where can I get help on a Sunday - pnd

(82 Posts)
SingSoftKittyToMe Sun 13-Oct-13 08:40:23

Having an awful episode this morning. Mornings seem to be the worst time. 2 yo and 7 wo are non stop screaming the flat is a tip I cant even think straight through the hysteria. Doc wants to see me again wed but cant cope til then. Have no family for support and dh is away until next Friday. I am shouting and screaming at my toddler which I hate myself for. I feel desperate and alone and can't see past this hysteria. I have a friend visiting later today but not sure how to cope until 4pm . I hate myself for feeling this way and its non stop crying and screaming. I'm frightening my 2 yo and I hate how scared she looks when I shout at her. Then I collapse in tears and apologises while holding them both as we all cry.i start my day at 3am as baby wakes then and takes 2 hrs to resettle only for toddler to wake for the day at 5am. I cant cope with the NONSTOP SCREAMING!! I feel desperate and like I am losing it. Please help me.

Gobbolinothewitchscat Sun 13-Oct-13 08:44:31

OK - deep breathes.

Can you get the children in to cots etc - somewhere safe. Then call your friend or your mum to come over now and help you. Make some tea and toast so you've had something to eat.

I am wondering about calling the out of hours GP but think you are best to get some practical help now and then get an emergency GP app for Monday morning. They can hopefully then refer you to people who can help - sure start etc

Gobbolinothewitchscat Sun 13-Oct-13 08:47:14

Sorry - just seen no family support so ignore the mum suggestion.

Where is DH? Can he get home? Once your friend has come, you can assess the situation re asking him to. However, I do find the screaming can die down and a hour later everyone can be feeling a lot better

SingSoftKittyToMe Sun 13-Oct-13 08:48:18

My mother and sister aren't speaking to me. I could put them in separate cots but then they'd still be crying and hysterical. ..why am I failing so badly?! Its awful here and dh is abroad so cant call as its the middle of the night there. I can't get myself out of this and feel so desperate! STOP SCREAMING FFS!!!

Do you have a double pram? I would take them for a walk, that should help calm their screaming or put them in their cots, close the door and take 10 mins to have a cup of tea and breathe

lola88 Sun 13-Oct-13 08:50:11

mcould you put their coats on over pj's even, pull some jeans on hair in a pony tail and go a walk, When ds used to scream every morning I would go out for a walk to clear my head wide open spaces helped I couldn't function in a small house that was a mess. Take your phone and call someone to help or just vent to. I also used to call DP and rant that DS was driving me nuts it helped to get it out instead of taking it out on DS.

Gobbolinothewitchscat Sun 13-Oct-13 08:52:43

Put them in the cots just to let you call your friend and get something to eat.

If your friend can't come over now, I second a walk

Nameagain Sun 13-Oct-13 08:53:11

Thinking of you, I have a toddler and newborn and the tiredness is bone numbing.

Not sure about practical suggestions as my brain is mush from tiredness but my heart goes out to you and hope you find some peace soon.

SingSoftKittyToMe Sun 13-Oct-13 08:54:59

Baby screans hysterically in her pram and will only settle in her carrier if walked at a certain speed but its raining heavily outside so cant take her out as she'll get soaked. Toddler walks very slowly so needs the pram so I cant put an umbrella up im rambling now and on the verge of screaming at toddler again as she keeps taking the baby's fucking socks and clothes off!! I hate myself and have no one to call other than the samaritans who I call daily. I keep hopibg a neighbour will knock on the door so someone will give me a hug. I can't type through the tears and hysteria here.

Gobbolinothewitchscat Sun 13-Oct-13 08:55:03

YOU ARE NOT FAILING. Please keep repeating that to yourself.

Seriously, I'm rude and would say if you were grin

In that case definetly separate cots, close door and get 10 mins to yourself

Gobbolinothewitchscat Sun 13-Oct-13 08:58:24

Try and calm down easier said than done

Fuck the socks. Is the baby safe? Big sister not trying to poke her in the eye at the same time as removing said socks?

