10:11:45

We see my mum once a month. She's about 2 hours away

The DC have seen my PIL once in 11 years and they live about 15 mins away.
Not interested in children really. They are trying to see ds1 now he is an adult and are non plussed that he isn't interested.
Odd people. Teachers...

Chopsypie Thu 27-Feb-14 10:14:01

A couple of times a week. My mum looks after them two days a week and MIL usually comes down over the weekend. They FaceTime pretty much everyday as well.

It can be quite wearing as we see lots of them, but I had an amazingly close relationship with my nana and wouldn't want my kids to miss out on one with theirs.

Both sets do a lot for us and I've got a lot of time for them.

iseenodust Thu 27-Feb-14 10:15:02

DS is 9 and sees my parents about once every three weeks but no fixed pattern. They sometimes offer to have him overnight so we can go out. They live 15 mins drive away.

marriedwithkids Thu 27-Feb-14 10:15:05

its only really for ten mins she looks after them untill my oh picks them up. I meant that she wouldn't offer to come around on say a weekend or when im on annual leave so she doesnt have to watch them for the timeslot of work.
so its not unusual for the grandparents not to see their grandchildren if they just live 5 mins away..

ShatnersBassoon Thu 27-Feb-14 10:17:54

Why not come to a regular arrangement if that's what you want, say you'd like them to come for Saturday tea every week?

marriedwithkids Thu 27-Feb-14 10:18:28

Its just the fact when they didnt have to watch them as they were previously in nursery they never saw the kids even though they were 5 mins drive away. and when you do ask them to watch the kids its such a big deal. I dont understand the fact of been excited when pregnant to not see them if they dont need too

Pointeshoes Thu 27-Feb-14 10:20:45

Lots , 3 times a week and once a week for the other grandparents.

ouryve Thu 27-Feb-14 10:21:03

MIL is about 10 minutes away and we see her every couple of weeks. FIL rarely shows his face.

My family are 100 miles away and we see them every couple of months - sometimes DS1 goes to stay for a couple of nights on his own.

ThomasLynn Thu 27-Feb-14 10:22:40

I saw mine maybe twice a year. DD sees my mum every Sunday, my dad when he's in the country and XP's dad and stepmum every Friday and his mum every second Saturday.

If you want to see them regularly, have you said so? They might be trying to stay out of the way and not "interfere."

2blessed Thu 27-Feb-14 10:24:32

Each set fortnightly at least. Both mine and dp's mums live quite close.

2blessed Thu 27-Feb-14 10:25:11

My dm has ds weekly.

WowserBowser Thu 27-Feb-14 10:27:17

PIL have Ds once a week. DF sees him once or twice a week.

Both live about 20 mins away.

LadyFlumpalot Thu 27-Feb-14 10:28:24

They see my mum every week on a Friday as she doesn't work Fridays and we live just a few minutes apart so we spend a few hours together. They see my stepdad once every couple of weeks (he's at work when I see my mum).

My dad and stepmum live an hour away and have busy lives so we see them maybe once a month or so.

My PIL live two hours away and we see them maybe every two months.

There is no preference to how often we see people - just as often as life dictates really.

whatsagoodusername Thu 27-Feb-14 10:28:45

MIL: every 2-3 weeks, lives an hour train ride away.

FIL: about every 6 months. Also 1 hour train ride.

DM: lives a 9 hour flight away. She comes 1-2 times a year for 1-2 weeks at a time, we go 1-2 times a year for 2 weeks.

marriedwithkids Thu 27-Feb-14 10:29:02

We've asked them to have the kids over night but they refused.

LadyFlumpalot Thu 27-Feb-14 10:32:42

I haven't seen my maternal grandparents for 9 years and probably won't see them again in this lifetime as they live overseas and are too frail to travel to England and claim to be too frail for me to visit them, even with me staying in a hotel so as not to cause extra work.

