5 year gap - tales of 'success' please I feel like I have ruined DS's life...

(40 Posts)
MrsMargoLeadbetter Sat 06-Jul-13 09:18:19

I know it is the post birth hormones (DD 2 weeks today) but I cannot shake the feeling that we have done the wrong thing with a 5 yr gap. Not that we can do anything about it obviously. Keep crying about it.

DS (5) just seems so old - realtively - and this morning asked when DD will be old enough to play with him. I just worry that by the time she can play he'll no longer be interested in playing as he'll be heading towards tweens/teens. I feel like we have done wrong by him. sad

We chose to have a big gap as we are in close in age to our siblings and don't really get along. We also didn't feel able to have 2 close together. So it was a choice, which I know some don't have the option of.

Just wanted to please ask for 5 year gaps 'success' stories....

FeegleFion Sat 06-Jul-13 09:21:42

Aww OP, massive unmumsnetty hugs!

It's definitely the hormones and tiredness and fretting.

My DS just turned 7 months old today and my DD will be 15 in September. grin

FeegleFion Sat 06-Jul-13 09:22:41

Oh and I'm as happy as a pig in shite with them both.

FeegleFion Sat 06-Jul-13 09:27:09

One more.. I really should have waited til everything was down in one post but I just wanted to reach out initially.

Your DS will be able to help. Ask him to help bring nappies, or wipes and the like as he's a big brother, while she's so tiny. Get him involved in bath time and song time and story time.

When she starts to have tummy time at 4 months he can start to play with her. He can get down there with her.

I promise it'll all be fine, you'll see.

ahhh, its just hormonal, 5 years sounds good to me!! Congratulations on the birth of your DD. There are 10 years between my DH and my DBil and they get on like a house on fire and always have. When they were younger DH remembers his brother taking him to the park and playing with him loads and now they go to gigs together and stuff, there is 2 years between me and my brother and we get on fine but we wouldn't socialise like DH and DBil.

nextphase Sat 06-Jul-13 09:31:24

We have lived next to 2 families with similar age gaps (5 year currently, and 8 iifc at the old house).
Yes, when they are tiny, immobile babies, it was hard on the older child - but no harder than on a toddler, except they have less memories of life before baby.
But, as baby turned into a toddler - so maybe a years time, the bond between them was fab, as the oldest could actually help with baby.
Don't stress, there are alot of changes happening in everyones lives at the moment. It will all settle down

Congrats to DS on becoming a big brother!

peteypiranha Sat 06-Jul-13 09:32:05

There is 4 and a half years between my brother and I. We are the bestest friends that could be. We do everything together now, and go on nights out, have all the same group of friends etc. I have never met anyone with a closer sibling as me and my bro both growing up, and now.

domesticslattern Sat 06-Jul-13 09:34:04

My darling, it's the post birth hormones. They make us nutty as badgers. If it wasn't this, you'd be freaking out about something else.
Just relax and enjoy your lovely baby and the wonderful relationship building with her new brother, day by day. I had a big gap too with my DC and there are many wonderful benefits. and my brother is five years older than me and always looked out for and protected me.

There's 5 years between my sister and I. I remember us playing together as children, and we are great friends now.

It will be OK! It is the hormones smile

sahara13 Sat 06-Jul-13 09:35:17

My boys (9 and 4 yesterday smile ) are currently playing crouquet in the garden and have just had a toast picnic together! They can argue mind but on the whole they play nicely a lot although the 9 yr old is def 'in charge' !!
Whilst the younger one was in the baby stage the older one loved 'helping' so maybe you could involve your DS that way?
I honestly don't think theres ever a right or wrong age gap, HTH.

Tobagostreet Sat 06-Jul-13 09:35:47

Awe! Don't be worried.

My 2 DS are close together, but I have a friend who has DD (15), DS1 (9) and DS2 (10m) and they all get on great, absolutely love each other, particularly love having a little baby to protect and look after.

I often see the older 2 out and about together, with her DD treating DS1 to a day at the park, or swimming, etc.

GampyWabbit Sat 06-Jul-13 09:36:10

I think the jump from one to two children is difficult whatever the age gap. I remember feel emotional and sad when Ds arrived when dd was 3.5yrs. It was as if her life had suddenly been turned upside down.
The jump from 2-3 children was much less emotional for me as we all just got on with it.

I have dd (9.5), Ds (6) and dd (2). There's exactly 4 yrs between the younger two and they can play together nicely now. Little dd looks up to both her big siblings and they both love to play with her, despite the big age gap. You're all still adjusting and it will definitely work.out fine!

There's 6 yrs between dh and his brother and they get on brilliantly btw.

MrsMargoLeadbetter Sat 06-Jul-13 09:36:31

Ahh thanks for the quick and nice responses. More tears!!

DS has already been a great help. Even when pregnant he replaced my ability to bend!

He is also really proud of her and when I meet him from school wants all his friends to see her. He also has a picture of them both in his school bag. He just requested that she come to 'watch' him play tennis.

I think all the rational reasons for our choice have been washed away by the hormones!

Thanks again, I really appreciate the space to say this and for your kind responses.

