Baby won't sleep in pram or crib(49 Posts)
My 2 week old ds will only sleep on me or DH.
We have tried putting him in the pram or the crib and he either cries or he wakes up and then cries.
I have tried putting a top of mine in (as suggested by mw) but doesn't seem to help. This is not just night time but day as well so I am getting very little done.
I have tried waiting till he has been fed then fallen into a deep sleep, also DH has tried placing him in but neither works.
Mw has suggested leaving him to cry but I'm not keen to do that either, as he then gets himself worked up and it's really difficult to then settle him.
So far I have been letting him sleep on me so we can get some sleep/ quiet but need advice as long term we can't do this and DH is now back at work. Any ideas? I'm feeling like a very rubbish first time mum at the minute.
Have you got a sling? Wrap sling for preference over a baby Bjorn type thing for a baby this little. Pop him in, he feels secure and held, he sleeps, you have free hands, job done.
Although with a baby so small do go easy on yourself about how much you get done - make sure you eat and nap, but let everything else go a bit. It's full on with a newborn.
Not got a sling but I thought about getting one. It won't help at night however but may try it for the day
My dd was like this, and it was hard to believe that she would gradually change but of course she did.
Definitely sling for day time (an Ergo saved my life) and do what you need to do at night time (using safe co-sleeping guidelines which I'm sure you are doing).
Don't worry about 'long term' - your baby will gradually become more independent and not need to sleep on you etc.
This is totally normal for a newborn. Your baby will probably sleep when being cuddled (a sling is really handy if this phase lasts for longer than a few weeks) or in a moving pushchair (or car, if you are desperate). If you want the baby to sleep in bed with you at night, check out the safe co-sleeping guidelines. I can't link from my phone, but someone will probably post them in a minute, or google "unicef bedsharing guidelines".
If the thought of slings and cosleeping fills you with Horry, try googling Harvey Karp. His book and DVD (Baby Bliss in the UK, but a different name in the US) are pretty good for tips on creating a comforting environment that will help a newborn to go to sleep.
Will definitely look into a sling, and that book.
I would rather not bed share as we only have a double bed, and feel dh can't sleep on the sofa forever, especially now he's back at work.
Just very frustrating for now!
You're absolutely NOT a rubbish 1st time mum - you're a brilliant mum who is cuddling your ds when he needs it, rather than leaving him to cry. There's some great advice on here about trying a sling. Just remember 'this too shall pass'. As difficult as it may be right now, you'll soon miss these times.
Swaddling really helped for us - it makes them feel very secure, as though they're still being held, iyswim? (Although dd was a winter baby - not sure about swaddling in this heat)
Google John Lewis sleepyhead deluxe, and read the reviews it's pretty expensive but it has over 65 reviews all with 4* / 5*. Everyone who has had trouble with their baby sleeping and that have tried this product has said it's the best thing they have bought, I plan on getting it for DS when he is born.
Good luck xxx
Disclaimer: I do not work for John Lewis
Your baby is totally normal and your MW is completely wrong to suggest you should leave a 2 week old to cry. I'm shocked at that advice and I would suggest reporting her to a superior - not necessarily in a mean way, but because she clearly needs some training. You sound like you're doing a great job.
My DS was like this for 8 weeks and we bed shared in a double - is your DH a smoker? If not then there's no reason why you couldn't share as long as the baby is on your side. You could push the bed up against the wall if you're worried about your baby falling out.
Ps the sleepyhead is very portable and can go inside the crib, cot, bed - wherever xx
Oh also, have you tried a white noise app? That also used to help settle my DS
I can really recommend a sleepyhead pod - my Ds has used it since birth and settles very quickly. I bring it downstairs in the daytime so he has his naps in there too. It's not cheap, I think it was about £90 from John Lewis but has been worth every penny!
We had this with dd - during the day she would sleep either in the sling, cuddled with me or out in her pram. At night she would fall asleep on one of us and we would very gently pop her in her crib/cot. We waited until she was 7 mo before breaking the habit with cc (itisn't popular on here but we thought long and hard about using it as a method and it has made a big difference to all of us dd included). Your baby will only be tiny for a short while and needs your cuddles!
Have you tried warming the cot sheet (by running a hot water bottle over it), or having bb fall asleep in thier sleeping bag while your holding them in the evenings? (So they aren't going into a cold bed.)
