Checking on 3 year olds before you go to bed.

(151 Posts)
Bedsheets4knickers Mon 20-Jan-14 20:57:04

In the wake of the tragic case of Mikaeel Kular. Before he was found so many people were saying. "Why did the mother not check on him before she went to bed"
My son is 3 I don't check on him before I go to bed.
Should I be doing so???
It's really knocked me that so many people were so shocked and I've never given it a second thought.
Out daughter is still on a baby monitor she's 1.
I feel like I've neglected him.
Do you all check on your kids before you go to bed.??
What age should I be doing this until??

I check on both mine and they are five and eleven!

NickNacks Mon 20-Jan-14 20:58:32

Same I still check on all mine and they are 10, 7 and 3.

mamicar Mon 20-Jan-14 20:58:45

I check on all mine too 3, 6 and 11 smile poke them too sometimes to see If they are still alive x

99redbafoons Mon 20-Jan-14 20:59:02

Yes, I do. So I can kiss his sweaty little head and tell him I love him. It's for my own pleasure, never thought of it as a safety thing...don't bear yourself up, if you feel differently now in light of recent events then maybe start but everyone's different.

mamicar Mon 20-Jan-14 20:59:16

oh nicknacks we have similar aged dcs

99redbafoons Mon 20-Jan-14 20:59:22

Beat, not bear!

CocktailQueen Mon 20-Jan-14 20:59:34

I check on mine in the eve and before bed, and they are 6 and 10! But yanbu not to check yours if they are well.

BingoWingsBeGone Mon 20-Jan-14 20:59:36

I check ours and they are 7 and 5. Partly habit but also DD1 used to wet the bed fairly regularly but stay asleep so needed to check she wasn't lying in a wet bed.

wheretoyougonow Mon 20-Jan-14 20:59:51

Yes I check on my children before I go to bed. Unfortunately my son was once sick in his sleep so I was very glad I checked.
I just like the peace of mind that everyone is sleeping and safe before I drift off.

Spookey80 Mon 20-Jan-14 21:00:08

Mine are 5 and 3 always check on them before we go to bed, give them a little kiss.

PogoBob Mon 20-Jan-14 21:00:59

I check on DD but more because she kicks her duvet off she if I don't straighten it when I go to bed she wakes up cold at 3am and yells for me.

12mo DS is still in our room.

Never thought about checking on her from the viewpoint of her being missing/escaping but she'd have to go passed us to get out of the office due to the layout.

I don't unless they are ill. Never have done - much too terrified I'd wake them and the habit stuck.
Mine are 10, 9, 5 and 3.

Christ no. She's asleep. I know she's ok I can hear her snoring.

Course I do have back up of a visual monitor too. Modern tech etc....

PogoBob Mon 20-Jan-14 21:02:06

office god I've been working too hard! I meant house!

YANBU to not check on yours though.

FanjoForTheMammaries Mon 20-Jan-14 21:02:18

No. Check if you like to but it's not essential.

He didn't actually leave the house of his own accord anyway sad

Bedsheets4knickers Mon 20-Jan-14 21:02:46

I always worry il wake him up . Although on cold nights I have popped in and made sure he's under is duvet .
Can't believe I've never thought about it.

Bluestocking Mon 20-Jan-14 21:03:04

I always check on DS (who's nine) when I go to bed, and if I wake in the night. It's for me really - I love to see him all relaxed, so different from when he's awake and pinging about talking nineteen to the dozen. I like to smooth his hair off his forehead, give him some sneaky kisses and tell him how much I love him.

everydayaschoolday Mon 20-Jan-14 21:03:27

I check (2 & 5). So, so cute while asleep…..

dilbertina Mon 20-Jan-14 21:04:25

I do check mine still (10,7 & 4), but mostly to turn out lights put back on after "lights out", remove the 30 odd books 7yo has stacked under pillow, check the 10yo is still there under the million soft toys and replace the duvet 4yo has kicked off every night without fail....not because I genuinely fear something awful has happened to them.

missmagnum Mon 20-Jan-14 21:04:28

I check on my 3 year old just because I like watching him sleep and also to recover him up. I don't think there is anything wrong in not checking though.

BrianTheMole Mon 20-Jan-14 21:04:58

Yes I always check, and cover them back up if the covers have come off. I couldn't go to bed without checking on them.

Floralnomad Mon 20-Jan-14 21:05:15

I check on mine if they're in bed before me and they're 21 and 14 , its a rare occurrence that they're in bed before me though .

JingleJoo Mon 20-Jan-14 21:05:22

Always check on mine (7 & 4). Dh does too, although not as religiously as me.

