Getting REALLY desperate: baby hijacks our evenings

(133 Posts)
TrixieLox Fri 20-Sep-13 08:03:14

I really thought this would resolve itself by 3 months but it seems to be getting worse: my 15 week old baby girl simply will not settle from the time she has her bath etc to about 9pm or 10pm. My hubby and I have to take it in turns to have dinner and just can't relax. The last straw came last night when I went to cinema and came home to find my hubby hadn't eaten dinner cos our daughter had played up all evening.

By playing up, I mean she either cries or yelps in excitement, trying to get our attention and refusing to sleep.

We've tried everything: putting her in her crib upstairs (she screams hysterically so we have her downstairs in her vibrating chair or sitting on us), starting her bedtime routine earlier / later (yes, she has a routine: naked kickaround, story, bath), low lights and sounds, ignoring her, 'tricking' her by pretending to sleep upstairs, etc etc. Sometimes, some of these work and we think we've cracked it. Then she's at it again. She's perfect in every other way and sleeps through from 9pm or 10pm to 7am.

The advice we're getting divides into two camps: a) You're too soft, time to start controlled crying, or b) This is just what babies do, it'll sort itself out soon.

I feel 3 months is too early to start CC but am actually on the verge of trying it now. I also feel that no, it won't sort itself out and no, babies shouldn't be like this at this age. She's got into a habit and unless we stop it, it'll be the story of our lives for the next few years. I know people who's kids don't have their bedtime until 9pm or 10pm and evenings are havoc, I DO NOT want to be in that situation.

Please help before I start controlled crying (or maybe you recommend I do?!).

apachepony Fri 20-Sep-13 08:08:58

???? Sorry your 15 week old baby sleeps from 10 to 7 and you're complaining? I don't think I'm going to be helpful on this thread, except to tell you - you're lucky, relax, you'll have your evenings back before you know it

TrixieLox Fri 20-Sep-13 08:11:56

Thanks, apachepony. So do you think I'm worrying for nothing then? It just feels like I'm surrounded by friends with 'perfect' babies who went to bed in their cribs from 3 months guaranteed and slept right through (maybe with a dream feed inbetween). Also, women in my baby clubs seems to have no problems too, their babies go to sleep at 7pm and tend to sleep right through. Maybe I live in Stepford town ;-)

To be honest, it's my hubby putting pressure on too, he says it's ridiculous and surely she should be settled by now. I feel guilty, like I'm being too soft on her or something!

dyslexicdespot Fri 20-Sep-13 08:14:45

I am in the 'this is what babies do camp'. Have you had a look at isisonline.org.uk? They provide information about infant sleep based on peer reviewed research. Please have a look before you subject your DD to CC.

Good luck!

Reiltin Fri 20-Sep-13 08:15:10

Our evenings are also hijacked. But baby also wakes up a few times during the night so you're one up on me there! We also can't find a pattern that works. But I take splice in that fact that she's still so young. I hope?!

bigkidsdidit Fri 20-Sep-13 08:15:19

I think your expectations are a bit high smile keep doing bedtime routine then cuddle her downstairs and before you know it she'll start sleeping from earlier.

Hawkmoth Fri 20-Sep-13 08:15:34

B.

I'm on my third baby the same, and they gradually move their bedtime back to a sensible time and the first two were doing seven seven long before I had to worry. To be honest, I don't mind sacrificing time before midnight for sleep after midnight, even though it is frustrating.

My baby is just coming up to three months and I eat all meals with her on my knee. I do not like having to get DH to cut up my food!

Her bedtimes this week have been 10, 11, 8 and a soul-destroying 2 this morning (but that's because my mum had her last night and put her to sleep in her pram from half seven to half ten). We've had lovely long sleeps to seven and eight am, but with one 0500 due to cold sticky-out hands.

It does get better.

CatAmongThePigeons Fri 20-Sep-13 08:16:02

They talk bollocks. Babies are not programmed to sleep for 12 hours, sleeping through the night is clasdrd as a 4 hour period.

If you want help settling, try the no cry sleep solution, but she is so very young. I understand how hard it is. DS2 is a frequent waker even now at 19 months, you have to try and adjust your life for a while as she's little.

Hawkmoth Fri 20-Sep-13 08:16:33

People at baby groups don't always tell the truth....

bigkidsdidit Fri 20-Sep-13 08:17:00

Oh, and for reasons I don't understand, lots of people lie about their babies' sleep !

Vakant Fri 20-Sep-13 08:18:11

She is very young still, and although she goes to bed late she is sleeping 10-7. That is amazing. I personally wouldn't use controlled crying at all unless I was desperate and if my baby slept 9 hours a night I'd be ecstatic. It isn't recommended to be used until they are at least 6 months old thought I think anyway so she is much too young.

Really I think you need to alter your expectations rather than try to change her. Have you tried a sling for when she's unsettled in the evening? That way you can get other stuff done too, she obviously needs to feel close to you and at her age that is totally normal so you will find it easier if you go with it.

beachavendrea Fri 20-Sep-13 08:18:44

I think it's too early for controlled crying personally.
Have you tried the no-cry sleep solution? Or a lady called sharlene Poole does a supervised settling technique which is meant to be very effective.
I think babies take six days to learn a new habit so it's worth pushing through with whatever technique you try.
Have you tried putting her bedtime forward by half an hour each day?
Also what are her daytime naps like? When is her last nap?
My gut would say after her bedtime routine take her to her dark bedroom and try to settle her using whatever technique you can. Maybe after a few nights she may get the idea that its bit playtime after 7:00.
Can you have your dinner early? Then at least your not sitting there hungry.
It's not forever there will come a time when she will be old enough to do a reward chart and all that stuff.
Sorry not sure if this is very helpful at all!

Hercule Fri 20-Sep-13 08:19:39

Sorry but I've had three babies and they all did this in the early days. She's still only tiny, if you keep going with the routine you'll probably find she calms down gradually tabs her 'bedtime' will naturally move earlier to a more reasonable time. That's what happened with mine anyway. Wouldn't try cc till at least 6 months.

Babies do tend to take over your life in the beginning. I remember many times manically rocking a small screaming bundle whilst manically spooning food into my mouth with one hand. It passes. Relax.

valiumredhead Fri 20-Sep-13 08:19:51

It's what babies do! Honestly count your blessings if your baby sleeps through already, mine don't until he was 3!

CatAmongThePigeons Fri 20-Sep-13 08:19:54

By they, I mean the friends at groups...

MintyDiamonds Fri 20-Sep-13 08:21:18

Seriously!!! Your baby sounds like a dream. what with a refluxy, windy baby I haven't slept more than 2 hours in a row in the last 6 months and I couldn't even consider an evening out and I can't remember the last time I had a hot dinner down stairs without holding a baby and this is why I don't go to baby groups.

BooCanary Fri 20-Sep-13 08:21:30

It is a common mistake with you pfb to think things will always be like this. Try not to worry. I am/was routine obsessed and hated losing my evenings, but don't lose heart, it will only beva short term issue.

BumbleChum Fri 20-Sep-13 08:21:34

In the nicest possible way I think you and your DH are completely deluded about babies! Mine were all downstairs with us until they were about 8-9 months old - they would snooze on my lap while I watched TV.

They all now (5, 4 and 2) have a 7pm bedtime and fall asleep within minutes, because we're very consistent with it. I always did the whole tea at 5pm then bath and into sleepsuit etc at 6pm, but when they were babies they came back downstairs and cluster-fed for hours until I went to bed. Between 8 months (eldest) and a year (youngest) they began going into their cot at 7pm. You can have good routines without being harsh.

By the way none of mine slept 10-7 as little babies! That is unbelievably luxurious, your DH should be counting his lucky stars not whinging. Babies are small and defenceless, they need love and security - and not to be accused of 'hijacking' their parents' time! Not having time to yourself is a part of being a parent. It gets easier as they get older in that they sleep more soundly and more reliably.

