Getting your boob out infront of in laws.

(65 Posts)
MommyBird Thu 13-Jun-13 22:05:19

Hi! smile
im 33 weeks pregnant with our 2nd lg, i really want to breast feed, i couldnt with our 1st (loooong story)
So, im aware that we're going to have visitors when she's born, obviously.
And im really worried about feeding infront of my inlaws ..not so much my family (no idea why!?) and i couldnt careless about starngers.
How did you BF mummies get over it? What did you do? Shall i go upstairs with her? what about visiting people?
im abit self concious and kinda getting my boob out is a big thing just need abit of positive advice and tips smile

rowtunda Thu 13-Jun-13 22:11:35

The first time it's a bit weird but you soon get over it. Don't go off to another room otherwise you'll be forever stuck in another room!

Tbh the first time I fed in front of any of the older generation they would all get up and find something to do in another room anyway! (None of my family were breast feeders)

hedgehogpickle Thu 13-Jun-13 22:12:07

A few of my friends have "capes" which cost about £30 on Amazon I think. They seem to be quite handy if you're out and about and make breastfeeding discreet if you're shy. Others use muslins kind of fastened under their bra and then draped over baby.

You might find it easier to leave the room at first but if you plan to BF for a while it's not much fun! Good luck with everything smile

mamacoffee Thu 13-Jun-13 22:14:23

You'll get lots of ppl telling you not to worry nd ddon't be silly etc etc...but personally I got a bebe au lait nursing cover smile with that I have fed anywhere and everywhere! ! If you get a plain black or plain white (I got both) they're not as conspicuous as the funky patterned ones.

hedgehogpickle Thu 13-Jun-13 22:16:48

Found a link for the cape/cover - there are cheaper ones too.

fortyplus Thu 13-Jun-13 22:18:13

Mine are 18 & 19 and I still cringe at the thought. Your friend here is a 'muslin' - excellent for mopping up puke but also great for discreetly draping across boob smile

LemonBreeland Thu 13-Jun-13 22:18:55

I would just leave the room for the first little while until I got comfortable with getting latched on. Which seemed to take ages in the beginning. Don't worry about being rude to guests by leaving the room. They can wait.

Once you are more confident then you will find you can do it quickly with people barely noticing.

MommyBird Thu 13-Jun-13 22:21:23

I might go upstairs with her till i get the hang of it, my first wouldnt latch properly, and there was lots of pain, crying and nipple moving. im not that close to my inlaws so i dont feel comfy doing that whilst sat on the sofa.

My bestie is giving me her breast feeding capes (what i call them) so im deffinetly taking those out with me smile

I would recommend limiting the guests for the first few weeks.

The best way to breastfeed when they are newborn is naked, in bed! Skin to skin contact is really important and it can be tricky to latch on at first - far better to not have an audience.

Once you've got the hang of it, you can do it quite discreetly but at first, it's too difficult.

So - try to keep visitors at bay or, take to your bed with the baby and use them to make a fuss of DC1 grin

Nooo, not the cape!

I decent scarf is all you need - and double layers. Vest/camisole and shirt. Pull camisole up (to cover top boobage) and unbutton shirt. Then tastefully arrange scarf.

SigningGirl Thu 13-Jun-13 22:26:36

I did the strappy top under normal top thing, so if I'm trying to be discreet only a small amount of boob shows.
(When we don't have visitors I am less subtle!)

It was weird the first time, but I got over it pretty quick with DS crying loudly for food. Don't go into another room if you can stay, otherwise you'll be there forever!! grin

My BIL offered to leave the room the first time, I told him not to bother... i think because I was outwardly not bothered, everyone relaxed!!

If you get stressed at any point, have issues latching, or someone is giving "helpful" advice, send them off to do something (make tea etc) that way you don't have to deal with it!
Good luck!

Lala29 Thu 13-Jun-13 22:29:26

I too used the bebe au lait cover and loved it. Used it until I stopped feeding at 7 months, out in restaurants, busses, etc. I'm not a fan if getting my boobs out in front of people either (apart from husband), so preferred to cover up even around other mums.
In the first few days if we had visitors,I would leave the room, get DD latched on and drinking comfortably and then come back in with everything covered up and DD under the cover happily drinking. But after about a week, we were both fine and knew what we were doing, so no need to leave!

waterrat Thu 13-Jun-13 22:29:54

I worried about this too - I realised that the best thing to do is leave the room , leave all the in laws chatting and go and relax in bed while you feed baby - far far the best solution and nobody minds.