If you can't put them in the cot to call friend then put cbeebies on and give toddler a snack so toucan at least get something to eat/try and get baby to sleep

Where is DH's family. Can they help?

lola88 Sun 13-Oct-13 09:01:31

This is really bad but I used to like when it rained because the rain cover muffled the crying and people couldn't notice I was crying too... I tell you this so you know your not alone in feeling snowed under.

Gobbolinothewitchscat Sun 13-Oct-13 09:01:43

Try and calm down easier said than done

Fuck the socks. Is the baby safe? Big sister not trying to poke her in the eye at the same time as removing said socks?

If you can't put them in the cot to call friend then put cbeebies on and give toddler a snack so toucan at least get something to eat/try and get baby to sleep

Where is DH's family. Can they help?

Choos123 Sun 13-Oct-13 09:02:06

Sorry not sure who you can call except your dh, have you told dh how hard it is? Can you afford to get any paid help? For right now, can you put some music or the tv on and try and distract them? Remember you can walk away for a few minutes when they are screaming, especially if the room is baby proofed etc.

Gobbolinothewitchscat Sun 13-Oct-13 09:04:09

If you have a double pram, I'd get them both in it and get out - sounds like they'll scream inside or out so better out

Re the baby liking to be held upright plus the screaming - has the GP looked at her for reflux?

lifesobeautiful Sun 13-Oct-13 09:08:22

You poor poor thing. Very tough times. I think desperate times call for desperate measures - well at least strong measures.

I would put them both in their cots (if they're fed, warm and safe there). Give the toddler some books/toys/ipad and explain you'll be back in just a moment. Give them both a big kiss and then shut the doors.

Switch some music on (happy music) so you can't hear the protests. And take 10/15/20 minutes to calm down. Crying for a short time will not harm them and you need a break right now.

Have a cup of tea. Get dressed. Splash your face with water. Brush your hair/teeth. Put some perfume on. Anything to lift your spirits. Perhaps even tidy up your flat a little so you feel more in control. Open a window. Take some deep breaths.

Then try and start the day again. Get them both dressed so they're ready to go out - and when the rain eases off go for a walk. Have a coffee somewhere. Just get out and get some fresh air.

Thinking of you.

dhisaconspiracytheorist Sun 13-Oct-13 09:17:21

Some churches near me have creches and are full of people who would try and help and wouldn't mind if you didn't want to do the religion but just sit in the creche with a coffee...

lifesobeautiful Sun 13-Oct-13 09:20:43

Also, sometimes when I'm at the end of my tether (and I dont' suffer from depression so I know you're in a different more difficult situation) I switch some music on (Absolute 80s - loudly!) and I take the toddler and baby and dance in the kitchen! Toddler finds it great fun and hilarious - and it lifts spirits! Weird but works for me.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I was in a similar boat a few months ago, DD is nearly a year old now and I've just under 21 months between her and DS (2.8) - I didn't have PND but I was suffering with extreme anxiety, stress and it turned out I also had complex post traumatic stress disorder as a result of my own crappy childhood. I would like to reassure you that it gets so much better...it happens so slowly that you don't really notice but it does get easier with time.

I've been having hypnotherapy and have taken up meditation - I realised my main 'problem' was I was spending most of the time in 'fight, flight or freeze' - it seemed like EVERYTHINGWASANEMERGENCY ALLOFTHETIME, my stress levels were through the roof, I was pacing the floor, always on the move, always in a high state of alert. it's great that you're getting help from your GP but you can do some things for yourself.

the first thing you need to do like a pp said is to calm down. it's so hard when you're pumped full of adrenaline but what helped me was to root my feet to the floor, breathe in through your nose for a count of 4, blow breath out through your mouth slowly for a count of 12. sit down if you can, I know it's hard when both children are screaming at once and all you can think is 'STOP SCREAMING!!' but it's NOT an emergency, you need to mentally rise above it. when you've done a few breaths like that you should start to feel your heartrate slow down, it should become easier to start to find calm.