Put my head right next to theirs, check they're breathing (silly I know), kiss them, tell them I love them (and if I'm lucky they'll wake up and smile!!!) and tuck them in.

Never gone a night when I haven't done it, apart from a few nights when I've been away ( and then DH or DM do same!).

TheLostPelvicFloorOfPoosh Mon 20-Jan-14 21:05:27

I check on my DS, but like 99redbafoons I've never thought of it as a safety thing, he just looks so gorgeous all snuggled up.

TheGreatHunt Mon 20-Jan-14 21:05:29

Yes I check. I learnt that both have light sleeping stages at around 10pm so avoid that.
I do love looking at my sleeping beasties.

I've never checked mine. Too worried I'd wake him up!

Occasionally I will wake randomly in the night and check him then, or get a random urge to but not other than that.

CatAmongThePigeons Mon 20-Jan-14 21:05:55

I always check on my DC, even DSS who is 10 gets a check. It's lovely (and occasionally funny) to see them asleep

Dumpylump Mon 20-Jan-14 21:05:57

My ds's are 16 and 13 and I still look in on them every night before I go to bed! It's not for's for me. Of course, more often than not, they're still awake, reading or listening to their iPod with headphones. I always go in, give them a hug and a kiss and say goodnight.
I've found that this is quite often the time when one or other of them will start a conversation about something that's bothering them, and I'll lie on the bed with them and we'll have a chat.
I cherish that time, I really do. [soppy]

What are we supposed to be checking for? <feels negligent>

JingleJoo Mon 20-Jan-14 21:06:23

BTW I remember asking my mum to stop doing it when I was 18 as it was disturbing my sleep :-)

MrsBungle Mon 20-Jan-14 21:06:41

I always check on both of mine (4 and 19 months) before I go to bed. I like to check they are ok, tucked in etc.

MrsKCastle Mon 20-Jan-14 21:07:04

Mine are 2 and 5 and I only check if there's a particular reason, like illness or I've had a glass of wine and am feeling all sentimental

Callistone Mon 20-Jan-14 21:07:27

I always check on the 2yo, but more because I checked on her as a baby and it's just habit now. Tuck the duvet in again and that, check her temperature as she runs warm at night pfb. But there's not really any reason for it, as we have the monitor on after she's gone to bed.

TheDayOfMyDoctor Mon 20-Jan-14 21:07:29

DS is five and I check on him every night. What occurred to me as a result of this awful tragedy, is that a key isn't required to unlock our door from the inside and DS could, if he was inclined to, open our front door in the night. It's made me think about adding an additional lock or bolt higher up.

Procrastinating Mon 20-Jan-14 21:07:46

I check on mine, aged 4, 7, 8. If I wake up in the night I go an check on them again. I think I'm checking that my chicks are safely gathered in, I tend to check more often if it is windy. No idea why.

stickysausages Mon 20-Jan-14 21:08:04

Ours is 5 & I do, he kicks the covers off, so I tuck him in again & kiss hiss head smile

DD is 4 and I don't check her. She is s light sleeper and if she wakes she rocks, banging her head on the head board and chants to get back to sleep.
Just remember this little boy did NOT go missing in the middle of the night, that was a complete fabrication. Be honest, how many children DO go missing in the middle of the night. Yes something else COULD happen in the night but highly unlikely. You are not a bad mum.

LydiaLunches Mon 20-Jan-14 21:10:02

I thought the same when I saw those comments, I don't routinely check, DD3 still wakes in the night at some point more than half the time but I am never worried about her. I retire very early sometimes dues to shift working so she certainly wouldn't get checked between my bedtime and her waking would she?

nf1morethanjustlumpsandbumps Mon 20-Jan-14 21:10:43

I do with DS. DM did with me too and I was 24 when I left home.

baggyb Mon 20-Jan-14 21:10:49

When I moved out at 23 my dad would still pop his head in to check on me. ��

FanjoForTheMammaries Mon 20-Jan-14 21:11:31

I dont check on DD because I am so unPFB that.mwr have a monitor. (She is 7)

To be fair though we have it because if she cries too much it becomes a meltdown which is a nightmare.

getagoldtoof Mon 20-Jan-14 21:11:44

It's my bedtime treat, so yes, totally for me and not for safety. My 2 year old is just so much easier to soak up when he is sleeping!

SlightlyDampWellies Mon 20-Jan-14 21:11:45

I check mine, and usually wake up a few times at night and check again. Usually that they are still breathing. That the door is shut and so the cat has not settled on their heads (we have one cat who likes to sleep on faces- terrifies me..... 18 months or so ago I was on a work trip abroad and I kept ringing DH to go and check the cat was not in their rooms. )

I may well be paranoid, but it makes me feel better. I recall the first time our pfb slept through until after 7. DH and I woke up. 'Did you get up?' I asked. 'No, did you?' 'No'. We then sat bolt upright in terror, then heard her stir and lay down again with relief.

lilyaldrin Mon 20-Jan-14 21:13:07

I always check on my 3 year old, just to make sure he's not too hot/has his teddy/covers aren't twisted and he's still breathing

Since this case I have started taking the front door key out of the door at night and putting it out of reach too.