SirBoobAlot Thu 13-Jun-13 22:30:33

Just get on with it smile Seriously, the first time will be a bit intimidating, but you'll be focusing on making sure your baby is okay. Don't faff around with a scarf or a cover (those capes for 'discrete' feeding are about as discrete as a neon flashing arrow), just feed your baby.

And in the early days / weeks, you really don't need an extra layer to be messing around with; plenty of skin to skin. SO don't feel like you have to be focusing on what makes them most comfortable; do what is best for you and your baby.

Seriously, no one will bat an eyelid, and even if they do, they'll get used to it.

waterrat Thu 13-Jun-13 22:31:03

And that way you get to read: watch tv etc and focus on relaxing which is vital if you want to bf successfully

Remember bf is your main focus for first month - get cosy and forget everything else.

MommyBird Thu 13-Jun-13 22:32:16

Ok so lie in bed with baby and leave inlaws downstairs? sounds too good to be true! :')
but seriously, thats the best way for it to be done? I read its on demand but is there a rough time between feeds? Will i know when she's full? how did you manage with family wanting to visit?
So new to this, sorry about all the questions.

CharlieBlanche Thu 13-Jun-13 22:33:02

I was a great fan of the vest, t-shirt, cardie combo to start with. Vest down a bit, tshirt up a bit, cardi for side coverage. Seriously nothing to see!

My FIL really wasn't comfortable with it but I have twins so no one would ever have seen us if I'd been in another room.

My FIL usually nipped off to make a cuppa or fo the dishes when I was feeding, but bless him he never commented negatively.

Once you get the hang of breastfeeding it's easy to be discreet. Good luck!

MommyBird Thu 13-Jun-13 22:33:32

And ive already bought a few easy accses to boob tops/bras. I'll invest in some nice scarfs! smile

CharlieBlanche Thu 13-Jun-13 22:38:25

You'll find your baby has there own rhythm and you'll settle into it.I found on demand too difficult with twins so I moved to feeding every 3 hours which worked well for us (although as they both fed an hour a time to start with I was still fairly constantly feeding!) grin

Any visitors to our house were (politely) told to expect to find me feeding. My babies needs were more important than anyone else's blushes.

She's full when she's finished!

SirBoobAlot Thu 13-Jun-13 22:38:49

It's not the best way for it to be done, in my honest opinion. In the early days you will be feeding every 1.5hrs-2hrs at least, during growth spurts more. This settles down but as a warning.

As for knowing when she's full etc, maybe visit your local breastfeeding peer support group, or have a look on a site like to familiarise yourself with some of the basics smile

Problem with leaving the room / covering up is that you are making it into something to hide. And there really doesn't need to be. Your breasts exist to feed your baby; would you leave the room if a toddler needed a sandwich? smile If it would make you feel better, tell them in advance that you will be breastfeeding. But certainly don't feel the need to banish yourself to another room because your baby is hungry, or you will spend a lot of time sat by yourself looking at wall paper!

MommyBird Thu 13-Jun-13 22:50:01

Im worrying i'll spend most the time upstairs when we have visitors! Haha. The inlaws arn't exactly..understanding and they'll want to be down asap for cuddles which is fine obviously, but it was different with our 1st as she was bottle fed from the word go..
This time it'll different as its boobie feeding..i dont think the MIL will be too happy about it as baby will be on boob alot..but im hoping she will entertain our 3 yr old lg smile
is it a good idea for our lg to be involved?like sitting with me? Shes very excited about meeting her sister,

CharlieBlanche Thu 13-Jun-13 23:03:00

Your in-laws will get used to it. Of course she'll still get cuddle time! I'm mever sure why people get so fixated with the idea that they are misding out if they don't feed the baby a bottle. There ate loads of other things to do for a baby.

I don't have older children but small visitors when I was feeding were fascinated by breast feeding. She can cuddle up next to you both.

CharlieBlanche Thu 13-Jun-13 23:03:43

blush typos. Clearly time for bed!

waterrat Fri 14-Jun-13 07:31:16

I didn't mean to suggest that every time you BF you should hide away - I just felt a relief myself when I realised it it absolutely fine to go and have a peaceful moment to yourself if you want to feed and there are people around.

