5yo has called my bluff on a threat. Now I have to follow through. Not sure how. Help.

(35 Posts)
Shhthebabyisasleep Wed 22-Jan-14 12:42:45

Ongoing battle to get kids to bring their lunch boxes in from the car and put in the kitchen. Daily nagging and pleading. They don't have to wash them, just don't make me trail around the house and car looking for them. Bring them into the kitchen, that's all.

Today I reminded them.

Then I got cross and told them to jolly well go and get them now.

Then I said, "ANYONE WHOSE LUNCHBOX IS NOT IN THE KITCHEN IN TWO MINUTES FROM NOW WILL NOT BE GETTING LUNCH TOMORROW."

They ignored me.

Then I said, "THAT'S ONE MINUTE"

Then the 7yr old raced off and got hers. 5 yo just shrugged and kept on with his game.

Have since heard 7yr old tell 5yr old he's got to get his lunchbox or he won't get lunch tomorrow. He laughed and rolled his eyes.

Now what???

I am feeling quite happy to send the little blighter without lunch but I can see how that's just a problem for his teacher. It doesn't seem fair to make her the one supervising him not eating any snack or lunch when everyone else is.

What to do? What to dooo?

Shhthebabyisasleep Wed 22-Jan-14 12:43:43

Also, starving the child seems like an overreaction for not bringing his box into the kitchen.

Chocotrekkie Wed 22-Jan-14 12:45:12

Lunch in a plastic bag ?

not getting a nice lunchbox but then they won't starve.

offblackeggshell Wed 22-Jan-14 12:45:26

Make sure you give him healthy food, but stuff he doesn't like. I'm fully aware that that's a horrible suggestion, but you can't send a 5 yo off with no food!

fieldfare Wed 22-Jan-14 12:45:57

Give him a very plain lunch of a sandwich and an apple. No nice treats in there until he complies. But then I'm a meany.

NaturalBaby Wed 22-Jan-14 12:46:24

Oops. I have no idea but sounds like you have a 5yr old much like mine who needs boundaries and needs to know you'll stick to them.
What about sending something really boring in a plain package and telling him he's not getting his lunch but can have yours/the dogs/ uncle joe's?

mistlethrush Wed 22-Jan-14 12:46:36

Boring sandwiches. Granny smith apple.

NeedHoliday Wed 22-Jan-14 12:46:42

Not sure what you put in but I'd send sandwich, fruit, drink only. No treats in it.

Cluffyflump Wed 22-Jan-14 12:46:54

Good luck with that!
Have some cake

TallyGrenshall Wed 22-Jan-14 12:47:12

Subistute the punishment for something else? So he gets his lunch but loses his tame/toy etc

weddingballsup Wed 22-Jan-14 12:47:26

It's vital that you follow through with misbehaviour = consequences but absolutely fine for your kids to see that parents are human too and can make mistakes but still be authorative parents. Think of a equally severe but more appropriate and manageable punishment, then explain to the 5yo that you made a mistake deciding to make no lunch the punishment and that it wouldn't be wise or healthy to go without lunch but that instead you are enacting X punishment immediately (consequences should be immediate where possible) as he didn't do what you asked.

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici Wed 22-Jan-14 12:47:34

Whoops.

A lesson in being careful that you can actually carry out what you threaten.

grin

Clearly you cannot leave a child without lunch. So what are your choices? Send him with a very plain lunch. Without a treat or any of the really nice things? is an option, but I personally hate using food as either reward or punishment because it can lead to a lifetime of food issues.

Apologise and say that sometimes grown ups get cross and say things they don't mean?

Give him the opportunity to 'redeem' himself by putting some toys away or something?

And change the system so that lunchboxes are brought in as they get out of the car after school, so there is no going back for them. And they can't put the tv on / play with a toy / whatever until the lunchboxes are there.

howcomes Wed 22-Jan-14 12:47:49

How about making a particularly boring lunch for them instead? Water instead of juice, no exciting sandwich filling and no extra treats.

MrsPnut Wed 22-Jan-14 12:47:59

If you can - take children to school tomorrow with no lunch for the 5 year old and take the lunch later on and leave it at the office.

Get the school on board to help you carry out the threat this once - I would imagine that the thought of going to school with no lunch or it getting closer to lunch time with the thought of no lunch will be enough to get your message across.