There's no greater joy than a milky snoozy bundle warming up your lap on a winter's night! Enjoy it while it lasts smile

Hercule Fri 20-Sep-13 08:22:22

Oh and fwiw it didn't become a 'habit' - my kids are all school age now and 'happily ' hmm wink go to bed at 7/8 !

MintyDiamonds Fri 20-Sep-13 08:23:01

Also cc, could you actually ignore a hysterical baby honestly I'd rather have no evenings for a bit longer than do that.

valiumredhead Fri 20-Sep-13 08:23:02

I am a cc fan AFTER a child is about 15 MONTHS old not 15 weeks. It's really not fair or appropriate at this early on.

Can't you just cuddle up on the sofa and watch crap Telly until 10? It's not like you need to go to sleep really early yourselves if she's sleeping that much, is it?

CbeebiesIsMyLife Fri 20-Sep-13 08:23:07

When both my dd's were 15 weeks their bed times were 9-10pm (and they both woke 1-2 times in the night envy) and now they are 2 and 3 their Bedtimes are 6-7pm. It will sort its self out, what you have described sounds perfectly normal to me, mess with it too much and she won't sleep through.

The not eating thing isn't good tho, I remember nights when we used to juggle the girls to eat. Can you change bed time and she might play and let you eat?

louloutheshamed Fri 20-Sep-13 08:23:49

Are you for real? Your baby is an awesome sleeper. B all the way! Please don't do cc.

valiumredhead Fri 20-Sep-13 08:24:03

Minty, that's not what cc is at all.

Gobbolinothewitchscat Fri 20-Sep-13 08:24:20

I think this is quite normal. My DS was sleeping through the night from 7-7 at 6 months and that is what he was sleeping then

He stayed in the Moses basket with us down stairs until we went upstairs about 10. I think around 16 weeks we started putting him down in his crib upstairs however to start that routine

Re food do you have a play gym or a bouncy chair? We used to put DS in that if he wouldn't settle in the Moses basket when we ate

This IS what babies do. Frankly I'm amazed she sleeps through after that time. Keep up with your routine and then cuddle her or have her in a bouncy chair under a baby gym for a couple of hours till she's ready to go down. You don't get evenings with young babies and 3 months is very young. It took her three times that long to be big enough to be born! A three month old baby doesn't have 'habits'. Gradually her bedtime will move back. As long as you keep getting her ready for bed at the appropriate time then you won't have any longterm issues.

Personally I would go for bath and then lots of cuddles till she seems very still and sleepy but is still awake - around her usual time for dropping off. Then go for a transfer in to cot and see if she will chill out. She might cry for a minute or two but if you can tell that's lessening then give her a minute or two more. If she all out yells then pick her up and cuddle her till she drops off. She will learn to self settle eventually but this age is too young to learn it if she won't do it naturally if you see what I mean.

BigW Fri 20-Sep-13 08:25:30

I don't think that CC is appropriate as she is far too young. She is having an excellent block of sleep for a baby of her age. If you want to move it to earlier to get your evening back, you hsve to then be prepared to deal with it at the other end IYSWIM.

I put DS down at 7pm from an early age, but he didn't really do good stints of sleep until he wad about 6 months. I enjoyed getting our evening back, but he was often done sleeping by about 4am.

If you still want to do it, I would start moving bedtime earlier by about 15mins every few days and cut down her naps accordingly. Depending on her napping routine, don't let her sleep for a couple of hours before bedtime so she is tired. Don't let ger have massive three hour naps in the daytime or if she needs that, make sure it's not in the afternoon. HTH

Gobbolinothewitchscat Fri 20-Sep-13 08:25:41

Oh - and DS moved his own bedtime back to 7pm. We didnt need to do anything. It will sort itself out.

I don't want to enter a bun fight on controlled crying but I really do not think that is appropriate at that age

apachepony Fri 20-Sep-13 08:26:41

I'm not the right person to give advice on sleeping issues - I have been v laid back with mine, his sleeping isn't great but I'm not too bothered at the minute (will have to go hardcore). However I have been spending a lot of time with other new mothers, and I don't know any with babies sleeping 7 to 7. The only people I've met who seem to expect this are the childless or those who had their babies 30 years ago (my mother). Now a lot of those new mothers are breastfeeding which to be honest I really do think affects night time sleep (if you're bf and your dd sleeps that long I'm really impressed!) but I don't think those who bottle fed slept the whole 12 hours either.I know one friend gave me her gina ford book but admitted that whilst her first baby followed the routines to the letter, the second was having none of it. I found it really useful when those with older babies told me to relax and the babies would fall into their own routine - it's true.
If I were you I would just continue with the bedtime routine, carry on trying to put her down but if it doesn't work RELAX and enjoy your baby, it will all change again in a month or too. Tell your dh it's normal baby behaviour and appreciate the sleeping 10 - 7!
Btw a lot of those smug parents will be less smug in a month or two cos sleeping can go backwards - this happened to one of my friends who feels repentant over her smugness now....

curlew Fri 20-Sep-13 08:27:27

This is one of those threads where I want to say "it's a baby! what did you expect!"

TrixieLox Fri 20-Sep-13 08:28:18

Girls, you're amazing, thank you so so much. I feel better about things now and will look into the things some of you recommended.

Those of you who said it's more mine and hubby's attitude are right.

I do love cuddling her to me, she's so precious - took us 5 years and 3 rounds of IVF to conceive her so our beautiful little miracle: maybe that's half our 'problem'? All our friends and fam have had babies a few years back and remember it with rose-tinted glasses and forgot the evening witching hours?! So give us strange advice, I don't know. I just feel a bit of a failure sometimes but actually, she's doing so well by sleeping through and is always so smiley and happy (apart from when she cries hysterically, ha ha!). I need to count my blessings.

TinyTear Fri 20-Sep-13 08:31:10

wow i wish i had 10-7 stints any time before 14 months!!! the evening is the witching hour... babies want comfort, they will cluster feed, they will want company, they will want a cuddle...

people who have babies and think their life won't change are deluded slightly... you CHOSE to have a baby, please don't abandon them to controlled crying and stuff like that... 15 weeks is SO young...

BeansAndCheese Fri 20-Sep-13 08:31:15

There is no such thing as a perfect baby. They've not read the books and they don't know they are supposed to sleep for 18 hours a day. Mine certainly bloody didn't! I went through months of cluster feeds that went on anything up to 1am. The main problem is when you are only 3 months in, you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. It will come, eventually...

MintyDiamonds Fri 20-Sep-13 08:31:35

Well I looked into sleep training in the failed attempt to get my baby to sleep and from what I read controlled crying is leaving them to cry for a certain amount of time and then coming back in, but no picking up and then leaving again for a longer period, which if I tried that with my baby would ensure an hysterical baby, but the website I got the info off could have been incorrect.

Tash28 Fri 20-Sep-13 08:33:41

I have an 18 week old son. He was in a routine of 9-8 and then we went away, he hated the travel cot and all hell broke loose on his sleep pattern back to 2-3 times waking per night. I have to say on this one I think count your blessings. You have a baby that sleeps through , from my baby group this is still an seldom thing for them to do and they're all a few weeks older.

I would love to eat together but unfortunately bubs has other ideas and if we want to then one of us is one handed or it's shifts. I don't like it but I wouldn't be concerned. You've got your sleep, I'd contemplate sacrificing my dh in the cult sense of the word for 9-8 back!

Why don't you get a sling. Then you can have your hands free to eat together. smile

MrsHoratioNelson Fri 20-Sep-13 08:34:04

People at baby groups don't always tell the truth....

This. Be very careful about what people tell you about their babies that you haven't actually witnessed for yourself. You'll go mad otherwise.