It's all very well saying you should be happy to feed in front of anyone - I am sure you will reach that point. But for me (and plenty of others I know) breastfeeding was not easy in the first few weeks - that is not a negative point, just an important preparation!

I had a painful let down and very sore nipples - I cried when latching on for the first two weeks - please dont be put off by that, once I got going it was so , so much easier than bottle feeding - I went camping for a month when DS was a few months old and it made things so much simpler that I was breastfeeding. It became like second nature - the feeds get shorter etc etc.

But I think part of the reason BF rates in this country are so incredibly low - and they are appallingly low, most women stop after a few weeks - is because people are not realistic about the intense commitment of those first weeks. And also that it can be normal to be in pain at first - you and the baby will learn to latch and that pain will go - then it is worth it because you have a free simple supply! Also, feeds can take 40 minutes - I always fed 20 minutes each side - and that is an important time for you to rest. Nature wants you to rest so you have energy for the baby!

Babies feed very frequently at first - other people will get lots of chance to hold the baby, but if you want to go and hide away then please do - you need to feel relaxed and if there is any anxiety about feeding in front of people then do what you need to do.

kellymom is a very good website.

Also find a BF support group to visit to get real physical help with your latch.....and support/ tea/ chat!

If you have latch issues again, wortth getting them to check for tongue tie (make sure they check that when baby is born). Also see a BF counsellor.

As for visitors, well it's your house so get the boobs out grin

(saying that I would leave the room to feed hmm)

Wishfulmakeupping Fri 14-Jun-13 07:39:25

Yy to double layers
I used to go into another room until we both got the knack of it once latch is sorted and if you feel comfortable go for it - I was getting fed up of missing out on important conversations juicy gossip

Branleuse Fri 14-Jun-13 07:40:53

i breastfed in front of anyone. Granparents, relatives.

Its not like they saw much, or even looked

PoppyAmex Fri 14-Jun-13 07:42:20

"Nooo, not the cape!" grin

I agree with newpencil and fortyplus, get yourself one of these or a scarf.

Abra1d Fri 14-Jun-13 07:44:48

I think special capes are like putting <- all over you, announcing what you're doing!

I NEVER wore anything like that and fed two until they were eight months plus, in front of senior relatives. I don't think they saw a thing, and if they did, they were looking far too closely. I found fairly loose t-shirts were my friend. You want the baby to have access from the bottom of the layers, not from the top or side, that's the trick. When you get practised the baby covers your breast. It just looks as though you're cuddling him/her.

Abra1d Fri 14-Jun-13 07:45:50

...And agree about muslins or scarves, if you still feel you have to cover up.

curlew Fri 14-Jun-13 07:50:51

Might it also be a good idea to try to think of it differently? "getting your boob out" is something that nobody (usually!) would want to do in public!

But you don't have to feed in front of anyone you don't want to. Just quietly take yourself off if you want to- and say "oh, she was a bit unsettled- it's easier in a quiet place" if anyone questions you.

YoniBottsBumgina Fri 14-Jun-13 08:23:45

But the purpose of the cape isn't to hide the fact you are bf, it's just so you can be sure no nipple is showing which lots if women feel anxious about. Plus they have a builr in thing to hold the fabric away from the baby's head as lots of them don't like that.

I used to go and sit in my in-laws conservatory. After a while I got bored of being alone and just fed wherever.

Lala29 Fri 14-Jun-13 13:14:45

I found the bebe au lait cover a lot more practical than muslins and scarfs, especially once DD started wriggling a bit more. No need to worry about them slipping, covering baby's face, etc. all very well to say you should feel happy to breastfeed wherever (and I did), but I didn't want to worry about exposing myself. This was my issue and I felt comfortable and relaxed knowing I am covered up completely (and also allowed me to wear most clothes I wanted as could go from underneath or top depending on the outfit). I also don't agree that it's a big neon sign announcing what you are doing. Once it's on, often people didn't even realise there was a baby under there and I could still see her perfectly through the top. I was once out for lunch with a male friend, who after about 15 mins of me feeding asked if I was cold. He thought the cape was like a little blanket for me! So definitely not a neon sign!

flakjacket Fri 14-Jun-13 13:19:20

We had to go to a family wedding when my first was 3 weeks old. I found a quiet, out of the way place to bf only to have MIL seek me out and TAKE A PHOTO of me. OMFG - 12 years later I still haven't forgiven her.