I don't think of it as "checking on them". It's more "tiptoeing in and gazing at them goofily with a stupid lump in the old throat"

I never love them more than when they are sleeping. Such innocence and sweetness.

It's my favourite time of day.

livenlet Mon 20-Jan-14 21:15:33

I cheak on mine 5and1 before I go to bed and wenevere I wake up in the night so does my partner they often need covering bake up I also poke them sometimes if I cant hear them breathing

joanofarchitrave Mon 20-Jan-14 21:15:48

Have never done it routinely. Occasionally on the way to my own bed, but sometimes because I feel I ought to want to, rather than from any feeling that I need to. Asleep = job done for the mo, as far as I'm concerned.

My impression is that nobody should alter their parenting based on this case.

OutragedFromLeeds Mon 20-Jan-14 21:16:08

I always check, a couple of hours after they've gone to bed and again when I go to bed.

I'm not worried about them having been kidnapped or wandered off though. I'm checking for contraband (anything that could be uncomfortable or dangerous e.g. a necklace, a pine cone, a fork etc.), that they're in their beds and haven't made a camp on the floor, that their rooms are not too hot/cold, they're under the duvet, they're not hanging out the bed, they haven't been sick etc. etc.

They're all really heavy sleepers though.

Pickles79 Mon 20-Jan-14 21:16:15

Mine are 12 and 10. I check on them every time I go to the toilet and before I go to bed. Always have, always will.

Mydelilah Mon 20-Jan-14 21:16:34

I check on mine every night (5 and 3) give them a kiss, stroke hair, always have. It's a comfort thing for me, but also making sure they are ok, have covers on, no bed wetting etc.

Sometimes I check more than once before I can get to sleep myself, and if I wake in the night OCD

I don't check either. DC1 is 4 and was a very light sleeper when younger, so would have meant a very disturbed night for everyone if we had checked on him and disturbed him. DC2 who is 2 is the same, it's just not worth it! DC1 wouldn't wake now, but we're not in the routine now of checking, so generally don't, unless he is ill or if I feel the need.

Dontlaugh Mon 20-Jan-14 21:20:01

Always check them or get DH to check them. For vomit/breathing/temperature/haven't brought the puppy in with them purposes....
HOWEVER checking a sleeping child before going to bed has nothing whatsoever to do with the outcome in the tragic case currently in the news, just in case that wasn't apparent.

RobinSparkles Mon 20-Jan-14 21:20:28

I check both of mine. Eldest is six.

I even put my hand on her chest to check that she's still breathing blush.

I love looking at them when they're asleep, so peaceful, quiet and angelic. I love them best when they're asleep grin.

5OBalesofHay Mon 20-Jan-14 21:23:20

Always at that age lifted onto potty for a wee before we went to bed. Saved accidents.

My 4yo still sleeps in our bed mist nights. When she sleeps in her own bed I check on her frequently. Mostly just to remind myself how lucky I am to have a daughter.

Purpleshoes Mon 20-Jan-14 21:26:24

I check on my 5 yr old but mainly to put duvet straight, remove books from bed n turn bedside light off. Don't check on 3 yr old as once she wakes, she's in with me for nite so too terrified, but do have a monitor in with her.

Hulababy Mon 20-Jan-14 21:28:30

I always check on DD before I go to bed. I always have done too - her door is always open, so it wouldn't disturb her to do so. I will drop a kiss on her head and whisper goodnight generally too. She's 11y now.

If I stay over at my parents and head to bed before them - they still say goodnight when they head up too. And I am def not a little one these days!

Checking or not checking had nothing to do with the recent tragic case.

I think we all need to do what we are comfortable doing.


Most days I go in to put washing away, and if it's just me at home I check. Otherwise I won't risk waking them. Definitely not a habitual thing.

Eletheomel Mon 20-Jan-14 21:50:26

We've only checked on DS1 if we think there might be an issue (he's kicked off his duvet, or (in the summer) he's still under his duvet!)

Never do it as a matter of course. I kiss him goodnight at bedtime, we have the monitor on for communication (so he can wake us up during the night to tell us he's wet...) and that's enough for me. He was always a bad sleeper as a baby/toddler (he's 4 now) so we'd never risk waking him by a non-essential check :-)

DS2 is still in our room and I'd love to watch him sleep, but sadly he's usually awake at bedtime.... (7.5 months).