honestly I do know how impossible this sounds, but your children need YOU to be grounded, calm and a satellite for them to come back to when their emotions take them somewhere scary. at the moment you are matching their emotional state and there's nowhere safe for anyone to come down to. your emotional state does not need to be this high, there is no panic - they're crying because they need you to guide them, and you can do it - I know it can be done because I was almost exactly where you are now a few months ago. my poor 2-year-old was shouted at more in a few months than I ever wanted to shout at my children in a lifetime sad but it's repairable if you get it sorted now. according to my hypnotherapist children are building their sense of how the world works between the ages of 2 and 7.. now is the time to get yourself sorted, it's not too late.

can you ask your friend to come a bit earlier?

I found a good video on YouTube, I'll try and find a link for you - some nutty woman wink who made so much sense when she talked about a child screaming and all we can think about is making it stop and all our energies go into that when actually there's often nothing we can do to make it stop, she talks of how to stay calm and 'allow' your child to cry safely in your arms. but as others say it's ok to leave them somewhere safe in the house while you take 5 mins to compose yourself

I second getting out of the house, if you've got a sling stick baby in that and toddler in the pushchair wrapped up with a coat over you and baby (raincoat backwards maybe?) and raincover on pushchair and just walk s.l.o.w.l.y - the fresh air will do you all good

I really hope you start to feel better soon and can find some way of feeling calmer right now. ask your friend for practical help (mainly playing with toddler) if you feel you can and if you've a DH be sure to tell him how you're feeling and that you need practical support, and get back to the GP as soon as you can and don't leave until you get referred to someone who can really help - in my case it was a psychiatric nurse who told me it was likely the help I needed wouldn't be covered on the NHS, most hypnotherapists have a sliding scale to make it a little more affordable, it has been worth 100 times what I've paid for it because I've got my life back and my children are better cared for. also check out www.getsomeheadspace.com for meditation - it's worked wonders for me

you don't need to suffer alone smile

here's that link grin

Rewindtimeplease Sun 13-Oct-13 09:50:49

My poor girl, I wish I could give you a hug.

What about a bath. All three of you in there.
Then get out, TV on and snack.

It might work, it might not. But worth a go and way of breaking this immediate scenario x

SingSoftKittyToMe Sun 13-Oct-13 10:09:13

Out of desperation I put baby in her moses and switched on the hairdryer to drown out the noise and she fell asleep! Only been 15 mins so far but that's given me some time to calm down and hug my toddler. I can't believe the state I get in...I need to speak to a professional I think to get better coping strategies and possibly AD but for now at least its quiet...really hope baby stays down for a bit. Thank you ladies for talking me through this. I feel like I'm failing miserably at having 2 small children and all my nct group seem to be coping just fine.

SingSoftKittyToMe Sun 13-Oct-13 10:12:53

nice that is exactly how I feel like everything is an emergency and constantly frazzled.

SingSoftKittyToMe Sun 13-Oct-13 10:13:14

Baby's woken up. Could cry.

dhisaconspiracytheorist Sun 13-Oct-13 10:13:46

Can you confide in one of the nct group? I'm sure there are others similar to you, just good at pretending at coffee mornings...

notapizzaeater Sun 13-Oct-13 10:23:54

But they won't be coping honestly, they might have a lovely cloak on but I bet some of them are struggling too but just won't admit it. My ds screamed everyday for 4/5 hours, he had horrific colic and just would not sleep - it was Hell, so much so he's an only child because I just could not go back there. The baby group I went to (took months, how did these woman get out of the house before 11 ???) I walked into happy smily perfect baby land, I came home my self esteem even more on the floor, vowing never to go back. The next day whilst walking the streets (went out for hours just to have peace) I bumped into another of the mums (turns out doing the same thing) we got talking and transpired her ds slept for no more than 90 mins ever, morning was about 4am and nothing would get him back down. I could have kissed her, other people don't have perfect babies, they don't all have immaculate houses. I went home that day and everything seemed so much better.