MommyBird Fri 14-Jun-13 13:58:49

I don't mind people knowing im breast feeding if thats the case with those breast feeding capes..i just dont want people seeing my boob! Haha.
Ive got muslins alreadys, got a few tops that are easy access, those capes and i'll invest in come scarfs.
Its not that i want to hide feeding my baby, breast feeding is normal, its what boobs are for and i dont really mind if people feel weird about it, i just really dont want my boob falling out or being on show :')
thanks for all the advice ladies! Took it all on board, its abit hard trying to figure it you cant practice or anything! Haha.

RNJ3007 Fri 14-Jun-13 14:04:21

Given my MIL used to scream at me about BF being unnatural and dangerous and that I'd kill the baby, I never fed DD in front of her and her husband.

With DS, they can either sit down and shut up, or sod off out of my house!

I stayed in the same room but made sure that I had dressed in easy access clothing (for DD, not for all and sundry!) smile

I quite often made use of a scarf which I could drape to conceal any boobage, but tbh nobody batted an eyelid.

yetanotherworry Fri 14-Jun-13 14:20:49

If you're worried and dont want to leave the room, you could always suggest that your visitors leave the room e.g. ask for a cup of tea, maybe your other little one could take nana/grandad and show them his toys in his bedroom/ or play in the garden. Most mums find its just the initial latch where there is any exposure because you want to be able to see if baby is latched on properly and then you can casually drape something across any flesh showing.

boardingschoolbaby Fri 14-Jun-13 14:27:29

I am breast feeding my first baby (4 weeks old next tues) and I have practised infront of a mirror in our bedroom a few times- I am now absolutely confident that using one of his muslins I can "set up", feed him and "pack everything away again" without anybody being able to see anything I wouldn't want them to. No special kit needed as I know I would be guaranteed to forget it when I needed it- there are always a stack of muslins in his changing bag.
Inlaws coming to stay next week again so I can try it out on them!! wink

TheYamiOfYawn Fri 14-Jun-13 14:42:05

Frankly, after the first couple of weeks of learning to get the baby to latch on easily, most breastfeeding mothers I know are far, far more worried about exposing saggy stretchmarked stomach while feeding than they are about a quick flash of nipple, which is why long vests are so good.

I would suggest allowing yourself a few weeks of learning time where you spend most of your time skin to skin with your baby, feeding, cuddling your toddler, watching films under a duvet etc. The baby is likely to take a long time feeding (45 minutes or so every couple of hours is fairly typical, with feeding frenzy growth spurts, often in the evenings of 5 hours or more or constant feeding). I would say that for many women, feeding discreetly at that stage is next to impossible, so it can be handy to have a little feeding nest set up in your room or somewhere quiet that you escape to and let people into st your invitation only, do you can get the baby latched on and settled and then do a bit of subtle muslin/scarf/cardigan draping once the baby is settled on the breast.

Once you get the hang of breastfeeding, it's really easy to do it in front of people without showing boob, and you'll probably have a better idea of what makes you feel exposed and what annoys and distracts your baby.

MommyBird Fri 14-Jun-13 16:18:03

Latching on was the reason i stopped with my 1st lg, i was a young mum and my labour was just so long, i'd never felt so exhausted, she latched on fab in the hospital and had her feed, it was amazing!..
And then we came home! I couldnt hold her, i couldnt walk or anything as i was aching from head to toe it was awful..i was a sobbing mess..she wouldnt latch on right, my nips ended up bleeding, my HV didnt show up, it was awful, i just gave in and bottled fed so my hubby and mom could help me...which resulted in more sobbing!
Nobody said it was so complicated or explained anything to me, i just assumed it was easy. ha! How wrong was i!?
2nd time round im doing my research, i feel alot more confident being a 2nd time mum and feel ok to tell people (mainly inlaws, not a fab relationship, a whole other thread! :')) what i want/need and whats happening regarding OUR baby.

Im hoping that its going to be alot more relaxed (and me too!) so i can just take our lg to fed in another room or get my boob feeding on..without feeling like im taking her away from from eveyone. my needs and my baby are coming 1st this time.
"Sit down and shut up or sod off" is my attitude this time! Haha.

Hullygully Fri 14-Jun-13 16:19:59

Just use a big scarf, don't waste money on "capes" and go upstairs if you want to.