MarshaBrady Mon 20-Jan-14 21:51:57

I check. But mostly to see if their duvet has fallen off, they are hanging out of the bed in a funny way.

Dunwhingin Mon 20-Jan-14 21:58:36

I check on our dd, both from the making sure she is ok, tucking her in and also for the sheer pleasure of seeing her peaceful.
she is 4 and we do also still have a monitor but we sleep on a different floor so I need to hear if she stirs.

MarshaBrady Mon 20-Jan-14 21:59:14

oh and yes seeing their little sleeping faces. Always nice!

Featherbag Mon 20-Jan-14 21:59:38

I look in on 2yo DS, but it's just to see him looking all peaceful and angelic as he's the embodiment of demolition when awake! I wouldn't say I 'check' on him.

BadRoly Mon 20-Jan-14 22:00:51

Another who checks nightly on the dc (12, 10, 7 & 4) blush

JewelFairies Mon 20-Jan-14 22:01:52

Always check before we go to bed. Imagine my surprise to have dd1 (6) wake me on Sunday morning to say she was on her way to have a cuddle with us and noticed the front door was open a bit (dodgy latch), but it was okay, she went done to close it shock. Dh wen to check his posh laptop was still there. More sensibly I went to check 3 year old dd2 was still there.

AwfulMaureen Mon 20-Jan-14 22:02:25

I check...mine are 9 and 5. I want to see they're ok...and to cover them back up.

BadRoly Mon 20-Jan-14 22:05:08

But I have to say, I'm now questioning what I'm checking! It's just a habit I've got into!

legallyblond Mon 20-Jan-14 22:05:10

I check, but not for safety reasons, just to check duvet is on and to remove stash of books and the nightlight that are invariably stashed literally under DD in bed... She seems to think its comfy!

On a slightly separate note though, one DD is three and, before it was clearly very sinister, lots of comments on newspaper articles etc were saying "a three year old could never open the door" etc... Tbh, I'm pretty sure my three year old could if she really decided to. For instance, I was putting her younger siblings (just a few months old) down for a nap a few days ago, and in that ten mins she'd got pretty far into making an omelette....! Put apron on, got chair from dining room to stand on, got bowl, broken eggs, got frying pan.... Thankfully hadn't got as far as cooking! I'd left her watching Tinkerbell, for ten mins! So yes, if I hadn't double locked the front door (she'd lack the strength for a Chubb lock), I'm pretty sure she could get out in the night without me knowing while I slept.... Horrid thought!!

I also saw lots of nasty comments commenting on a 9pm bedtime. I nannied in my year abroad fit a v posh family in Italy. 9 or later definitely the norm for kids there as they have a long afternoon nap until, well, adulthood!!

TicTacZebra Mon 20-Jan-14 22:06:46

DS (6 months) is still in with me so no need to check him. I do check on DD (2) though. she likes to look at her books before going to sleep and normally falls asleep on top of them, or there will be loads of books in the bed with her, so I have to move them.

TicTacZebra Mon 20-Jan-14 22:11:22

Also, we always (well not anymore) leave the keys in the lock of our front door, the inside I mean. A few weeks ago DD randomly just went up to the door, turned the key and pulled the handle open! I couldn't believe it. It's so scary as we live in a bungalow and DDs bedroom is next to the front door.

stealthsquiggle Mon 20-Jan-14 22:11:30

I used to be able to walk into DS's room and crash about putting washing away etc with impunity. He doesn't sleep as deeply nowadays, and DD has always been a lighter sleeper, so I don't tend to go in either of their rooms. Both are upstairs from our room, and DD is right above our room so I wake up if she moves around anyway God she is going to hate that when she is a teenager

Bedsheets4knickers Mon 20-Jan-14 22:11:49

Wow 70 responses maybe 3 who like me don't check. Thanks ladies I'm glad I asked I might start nipping my head in the door. He's actually quite a sound sleep until about 3am when 5/7 nights he comes in with me. Could well be he's cold lost his duvet. Might have to change his door handle as it's bloody noisy another reason I've not wanted to disturb him x

CalmaLlamaDown Mon 20-Jan-14 22:12:30

I look in on DS who is 6 just to steal a kiss really, although find him in my bed most nights anyway even if I put him to bed and read stories in his own. I thought he would have grown out of that by now, hopefully will soon!

campion Mon 20-Jan-14 22:15:21

I should definitely encourage the omelette thing legallyblonde. She'll be feeding the family by the time she's ten! Obviously a natural grin

wheretoyougonow Mon 20-Jan-14 22:17:48

Bed sheets - I always like looking at them asleep because they look clean, warm and happy. Makes me feel all warm inside. Try it smile

Bedsheets, get her into grobags or other baby sleeping bag - 'tis the only way.