FanjoForTheMammaries Fri 20-Sep-13 08:34:28

I would kill for 10 til 7...DD is 7 next month ..the taking time to settle in evening will pass smile

Leviticus Fri 20-Sep-13 08:36:01

I also think your expectations are high but I absolutely understand your need for baby free time in the evenings. I remember really needing to know there would be a point in the day when I would be able to fully relax.

With both of mine I've done the following from about 9 weeks old to get them into a bedtime routine:

Bath at 7 then feed to sleep (against all the books advice but works for us).

Baby in cot in sleeping bag in total darkness.

If baby cries sit quietly and cuddle in the dark until resettled and then back into the cot.

Repeat as necessary until they properly fall asleep. At first this may be many, many times up and down the stairs for you and it can take a couple of weeks before they learn to settle themselves but it's worth persevering. I can't bear the thought of leaving babies to cry on their own and I think it only teaches them that nobody is there for them when they are upset - sorry any CC fans. The very idea that you can be too soft with a small baby doesn't make sense to me.

The result for me has been a sleeping baby from 7.30 until 11ish when I do another feed. I'd also expect to be woken at least once more during the night for a feed but I think that's normal at that age and I'm happy with it.

MintyDiamonds Fri 20-Sep-13 08:36:09

Awww it sounds like your not actually too bothered and it's other people making you feel like you're doing something wrong. I get this all the time, I actually don't mind my whole life revolving round the baby at the moment and I'm not too bothered about my evenings, I love the cuddles and they don't stay babies for long.

stargirl1701 Fri 20-Sep-13 08:38:36

It's what babies do I'm afraid. Aim for the routine being established by 6 months, not 3.

ChunkyPickle Fri 20-Sep-13 08:39:51

Sounds normal to me - DS didn't really settle into an early to bed (well... 8-8:30)/sleep through routine until he was 18 months old.

Certainly at that age there was a lot of carrying a grizzling baby from window to window around the house to calm him down - I suppose that was better by 6 months or so (albeit with coming to bed at the same time as us)

TBH once the evening upset stopped we just carried on as we would have otherwise - took him out to dinner, evening shopping or whatever and just got used to him being around.

mamij Fri 20-Sep-13 08:40:06

Camp B - it's what babies do!

At 3 months - sleeping from 9/10pm until 7am IS sleeping through the night!

DD1 was waking up every couple of hours at that age. DD2 was a bit better waking every few hours.

Every baby is different. And although it is difficult, try not to listen to what other people say about their "perfect" baby.

cazzilla Fri 20-Sep-13 08:42:30

babies have needs, she's not doing it on purpose to "play up", the way she is being is the only way she knows how to communicate, what did you expect having a baby to be like? you're lucky you've been able to go out to the cinema after 3 months, my dd is 9 months and I haven't been away from her for more than 5 minutes, which is what I've chosen to do as i'm still breastfeeding, mainly co-sleeping and meeting the needs of my baby. please don't do controlled crying, she is way too young, wont understand what is going on and you could do some psychological damage.

BumbleChum Fri 20-Sep-13 08:43:27

Oh, your baby sounds lovely. Just enjoy her. Stressing her out by trying to force her to go to sleep in her cot earlier than she is ready for might have the unwanted effect of disrupting her amazing night-time sleep.

Ignore your friends. They're only suggesting it's a problem because you think it is. There's a very good book by Elizabeth Pantley called something like the 'No cry sleep solution' you could look at, which has some good tips. Though I don't think you need them, just relax and appreciate the good job you're doing.

picklesrule Fri 20-Sep-13 08:45:28

Lots of people lie about babies sleep for some unknown reason! Really wouldn't compare. She sounds exactly like both of mine at that age. Gradually we brought bedtime earlier until they suddenly really needed to be going to sleep at 7 around when they were reliably having 3 naps I think..
The fact your baby sleeps from 10-7 is amazing mine still doesn't do that and he is 18months grin
In the nicest possibly way you are being a bit unrealistic in your expectations..relax, enjoy your baby, eventually you will get that adult time back!!
And enjoy the 10-7 stretch while you can, teeth will e along soon to bugger that up grin

Tailtwister Fri 20-Sep-13 08:46:10

I think it's quite common for young babies not to settle until later in the evening. Both mine would cluster feed from around 6-10, but would also be awake every couple of hours through the night to feed too. Your baby sounds very settled for a 15 week old and tbh I wouldn't rock the boat.

AmberLeaf Fri 20-Sep-13 08:47:51

Your baby sounds lovely, sleeping all night like that is great.

I think your expectations [or your husbands] are unrealistic tbh.

Count your blessings.

ColinFirthsGirth Fri 20-Sep-13 08:50:20

I have to say you are being rather unrealistic! This is what babies do. She sleeps very well for a baby of that age. My son used to wake up every half an hour of the night to breastfeed and didn't sleep in the day at this age. I think she is far to young to be doing controlled crying. I would say just try to go with the flow abit more - it won't last long in the general scheme of things!

upanddown83 Fri 20-Sep-13 09:01:01

I was very jealous reading your op my 16 week old ds still gets up at least once in the night for a feed last night he was up 3 times and he is downstairs with us until we all go up to bed between 9-10 so we can get some sleep before he wakes!
As pp have said your dd will settle just when she is ready and you and your dp just have to find ways to eat around her being unsettled in the evening.
We often have fork dinners ie chicken curry, stews, or stir fry things that we only need one hand to eat and we often have our dinner when my mum or sister visit o they can play with my ds and we can eat in peace.

3rdnparty Fri 20-Sep-13 09:03:42

congratulations on your dd and her sleeping sounds amazing - ds all over the place til older - dh and I completely at sea about it tried all sorts of stuff as everyone elses baby seemed so much better ...after sometime of one handed eating, our best solution was a v simple bouncy chair on floor beside us or on the table (have big table) so he could see us which helped
bit like this ....

www.mothercare.com/Fisher-Price-Woodsy-Friends-Bouncer/434621,default,pd.html

15 weeks is a bit young for sleep training i think but we slowly edged ds to a sort of routine about 5months, mainly by trying to make sure he had naps during the day -which seemed to help him....hth

Madonna1987 Sat 21-Sep-13 18:19:03

This post reminds me of us... I think I was rather delusional/ led on by other mothers. I remember getting low that my daughter wouldnt nap much... Yet slept 6-6 at night! Those days are looong gone! I now have a bambino that doesnt nap much and wakes rojnd 3am regularly...and wakes from 1-10 times when put to bed... The joys! You really do not know what you got until its gone.... But it is only for a wee while. smile I often yearn for evenings of peace after long days entertaining a 5mo who doesnt nap much, so I do not think there is anything wrong with wanting that... But expecting it is not realistic in our experience. Babies are hatd work but deffo worth it smile

Madonna1987 Sat 21-Sep-13 18:25:38

Ps my dd walkes from 6pm- 8pm up to 10 times its been known... We tried everything but it just seems this is what she does some nights. Some nights she'll go to sleep straight away (rare) i have iften been advised to try cc... I rember when she was really young she would cry evernight wether we held her or put her in her moses... So to prevent her get over heated etc we just put her in her moses and let her cry but held her dummy in and soothed her until she slept. There was nothing else we could do. That was hard enough, i couldnt personally cope with cc ... But its whatever works for you. Obviously wait till 6 months though.

MarianneEnjolras Sat 21-Sep-13 18:27:36

Why can't you eat dinner on the sofa with a cushion and the baby?

I only ever dropped food on ds once or twice honest wink

teacher123 Sat 21-Sep-13 19:48:17

I did exactly what leviticus did. It meant long evenings resettling in a completely darkened room, but it worked. Even now at 17mo we get evenings where he takes longer to settle, but he chatters away to himself and rarely cries at bedtime.

MyThumbsHaveGoneWeird Sat 21-Sep-13 20:00:10

My DS slept through from 10pm - 8am at 2 1/4 years! I think your husband needs to radically change his expectations.