In the early days, I was really quiteshy of doing it (it's still a bit awkward)

not so much in front of my inlaws, but especially in front of people at church.
One of the older choir members (male) who's had 2 children and a few grandchildren said to me "just feed her- we've all been there. She's hungry, just don't worry about what other people think"

and since then, I thought about that whenever I was worried about feeding her in public.

From your last post - make sure you know the contact details for as many peer supporters/la leche league reps/local feeding groups/other mums who have done it as you possibly can before you give birth.

I was really lucky that my friend who had BFed 4 children was around and at my beck and call for the first week after giving birth smile
I know someone now who hasn't been so lucky with support (not having anyone to turn to who knew what they were talking about)

ChunkyPickle Fri 14-Jun-13 16:24:05

I know what you mean - for some reason I have no problem feeding in front of strangers (plonked on a garden chair in the middle of Costco for instance), and after a deep breath, was fine doing it in front of friends, but
I do feel nervous about the idea of feeding in front of family (wasn't a problem with the first as was away from family). I'm going to head off to the bedroom I think - both because I'll probably want the break from visitors, and because with my first, learning to feed lying down was one of the best ideas anyone ever gave me.

MommyBird Fri 14-Jun-13 16:27:21

My bestfriend breastfed her son and she had a breast feeding buddy..i had no clue they exsisted. she had also been given numbers and went to breast feeding classes! No idea. My midwife (all 10+ of them!) or HV never mentioned anything like that to me.

cupcake78 Fri 14-Jun-13 16:40:35

I'm the same op. Im dreading it and hated it first time round. This time I will restrict visiting. I will feed baby where i am comfortable in my house, in laws can come here to see us until I'm ready. The problem I've got with going there is if bil is staying which they will be as its over summer there is nowhere to escape to feed as all rooms are taken.

I also plan to use Muslins/ scarves to maintain some dignity. The real problem is going to come with nieces and nephews who are already overly fascinated by my body and full of questions. I know their only little 5-9 yrs old but I'm not keen on my boobs being stared at and commented on when I'm already self conscious!

CatL Fri 14-Jun-13 18:22:26

I think have to do what feels right for you. I certainly don't think BF should be hidden away, but I also think you should be relaxed as possible when doing it, whihc you won't be if you feel self conscious. I also think it would be a real shame to limit / ban visitors in the first few weeks, as some have suggested - showing DD off was my favourite bit!!

From personal experience, I found BF quite hard, as DD would thrash about a lot, have difficulty latching on, suddenly pull away leaving me sputing milk everywere etc! It got easier after first few weeks, then harder again at 3-4 months, when she seemed morre distracted and needed a quiet space to do it - that was when I stopped!

I did feed out and about / in front of people, with aid of a scarf, but didn't like doing it because it was hard to be subtle with issues above, and for some reason felt particularly uncomfortalbe in front of my FIL (and to a lesser extent MIL) and my own dad (same as Chunky Pickle said really) - not because of their reaction, but just me. So I wasn't afraid to leave the room if that was the case (although as some have said you do miss out on a lot that way, but also a nice chance for peace and quiet / to sit on the bed reading a book!) No one seemed to mind that, although I did try and get people who I wouldn't want to feed in front of to visit when DH was there to socialise with them where possible. I guess having the older child there will help with that in your case. once she started getting distracted, I even found myself sitting in the car when out and about a couple of times.

In reality it didn't arise with in laws much, as sadly FIL was being diagnosed with terminal cancer when DD was a month or two old, and they don't live near by, so we didn't get to spend as much time with them as we would have liked in the early days, and then I stopped BF (partly because it was difficult and partly due to retunr to work) at 4 months anyway. Maybe I'd have got more used to it if had to do it more (and got sick of leaving room!)

One friend said her tactic with visitors was to ask them to go to the kitchen and make a cuppa whilst she got latched on, then she was happy for them to come back in once got going!

meglet Fri 14-Jun-13 18:25:13

TBH I'd refuse visitors for a couple of weeks. You needing time to recover and establish bf are more important than them wanting a cuddle.

With DC1 the visitors helped to kill my bf chances stone dead. I didn't need the distractions. But with DC2 I banned them and was able to loll around in my pj's and learn at our pace. It also meant I could keep my boobs totally uncovered and go topless to let them get some air.