And yy to early cooking experiences - she sounds fab, worryingly independent, but fab, legallyblonde grin

bakingtins Mon 20-Jan-14 22:20:31

I always check my 3 and 7 yr olds, mostly to straighten their duvets and give them a kiss. We have a sort of running joke that we'd "better make sure they are still there" which felt awfully hollow last week, though it now looks like he was never there to be checked sad

Beamur Mon 20-Jan-14 22:22:02

I always have a peep before bedtime, so does DP. DD is a sound sleeper so we don't disturb her. She looks so lovely. If she stirs I just speak very softly and tell her to go back to sleep and she snuggles down. So sweet.

Longdistance Mon 20-Jan-14 22:23:23

I check on both my dd's 4 and 2.6 before I go to bed. Only just incase they've knocked their duvets or blankets off of them, which happens quite often.

I know if I'm out with friends of an evening dh doesn't check them, as their bedroom lights are still on dim.

DramaAlpaca Mon 20-Jan-14 22:23:36

I would always look in on mine until they got old enough to close their bedroom doors when they went to bed - I think around their early teens.

I don't know what I was checking for, just habit probably or to make sure they looked warm & comfy so they were less likely to wake us up in the night

With two of them I could potter around their rooms without disturbing them as they were very deep sleepers. DS2, on the other hand, always woke at the slightest thing so there was no putting clothes away or tidying up in his room when he was asleep.

FifiLeBoo Mon 20-Jan-14 22:23:55

Always check in on mine, aged 18, 15, 8 and 7. It part of my nighttime routine, check doors,check cooker check taps check kids. Can't sleep if I miss a step

AGoodPirate Mon 20-Jan-14 22:27:02

I check on DD (5) when I go to bed and then a couple of times a night, after feeding the baby. She's often half falling out of the bed or sometimes completely on the floor, so I put her back in and cover her up.

gamerchick Mon 20-Jan-14 22:28:35

I check on all of mine. The 18 yr old when she's here. The 14 yr old to make sure all his shit is turned off and my youngling. I don't do it it make sure they're still there.. more like they're asleep and settled. Plus my youngest has a habit of puking when ill and just going back to sleep.

I don't believe and didn't believe that that bairn went missing when his mother said he did.

Crazeeladee Mon 20-Jan-14 22:30:32

I always check on both my dd's (10,5), I like to tuck them in and give them a kiss.

Dollydishus Mon 20-Jan-14 22:33:34

Dont check on 16yr old but do knock on door and shout goodnight/love you when I'm going to bed. If he didn't answer I'd pop my head round the door to make sure he was ok. Still check on DD who is 13 as she might have dropped off with her earphones in, book on her face, cat on her pillow etc. in which case I chuck cat off bed, unhook earphones and put book away, smooth her hair, kiss forehead, say love you, and pull up covers. DS who is 6 I check on too, pull up duvet, remove lego and toys from floor, remove 20 or so teddies from pillow, and kiss forehead, say love you etc. I mainly do this as I can't sleep unless I know they are all snug and safe.

tantrumtime Mon 20-Jan-14 22:34:43

I do, it's my favourite way to see my kids, fast asleep smile

mousmous Mon 20-Jan-14 22:34:44

I do check. just a quick glance.
just for me.

the doors are bolted in the night, dc1 might be able to open them, dc2 no chance. before they got there we would hear the creaking floorboards anyway. and if they are wandering in the night they always just end up in our bed anyway.

Dontlaugh Mon 20-Jan-14 22:36:10

Gamer, he didn't go when she said, for sure.
Poor little man.
He is at peace, but at far too soon and far too high a price.

fromparistoberlin Mon 20-Jan-14 22:38:56

erm given she has been accused of murder this is a spurious argument now sad

she did not fucking check on him, as he was dead already, poor blessed soul

DukeSilver Mon 20-Jan-14 22:40:42

I always check my 3 year old whenever I walk past her door (one long corridor so a fair few times an evening), before bed and if I get up for the toilet in the night. She is a wriggly deep sleeper so is often out her covers.

OpenMindedSceptic Mon 20-Jan-14 22:41:18

I do check both DCs (10m and 4y) and give them a kiss.

MostWicked Mon 20-Jan-14 22:45:44

I still check on my teenagers - I might stop before they leave home!

Fantail Tue 21-Jan-14 06:58:32

Yes, because DD has a habit of sleeping in odd positions and with no blankets and or clothes on. It is amusing sometimes smile

Alibabaandthe40nappies Tue 21-Jan-14 07:03:52

We do this every night. Ours are five and two.