I found it useful to put baby in a Kari-me sling, walk around to settle, then sit down at the table and put a napkin over his head to eat. Both hands free to eat, and if he got fractious I could just stand up and jiggle a bit.

MyThumbsHaveGoneWeird Sat 21-Sep-13 20:03:33

Ps. Children hijack your entire life don't they? I can't imagine life ever being as it was without children...but then I wouldn't want it to be.

HadALittleFaith Sat 21-Sep-13 20:06:27

DD was very similar to this (she's now 5 months). Instead of crying though she cluster fed. And fed. And fed. Sometimes from 4pm-10.30! However she would then sleep through til 6! We worked round it by batch cooking one handed meals (chilli, spag Bol) so I could feed and eat at the same time. I would put my pjs on while DH did bath because otherwise she'd scream for the 5 minutes it took! Honestly, it's got easier with time. She is BF but now has one bottle of formula in the evening which helps her settle. Bed time gradually moved back from 10pm to around 8pm now. Early enough that we have been able to go out off dinner! Hang in there, it will get better smile

MrsCampbellBlack Sat 21-Sep-13 20:07:30

As the majority of said your baby is an amazing sleeper. And really, sitting cuddling a baby of an evening - well there are worse things to do.

Just go with it and rejoice that you are getting unbroken sleep at night.

mummyxtwo Sat 21-Sep-13 20:09:19

Ah who has given you the idea that 15wo babies go to bed at 7pm?! We all have the odd friend with a baby who sleeps for Britain, but that is an entirely unrealistic bedtime for the majority of babies that age. I'm afraid my dc's didn't go to bed before 9pm until they were 6mo and weaning and had dropped a milk feed! At 15wo I was giving dd2 her last milk feed at around 9pm and then she went to bed between 9.30 and 10pm. It was only when she was fully weaned that she started going to bed at the same time at my ds1, at 7pm. Don't try to get her to go to bed, if she is wide awake. Put her in a little bouncy chair downstairs where she can watch you. She might doze in it if she's tired or just prefer to watch what's going on. Dd2 used to have an uncanny knack of shouting just when we sat down to eat our dinner. Not much for it but to eat meals that you can shovel in one-handed! Don't ever consider CC before the age of 6mo, that would just be cruel and inappropriate, and has been shown to be bad for babies' stress levels if done prior to 6mo.

mykingdomforasleep Sat 21-Sep-13 20:09:32

It's what babies do.

Can you get your DH to read up on baby stages etc as you're likely to hit the 4 month sleep regression soon - my sleeping through-er now waking every 2 hours - and unless he understands why this happens he will probably panic and push for sleep training.

Nothing is set in stone and nothing that happens now is setting up lifelong habits!

Babies change so quickly - I am on DC2 and I'd completely forgotten this stage for e.g so don't go by what friends with babies the same age admit to, or those with older children can't remember.

I was shocked to find a diary entry of when DC1 was 6 months to see he had 6 tiny naps a day and didn't settle for the night until about 8. I would have told you he was on 3 regular naps a dsy by then with an early bedtime and would have believed myself!

cupcake78 Sat 21-Sep-13 20:09:50

My 12 week old is exactly the same! It's just the way they roll op. I have every meal with her either on my knee or dh and I do shifts. She starts to settle around 9 but doesn't sleep till after 10. She wakes once or twice a night, sometimes sleeps through.

Ds settled every night at 8pm but woke up at least 4 times a night till he was over 3! I know which way I'd rather have it.

Keep up the routine. Cc at such a young age is a waste of time and emotions. Be grateful your not awake all night. If its still the same at 9months to a year old then do something about it.

vix206 Sat 21-Sep-13 20:15:53

Sounds amazing to me!! At 3 months my DS was hijacking our evenings and waking every 90 mins through the night for a feed. I expected better too but had to roll with it. He settled down into a better routine at 7 months but, honestly it sounds to me like you've got it good OP!!smile

Normal! Totally normal. You won't get evenings back as a regular thing for another few months, but this stage is so short in the whole of her childhood that you really shouldn't stress about it, just ride it out and enjoy her company!

HadALittleFaith Sat 21-Sep-13 20:53:51

Oh yes and the flip side of my 5mo going to sleep at 8pm is generally two wake ups overnight!

waterrat Sun 22-Sep-13 08:47:36

My god your baby is an absolutely amazing sleeper - at that age mine was waking for feeds during the night as well as falling asleep at about 9 - have you considered that if U manage to get her to settle through cc she would start waking at 4am ??

Please stop worrying about this and accept her natural bedtime means you get to actually sleep all night!

I would rather have my baby with me in the evening than up half the night crying or feeding. - enjoy it it won't last

My 2 year old slept for 3 hours in total last night.

You need to radically readjust your expectations. And google "four month sleep regression" so you're not completely unprepared.

MyBoysAreFab Sun 22-Sep-13 09:01:00

My babies fed constantly all day every day, went to bed late and woke constantly in the night. I would have given anything for them to have slept like yours does!

She is only tiny, she is not playing up, she is just doing what babies do and it is perfectly normal for them not to go down until later in the evening. Enjoy her and relax - put her on the couch between you while you both eat, take turns to see to her while watching tv etc. She will settle into a better routine when she is a bit bigger. No controlled crying until she is a good bit older. My motto was "this too shall pass".

Warning - wait till she is a teenager - then they go to bed later than you do!

stantonherzlinger Sun 22-Sep-13 09:04:04

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Rooners Sun 22-Sep-13 09:06:43

OMG this is so crazy! Hijacking our evenings - well babies do that, they hijack your entire life and that's Ok you know! After all they didn't choose to be born - it's a bit like inviting a tiger into your living room and then complaining that it won't lie down on the sofa and engage in rational conversation with you smile

Your H has massive expectations. A baby isn't something that needs to be 'cracked'. I get so sad when I read threads like this. I'm very glad you posted - at least you know now that you don't need to do any sort of sleep training and your instincts about cuddling her at any time of day or night are correct, and normal and mean you are a very good parent.

Keep on keeping on and give her as much love and attention as she asks you for. She sounds happy and lovely smile

BikeRunSki Sun 22-Sep-13 09:13:52

Friends, mums at baby groups, Facebook updates - they only tell you the good stuff.

A three month old that sleeps 10pm - 7 am is not what babies do, its brliiant.

My evenings are highjacked by a 5 year old...

TeaCuresEverything Sun 22-Sep-13 09:58:19

10-7 would have been heaven to me when ds was 15 weeks. He used to only sleep in 2-3 hr intervals! I didnt get 10-7 from him till he was 17 months!

Now, he is almost 3yo and sleeps 7.30-7.30. You do get your evenings back eventually.

Orangeanddemons Sun 22-Sep-13 10:07:49

Sounds like my 7 year old dd. I would love an evening......

PreciousPuddleduck Sun 22-Sep-13 10:26:24

We kept our DD downstairs with us until she was 4 mo. Dinners were always a nightmare!! At 4 months she was put to sleep in her crib at 8 and then had a bottle at midnight and she slept through till 6/7.
I understand how hard it is with PFB as you feel this stage will last forever, enjoy your baby, it gets a lot easier [hugs]

Some people at baby groups thought we were terrible parents because we would cuddle ds1 on our laps then when he nodded off we would cover him on the sofa and just not make to much noise in the evening.
Then I'd take him up for last feed at 10 which was a dream feed.
So the baby was asleep, but we hadn't 'put him to bed' at 7 and then spent the whole evening going up and down the stairs..... which some of the people criticising me did.

I find they have their own sleep patterns at that age. You may find that if you get her to settle in bed and sleep by 7 or 8,she is waking up earlier. This is what happened with ds1 and I much preferred interrupted evenings to being woken up at 5am.