Can you take the kids out anywhere ? Soft play, shopping centre ? Anywhere just to take pressure off ..

brettgirl2 Sun 13-Oct-13 10:24:05

Your nct group aren't coping as well as they pretend.

Things are tough for you at the moment, pnd and 2 babies. Everyone has bad days especially on Sundays when its tipping it down.

Have you got a timetable for the rest of the week?

notapizzaeater Sun 13-Oct-13 10:25:26

Where are you, I'm in West Yorkshire, I could come over for a couple of hours so you can relax a bit ?

brettgirl2 Sun 13-Oct-13 10:26:14

Also I think you need to consider getting dh home.

PloddingDaily Sun 13-Oct-13 10:26:49

Well done SingSoft, the hairdryer was a brilliant idea! You are definitely NOT failing, pnd is bloody awful (been there) & like you I felt like my nct group were if not sailing along, at least doing fine & it felt like they dropped me like a hot stone in case pnd was contagious- a horribly isolating viscious cycle.
All I can suggest is to find coping strategies that work for you - lower your expectations to get you through this blip -ie now is not the time to stress about not being the nct 'perfect zen calm organic earth mummy' (she doesn't exist anyway!) ... cbeebie / dvds to help buy you time, don't sweat the small stuff, this is about getting through the days til things lift - and they will. Do see your gp tomorrow - tell the receptionist it can't wait.

Do you have a vibrating bouncy chair? My ds was a very collicky screamy baby & the chair was a godsend - think it helped with position etc being more upright...gave me some hands free time too.

Honestly, it does get better - and I think you're doing really well - I wish I'd thought of the hairdryer! wink I will be thinking of you today - I'm sure lots of us will - you're not on your own any more - you can do this!

LadyMetroland Sun 13-Oct-13 10:28:46

What you are feeling is very very normal

I didn't have pnd but the lack of sleep has often driven me to shout at my very young children and I often feel frazzled and on 'high alert'.

cBeebies is your friend and I would make full use of sticking it on and leaving your toddler in front of the tv. It won't hurt longterm.

If you have a car then stick them in it and go for a long drive. Or take them to soft play?

Really feel for you op.

Munxx Sun 13-Oct-13 10:36:33

You are doing brilliantly.

I have been where you are, my DH works away and I had a new born and a 20 mo. I know the panic, the shouting and then the guilt.

I remember sitting all three of us crying.

It does get better, that I promise you.

But for now, you need some quick fix solutions. It can seem almost undo able to get coats on and get out. But out is so much better than in! Even the supermarket?

My NCT group were amazing, I was on my second baby they on their first but the support I got was immense and I only had to ask. I felt awful and embarrassed sometimes asking but on the other hand if they have their DH to help and you don't even if they have other children they could come round for a bit. Just text them, you never know.

I am a planner and planned something everyday. Usually the morning. But I know the fear, the panic and the utter helplessness you feel when you see a whole day ahead of you and you just don't the you'll cope.

I just wish I could help.

Munxx Sun 13-Oct-13 10:40:16

Have read through everyone's else's suggestions properly now OP there's some great advice there.

Nice our DC are exactly the same age, your words to the OP are brilliant. Thank you, I will use some of your techniques! You are so right it does get better bit by bit.

MN can be brilliant sometimes, today is one of those days.

Buglugs Sun 13-Oct-13 10:46:44

hHelpline for pnd. Says it is open now.

78bunion Sun 13-Oct-13 10:55:59

Very good advice on here. If you feel terrible it can be better to put the baby in its basket even if it is crying, close the door, ignore it - better than shouting at it; perhaps get in a warm bath with the toddler.