My parents used to check on me when I went to stay with them until I got married if I was in bed before them grin

HairyPotter Tue 21-Jan-14 07:20:27

Mine are 15 and 10 and I always kiss them goodnight again before I go to bed. As MostWicked says, I'll probably stop when they leave home. grin

Ra88 Tue 21-Jan-14 07:26:38

Always !

Iv even gone to bed thinking I won't check she will be fine , only to get out of bed a minute later "just in case"

I couldn't sleep without checking on her and she is almost 5

TiredFeet Tue 21-Jan-14 07:29:07

I check on ds (3) at least once in the evening and then when I go to bed, and I also check if I get up in the night for the baby/toilet
Mainly checking to See if he has fallen out/kicked blankets off etc, and also because I like to give him a kiss

However, there is another good reason to check - a couple of months ago he seemed fine when I put him to bed, just a bit of a cold, but when I checked on him a few hours later his breathing was very strange, I called 111 who said we needed and ambulance and when paramedics arrived they gave him a nebuliser and took him straight to a and e and from there he went to the high dependency unit. It was severe bronchiolitis. He is fine now but it really spooked me how ill he became in jus a few hours

Morgause Tue 21-Jan-14 07:29:18

I used to stick my head around their doors when I went to bed. I didn't go in because they were light sleepers.

They couldn't have left the house before we went to bed without us knowing as they'd have to pass through the living room - open plan house.

Blu Tue 21-Jan-14 07:44:51

But none of it is really a safety check of any kind is is? It's a goodnight for the parents' benefit. After all surely what most parents of young children are hoping for after this 'checking' is 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep during which they will not be setting their alarms at 2 hour intervals to check anything!

CocktailQueen Tue 21-Jan-14 09:29:25

Blu - no, it's not a safety check as such (unless you're checking to see if dc are breathing etc) but then why would you need to? When is the last time a child was snatched from his house while sleeping, with his parents present, doors locked, windows shut etc? But the OP was just asking 'should she check on her dc before bed'?

Absolutely agree that we're all hoping for an unbroken night's sleep smile

theborrower Tue 21-Jan-14 10:55:48

No, not always, but then we live in a flat and still use the monitor to hear her when we're in another room. I do check when it's a cold night/ she's been unsettled/ ill etc though.

Quenelle Tue 21-Jan-14 11:24:37

DH and I each check on DS 4.6 before going to bed. I check he's covered up and give him lots of goodnight kisses and cuddle his lovely head. Much as I adore him when he's awake, he is absolutely irresistible when he's fast asleep.

So no, I don't think people should check. I just can't help myself, and nor can DH.

bouncysmiley Tue 21-Jan-14 11:31:51

Yes, borh me and dh do, then have an awww moment! Dd is still on the monitor too, aged 2, very useful for telling her to go back to sleep from downstairs!

Lozcat86 Tue 21-Jan-14 11:32:14

I or my DH check on my DSS and they are 14 and 9... DD is in with us as she's only 3 months smile
In some ways it's to check they are ok but also to make sure they not staying up on mine craft (9 year old) hmm or on YouTube (14 year old)

I share a room with my 5 year old - divided by a curtain. So I can't help but check on him.

hels71 Tue 21-Jan-14 11:46:34

Both me and Dh check on DD (6) before we go to bed.....and in the night if we get up for the loo....making sure she is covered up and ok....

Pobblewhohasnotoes Tue 21-Jan-14 11:53:06

Yes always, and if I nip upstairs to the loo I have a peek to see if he's alright. I just check he's asleep, not too hot etc. he's so cute when he's sleeping.

vvviola Tue 21-Jan-14 12:08:59

Yep, still check 2yo and 6yo before going to bed, mainly for duvet/half out of bed reasons (and for a long time, the entertainment value of seeing what bizarre position DD1 had managed to twist herself into).

But like a PP we also had a situation of putting a seemingly perfectly healthy child to bed, and on checking at midnight, she had a temperature of 41 and was very ill. I was amazed at how sick she got so quickly (it was flu - during the swine flu time, when there were many cases near us. Doc said there "was no point in figuring out whether it's swine flu or regular unless she gets more seriously ill"). I realise that could happen while I was asleep (although with DD2 waking me frequently during the night, I usually stick my head in a few times), but it does give me peace of mind that I've checked them both.

whatsagoodusername Tue 21-Jan-14 12:27:48

I check on mine because they kick their blankets off.

But mainly because they drive me mad during the day and they are cute and lovely when they are asleep! grin

matana Tue 21-Jan-14 14:43:53

I check on my ds 2 or 3 times before I go to bed - mostly because I just love looking at him all cosy, content, cute and quiet!

matana Tue 21-Jan-14 15:00:56

I think with the Kular case it was more because the whole picture didn't seem quite right.