Our evenings are now completely destroyed by lively 8 and 7 year olds ...

But we had a few years in between where they would crash into bed exhausted at 7.30pm and sleep till 8.... sigh.

curlew Sun 22-Sep-13 10:33:33

"Now, he is almost 3yo and sleeps 7.30-7.30. You do get your evenings back eventually"

And briefly!

Things change. I don't think it's psychologically helpful to think of it in terms of "getting things back" Look forward to a new and different life.

delasi Sun 22-Sep-13 16:32:10

Fwiw, babies can sleep 12h that age, but not always at a time convenient for you! DS started doing midnight to midday at 3mo hmm We had to gently nudge his bedtime earlier but couldn't get any earlier than 10pm. Then at 5-6mo he started sleeping less so it became 10pm to 8am, this continued until 9mo. At 9mo he suddenly, all of his own accord, started going to sleep at 7-8pm and waking at 8am. And I know we have a baby that sleeps very well, I know a lot of parents and they're amazed when they ask about DS' sleeping pattern, so you're definitely doing very well with 10pm to 7am!

At 3mo they're not doing that much - DS spent a lot of time in the bouncer or the baby gym, often staring at things or napping, and we had no problems with eating dinner or having a coffee. If he was grizzly or just wanted to be closer then I would have him sleep on my lap and use it as a great excuse to put my feet up grin DH was left with DS two evenings a week from 3wo, because of my studies, and he was fine having DS in the bouncer, the gym or occasionally in his arms whilst he watched the TV. Other people have already discussed this, but I agree that it's more the approach to it rather than the reality - enjoy what you have and follow your baby and not other parents. Try to consider and approach things very relaxed and open, eg if you think your DC isn't sleeping much then do some research (like you have here), work out if it seems normal/reasonable, and then go from there. There's no sense in creating further stress for yourselves smile

delasi Sun 22-Sep-13 16:33:22

NB: I mean fortunate/totally normal when I say 'doing well', not that if it was otherwise that it'd be wrong in some way...

campion Sun 22-Sep-13 16:51:30

Think it could be your dh who needs some training if he thinks babies are all sorted at 3 months.

Sounds like you've got one easy baby there if she's sleeping 10 till 7 so young.Have you tried a dummy/soother for the times she won't settle....or is that forbidden on mumsnetwink

3littlefrogs Sun 22-Sep-13 16:57:34

This is normal.

I think you and your DH had better get some books about babies, toddlers and children or you are going to have a very frustrating next 18 or so years.

Sorry - I don't mean to be unkind, but did you do any reading/antenatal classes before you decided to start a family?

The trouble is, you probably won't get much chance to read a book for the next year or so...

Your baby cannot possibly survive not being fed for 12 hours at a stretch!

LadyGoodman Sun 22-Sep-13 17:46:48

You need to completely change your expectations and show your dh this thread to put him straight too. What did u think a baby would do to your evenings? Sorry if that sounds harsh but you have made her sound like a massive inconvenience to you. Your life for now should fit around her she is so little still it won't be forever.

Whoever is telling u to consider cc at 15 wks is a cruel idiot too.

Oh and not to scare u but my 20mo DS slept through until 18 wks bang 4mo sleep regression and I think we were up every night until he was 1 for something or other. Hopefully it wont affect u but Lower your expectations in case it does

3littlefrogs Sun 22-Sep-13 19:48:27

I am really impressed you have managed to go out to the cinema.

When mine were that age I was still wandering about in a fog. If I had gone to cinema it would have been a complete waste because I would have been fast asleep the minute the lights dimmed.

TrixieLox Mon 23-Sep-13 08:41:51

Thanks again everyone. My baby was born premature so all the classes we were due to go to we couldn't make as they were in the last 4 weeks (I signed up for NHS antenatal classes when I was 12 weeks pregnant but classes didn't come through until later stages of my pregnancy, which was frustrating). So we relied a lot on what our friends said. Sure, I did some research, am book mad! But that was mainly about wonder weeks and stuff like that.

But when people are telling you to your face how things are, you listen. And honestly, so many of them told me their LOs were sleeping 12 hours by 3 months. They've clearly all been BSing judging from this post ;-) And yes, completely realise how lucky I am now.

I've taken a lot of your advice and we've been more chilled in the evening, not expecting LO to sleep. I think she senses it because she has a nice little play in her bouncy chair or on her mat and evenings have become less fraught for us all.

Thanks for all your advice.

valiumredhead Mon 23-Sep-13 09:25:27

Your friends are either not remembering things as they were, making it up or extra ordinarily fortunate as I've only known of one baby that slept through from this young.

Babies change their pattern all the time and just because she's doing it now it doesn't mean in a month's time she'll be able to.

You get a few years where you get your evenings alone but it doesn't last long as they hit teenage years and go to bed later than youwink

Fairylea Mon 23-Sep-13 09:47:35

Ok I'm in a rush so haven't read all replies, sorry.

I have two babies (well one is a dd aged 10 now) and have also fostered many. All of them, with one or two exceptions have slept from 7-7 from about 12 weeks. I don't agree with controlled crying, at all. I do however do pick up / put down. Meaning that if they stir or start crying I pick them up and rock until they are calm and put them down again. And again and again. Yes, tiring but consistency is key.

I really believe in the following -

1. Completely blacked out room and a bath before bed.
2. Chair for feeding by the cot. Feed baby, pop in a dummy whilst baby is already cosy in a sleeping bag (should be part of the bedtime routine getting in the bag in the bedroom), rock for a few mins and put down. (In the beginning baby might fall asleep feeding, this is fine... you want them to have positive associations with the dark room and sleep etc).
3. If they won't settle do pick up put down.
4. Once asleep if they wake up (as in your case about 9/10) offer another feed and repeat bedtime routine. No talking, no lights, no changing bums. Put down again. Repeat.

Basically do not ever bring them downstairs if they wake up once you have put them to bed. Otherwise you are teaching them it's another nap time... ie sleep for a bit and get up again.

Don't engage with them. Be as boring as possible. Don't talk to them.

Cuddle, feed, rock, dummy, etc etc. Nothing else. Everything stays in the sleeping room.

Always offer a feed first, if they refuse it fine but it often encourages sleep and they will drop it when ready. (All mine have gradually taken less and less then stopped altogether).

I love dummies. I wouldn't be without them. I tend to keep them just for bedtime to be only associated with sleep. So they "live" upstairs. Again creating a sleep association.

I don't know if any of that helps... !

Just my personal experience.

Fairylea Mon 23-Sep-13 09:56:48

Also look at your naps... you want two naps (or three if your baby really needs it) of no more than 2 hours max at a time, the last one no later than 4.30 finish if you want them to go down for the night at 6.30/7. Timing naps is key.

Ds is 15 months and he still has two naps... one at 9.45 for an hour and one from 2-3pm. He wakes himself up now but when he was younger I used to space his naps out and wake him up gently.

I always nap my babies in their cots, the same as for bedtime, dark room etc. If I am out for the day I try to ensure I get back for the afternoon nap as if this is cut short it impacts on night sleep.

georgeannaskala Mon 23-Sep-13 10:05:58

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georgeannaskala Mon 23-Sep-13 10:06:06

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QTPie Mon 23-Sep-13 10:21:36

He he... Actually your life has been hijacked for the next 18 years (not just your evenings)! ;)

I am not an earth mother or a "let your child do anything" type (I am a routine driven mum with strong feelings on behaviour and manners etc). DS is now 3years 8 months. BUT I completely agree that you have far too high expectations of a 15 week old. They all vary, but many have disrupted times (between 6 months and 2 years) and evenings don't really settle down for some time.

My DS started sleeping through reliably at 12 weeks. At 15 weeks his last feed would start at about 8.15/8.30, but go on to about 9.16/9.30 (he was breastfed). So he was in bed at about 9.30. He won't then sleep through until 6 or so. I felt so lucky!