5madthings Sun 13-Oct-13 10:56:26

where are you?

if you are near me i will come and help.

am in norwich.

getting out for a walk is always good but not in the pissing rain, that just sucks and getting in out of wet coats etc...ughhh.

a church is actually a good idea, my local one runs a toddler group and i know on a sunday they do a creche. the ladies that run the toddler group are lovely and if you arrived i promise you there would be willing hands to hold baby and get you a cup of tea and some cake.

your gp needs to refer you to mental health team as they have a crisis team you can call on days like this ( i did whwn i had pnp and pnd after ds4)

do you have homestart in your area? the hv can arrange someonw for you.

deep breathes and just do whatever it takes, if tgats tv all day and cereal for bfast, lunch and dinner thats fine.

SingSoftKittyToMe Sun 13-Oct-13 11:00:14

Hairdryer worked for 15 mins. Toddler is stoll in hysterics and baby is back to screaming. Toddler won't stop poking or pulling him or suffocating hin I canr even turn my back for 2 mins. Baby doesn't want milk walking around in a panic with one boob out. My friends who are supposed to cone round have no just cancelled. I have no one I don't want this anymore!! I feel like im being punished.

Waffling Sun 13-Oct-13 11:06:32

Can you hire a babysitter to come around now, so you can sleep?

SingSoftKittyToMe Sun 13-Oct-13 11:07:47

bugs the number didn't work.

SingSoftKittyToMe Sun 13-Oct-13 11:09:04

I hired a mothers help yesterday spent £100 and ran around the house doing laundry cleaning cooking etc.

CurlyFox Sun 13-Oct-13 11:09:22

Where are you? Can you put the Tv on to distract toddler? Hugs

SingSoftKittyToMe Sun 13-Oct-13 11:09:52

I live in London. Thank you for offers of help though. I feel very much like walking out.

CurlyFox Sun 13-Oct-13 11:11:27

I think we all have days when we want to walk out. It's very hard having two young children constantly crying and demanding your attention, and you aren't alone you've got all of us on MN

Waffling Sun 13-Oct-13 11:11:39

You need to tell your H to come home. Tell your friend it's an emergency, that you need help.

Supermarketshopping10 Sun 13-Oct-13 11:11:44

If the baby settles in the carrier put it on in the house, put your fav music on and just carry on with a few mundane things with the baby in the carrier, she/he may settle by just being close to you, stop trying to feed for a bit- confusingly babies act like they want to feed when it can be wind etc - change nappy, make sure warm clothes - babygro and try the carrier, time seems to go slow when it all happen so set your phone or oven timer and give it 15 minutes - as sometimes we chop and change and everyone is confused -

With the toddler, I would out on CBBC or what she/he watches normally- give a snack in a bowl and a drink and as long as safe room just find a bit of space- your priority is the newborn -

When I had a similar situation 15 month old and 4 week old - someone on here just said I was doing too much and to stop trying to intervene with the baby that sometimes babies cry - I know the noise is annoying but it will pass and setting a timer helps keep it in perspective -

If after 15 minutes in carrier with movement baby is still crying, I would run a bath and both you and baby slide into it - have books/toys next to bath for toddler -

Keep us posted we have all been here - honest

SingSoftKittyToMe Sun 13-Oct-13 11:12:03

The tv has been on since 5am. I have read her 3 books but all she wants to do is push and prod the baby. I can't do anything but cry and type at the moment. Feel like this is my lifeline. Toddler keeps saying mummy's crying over and over again.

CurlyFox Sun 13-Oct-13 11:13:29

Can your neighbours help at all? I agree call your friend back and say you really need them to come round

Supermarketshopping10 Sun 13-Oct-13 11:13:53

Sorry for typos -

Supermarketshopping10 Sun 13-Oct-13 11:17:51

What normally settles toddler? I know you are stressed and this is horrid but it will change, can you try and get toddler involved and say now you are big you can help mummy and teach toddler to get nappy or similar?

Or to get moment of time alone, play hide and seek with toddler, she goes and hides or you hide her fav teddy and she goes and finds - keeps her away from baby?