Sorry to gatecrash this thread but we are having the same problem with our DS who is 8 weeks old. He falls asleep on me then as soon as I put him in the moses basket or crib or my bed then he wakes up. It isn't that that the sheets are too cold as the room is unfortunately warm as we are in France and are having a heatwave.
We never had this problem with our DD when she was born (she is now 2) so this is all new to me. It is driving me mad as I can't do anything.
How does the Sleepyhead thing help if you BF and they fall asleep on you while you are sitting in a chair? Don't they wake up if you move them onto it afterwards?
We had/have this problem with 5mo DS. Have you considered he may have reflux? The reason he is happier sleeping on you could be that he is more upright, which helps with the reflux. It's hard to tell in newborns as one of the signs is constant throwing up, which babies do anyway... Have you noticed that he seems to throw up more when he is hungry? I think it is the acid coming up when their tummy is rumbling.
Otherwise you could google Gradual Retreat methods, basically you put baby in the cot, and stroke/reassure them till they fall asleep. I definitely would NOT try CC on such a tiny baby (in fact I don't think I will ever have the stomach for it!)
Worth going to the GP to rule out reflux I think.
Ng1412 - look at the reviews on John Lewis I'm sure someone mentioned your query there x
My 11 week old only sleeps in a vibrating bouncer.
Don't think he has reflux as not really a sicky baby but I do notice he is sick a little when placed down flat.
Swaddling is good idea but not sure in this heat, our bedroom is around 25 degrees just now
Have a look at silent reflux - the acid burns the throat but doesn't come all the way up.
DS has it. He spent the first 8 weeks sleeping upright on either me or DH. On from that we found he would settle much better on his tummy. By this point we had him on a combination of meds and milk which had made a difference - it was trial and error with gaviscon, ranitidine, omeprazole, LF milk and CMP free milk. He settle ok on CMP free milk and omeprazole. He is 6m now and we have noticed a massive improvement in him. He still sleeps on his tummy but for the first time yesterday he managed to fall asleep on his back
If it isn't silent reflux, then it could just be that he is taking that little bit longer to adjust to the outside world. Think about it, ALL he has known is being carried around and swayed inside you - 24 hour comforting. All of a sudden, he's in a big wide world, completely different to his cosy womb. Google Dr Harvey Karp, He saved my sanity.
Not only could I not put my DS down, I also couldn't stand still with him - he had to be rocked/swayed constantly.
DH and I did shifts with him in his early weeks. I would get up at 1am and be with him tip 6pm to allow DH to get some sleep and go to work, then when DH came on from work, he'd take over with the bouncing/rocking/swaying while I made a quick tea and then jumped in bed for a bit of kip myself and then start again the next day - it was bloody hard work but honestly, my memories now are not as bad as I thought they were at the time!
It's frustrating when you can't get anything done but really, it's not long in the grand scheme of things. I found it best not to put demands on myself. If I got something
anything done in the day it was a bonus, if I didn't manage anything, well what did it matter.
It took me a long time to just accept that that was what DS needed at the time and i'd like to think that if DC2 ever comes along, i'll be a bit better at just accepting whatever they throw at me in the early days.
It all sounds a bit doom and gloom which I don't mean it to so i'll end by saying that at 6m now, DS is going through a pretty easy phase. The hardest thing is finding somewhere to go each day that doesn't cost the earth to do as a full day in the house is still pretty hard as he gets bored which leads to cranky which quickly escalates to screaming mess.
Oh, and agree with the carrier option - a sling is what i've found to be the most comfortable, especially as he has got heavier.
Good luck, and enjoy and embrace those newborn cuddles - those early days are over in the blink of an eye.
Totally normal. Putting babies down and away from us to sleep is a modern and western phenomenon. Get some slings (not a baby bjorn type. Try a moby, or Victoria sling lady on eBay, or google for your nearest sling library). Read up on safe co sleeping. Read dr sears, and the book 'three in a bed' is a good one. (Not just about co-sleeping, but the history of baby training and cry it out methods).
We got a sheepskin for dd1. She settled in it really well. It kept her cool in the heat (have to get real not synthetic). Also helped when we traveled. Just rolled it up and took it with us, then put it wherever she was sleeping on the trip and (I think) th familiarity helped her settle.
Are you swaddling? (properly) - but be aware of SIDS guidelines and make sure baby doesn't overheat. Are you using a dummy? may need to keep replacing at this age. Babies will sleep in their cots but also make sure they are properly tired before you try. IMO a little crying is ok but you know the difference between a protest cry and a wail. I rock my DD until nearly nearly asleep and then pop her down with her dummy. She protests for about 5-10 seconds then goes to sleep. Any longer and I pick her up and rock some more. I keep my hand on her chest as she falls more asleep, and take the dummy out after a few mins. I use a baby sleeping bag now.