Some babies will sleep through from 7 until 7 by 15 weeks, but for the huge majority that is completely unrealistic. Either they will wake for a feed or go to bed early and wake up early (4/5am is not fun...) or go to bed late and get up at a good time (what you have).

You are doing really well! Your daughter is not "playing up" as such - you need to give her time. You also need to be mindful that things may well get tougher at some point in the future (I thought that once babies slept through, they always slept through - until teething happened!).

In the mean time, unfortunately the best way is to work your evenings around them (mainly): prioritise things like eating. With babies there doesn't seem like any such thing as "a leisurely meal together" (unless you leave baby at home with a sitter...).

Famzilla Mon 23-Sep-13 18:06:21

DD is 6mo and dinner has been eating either by jiggling her on my lap and eating with one hand or taking it in turns.

She screams from 9-9.30 every night without fail no matter what we do. She then will sleep til 5am if we co-sleep. Otherwise she'll wake up every 30 mins and want feeding to sleep again.

I tell people she sleeps through. They don't need to know the sacrifices it takes to get her to do it and I can't be arsed with the unwelcome and often cruel "advice" either!

dippydaydream Tue 24-Sep-13 20:10:24

Gosh both mine would be usually up until at least 10-11 at this age and the only way they would be happy would be if they were being walked around with. It is a bit of shock to start with but neither of them had proper bedtime until they were at least 9 months and then it was a bit hit miss. We used to joke that we could never watch a whole programme on tv in the evening as they both would wake up every couple of hours in their second year. I am only now getting the occasional full nights sleep now my youngest is 3 so believe me if you your little one is sleeping through at this age I am very envious!!

hardboiledpossum Tue 24-Sep-13 21:03:21

Even if they self settle and sleep through at 12 weeks its pretty likely that in a few months time they Will be back to needing you to cuddle to sleep and two hourly wake ups. This was the case with my own ds. I was so smug at 12 weeks.

mimitwo Tue 24-Sep-13 21:15:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

delilah89 Wed 25-Sep-13 11:30:32

LOL read this in disbelief and envy -- OP my baby is nearly 1 and still can take an hour to settle and then up several times in the night. You're really lucky! All those other mums are lying through their teeth. Yours is truly the best baby I've ever heard of.

I know it's difficult when the baby interrupts dinner, you're so tired and hungry. I remember many a meal with bleary-eyed LO perched on my lap. It will get better and you'll find ways around it. One thing is just to put the baby to bed later. If you move bed time til 9 then bebe might just go to sleep. But seriously, I am so jealous of you going to the cinema. Give yourselves a pat on the back and order more take aways xx

zatyaballerina Wed 25-Sep-13 20:48:11

Wow, 10-7envy Your baby sounds perfectshock

omuwalamulungi Thu 26-Sep-13 00:22:21

My baby is always covered in crumbs because I have to eat while I'm holding him or most times I don't eat... smile

He wakes up once, sometimes twice through the night for a brief feed and usually has half an hour of incessant shouting at 6am but basically sleeps from 8/9-8/9. He's 16 weeks and I consider it nothing short of a massive win.

Unfortunately it's just one of those areas where we have to adjust our expectations and adapt our lives. I agree with a pp who said don't look at it in terms of getting things back. You're getting so many other new and wonderful things in exchange smile

Pitmountainpony Thu 26-Sep-13 05:50:41

errm that sounds on the good side of normal to me- 10 pm bedtime normal at that age and my 18 month still wakes at least once in the night.....i do not believe cc is recommended that early...i think people must fib about how good their babies are as it is such a rare thing in a baby- none of my friends have babies that sleep through like that.....honestly.....you sound like you need to do CP...controlled parenting.....relax and enjoy what sounds like a dreamy baby! I want one....))

sleepywombat Thu 26-Sep-13 06:07:17

Wow, wish your three month old would have a little word with my 20 month old.

marriedinwhiteisback Thu 26-Sep-13 06:14:19

I don't know if you are still checking in OP but there was a tiny sentence in the your OP that made me think ".....will not settle from the time she has her bath".

Every baby is different just like every child, teenager, adult is different. Do you think the bath might be waking her up rather than soothing her - it does me.

FWIW OP your baby is sleeping fine just not when you want her to. Our ds slept from 10-6ish from about five weeks - we spent months if not years trying to sort out a better bed time routine and we did try controlled crying at about 8 months and after two/three nights he was fast asleep by 8pm - just waking up at 4am. We did years of that before we decided to go with the flow and let him go to bed when we went to bed - because that way he slept all of the time we wanted to sleep.

The bit you won't like is that he has never needed more than 7-8 hours sleep - even as a teenager he never did more than that. Our dd was a bit different - would go at 7 or 8 and then I would be up every two hours for years and years.

They are 15 and 18 now and still very different - being a parent is about learning to adjust and you will. Good luck.

PS: The posts about other mums telling porkies are true - it's a habit they have to make themselves feel better and not lose face. I found out by the time my youngest started school.

Sunnysummer Thu 26-Sep-13 06:20:41

The three of you are doing amazingly! Yet another recommendation here for the No Cry Sleep Solution - but one thing she does clarify early on is that under 6 months, sleeping from 12-5am IS sleeping through. Either your mothers group are being economical with the truth, or they are all secretly dosing their babies with laudanum, or they have temporarily perfect sleepers and will feel a lot less smug when they hit the 4 month sleep regression / teething / toddlerhood. If you are able to go out to the cinema then you're certainly managing to do more thab at least 3/4s of the mums on here, you should be really proud of you and PFB smile

That said, if you genuinely feel desperate then this really is a problem, don't let people sweep your feelings under the rug. What exactly is causing your desperation? If it is just feeling that you are not keeping up with other people, then as people say, you can dismiss it. But if you are feeling that your relationship is suffering or that you are getting miserable, then there may be other ways to address it. Can you have a family member or paid help over a night a week? Or would it help to give each other set shifts, so you don't always have the worry about the other person's cold dinner in the back of your head?

As people say, this stage is very temporary, good luck hanging in there!

AmandaCooper Thu 26-Sep-13 06:39:26

I can't work out if this is a joke or a stealth boast. I wish we had this problem!

mummyxtwo Thu 26-Sep-13 09:43:36

Hi Trixie. Many people post without reading all the other comments so I hope you're not feeling too fed up with negative comments as many people are repeating the same points about babies' sleep! I'm guessing you've changed your expectations about sleep and evenings now wink You'll get your evenings back in time. Like I posted earlier, mine started going to bed at a 'proper bedtime' of around 7pm when they were weaned at 6mo and dropped the late evening milk feed. But yes, best to have low expectations re sleep, as one day you think you've cracked it and then you hit a period of sleep regression and go back to being exhausted. Each phase doesn't usually last too long and can be caused by anything from teething to colds to growth spurts. Just ride with it and when you wake in the morning and realise you've had an unbroken sleep then you can feel chuffed! I'm still waiting for that to happen with dd2 11mo...

MoominsYonisAreScary Thu 26-Sep-13 09:50:11

My 4th was the same 10-7 from 8 weeks. Now we are weaning (7 months) and hes gradually going down earlier, between 8 and 9 but does occasionally wake in the night now

Tbh I think myself lucky, the others woke 2 or 3 times a night until 2-3 years old

MoominsYonisAreScary Thu 26-Sep-13 09:51:48

He is very fussy for a couple of hours before going to bed too, always has been. It is getting better though

redcaryellowcar Thu 26-Sep-13 10:08:20

I haven't read the whole thread, but think this is really normal and sleeping through 10-7 is good at that age (I am jealous!) I think naps were mentioned, our ds was 'slow' to settle at night and I think that when our next dc arrives I will try to get them to have a little mini nap around 4.30, as feel that ds perhaps was overtired, not sure if this will work? I read lots of sleep books and liked Elizabeth pantley no cry sleep solution the best, but if you are pro routine you might like gina ford, she is very much at the other end of the spectrum and disliked by many but she tells it to you straight and I think all sleep experts will have similar views on need for daytime sleep in order to get nighttime right. Just word of warning on gina, my personal opinion is she doesn't really understand breastfeeding and therefore I would not follow her advice to the letter.
Other thongs I found really helped our evenings was a selection of recipes which could be eaten with just a fork, so spaghetti was replaced with penne or similar, rice also good, jacket potatoes... It will soon be a distant memory.