Nursing vests are handy when you've got it established. They meant I could wear a normal top, lift it up to feed and keep my tummy warm.

TheThickPlottens Fri 14-Jun-13 19:32:58

I second having as little visitors the first few weeks to give you a chance to recover and get bf established.

It's your home and your baby so prioritise that over your guests comforts. FIL used to vacate the room when I would nurse but by DD2, he'd gotten used to it and barely noticed if the baby was nursing. Everybody was polite and understanding about giving me space and time. A howling baby is not much fun to hold so it just made sense to leave her to be fed.

I kept guests away for the first 3 weeks with DD1 and two weeks with DD2.

I love the Boob brand nursing tops. Very discreet for nursing and easy to whip out a boob. The baby's head blocked any view of nipples.

MommyBird Fri 14-Jun-13 20:51:27

How did people react to the 'stay away' method? I'd feel abit mean. did you mention it before hand? Or when your baby was born?
Or maybe limit time? Like say then can stop an hour or so? But if baby needs feeding then ive got to feed...i think once she latches on i could allways pop back into the room...
BF last time came to a big fat majour stop when we came from hospita..after about an hour or so hubby took our lg to his moms house..i couldnt go as i was in a bad way (stitches! Ouch! And we had a classic mini at the time!) so that really didnt thought to me either and what i wanted.. so maybe i shouldnt feel mean about limiting visits..
I might just mention it to family and get hubby to mention it to his parents in conversation...not sure how yet. ha!
Im hoping when i tell my mom the plans she will soon let visitors know whats one argues with nanny!

I love the idea of it just being me and baby for a while, trying to feed and bonding. missed it with my 1st so maybe she can join in too on the bonding smile
I think sticking with it and establishing a good feeding realationship is what im going to focus on as thats where i lost it that time.

meglet Fri 14-Jun-13 22:02:12

I told XP to tell his family we weren't having visitors for a couple of weeks and luckily they kept their distance. He was a bit pissed off about it at first but they had been a PITA after I had DC1 so he eventually agreed we could do with the peace.

My family were closer, and I did need mum on hand to help as I'd had a CS. But even then I e-mailed all of them in advance and said that at no point was I entertaining anyone and they could all make their own tea if they did come round.

TBH I don't care if they thought I was a cow. To this day I still find it unbelievable that people invade a new mums privacy when she is probaly shattered, in some pain and trying to establish bf.

Even wandering in and out of another room would have annoyed me, I liked having the sofa set up with my cushions, snacks, magazines and laptop and being able to watch what I wanted on the TV. I'm a bit of an introvert at the best of times, even worse when I've had a newborn.

CrackleMauve Fri 14-Jun-13 22:08:14

I would definitely limit length of visits, especially if family are close. Tell them they can pop by for an hour but no longer. You don't need people sat there all day. Try and stay in your pyjamas and don't put make up on, people will treat you more kindly than if you look like you're running about fine!

With my first for the first week or two I did go into another room to feed. There was a particular chair I liked to sit on and it did take me a while to latch on to start with. My family and in-laws all live a five hour drive away, nobody complained about me going off. And my in-laws visited for a little while one day, then took themselves off for the afternoon and asked very nicely if they could pop back in the next day for another quick visit before catching their train home. And checked again in the morning. That is how visitors should behave!

minimuffin Sat 15-Jun-13 00:09:33

You can cuddle/read to your little one whilst feeding baby once you've got it sussed (can take a few weeks).

Don't worry about your MIL approving/disapproving - or anyone else for that matter - it's your baby, your body, your house and your decision. And it's a great start for your baby. Personally with DS1 I never felt comfortable feeding in front of anyone other than DH, my mum and my NCT group. I would just quietly excuse myself when PILs were there and vanish with a cuppa and a magazine (books tricky to read with 1 hand, kindle would be good tho) for up to 45 mins - it was a godsend!!! I loved having the excuse for the time out, MIL is v full on. They were good though and never said anything critical about me doing this. Good luck!