Baby could be in bouncy chair or on you- whatever works -

Gobbolinothewitchscat Sun 13-Oct-13 11:19:31

Oh sing - I think you need to phone DH now or even your mum. I know you say you've fallen out but I'm sure she would want to put that aside and help you.

Second putting the baby in the carrier. It should calm her and keep her out of the way of your toddler.

Do you have a kind neighbour? I would absolutely help out a neighbour in that situation - evenif we had never met before

Gobbolinothewitchscat Sun 13-Oct-13 11:21:57

There's lots of good advice on this thread but I feelyouvekind of got past the stage of taking it.

Please call DH and get a neighbour/your friend/mum in the interim

NancyOsbourne Sun 13-Oct-13 11:22:35

Oh I've been here and I promise you are not failing. Your toddler is still so little herself she is just being inquisitive. I would distract her with some food and a tv programme if you can and then concentrate on the baby. May sound a bit mad but try softly singing to the baby, I found it calmed me down as well as the baby.

Then call someone. Don't feel bad or silly - you need a friend.

Buglugs Sun 13-Oct-13 11:24:47

OP - I phoned the number and an automated voice said they were going to transfer me to a volunteer now so I hung up. Did you get that far?

I would maybe keep trying it if I were you. Also I would say if you really can't wait to see the doctor then phone the out of hours.

Supermarketshopping10 Sun 13-Oct-13 11:24:52

Another thought - is have you checked nothing is causing baby to cry such as label from clothes or hair around the toe - nappy -

It's just once when youngest was crying non stop a hair (mine) was wrapped around his toe, I felt awful but it was the answer -

I have 23 months between my two and it is hard - thinking of you and hope a friend or family can come round - even if falling out I think mum or sis would separate this from today x

SingSoftKittyToMe Sun 13-Oct-13 11:39:36

I tried calling dh but no answer he will no doubt be drunk as he is on a work jolly abroad. Mother has cut me out and made it very clear ties were cut. She wished miscarriage on me which is why we fell out . I don't know any neighbours to talk to. Just called a good friend she was lovely and helped calm me down. Baby is horrendously overtired and toddler is wanting to go to the parl but its pouring with rain.

brettgirl2 Sun 13-Oct-13 11:43:23

Can't you waterproof lo up put cover on the pram and go to the park? Some rain on your skin may make you feel better. I've been known to go for walks in the rain wink .

zoesmum2012 Sun 13-Oct-13 11:47:42

Do you have any thoughts of hurting them yourself ? Is so how strong if so you need to call nhs 24 or out of hrs social care both will give you the help you need how's things now ? Stay safe thinking of you

Badvoc Sun 13-Oct-13 11:48:03

Actually getting out may help, even in the rain.
Can you make sure you are all wearing wellies, rainproof coats etc and then let your toddler just splash in puddles?
Then hopefully the baby may sleep.
And some fresh air may do you good too.
I'm so sorry op, I've been there and it's a dark, dark lonely place x
Will the toddler play with playdoh/watch cbeebies when you get back to give you break?
Cbeebies is my lifeline! smile

SingSoftKittyToMe Sun 13-Oct-13 11:49:39

I'm scared because I've been rough with my toddler - dragging her away from the baby when shes suffocating or prodding at the baby. Plus I've shouted at her all morning and made her cry which makes me ashamed.

Wishfulmakeupping Sun 13-Oct-13 11:50:56

If you feel like you can't wait call ooh dr OP.
whereabouts in london -are there any munsnettersnearby? X

SingSoftKittyToMe Sun 13-Oct-13 11:51:08

Baby just won't sleep in her pram. Just cries for hours in there and people look at me like im a bad mum for not picking baby up.

Badvoc Sun 13-Oct-13 11:54:29

If you feel you may hurt your toddler you must get help....now.
Phone NHS direct and ask them for help.
You aren't a bad mum...babies cry.

domesticslattern Sun 13-Oct-13 11:55:01

Where are you in London?