ThreeBecameFour Thu 26-Sep-13 13:53:02

your baby is doing really well imho. I have a 2.4 year old who still doesn't sleep through and wakes 1-6 times a night! we have used a sleep consultant etc to no avail...your baby sounds like it is doing great and definitely knows night and day which is a major breakthrough by 15 weeks and also sleeping for much of the night which is amazing. We also have a 5 week old who is doing 10pm-3am feeding and waking at about 6am....sleep is always over analysed in our house. i find going with the flow helps as there isn't as much tension and baby's do pick up on that. You will have evenings back in no time and it does get easier.....but life is never the same after having kids...

Lol, you dont know you are born! grin You are so lucky. My oldest son was awake between 6 am and 10 pm, and woke for feeding every three hours through out (9 months old he was when the night time feedings started to reduce). He did not nap in the day.....

AintNobodyGotTimeFurThat Fri 27-Sep-13 11:26:59

That's what babies do.

Our evenings are still 'hijacked' (I don't see it as that, but there we go) and my little girl is 6 months old.

I think if you choose to have a baby, you have to expect this might happen for some time. I don't think it's strange and I sure as hell wont leave her to cry it out.

Sorry, but I think you have it made.

Not that I'd change anything about my daughter, because she is such a happy child. She's just teething at the moment and that upsets her a lot.

I'd just be happy that she can sleep that long, as my daughter doesn't yet. I'd also tell your partner he has unrealistic prospects. Why did he want a child? Didn't he realise it wasn't just a day job, or is he just shocked how much it takes up of his life?

I despair with some people. I don't mean to be rude, I just hate it when people complain and they really have nothing to complain about. I know I don't have anything to complain about and my daughter wakes up every 3/4 hours. So what? I love her and don't see it as her taking up my time. She's my daughter, I'm her Mum - that's to be expected.

RANT OVER smile

Good luck with your lovely little girl, OP smile

AintNobodyGotTimeFurThat Fri 27-Sep-13 11:41:48

FWIW I have read your other posts and understand it's more your husband than you. But you really both need to see that you're pretty lucky. Chances are, in a month or so she'll be a bit more wakeful during the night as a lot of babies go through sleep regression (I know mine did).

I am with my parents at the moment and so is my partner. So it tends to be one of us holds my daughter half the time when it's dinner time. Or eats dinner later, when someone else has finished. It's not that she gets upset, but she'll rock and rock and nearly fall over, so we really need to supervise closely.

I second what a PP has said, too. Some people find baths wake them up. Or sometimes you just can't settle straight after a bath. Why not try moving the bath an hour earlier? At very least, she might settle at say 8 or 9, instead of 10 or 11.

MoominsYonisAreScary Fri 27-Sep-13 12:34:47

And if she does start settling earlier like mine has you may just find your having to get up in the night instead. I much preferred the late settling to the waking in the night, even if I did feel like I never had any alone or me time

fairy1303 Fri 27-Sep-13 17:12:43

People in your baby groups are lying.

You have an excellent sleeper. My baby has only recently stopped waking every 2 hours at 13 weeks.

Sit her in her bouncy chair whilst you eat.

I'm sorry if I sound grouchy. But this is such a temporary phase, is so normal and you are genuinely very very lucky.

magicturnip Fri 27-Sep-13 17:18:30

By god, my baby is 6 months and we still don't get evenings together and he's a crap sleeper. Can't even imagine going to cinema! Eeeee, some people don't know they're born ( if you will excuse the pun).

magicturnip Fri 27-Sep-13 17:28:20

Should add we don't get evenings together as I need to go to bed when ds does as he wakes so often and has reflux so I need to hold him up after feeds,so I need to maximise my sleep. I am usually in bed between 7 and 8. You really need to accept babies change lives and thank your lucky stars for the blessing of an easybaby

oscarwilde Fri 27-Sep-13 17:56:23

Fairylea's advice is good but I would have said that from 16 weeks on if you are VERY lucky you could expect an earlier bedtime.
If your baby is napping late in the day, you are sabotaging an 7-8 bedtime

If your baby is not getting enough stimulation during the day, they won't be tired enough for the early bedtime.

You might not be lucky. 10-7 is good going though. Clap your DD1 on the back and thank your lucky stars grin

Teapot13 Sat 28-Sep-13 02:52:44

I don't think you have anything to complain about, frankly, unless she is crying and won't settle for long periods. Also CC is (1) for older babies and (2) for babies that can't settle on their own -- she obviously can if she can sleep 9 hours at a stretch.

It doesn't sound right to me to say a baby is "hijacking" or even "playing up" -- she isn't bothering you on purpose.

At that age, my younger DD needed to start sleeping at about 7 but she wouldn't go into her bed until nine. I needed to feed/hold her for those 2 hours. Once I felt her relax into her nighttime sleep I could swaddle her and lay her in her Moses basket downstairs and take her up with me when I went to bed.

It was easy once I figured this out -- I could plan to do things I could do while holding her (like eat dinner or read) and do things like housework afterwards. When they are tinier, it is a lot easier to just go with what they need.

Daisybell1 Sat 28-Sep-13 07:58:21

I'm sorry I haven't read the whole thread but what worked for us a mealtimes was one of those electric swings. You often get them second-hand as they're only useful for a few months but we used to refer to it as the mealtimes hands free kit.

PollyIndia Sat 28-Sep-13 08:59:41

My baby did go to bed from 7 from 6 weeks old but I am single so being able to cook and eat dinner was a big motivator. He then woke up every 3 hours until 6 months (and every hour at 4 months - ouch!). I have never left him to cry, just settled him and comforted him and breastfed him until he slept in the early days then put him down awake but drowsy once he was ready for that. First 6 weeks we co slept as he didn't want to sleep anywhere but on me, and I used the sling for his nap times as that was he only way he would sleep. Once he was happy to go into his crib, I moved him there and ditto into the pram for naps. Your baby is a much better sleeper than mine was and is obviously doing brilliantly. There is nothing wrong with wanting your evenings back and leaving them to cry is not the only way to achieve that. DS has slept through 7-630 since about 8 months, coincidently when I stopped breastfeeding. I think you do need to go with what they need but you can also shape that to a certain extent. Though obviously all babies are different!

AmandaCooper Sat 28-Sep-13 11:13:26

If you can afford it get a Bloom highchair for your baby to sit in at the table. It's a terrible highchair but the baby setting was a godsend.

Berniebennett Sun 29-Sep-13 11:40:40

We had the same issue in what we called the witching/twilight hours between 7pm - 9/10pm and agree with other posters they are still so young, you can't expect to much from them, I had a similar situation with DH who wanted evenings back and he had a bit of a talking down from his MIL about expectations and what he was like as a baby ;-) in the end he went in his own room at 4 months in his cot but still the same problem between those hours but when he settled into his room at about 5 months we started to put into practise upstairs a little more but we stayed with him so were up there from about 7.30 -9? If he cried we held him but it was all in his room so he was used to the environment! Me and hubby rarely saw each other but now at 9 months his good as gold and will babble him self to sleep! He of course had times when all he wants to do is be held and we do it as I know my son and he's crying for a reason!

Another thing that helped was if you have any honest close friend do confined in them as when I did she had more horror stories & her hubby spoke about them with mine which really helped!