My paternal grandparents live 300 miles and a 6 hour drive away and are not overly fussed about seeing me - I try to visit when I can.

winklewoman Thu 27-Feb-14 10:33:00

We live about half a mile from DS and the same from his XP . Fortunately all is amicable, and long may it reman so; they have been separated for about five years. The small kids come to us on Mondays and Fridays after school so that we can supervise DGS's homework, to help his mum avoid battles over it. Parents have them on alternative weekends, though each of them is very flexible so in practice it is unusual for them not to be with their dad during part of every weekend. DS and his GF, plus her two year old daughter, usually come with the DGCs for a family lunch on 'his' weekends. We also take kids and DS on holiday at least once a year. Our eldest grandson is just 21 and has moved into his own flat near his dad and us. We see less of him as obviously he has his own GF and social life, but I do love it when we are all together.

TheScience Thu 27-Feb-14 10:35:07

One set are about an hour away and we probably see them once or twice a month.

Other set are 3 hours away and we probably see them once every 3 months.

hootloop Thu 27-Feb-14 10:39:41

My parents we see at least 3 times a week. (Live round the corner)
My in laws minimum of once a week but often more.(live about 5 minutes drive away)
My Grandad probably once a month. (Lives about 15 minutes drive away)

Eletheomel Thu 27-Feb-14 10:44:03

Each set of grandparents generally sees them once a month (we stay over night with my folks 70 mins drive) but his folks are only 30 mins away so its just an afternoon visit).

In an ideal world I'd see my parents more and his parents less, but this is the compromise we came up with :-D

hootloop Thu 27-Feb-14 10:44:13

Also on top of that if DH and I need to go somewhere we just ring my parents and they will have the children. We don't do this very often only really to buy presents or something that won't fit in the car with the back seats up.
My mum will also pick them up from school or take one of them to school if the other us ill, at a few minutes notice, I am very lucky but often don't realise as my Grandparents onboth sides were the same.

PublicEnemyNumeroUno Thu 27-Feb-14 10:44:41

My mum lives in the same town as us and sees my kids pretty much every day.

MIL lives 10 miles away and has never made any effort to see our kids, but likes to pretend to her friends that she's fucking grandma of the year.

ShatnersBassoon Thu 27-Feb-14 10:45:07

Perhaps 'having the kids' isn't what they're after. I don't think it's that unreasonable of them to not want to be glorified babysitters. Spending time with your family might be more appealing to them. Suggest they join you when you're doing things they might enjoy.

marriedwithkids Thu 27-Feb-14 10:49:30

weve offered them to come for tea and do things but I think they are set in their ways. my mil is the same she pretends to all her friends she does this and that when she doesnt that kinda annoys me thats what I think it is. maybe its because ive heard that my mil mum used to help her out with her kids I thought she may be the same as what her mum used to do for her thats all x

PublicEnemyNumeroUno Thu 27-Feb-14 11:09:28

Me and DH have just accepted that she isn't interested in us or her grandchildren and now have nothing to do with her. The kids haven't even mentioned her, they don't know her. Id say its her loss but it isn't because she never saw them anyway.

JuniperTisane Thu 27-Feb-14 11:11:33

My parents once a week, DH's parents once most weeks, occasionally missing a week here and there.

I think if we lived further away it would be a lot less often.

elQuintoConyo Thu 27-Feb-14 11:40:34

DF a long weekend every 3 months or so.
DM ten days twice a year
We are overseas, we Skype a lot so dc know who Grandad and Nana are.

DFil once maybe twice a week, 5mins away. Too have dc on his own, which is fine by us, we manage.

My DM is also one of those grannies who talks about gdc to all and sundry but doesn't seem that bothered when she's here. There is also gdc favouritism grrrrr

pearlbutter Thu 27-Feb-14 11:55:29

When DC were primary aged my parents used to look after them after school, so five days a week for a couple of hours. They live 15 mins away. DCs are teens now and see them at least twice a month.

No contact with exILs at all.

AndWhat Thu 27-Feb-14 12:00:56

my DF sees my DS once a week for about 5 mins as he drives past my house he calls in - he is always so busy hmm my DFIL calls every 3-4 weeks and stays for about 1hr.

I'm not sure which I prefer! wish my DM was still about - she would have been an amazing grandma sad

WowserBowser Thu 27-Feb-14 12:11:04

Mine too AndWhat sad

Locketjuice Thu 27-Feb-14 12:17:28

My mum every day, my mil every week minimum but only because I go there

MillionPramMiles Thu 27-Feb-14 12:41:41

Some GPs just aren't that interested, there's no obligation on them to devote their lives to their grandchildren. They may be relieved they don't have to spend time with young children anymore, they may enjoying a hard earned retirement.