78bunion Sun 13-Oct-13 11:56:56

If you are up to it and the baby is still breastfeeding just sit there with it feeding then for as long as it takes. That normally stops crying. Other than that I found walking it around in a sling on my body whilst I hoovered usually got it to sleep (or a walk in the pram or buggy but you probably don't feel up to that).

I wouldn't worry about what people think about you at all.
If you've been shouting at the toddler just say less or nothing and put the baby somewhere the toddler can't hurt like in a sling attached to your body. Most of all you need some peace and rest and a break from them. I am sure every parent on mumsnet will have shouted at their small children at some time when they shouldn't have done. Don't worry about it. Just try to be calm and silent and think of things the toddler can do to keep entertained.

NutritiousAndDelicious Sun 13-Oct-13 12:01:09

Where abouts in London are you OP?

Supermarketshopping10 Sun 13-Oct-13 12:22:11

How old is toddler? Can they go and play at a friends for an hour or two? Does baby need a feed now? Can you do skin to skin with a kids program on and let baby feed - toddler will calm down - does toddler still nap? Can you put toddler for a sleep?

Can you write you OH an email with your thoughts so he gets when he next checks?

There is a last minute babysitting service in London - will post name you book on line so don't have to talk to anyone?

Supermarketshopping10 Sun 13-Oct-13 12:24:12

http://www.likeminders.co.uk/babysitting/emergency-last-minute-childcare/

SingSoftKittyToMe Sun 13-Oct-13 12:34:20

One of my best friend's just turned up and I byrst into tears hugging her for like 5 mins. Shes helping whole I get toddler down for a nap which is a massive help. Lifesaver.

domesticslattern Sun 13-Oct-13 12:40:35

Fantastic.

PloddingDaily Sun 13-Oct-13 13:29:38

So glad to hear your friend arrived - fingers crossed that you managed to get a bit of a rest with a pair of helping hands around. It's really, really hard work with two little ones & pnd, & the fact that you're reached out for help tells me you are a good mum who cares about her kids - don't lose sight of that & try not to beat yourself up. I really hope things get easier for you & soon, I remember what it's like. Be kind to yourself, you're doing well, the pnd is the problem not you. Xx

hope your toddler has managed a nap OP. I know how your instincts are to protect your baby and of course you must but your toddler needs you just as much as she ever did. she's probably interested in the baby because you are understandably so busy with him/her and any kind of reaction from you will be better than none.

this is so hard because your baby needs all of you all of the time, your toddler needs the same, but if you don't get any time for yourself you are going to burn out. can your friend stay for a bit? are there any other friends or relations you can call on just for company and maybe a chat? of course this depends on your personality and relationships with people, I'm the kind to invite someone round with the intention of telling them I'm finding it hard and please can they play with/hold a child while I drink a cup of tea and in reality I make them tea, listen to their problems and end up in more of a state because I've got even less attention for my DC who already need so much!

I think the others are right you need to at least give your DH an update of how you're coping and give him the chance to help in some way even if it's to suggest someone to ask over if he can't get home. I also think you should be down at the GP surgery first thing tomorrow. I wish I was closer to London and didn't have sick children because I'd be offering to come and do whatever I could to make things better, I've been there and it really does feel like the world is ending frequently but I promise you it's not

if I have any more children I'm going to get one of those things that go under the pushchair to rock it back and forth to help baby to sleep hands free, and white noise is always good, you can download some online or get relatively cheap CDs which can help

keep us updated OP, thinking of you smile

sorry that failed miserably, search for robopax on Amazon or ebay

PloddingDaily Sun 13-Oct-13 17:54:13

How are things Singsoft? I hope the day has gone better than you expected. (if not then hold on to the thought that it's another day you've managed to get through so that's a good thing too!). Keeping my fingers crossed that you manage to get some good sleep tonight & your gp is helpful tomorrow. Take care xx