It's hard to follow though on some threats, that's what stops me from blurting out the first thing in my head usually.
Good luck smile

Gileswithachainsaw Wed 22-Jan-14 12:48:38

Bread and butter, water and an apple. In a plastic bag

AcrylicPlexiglass Wed 22-Jan-14 12:49:47

Boring lunch in an old scuzzy plastic bag. And buy the seven year old a brand new lunchbox?

morethanpotatoprints Wed 22-Jan-14 12:50:22

OP, I had to learn this too so believe me its no lecture.
Repeat this mantra Don't threaten, what you're not prepared to carry through
I know its easier said than done, but if you can just get it your life will be better.
Could your 5 year old already know that you won't follow through with your threat, hence not moving for his lunch box?

Ok, this is what I would do.
Give him the basic you can, no extras and give your 7 year old a treat for learning to do as she is told.
Explain to him that you have to give him lunch or else you will be in trouble from school etc, but if it was up to you he wouldn't get any.

Then practice the mantra, it took me ages btw. grin

ginslinger Wed 22-Jan-14 12:54:04

I would give bread and butter and a banana in a plastic bag. Unless there are health issues this will keep DC going as a one off.

ENormaSnob Wed 22-Jan-14 12:54:53

Least favourite butty
Apple
Water

In a placky bag.

Shhthebabyisasleep Wed 22-Jan-14 12:56:26

I'm afraid his normal lunch is quite boring - sandwich, fruit, veg and water. Nothing treaty to withhold (he likes it like that by the way - prefers fruit to biscuits and chooses carrot and humus over crisps).

I think what I'll do is get him to make his own lunch for tomorrow. He has to get the box (it's still outside), wash it and make his own lunch. Not really a punishment, but a direct consequence of not bringing it in when he was asked to. He missed the window for me to wash and refill it.

I will do it with a shruggy air of I asked you, you didn't, so make it yourself.

Halfling Wed 22-Jan-14 12:56:45

Lunch in a ziplock/Fridge-Freezer bag.

TheDrugsWorkABitTooWellThanks Wed 22-Jan-14 12:58:39

When this happens I send the offending child in with the embarrassing lunch box.

So sister's hello kitty bag for the boys.

Ps. Deleting their saved levels in Mario is another threat I do follow through with. That and deleting games from the family iPad ;)

capsium Wed 22-Jan-14 13:02:05

Not making lunch for him is sort of consistent, in terms of you won't be providing him with lunch, just the means to make it.

Shhthebabyisasleep Wed 22-Jan-14 13:06:47

Like all the plastic bag suggestions. Not sure he'd mind much about that!

Think I will stick to making him wash it out himself.

AcrylicPlexiglass Wed 22-Jan-14 13:09:55

I think rewarding the 7 year old with something lunchbox related like a new box or drink bottle could be a good move.

ghostinthecanvas Wed 22-Jan-14 13:17:07

You are right with getting him to sort it himself. No reason why he can't. Making a sandwich is easy.
Confused about the timing tho as it is lunch now. Does he have lunch today or is it tomorrow?

Shhthebabyisasleep Wed 22-Jan-14 13:18:51

Oh. Different time zone smile

Hoolit Wed 22-Jan-14 13:21:56

If he doesn't have lunch with him at our school they get given a school dinner and we just have to settle up at a later date. Tell school this is what your doing so they don't call to say you've forgotten it!

ShitOnAStick Wed 22-Jan-14 16:32:03

I think getting him to help with his lunch and washing his box out is a good idea op.

titchy Wed 22-Jan-14 16:36:48

Agree make him do his own lunch. Then you are sticking to wht you said - which was that YOU wouldn't be making his lunch.

What was his game? Did it involve something electronic - in which case remove that/change computer password.

The problem with make your own lunch is what if he still refuses? I think you need something you have more control over.

UriGeller Wed 22-Jan-14 16:57:08

A squashed sandwich smeared into a busted banana in a plastic bag. That's why sandwich boxes are important.

Ooh 5 year olds can be infuriating can't they?

You've got to do it though.

UniS Wed 22-Jan-14 19:17:13

Make plain boring small lunch tomorrow, do not give it to child at home, remind them of rules about lunch boxes.
Take small boring lunch to school, give it to child at school.

continue with small boring lunch until they get the idea of what to do with lunch box after school.

UniS Thu 23-Jan-14 17:08:49

OP- what did you do in the end?

and has little darling emptied their school bag promptly today?

TheGreatHunt Thu 23-Jan-14 17:33:59

Blimey. Bit an over reaction for a minor transgression.

How about reminding them in the car - ie have you got your lunch box? Get your lunch box.

Then in the house as soon as through the front door, get your lunch box out etc etc. so remind them every step of the way?

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