With both of mine I've let them fall asleep on me then wrapped a blanket around them and tucked it in like a swaddle then put them down. If they stir on the lift being them close to you ago and lower yourself and the swaddle into the crib. Stay lowered over them while you pull your hands away and ease your body back up. It's very normal for them to be unsettled out of your arms. Sometimes it works sometimes it take a few goes x
Another vote here for a sling
In my experience (2boys aged 12 + 14 months)the sooner u try & encourage ur baby to settle themselves in their cot to sleep the better. I am not advocating crying it out in such a young baby but gradual building up of time in the cot with u comforting( stroking, singing) & retreating. What is really interesting is that when i had DS1 12 years ago, it was considered perfectly acceptable to let ur baby cry it out as Gina Fords Contented little Baby book ws v popular. Now, mention crying it out & u wil b accused of practically killing them...just an observation of how parenting has trends like anything else!Ps- swaddling worked for mine as they feel more secure. Good luck- either way, ur baby wil gradually sleep better over time
Going to look at slings tomorrow but that doesn't really fix the problem, just lets me do things.
Not too keen to swaddle or use blankets in this heat and really don't like the idea of cc but I need to do something.
All you NEED to do is what your baby needs right now which is what you are doing. Don't fret about what you can't get done, it's not worth the energy.
He's far too young for cc. He's far too young to be manipulating you. He's telling you he needs to beheld close right now. I promise it doesn't last forever.
I'm having the same issue with DS who is now 6 weeks old. I'm feeling like a rubbish Mum as I just can't get anything done all day so have had to move in with parents. DH is on tour as he is in the army. I know people say enjoy it and jobs can wait but I'm finding it hard when I can't even feed myself.I am searching the net high and low for some miracle cure. I keep wondering if something is wrong with him as he seems so unhappy and not content. It's really getting me down now as everyone else I know is off out with their babies for walks, swimming, getting smiles etc. I can't help but feel it's something I've done. So, I can offer you no advice but wanted to let you know you're not alone and see if any of the advice can help. Hopefully things have improved for you now anyway xxxx
Still no improvement, still sleeping on me.
It's very frustrating having to put him down to cry so I can go for a wee, get a glass of water etc.
I know exactly how you feel. That's why I had to go to parents, I lost so much weight through not eating. I feel so down at times, as this wasn't how I thought it would be. I knew it be tough but this is another level. I keep trying to focus on this not being forever though and see the positives and the fact I have a gorgeous little boy. It's hard somedays though and I've stopped seeing anyone really as I'm slightly embarrassed by it all. Anyway, I'm sorry as I'm not helping you feel better by moaning on, just I really felt like the only one at times lol and also so worried about having a 6 mth old baby that just cries and sleeps in my bed!!
Its pretty normal in my experience for babies as young as yours op to want to be held all the time. I found with both of my boys, now 5 and 2, that they lead you into a false sense of security for a few weeks by sleeping in their baskets etc, then when they start to become more aware they want you ALL the time. I remember it well. With ds1, he would sleep 12 hours a night from 5 weeks (!) but daytime naps were always on me. To stop feeling so trapped I would walk him in his pram for his morning nap, then let him sleep on me for his afternoon nap. Around 5/6 months, we did controlled crying, though not letting him cry for more than a few seconds. We bought a camera so we could watch him and could see he was ok, and that he was crying because his thumb was falling out of his mouth. Within a few days he was fine.
ds2, slept on me in a sling, as I had ds1 and couldn't be sat all day. He occasionally co slept with me but gradually over time this too stopped.
This stage is all part of having a baby, and is probably the toughest part for me. Please stay strong and know it WILL end, then you'll just have to cope with a stroppy, tantrumming 2 year old, then a bossy, 5 year old with an attitude problem!!!
P.S. I wish health visitors and antenatal teachers told you all this before you had your baby, it would ease some of the surprise at it all.
P.P.S.It was bloody tough but am still considering baby number 3!!!