DS is extremely industrious and bright - works out how things work and practices his skills as much as possible on everyday items, much to our frustration at times. But for him to let himself out of his room during the night, let himself through the stairgate at the top of the stairs, find his way downstairs, locate the front door keys, find the front door lock, get the keys into the lock and find the finger strength to turn it and open the door - all in the dark and unheard - would be beyond even his abilities.

Either the little boy had escaped from the house before everyone had gone to bed or he had sneaked out once everyone had gone to bed - both of which I would suggest are improbable. Or something else happened.

MiaowTheCat Tue 21-Jan-14 19:40:26

I went through a phase of not going in as DD1 would get absolutely freaked out and really upset if woken up in the night - just relied on the video monitor in there. Now she's got over that I do pop in on the way to bed myself.

The DDs share a room and DD2 goes to bed earlier - her big sister always demands to check on the monitor screen that "sis night-night" as well.

dogindisguise Tue 21-Jan-14 20:00:11

I sometimes check on mine and sometimes not, mostly to see he's under the covers. We have a monitor for him too.

lljkk Tue 21-Jan-14 20:01:19

They constantly bother me until we fall asleep in a heap of exhaustion so the whole checking routine not really part of the picture.

kilmuir Tue 21-Jan-14 20:01:38

Part of night time routine. My oldest is 15 and still check her!

lljkk Tue 21-Jan-14 20:02:39

ps: I used to sneak out of the most mornings around 5am when I was age 2-3. Drove my parents crazy. That part i found pretty believable in the Kular story.

ZenNudist Tue 21-Jan-14 20:03:19

Ds is 3. I check a few times as he can have kicked his duvet off or landed on the floor in the time between me checking as I go up and brushing teeth etc.

I also check for signs of life as well!

Sparklysilversequins Tue 21-Jan-14 20:08:05

Mine are 7 and 10. I check them both and gently touch their hair. Not sure why I touch their hair but it just feels like something I need to do. I will probably only stop when they are old enough to go to bed later than me.

Misty9 Tue 21-Jan-14 21:30:56

I don't check on 2.4yo ds as he's such a light sleeper and nearly always wakes when we go to bed anyway. If he doesn't wake we certainly don't risk disturbing him! I've read threads like this before and felt bad that most people check, but the night wakings are enough to deal with, let alone adding an evening one in! To be fair, I can hear him breathing as his door must be left open or else he trashes the room

Feenie Tue 21-Jan-14 21:35:20

Ds is 8 and only started sleeping through the night 3 weeks ago! (Yes you read that right). So no way have we been checking on him, for fear of waking him up - we've been desperate for a good night's sleep for years!

BlingBubbles Tue 21-Jan-14 21:38:16

Yes, both DH and I check on our DD before we go to bed, I guess it's just habit. I stick my head in the room to make sure all is ok and then go to bed, DH does the same.

fuckwittery Tue 21-Jan-14 21:38:50

I check on mine (6 and 3). They sometimes mess around before bed, and I might find one sleeping on the floor, or not with the duvet on properly, or on one memorable occasion the heavy rocking horse balanced on top of DD1's bed, with it tethered to the bed, and DD sleeping under it. She'd also put a pair of knickers on its bum, and a giant tigger stuffed toy was riding it cowboy style with a deviant look on its face.

worley Tue 21-Jan-14 21:42:04

I can't sleep if I haven't checked in DS1... Who Is now15!! We now go to bed at same time so I turn his light off for him.
Ds2 still co sleeping.. But when he did manage a few nights in his bed I still couldn't not check in on him.
My cousin also can't go to bed without checking where as her dh thinks we're both weird for checking in on them. Maybe it's just what our parents did to us..

sweetkitty Tue 21-Jan-14 21:44:06

I check on all four (9 to 3) every night sort their duvets out kiss them goodnight and tell them I love them.

I always look at my two (10yo and 5yo) on my way to bed. Not because I especially feel the need to "check" on them, more because they are so gorgeously tousled and innocent which makes a nice change from the screaming fighting horrors that they can be when awake.

I adjust their duvets, stroke their foreheads and whisper night night.

There have been several times when I've found one or other of them to be running a temperature as I stroke their forehead - which I can then monitor more closely if I need to.

Picturesinthefirelight Tue 21-Jan-14 21:45:05

I never check on mine unless they are ill. They are light sleepers. & disturb if I open the door.

SoonToBeSix Tue 21-Jan-14 21:46:04

Yes I check mine, youngest is 17 months oldest is 15 years smile

Only1scoop Tue 21-Jan-14 21:47:08

Dd 3.5 always check on her before bed and during night when I nip to loo. Think I always will.