SingSoftKittyToMe Sun 13-Oct-13 19:21:02

Thank you all so much. Two friends visited me in the end was very lucky. Toddler napped for 2 hrs which was fantastic but baby continued to scream pretty much until 4pm. After my friend left I put baby in carrier and went to the shops with dd. Baby fell asleep and when we got home I put baby down in moses with the hairdryer app noise - miraculously slept until 7pm! I managed to cuddle toddler and do bath and bedtime in peace. I cries out of guilt for shouting at dd and repeatedly dragging her away from baby today. She was so forgiving and kind and cuddled me still after hpw horrible I was. Am now bfing baby.

Mornings always seem to be the worst - I can't cope with the smallest thing. Why is this? Is it a hormone thing or just tiredness?

Thank you all again you helped cope when I was at my lowest.

brettgirl2 Sun 13-Oct-13 19:32:56

Glad things worked out in the end today. You've obviously got some pretty brilliant friends - don't think twice about asking them for help at this difficult time. Think if it was the other way round you would really want to do everything you could.

Oh and I lost my temper with my 21 month old this morning. I don't have a 7 week old I was just tired and grumpy blush . Don't beat yourself up, guilt is such a big part of pnd but its shit, you didnt ask to be ill.

Choos123 Sun 13-Oct-13 19:41:21

Mornings were always worst for me, I think it is tiredness and that feeling of already being tired at the start. Ps if your toddler was not being gentle with the baby, I can understand the frustration too, I've only got one and have shouted at her in the past, don't dwell on it.

I'm so glad, it seems like you had a good afternoon!

of course your little girl is forgiving, you're her whole world! but all the more reason to get help now so you shouting at her doesn't become the norm.

and there's a very good reason for you that mornings are the worst...they start at a ridiculous time! but my mornings generally start around 6.30 and are still often stressful, I find both children need so much more attention in the morning..perhaps reconnecting after sleep? DS gets more badly behaved and antsy around my feet the longer we stay indoors and DD gets clingy and tearful because she needs a nap quite soon after waking for the day. I thought I was the only one but have spoken to others who find the same. I've had some success with getting most things ready the night before - Clothes for the children and for me, breakfast prepped as much as possible, snack packed in my bag and quick check that I have everything I need in there to just grab and go. so in the morning it's not such a rush, and my tip would be just get out of the house as soon as possible in the morning. go to playgroup, the library, a park, just for a walk - whatever...the aim for me is to let DD nap and let DS feel that all my focus is on him, so a walk is perfect. I've found I've started to make friends at groups or at least see people regularly enough that they're a friendly face and have often found people offering to hold the baby while I play with the toddler or watch the toddler while I feed the baby. it makes such a difference to my stress levels if I get out asap

are you seeing the GP today? please don't suffer in silence, there's help out there you just have to keep pushing for it sometimes. your HV Can tell you about homestart, perhaps there's a local children's centre nearby or soft play?

have you spoken to DH yet? please do call on your friends again, they're there for the bad times as well as the good grin

SingSoftKittyToMe Tue 15-Oct-13 02:20:31

I spoke with a counseller today and she reckons I have anxiety issues and panic attacks. I also scores reasonably high for depressive tenancies but she thinks that could also just be exhaustion from having a small baby or almost a vicious circle from the panic attacks - guilt from my behaviour during them then feeling low and like a failure. They are going to give me 6 sessions ovee tge phone as well as information on how to deal with the panic attacks.

I'm glad you are slowly finding your way through all this - it sounds so scary for you all.

Have you tried calling Cry-Sis on 08451 228 669. They are open 7 days a week 9am - 10pm and you can speak to someone trained who has experienced similar problems.

SingSoftKittyToMe Tue 15-Oct-13 06:17:29

I have called cry sis and although the lady wad kibd her advice was "have you tried feeding the baby" and "have you tried swaddling". Still feel very scared but at least I recognise what's wrong.

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