Lol yes, I appreciate he is tiny still and that's why I try not to get too stressed but I must say out of all my friends with babies (and that's a fair few) none have had screaming the second you put them down, whether it be in the moses, the pram, the car seat so I was sort of thinking there may be a problem. I just feel a bit lost but perhaps I just need to sit it out a bit longer, maybe I'm worrying too much xx
Candice is it possible your LO has reflux? Babies like that much prefer to be upright and get very upset when put down because it makes the reflux worse. I don't have personal experience with this but it's worth looking into.
My 5wo DS actually much prefers sleeping on his stomach than on his back. So for all his daytime naps (I am in the same room with him) I put him on his front. If I put him on his back he will just fuss, cry, keep waking up and never go into a deep sleep. YMMV
can you get a swinging chair? it was a godsend for me with both of mine.they can be expensive but I picked one up at a boot sale for six quid
Oh my sympathies, we had exactly this!
All babies are different but things that helped us - putting the clothes smelling of us underneath her, so warming it on us then putting it over the sheet iyawim. Midwife advised 'never put her in a cold Moses basket'. Even then she has to be fast off. I still never succeed in getting her to sleep there in the day! I do the subtle slide too where I rock here as I stand, then keep my hand under her for a good few minutes. She also loves the sling and sleeps in there. Disadvantage is she tends to wake when I take her out.
Does she sleep in the car? I go out for drives a lot! But our saving grace was this swing. First time we got it she fell asleep in it. We were so amazed we took photos and nearly cried!
All I can say is its 13 weeks now and it's gradually got easier. No miracle cure, lots of hits and misses, so many transfer fails but such joy when she does sleep! Hang in there.
Oh and DD has reflux which I think contributes to it - she's been much better since we got gaviscon for her. Also try tilting the crib by 30 degrees at the head end...
Hi, yes they do think possible reflux so have been given gaviscon to try now. How long does it usually take if it works? I've got some swings at home that occasionally settle him but not so much anymore. I've just been to a cranial osteopath who feels a lot of tension in his skull and abdo, he has done a bit of work and going back next week for more then in a month. I went when he was 3 weeks and the tension wasn't there as bad so it has got worse. Currently he is sleeping in pram on his front!!! I'm going to keep battling this as I'm determined to enjoy DS and mat leave before I go back. Will just have to trial and error all your suggestions. I hope your little ones get better as it's so bloody hard. Thanks all xxx
DS was a screamer and I beat myself up for weeks and weeks about how I had the inly baby that screamed ALL the time while other people had these quiet contented little babies who lay nicely in their pram. I literally carried him non stop for the first 4/5 months and gradually it got better.
I had the same problems with getting something to eat/getting jobs done/going for a wee etc. My HV tried saying that it was ok to put him down while I got 5 mins peace but i couldn't make her see that the 5 mins of peace just weren't worth the energy i'd then have to use calming him down again afterwards!!! Honestly, i've been there and it's bloody hard work, BUT, I promise you it sn't forever
it just feels like it
Candice - just watch out for constipation with the Gaviscon - some babies are fine on it, others get constipated and it just made metters a whole load worse for us for a week and DS ended up on Lactulose to get things moving again.
We tried different variations of Gaviscon, Ranitidine, Omeprazole, Lactose free milk and Cows Milk Protein free milk until we found the combo that worked for us but in all honesty, the thing that had the most effect was just time which obviously noone can do anything about.
YOU ARE NOT A BAD MUM AND IT ISN'T YOUR FAULT, though yes, I went through the exact same thought process
white noise and tummy sleeping was the way forward for us and it meant that we could start to get at least some rest.
For what it's worth, now DS is a great little sleeper - he goes down in his cot and takes himself off to sleep really well and has done for a while now where other babies I know are still up every hour or so.
Try not to beat yourself up about things - honestly I found things much easier to deal with once I just accepted that that's just how DS is and there isn't a magic button to make him any different.
I realise it's easy for me to say all this now but I have lived through it and one day in a few months time, you will be saying this very same post to another mum out there who's thinking exactly the same as you are now.
Kafri, thanks for your words as it really helps to know your son is a good sleeper now. I think that's what I'm most afraid of. Although 5/6 months seems like forever I know it's not (just half my mat leave lol!) Did your son improve leading up to that? For example did he have periods during the day of play and calm that increased? My son currently at 6 weeks has about 2 moments a day where he is happy to sit or lie and look around, engage with me a bit and I was hopeful that this continues and gets longer in time?! I will watch that with the gaviscon but am guessing that it's best not to think anything will 'fix' this overnight and lessen my expectations a bit. My husband in home in about 10 weeks so DS will about 16 wks by then and I'm hopeful life might be a bit easier so we can enjoy being a family at long last.