Whilst that can be sad/frustrating (and deprives parents of that all important child care) it's really up to GPs to decide how much contact they want although they may regret the decision further down the line. You can facilitate contact but you can't force it.

I accept any input from GPs as a privilige, not a right. My dd adores my MiL, who takes every opportunity to see her, even though she lives 250 miles away. My parents make much less effort but it doesn't bother me and I don't think dd is deprived of anything important.

turkeyboots Thu 27-Feb-14 14:06:32

Couple of times a year.

Which is interesting as DH parents live 2hr away. My mother is a 1hr flight away and my Dad a 10hr flight away. All in good health and solvent, but we have to go to in-laws while my parents will travel to us.

BummyMummy77 Fri 28-Feb-14 15:46:18

Dh's - too fuggin much

Mine - he hasn't yet sad

Innogen Fri 28-Feb-14 15:55:47

6 days a week. We employ my mum though, so it's a bit different.

seb1 Fri 28-Feb-14 16:04:26

My mum and dad are both dead, but they used to see my mum at least once a week. Other GPs twice a year maybe, have never spent a xmas with them.

cory Sat 01-Mar-14 10:53:01

My parents twice a year, but for longer periods (they live abroad).

My MIL about every other month: she lives in a nursing home a couple of hours' drive away.

MaxsMummy2012 Sat 01-Mar-14 11:15:18

My parents (20 mins away) at least twice a week, often more. PIL (round the corner in same village) very rarely - maybe once a month but sometimes even less than that! But they make no effort so now neither do we!

NotCitrus Sat 01-Mar-14 12:22:01

Some parents seem to want grandchildren for the kudos and bragging rights with their friends way more than being interested in babies and toddlers in their own right. Or just find the reality of them a lot more tiring than they expected.
ILs see my children and their other gcs about 3 times a year, but it's 2-4 hours travel each time. MIL is deaf and in poor health, and they couldn't look after any gc - maybe a couple older ones now for a few hours.

My parents are about an hour away and see gc every 3 weeks or so, was a bit more when there was only ds and before he went to school. We have agreed they will babysit in emergencies once a month when I have hospital appts, work meetings on days off, but they find two dc too tiring to offer more. They have agreed to try an overnight shortly (first time for two dcs rather than just ds who has done that about twice a year). Once dd is toilet trained and it's easier to understand her they will probably be happier to do more with her, health willing.

My parents have ds twice a week before and after school. They do see him more but thats the minimum.

IL's are 30 mins away but we are NC. They haven't seen him for 2-3 years. They saw him maybe half a dozen time in the couple of years prior. They won't be seeing him either until he is old enough to decide for himself (but also old enough for child protection issues to irrelevant sad)

CPtart Sat 01-Mar-14 12:38:39

My DM lives ten minutes away, they see her about twice a month. Have never slept over.
IL's live an hour away, they see them about every 6 weeks. One sleepover in the summer hols maybe.

mammatoaboy Sat 01-Mar-14 16:43:00

We see my parent 2-3 Times a week and usually stay overnight at their house a few times a month too! See DH parents maybe one or two times per fortnight.

NeverKnowinglyUnderstood Sat 01-Mar-14 16:45:39

my parents at least once a month (30-40mins down the road)
PiL once every couple of months (2 hours away)

CannotthinkofaNN Sun 02-Mar-14 07:20:57

Parents - at least twice at week including one day while I work
PIL - one day a week while I work
I am very fortunate.

ApocalypticBlackHorseman Mon 03-Mar-14 20:36:44

Several times a week for one grandparent, never for the other as they live abroad, as little as possible for the other two as they don't like my DCs and my DCs don't like them.

BikeRunSki Mon 03-Mar-14 20:46:46

My mum - 300 miles away, journey is anything from 4.5 to 8 hrs drive - about 3 times a year for 3-4 days at a time. I hate the drive, DD hates dm's dogs (dd is 2, the dogs are unruly, undisciplined labs) and is anxious to the point of not eating or sleeping while we are there. Despite being fit and well, DM no longer travels to us.

PIL - about 180 miles away, 3.5 hrs, about 3 times a year us to them, and about 3 times a year them to us.

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