MumofWombat Sat 15-Jun-13 02:12:20

I was also a bit worried about this.
I tend to wear a strappy vest top under whatever else I'm wearing. The strappy top gets pulled down and the top layers goes up. I've found this to be pretty discrete. I couldn't get on with draping a muslin.
I will admit that once or twice when we had a house full of visitors I would escape to the bedroom to feed, but to be honest this was more about getting some peace and quiet!

cathers Sat 15-Jun-13 20:03:54

I would also encourage you NOT to leave the room when your need to feed.- with Ds1 in laws therefore after, installed a kitchen stool in a spare bedroom 'for my comfort' if I ever needed to feed at their house hmm

With ds2 I had a comfy spot on the sofa which was mine, set up with feeding cushion, books and remotes and a stack of muslins. I bought those feeding vests with a clippy front and would drop that and stick a muslin behind my shoulder too which draped to cover upper shoulder and breast.
Worked fine.

QuietOldLadyWhisperingHush Sat 15-Jun-13 20:55:48

With DD1 we made a terrible mistake of having far too many visitors and being out and about far too much. She was always being held by someone else, it was little wonder then that BF was so difficult to establish and I ended up not being able to build up my supply and was soon supplementing with formula.

With DD2 I was in hospital for a week and refused all visitors. I had to be quite firm as DH family is a rather enthusiastic and lively bunch! The first weekend after we were home we had an 'open house' and got all the visiting over and done with that Saturday. It was chaotic but at least everyone was happy that they met the new baby and we didnt have the constant interruption of visitors for weeks (our family circle is quite large). BF was so much more relaxed and easier! It was absolutely the right thing to do and everyone was fine with it.

Women used to have a time of 'lying in' after birth and would be looked after by family, were expected to do nothing except recover and bond with their baby. How expectations have changed it would seem!

plummyjam Sun 16-Jun-13 21:01:34

In the early days of visitors I would go to another room, I wanted to get the latch spot on and sometimes there could be a lot of fussing. Good excuse for a bit of peace and quiet from the rellies too!

When my latch was good, I did the strappy vest under baggy shirt trick others have mentioned (maternity tops are v good for this) but I did also drape a muslin over my shoulder, more as a cue to others that I was about to feed DD, so anyone who didn't feel comfortable about seeing my nips (BILs and bros) could avert their eyes.

Now everyone's used to it I do the vest down top up manoeuvre and feed anywhere and everywhere!

Have a go at feeding whilst looking in a mirror, you'll be surprised at how little can be seen once the baby is attached. Just looks like you're having a cuddle.

jaggythistle Sun 16-Jun-13 21:49:16

I messed this up the first time and fed DS1 in a different room all the time as I wasn't used to bfing, this meant I was expected to. PIL like to eat out and were always asking for somewhere for me to feed in pubs etc. blush

For DS2 he was bf in front of anyone from day one, even MIL got used to it pretty quick.

My Mum was a bit antsy when I exceeded her comfort zone of 8/9 months with DS1, but today I fed nearly 14 month old DS2 to sleep for a nap when they visited and no one batted an eyelid. (even when his latch went all crap a he feel asleep and he made really loud sucking noises! blush blush )

So IMO, do your best to claim your own living room and get comfy. I found DS2 kind of tucked down inside my widgey pillow and I did the vest under top thing to minimise exposure of tummy, with a muslin tucked in at the side to save me having to west a cardigan or zip up top like I did all the time the first time round.

jaggythistle Sun 16-Jun-13 21:52:48

Wear a cardigan. FFS. As he feel asleep.

jaggythistle Sun 16-Jun-13 21:53:09

Fell asleep.

Mummy2NJ Tue 18-Jun-13 08:41:37

People visiting us- with DS1 I used to go to the nursery to feed when we had people I was uncomfortable round. But with all my family, including my brother I'd just breastfeed in the lounge so I could still continue with the visit.

When I went to inlaws house though I used to go into their spare room to feed him. But I found i'd end up spending the majoritie of the time away from everyone which was nice when he was newborn as I just had him all to myself lol. I think I was so uncomfortable with them as no one in the family breastfed.

But when DS2 came along, I just do it infront of anyone anywhere. I use a muslin and wear cloths that help with discretion

I was really worried about this too! I ended up just doing it in everyone politely averted their eyes smilesmile
I did get a boob cape for when we were out and about but found it a faff. TBH people can't really see much when baby is feeding and you just end up not caring

LemonBreeland Tue 18-Jun-13 11:47:32

Can I just mention as well that when you look down on your breast you see far more lfesh than people sitting across from you. So as a pp suggested practising in front of a mirror is a good idea as you get a better perspective.

LemonBreeland Tue 18-Jun-13 11:48:12


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