Hope Littlemissexpecting is ok and we get there with our little ones xxx
Candice Yes it's definitely a gradual change. One day you'll just think to yourself 'remember when' and you'll realise how far you've come.
DS was on hyper alert from day 1 - it seemed like he hated being helpless and things have improved as he's got more able and interested in things. He can sit up by himself now and reach for toys he wants and I can literally see things change before my eyes now.
It was soooo hard having a baby that was awake so many hours cos lets face it, you just cannot entertain a tiny baby - they're just not developed enough to be interested in anything.
Two things that also helped me - google Dr Sears and Dr Harvey Karp. Sears talks about the fussy baby and Karp talks about the 4th trimester of pregnancy and how babies could do with a bit longer to cook before they arrive. Some of it really made sense to me.
Your son has just been in a cosy comfortable world encased inside you where he had every whim catered for without the slightest whimper. He then went through the trauma of birth and suddenly his whole world was completely different. Think about it, warm and wet in the womb - fluctuating temps out here. Cosy and squished inside - big wide world out here. Muffled sounds inside - a never ending stream of different sounds,volumes, tones etc outside. Swayed with your movement inside - can all of a sudden find himself perfectly still and alone when he's put down now. Added to that there's all the sounds and stimuli now that his tiny new brain, eyes, ears, nose and mouth have to adjust to and get used to. When you think about all that, is it any wonder he's clinging to his mummy for dear life and taking a bit of time to accept his new surroundings. And then, on top of all that, bless him, he's one of the unlucky ones who start life with reflux!!!
If Gaviscon does start causing poo probs, or indeed just doesn't seem to be helping, then do go back and ask for a review. There's loads of stuff they can and will try and it's a case of finding the right one for your LO.
Oh and lastly - just remember DS will not remember any of this, and your mind will magically dilute some of your memories so they don't seem so bad!
and one day you might even find yourself going down this magical (bumpy) road again with another little bundle of joy
We've gradually seen improvements too. I was only thinking today as DD sat in her bouncy chair and watched me bring in the washing how far we've come. I used to put my pjs on at 6.30 while DH did bottle (she's EBF but has one EBM bottle in the evening to give me a break!) because as soon as bottle was done that'd be it til 10-11pm, constant feeding and screaming if she wasn't! Now we have a lovely smiley contented baby. Around 5 weeks I wasn't sure we'd eve
*Lafti+ says it teally well r
Kafri says it really well
sorry one handed typing with baby asleep on me awaiting transfer
Well I must say having this chat has really helped and feel much more positive. I hope it has you too littlemissexpecting. Hope I can maintain it at the 3am feed and when I'm on my own tomorrow struggling to get dressed lol! I am determined to get sorted but accept it won't happen over night. Weirdly I've seen some improvement tonight and for the second time this evening I've propped him up inside a breast feeding pillow and he is asleep! I tried his bed but that failed so this is a start. I'm sure we'll bed share again as can't have him in that all night but even if it gives me a few hours a day it would be enough to get home from living here. I'll keep on trying different ways to get him comfy and have another session with the osteopath next week so fingers crossed that it does get better albeit slowly. I'm sure as you all felt and feel, you just want to be a good mum and enjoy it. Thanks again to you all xxx
Candice I just wanted to say that in my NCT group of 9 we all had this problem. We all found our own way through but some of the solutions were:
1. using a bed nest
2. parents sleeping in shifts
3. co sleeping
If I have another I will be purchasing the sleepyhead deluxe bed guard as the reviews are amazing.
My husband developed a ridiculously complicated system to get her to sleep in her moses basket involving a feed, then an upright cuddle to sleep, then laying a muslin on his knees and laying her flat on his knees, then easing her slowly into the moses basket with the now warm muslin underneath her, sometimes keeping his hands underneath her for a minute! He was sure it made a difference!
Dovetale thanks, sadly at the moment my husband is away. He's in the army in a nasty place for another couple of months or so leaving just me! Considering I've not slept much in 6.5 wks it's no wonder I look the way I do lol! I'm with my parents who are feeding me, doing my laundry and allowing me to bath etc so that is something! I've set up something like the bed nest next to me but so far no success. I have time tho and am also hoping the cranial osteopathy and gaviscon help. My aim is to be in a better place by time DH comes home so we can enjoy a bit of family time following a tough 12 months xxx really sorry littlemissexpecting to hijack your post, hope you're ok today xxx
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