So I appreciate that's not overly helpful but I think what I'm trying to say is be patient it will happen but unfortunately you are now on baby time not and its when it suits them not you guys and appreciate the cuddles now as they soon won't want them anymore :-(

From the OPs most recent post it sounds like she has discovered for herself one of the most important sanity-keeping lessons for parents. That you can't change your baby/child, but you can change your own behaviour. If you react in a new way, you may find the problem feels a whole lot less overwhelming.
wine

Oceansurf Sun 29-Sep-13 11:57:11

I wouldn't imagine all the people in her baby group are lying!

OP - what time is your baby's last nap? (before proper put down I mean?) We made sure it was no later than 4pm, so by 7pm she was shattered and fell asleep. Wind down started at 6pm, including bath, bottle etc and we do the same thing every night.

At 15 weeks, we were still waking her (or she was waking us!!) for a dream feed at 11pm, but we dropped this by 17/18 weeks. However, she was in her room 7pm onwards.

It is perfectly possibly for babies to sleep through.

OP - sounds like your little girl is doing pretty well. I wouldn't call it CC - awful description. But running to every little cry is pretty much being at the beck and call of your baby. Invest in a camera monitor so you can see and hear. Obviously go in if you hear an 'urgent' cry (you know when it's different) but otherwise go in and sooth every 6 mins or so. She will soon learn that it's ok, you are there, she's not alone etc etc and she will quickly self settle. Sorry. I am of the opinion it's much harder for the mum in this instance than the baby. BUT those who rush in every 2 mins will have babies who are still not sleeping through at 11 months. Shudder to the thought! Be tough for a few nights and you will reap the rewards! Happy baby and happy parents!

fairy1303 Sun 29-Sep-13 14:26:47

oceansurf I do not leave my baby to cry. He sleeps pretty much through now (for the moment!) at 14 weeks.

This is nothing but luck.

OP, your baby is too young for CC. Please, please don't do it.

Remember, this phase is short, and you have a baby that sleeps through the night. You will have your evenings back soon!

Oceansurf Sun 29-Sep-13 14:48:24

Hmm. People say it's luck! I don't think it's luck that most babies born to our Grandma's slept through and now a lot of mums say they are sleep deprived!

I also didn't my baby to cry - for any longer than 6 mins. She is happy, secure and contented and most importantly, is able to self settle.

I thank my old fashioned HV, my old school mum and my old school grandma for this fact!!! Not luck!

ExBrightonBell Mon 30-Sep-13 01:25:39

Oceansurf, I was at the beck and call of my baby (of course I was - he was a tiny baby!!) from the moment we got home from hospital. I didn't ever leave him to cry for longer than a couple of seconds. You would think that I was doomed? No. My ds has slept through from about 10 months consistently despite episodes of being poorly or teething. Before sleeping through (from 7-7 btw) he was only waking for one night feed for a couple of months.

I don't think you can be over attentive to a young baby. I think that responding to their needs when they are small helps them to feel secure. If they feel secure then they are able to move at their own pace towards sleeping through without any need for any kind of sleep training or "controlled" crying.

You can't pronounce that all people who respond immediately to their babies crying are going to have non-sleeping 11 month olds. It's not provable or backed up by any kind of evidence. And clearly not true in my case.

valiumredhead Mon 30-Sep-13 01:45:08

Ocean-our grandmothers used to lace bottles with brandy!

SoonToBeSix Mon 30-Sep-13 01:45:13

Babies under six month need to sleep in the same room as you, that includes naps and evening sleeping before you go to bed.

Sunnysummer Mon 30-Sep-13 07:49:23

Ocean, of course most babies born to our grandmas didn't naturally sleep through - there are baby books with tips through the generations about how on earth to get babies to sleep, or lullabies all over the world based on 'go the f#%^ to sleep' smile. Time has helped our grandmothers to forget what it was like, plus we also don't have recourse to all the pharmaceuticals that some of the previous generations did - my great aunt said she used to give here babies phenergan in their milk several times a week!

Older children are often a different story, there are plenty of mums now choosing less of a strict routine and whatever people's opinions, that does tend to lead to more night awakenings in many toddlers... But babies have always been tricky!

rallytog1 Mon 30-Sep-13 08:12:56

YY to what sunnysummer said. Memories fade remarkably quickly. My DD is five months and has recently started sleeping through. Already I've forgotten what it's like to be up two or three times in the night. I can totally see that by the time she's 20 I'll be swearing blind that she always slept through.

Also people were a lot more cavalier about drugging babies back in the day. My mum's doctor told her to give my non-sleeping baby brother whiskey in his bedtime bottle, and she did! Stuff like gripe water also had much more potent ingredients in as well. So a lot of the good sleeping was chemically enhanced.

Oceansurf Mon 30-Sep-13 14:10:08

valium This is true! Not everything they did was right!!

I guess to me it's about accepting what you accept though? If that makes sense. You see, to me, not getting sleep for 10 months would have been hell. DD slept through from 7 weeks. No get ups in the night.

If you're ok with getting up in the night (once, twice, however many) then of course, that's absolutely fine. IMO though I've only heard of (real life I mean!) Mums who rush to every whim and still don't get a full night's sleep when their kids are 2+. Indeed, one mum I know hasn't had a decent night's sleep since her DS1 was born. He's 5!

I do find it annoying that a lot of new mums on here are told that it's impossible to get a baby to sleep through unless you're torturing it with CC (or in other ways being a bad, neglectful parent) In other words, totally 'normal' for babies to keep you up and awake for months.

I don't think there is anything as a 'normal' baby btw. But I do believe you can help your baby to self settle early on. There is no reason why any mum should have to contend with zero sleep for months on ends. In my place, it just couldn't happen - I had to go back to work, and for work, I needed my sleep. I like my sleep. My baby likes her sleep. We all sleep. Happy days!

valiumredhead Mon 30-Sep-13 19:39:59

Well, I was a nanny for years, very experienced and I thought like you too before I actually had a non sleeper. Ds didn't do a full night until he was 3. I was on the brink of going to a sleep clinic I was that desperate. I was a fab nanny, I was head hunted and had a waiting list, do you think if there was anything I could have done I wouldn't have done it.

If you have a 'sleeper' you are fortunate, it has little to do with what you do, it's luck of the draw.

sebsmummy1 Tue 01-Oct-13 07:53:34

At three months my son was still cluster feeding so he would be awake all evening intermittently feeding, then we would hit the sack at 10pm and he would feed from me about three times in the night.

I think your expectations are too high.

MoominsYonisAreScary Tue 01-Oct-13 08:31:15

These threads always make me laugh, the idea that you can teach a very young baby to sleep. You cant, they sleep when they are ready. If you have one that sleeps from 7-8 weeks you are very lucky. Ive had one out of 4 that has slept through at 8 weeks. Suddenly at 8 months hes started waking up. Now I havent all of a sudden trained him to start waking up, its just something young babies do!

quickchat Tue 01-Oct-13 22:36:47

Sorry but I haven't got time to read over a hundred answers. Im sure what I have to say will have been said.

She is 15 weeks on earth. She will settle in time. Stick to the routine and she will slot into it.

I have 3. They all took 3-6 before we had any part of an evening. The first slept 12 hours with just one feed around 10.30pm at 3 months then soundly 12 hours at 6 months. The second led us a merry dance then just suddenly slept 12 hours at 6.5 months then number 3 decided to fool us a bit at first by only waking once or twice for a feed then at 4 months had us up many times until 9 months old when he had finished trying to kill us with exhaustion. All were breast fed and all were bathed and fed at the same time in the evenings etc.

You are new parents and are expecting way too much. I know this because I was a new parent once and remember it well smile.

It is a shock becoming a parent but you do get used to it and it does get easier and easier.

I now have no memory of my lovely easy old life which helps in the madness that has become my new and improved life!

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