3littlefrogs Sat 06-Jul-13 09:39:52

OP please don't worry.

I have a gap of 10 and 7 years between my eldest and youngest.

It has been absolutely fine.

DS will love his little sister and she is so lucky to have a big brother.

DD adores her brothers - especially when they pick her up from school in the car - her street cred is off the scale!!

She brings out the best in them too - any future boyfriend will have to get past them first! They are very protective of her.

SavoyCabbage Sat 06-Jul-13 09:42:14

I was at my friends yesterday and she has a boy 9 and one nearly 3. They bloody love each other. When the baby was born I remember watching the older one just falling for the baby.

Over the years he was pushing the pram, then picking up his thrown down toys, then holding his hand as he learnt to walk, then lifting him up to reach the water fountain.

Yesterday we were making pizza and he was showing his little brother what to do.

cariadmawr Sat 06-Jul-13 09:51:33

My two boys are 20 and 7 they worship each other abs have done since day one .our best friends had .8 years between theirs and again they are really close .just make sure to involve your oldest enjoy your time ans congrats ri tour family on your new baby

cariadmawr Sat 06-Jul-13 09:52:40

Sorry excuse typos my phone !!!!!sad

BlackDahlia11 Sat 06-Jul-13 09:54:02

Do you know how cool it is to be a girl who has an older brother? Five years between me and my big bro. I used to get badly bullied in high school but when my brother started driving and people saw me in the car with him they were like ohhh he's BlackDahlia's brother. And the bullying lessened. I was of course at times the annoying little sister and we had our usual sibling arguments and fights. But then we grew up. He has a young child and I'm expecting smile We get on great.

Personally, if I have another kid I would want around a 5 year gap partly because of financial reasons and partly because it sounds good to have a sort of independent child (well, one that can use the toilet themselves etc).

Your DS will have fun entertaining his sister when she is more responsive, like out of the newborn stage. He will be protective of her I'm sure as well. And she will adore having a big brother. It's like a security thing. I always felt safe if he was around. And missed him when he went to uni (don't tell him that though!).

Graceparkhill Sat 06-Jul-13 09:58:16

I have DS21 and his wee bro aged 14.

They get on really well and have done from the minute DS2 was born. All DS1's pals have been great with DS2over the years.

We had a blip when DS2 was about 3-mobile and wanted to follow Ds1 and pals everywhere. At aged 10 pals were not so keen!

FannyFifer Sat 06-Jul-13 09:58:57

I have a 5 year gap between 8 year old DS and 3 year old DD.

I found it great, DS was brilliant when dd was tiny, I could nip for a shower & trust him to keep a wee eye on her, he was so sweet with her.

DD utterly adores him, always reacted to his voice as a newborn, DS got the first smiles and giggles.

Trickiest stage was when dd was between 12 & 18 months as she just wanted to do what big bro was doing.

They are great pals now and dote on each other, has never been any jealousy as they at such different stages so not an issue.

Eddie107 Sat 06-Jul-13 10:05:23

5 year gap between DS (15) & DD (10). I worried about the gap at first but it's been fine. I thought there would be jealousy from DS as he'd had all our attention for 5 years but he was great with her & loved to help out.
They have always got on well - usual bickering about daft stuff but they spend more time laughing together than arguing.

TattyCatty Sat 06-Jul-13 10:07:36

There is a gap of 8 and a half years between my sister and I. My mum always describes it as the perfect gap - we both got the opportunity to be "only children" - sis in her younger years, and myself as a teenager after she had left home, but we also have that close sibling bond. I can honestly say that we have never, ever had a crossed word in our lives. DD is an only child and whilst I am 99.9% sure that she will stay that way, it is only now as she approaches 7.5 that I have ever given having another child the slightest consideration. (For those that know me in RL, that consideration is extremely fleeting!!!!)

MarshaBrady Sat 06-Jul-13 10:07:52

Oh don't it will be great. I have an 8 year old and 3.5 year old and they play together all day. I love the gap, so do they.

MarshaBrady Sat 06-Jul-13 10:09:04

Don't be sad that is. It will be fab. When ds2 was born ds1 was so protective and lovely it was really something.

StrawberryDaiquiriPlease Sat 06-Jul-13 10:11:49

I am in my late 20s. My sister is in early 20s. We are best friends, talked on the phone all throughout uni, very supportive of each other and I love the fact that I can help her with all her career decisions now she is out of uni. The age gap was never a huge issue, she loved running around after me when she was a toddler and I always loved having an excuse to play baby games :P

Badvoc Sat 06-Jul-13 10:14:09

My 2 have 5.5 years between them.
It's been ace for us smile
I got to have really special 1-1 time with both as babies and toddlers and now ds2 is nearly 5 they can play the same games, watch the same DVDs etc.
They adore each other too which is lovely smile

ive a 4 1/2 year gap and it worked really well ds1 (7) and ds2 (3) are little best pals. i think having a younger sibling has stopped ds1 from growing up too quickly iyswim. he still wants to do more hrown up things but loves playing with cars and make believe games and trains. doesnt feel its uncool because hes playinf with his brother. Personally i found it easier as well as the older one was at school so the new baby also gets the one to one time he older one got.

jimijack Sat 06-Jul-13 10:22:48

I have a 6 month old and a 10 year old and tis fiiiiiine smile

In fact, its lovely. My 10 year old is SO helpful and SO proud of his little brother.