I always check on mine before I go to bed, they're 10 and 7. We still use a baby monitor too as they're on the top floor and we sleep on the second floor.

ProfPlumSpeaking Tue 21-Jan-14 22:04:07

i insist my DD has skype on all night so I can check on her at bedtime for she is a student in a far away town.

No, alright, I don't really but I probably would if it were remotely acceptable grin.

cariadmawr Tue 21-Jan-14 22:06:04

Check both mine even at 20 still stick my head in and say night love you to ds1 . Ds2 who's 8 kicks all bedding off so we all go into him even ds1 girlfriend to put covers over him . I love to watch my boys sleep grow up fast

silkknickers Tue 21-Jan-14 22:09:33

mine are 7 and 10. checking them is the last thing I do on my way to bed.
I check to make sure they're not ill; it has never crossed my mind that they wouldn't be there.

Sunflower6 Tue 21-Jan-14 22:13:22

Mine are 8 and 13 and I check on them just before I go to bed and like pickles 79 I always will,

ThatWasThat Tue 21-Jan-14 22:19:30

Everyday until adulthood.

Good grief, ProfPlum, you gave me a fright with the first part of your post shock. Until I realised you were joking...

You are joking, aren't you?? wink

I wonder how many people who don't check also don't post on this thread grin.

GlitzAndGiggles Tue 21-Jan-14 22:24:25

I've always checked on my dd she's nearly 3. Mainly to make sure she's got her covers on and still breathing and to see what quiet means!

nevergoogle Tue 21-Jan-14 22:28:41

It's all I can do to stop myself climbing into bed with DS2 (5) for a sneaky cuddle. Luckily DH also checks on them so can wake me up to tell me to get to my own bed. I also check on them when i get up for a wee during the night.

mydadsdaughter Tue 21-Jan-14 22:29:58

I check on mine, usually have to turn reading lights off and/or remove books fallen out of sleeping hands, oh yea and to land a stealth kiss on my DS2 who always wipes my kisses away when he's awake so "they don't count"

Linnet Tue 21-Jan-14 22:30:59

I check on mine and they are 9 and 16.
Although sometimes my 16 year old checks on me as if I'm really tired I'll go to bed before her, then she likes to come in and annoy me on her way to bed.

flatmum Tue 21-Jan-14 22:31:23

We check all ours, 9, 6, 3. It's partly for our own enjoyment - they are so cute and snugly when asleep. But also to check they're not too hot or too cold - they seem to sleep longer to the weekend when optimal temperature! Also though for safety - I have an irrational worry about strangulation and they always have a load of toys in bed with them.

Oh, to be fair, I don't check (and am now wondering if there's something wrong with me that I don't stand dewey eyed in DS' bedroom staring at him?!) but I would have him in the room, possibly the bed with me if I could. I'd love to be in that book "The biggest bed in the world" grin We shared a room with him on holiday and apart from the farts it was lovely. DH hated it. Meanie grin

tombakerscarf Tue 21-Jan-14 22:34:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Elizadoesdolittle Tue 21-Jan-14 22:38:29

I don't check mine. DD1 is just turned 4 and DD2 is 1. I'm the same as you op. DD1 is on a video monitor which is switched on until I go to bed but I don't look at it/in on her until the morning. I do check in on them if they are ill but otherwise I leave them be.

perplexedpirate Tue 21-Jan-14 22:39:52

Yep. He's 6, but I'll do it til he leaves home.

Elizadoesdolittle Tue 21-Jan-14 22:40:03

I mean DD2 is on a video monitor. I don't see DD1 until she comes out of her room in the morning.

oohdaddypig Tue 21-Jan-14 22:40:12

I know this thread was started on the back of a tragedy. But the actual content of it has really moved me.

Just all these mums tucking in our (big) little ones each night. It's my favourite time of day too. There is the smell of your child's sleepy head and their delicious warmth.

I wouldn't judge someone who didnt check though I am a bit neurotic

Beamur Tue 21-Jan-14 23:35:47

DP only stopped checking on the older kids once their bedtime was later than ours grin

ProfPlumSpeaking Wed 22-Jan-14 07:56:15

Pacific yes, I was joking smile The reality is I am lucky to get a text twice a week! But I still feel the emotional tug...

Thurlow Wed 22-Jan-14 09:42:22

I do check, and I like a quick hairstroke and tuck in as others do, but DD(2) is a bit of a weirdo and the moment I touch her she starts saying "no, noooo, noooo!" in case I might be moving her. Loves her bed, does that one. Makes it a slightly less charming moment though!

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