I came into the room the other day and my 10 year old was casually "winding" the baby while watching Adventure time on tv telling him all about it.

My age gap was not by choice, but my ds was 5 before we started trying for dc2, i could NOT have coped with 2 littlies.

Here brew xxx

GrandPoohBah Sat 06-Jul-13 10:28:14

I have a 5yo DSS who acquired not one but two baby sisters this year, from his mum and his dad. I don't know about his mum's baby but our DD absolutely adores him - he's the only person who can consistently make her giggle, she looks for him all the time, and he loves it! We haven't had a moment of jealousy, he tidies up his toys in case she puts small bits in her mouth, and he comes to tell me about a million times if she's grizzly and needs feeding.

Congratulations op, I'll be fine smile

perplexedpirate Sat 06-Jul-13 10:28:49

9 years between me and my bro and I luffs him!
There are pictures of me holding him when he was a baby and its clear we are besotted with each other.
It'll be fine, big age gaps are great! smile

I have a 6 year gap with my two, the first year was the hardest. Now they play great together and no one makes ds2 18mo laugh like his big 7 nearly 8 yo brother. It's magical

Branleuse Sat 06-Jul-13 10:37:52

theres no such thing as the perfect gap. 5 years is a perfectly normal gap. You dont ruin a kids life by giving them a sibling. Its a wonderful thing.

I have a 4 year gap and now at 5 and 1 they are best friends. They'll play together because they're siblings, the age won't matter. smile

I also couldn't see how a sibling would be good for DD1, she was so used to it being just us. But she adores her sister and it's lovely seeing them together now, even if they are bloody noisy!

Satnightdropout Sat 06-Jul-13 11:07:45

There was 5 years between me and brother, me being the eldest. We were very close, always playing together and arguing like siblings do (which I believe is a sign of a close relationship, lol). I don't really ever remember him being too young to play with, he grew up so quick.

However, when I got to about 13,him being 8, I started wanting to go out with my friends from school and he used to always have to tag along. But that soon went once he got a bit older and he developed his own group of friends. Now that we're 24 (very nearly 25) and 20 we get on very well and don't notice and age gap at all.

McButtonwillow Sat 06-Jul-13 18:42:51

I have a 5 year at gap, ds1 is 8 & ds2 is 3 and they play together loads and are actually much closer then I ever thought they would be. Admittedly when ds2 was a baby it was pretty boring for ds1 but once he started toddling about and talking their relationship went from strength to strength and now they are as thick as thieves smile

MsJupiterJones Sun 07-Jul-13 00:43:10

My sister is 4 1/2 yrs younger than me and my brother 7 1/2 yrs younger, I get on fantastically well with both of them and have wonderful happy memories of our childhood together.

My brother & sister who have a smaller age gap get on least well - too much competition maybe? - but really you don't have anything to worry about.

It is probably the hormones, I wept buckets post-birth thinking I had had DS too old and kept counting the years we'd have together if I lived to 80, 100 etc... Normal I think but keep an eye on yourself in case it becomes too obsessive. Congratulations!

Goldmandra Sun 07-Jul-13 15:22:43

My two girls are just under 6 years apart.

They get on far better than most of my friends' children.

It took ten years for any sibling rivalry to develop at all and it's still very low level.

DD1 has gone to theme park today (as a volunteer guide) and I've just listened to a couple of DD2's friends quizzing her about it and asking her why she isn't jealous.

It hasn't occurred to her to be jealous because they don't expect to do the same things.

The age gap means that they don't compete for the same kind of attention and it also means that DD1 can look after DD2 at times, taking the role of a grown up, e.g. picking her up from school for me.

It's all good. I wouldn't change it for the world smile

Xihha Mon 08-Jul-13 16:49:31

There is 5 years between my 2. ds (who is 9) is brilliant at amusing his little sister (4) and tells me he quite likes having an excuse to play with little kids toys sometimes and has been teaching her to read, dd loves having a much bigger brother and learns so much from him. (they do fight from time to time but I think all children do) and ds's friends are great at letting dd play with them unless its football coz she kicks like a girl grin

I come from a big family and theres quite big age gaps between some of us as well (my big brothers are 9years and 2 years older than me and my younger brothers and sisters are 10, 12, 14 and 15 years younger than me) and all of us get on really well with each other, although my big brothers tell me I was an absolute pain when i was little (and sometimes still am).

BeaandMe Mon 08-Jul-13 21:51:45

i have a six yo ds and a six month old dd. It is fab. Ds seems to think dd understands everything he says and they pjay together for hours at a time!

MrsMargoLeadbetter Tue 09-Jul-13 14:10:03

Thanks for the further good news stories as it were.

The hormones have calmed down a little so feeling a bit more rational. Really good to hear so many success stories though. Thanks again.

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