what the hell do i do with a baby who won't be put down

(38 Posts)
peanutMD Thu 16-May-13 10:05:01

and hates the sling?

DD is 10 weeks and currently screaming the place down whenever i put her down, she will do this until she gets picked up.

i don't like leaving her screaming fir more than 15 minutes as she gets into such a state, she will only sleep in me and wakes the second i move and she hates the sling just pushes herself away from me.

i have a 6 year old who needs me too and stuff to do in the house but can't get anything done!

What the hell an i supposed to do with her its really wearing me down!

MzPixielated Thu 16-May-13 10:11:48

Not much help but first thing you do is put her down somewhere safe and have a brew. Give yourself ten minutes to wind down without her clinging to you and screaming in your ear will make finding a solution easier. Not that you sound particularly distressed but calm mummy means calmer baby.

RooneyMara Thu 16-May-13 10:15:37

I have got one of these. He is 4 months now.

Tbh 15 minutes sounds like quite a long time to be upset. I think you just have to kind of suck it up till she gets past this stage.

often it is just wind and they have good days/hours and bad days/hours.

I know it feels shit not to be able to get anything done. But it doesn't last for long x

RoganJosh Thu 16-May-13 14:24:00

Is it worth trying a different sling?

I still have to get pretty much everything fine in ten mins here and there or the evening, and the baby is 14 months old. I've massively lowered my standards and really think ahead so I can do things in advance or in dribs and drabs.

I wouldn't expect a clear fifteen mins to do stuff. I end up doing a couple of mins of folding laundry here and there when I can.

Also have a 3&4 yr old so I understand that you can't focus on the baby all the time. I do dinner when I can, down to putting veg in pan, throughout the day. I do a lot one handed. Still. Hopefully your phase will be shorter.

I also have been reading a book called something like What mothers do, really reinforced that my job is to 'mother' even though it feels like I'm not getting anything done.

Can you have a half hour whip round once your elder child is in bed? Is your OH home then?

RoganJosh Thu 16-May-13 14:24:45

Have to get everything done, not fine!

Rockchick1984 Thu 16-May-13 14:29:34

What sort of sling are you using, and what are you doing once she is in there? You may find that you need to get her used to the sling, so put her in then go for a walk - the movement is incredibly soothing and I've yet to meet a baby IRL who doesn't like being in at least one type of sling smile

peanutMD Thu 16-May-13 15:08:31

okay so have had a bit of time to eat lunch and sort head out whilst DD sleeps in her swing, which is a first grin

Rooney and Rogan thank you, so glad I'm not the only one!

I think part of why I'm getting so stressed about (disclaimer: i know this sounds petty) is because almost every single member of our families pretty much said from the minute she was born she was going to be clingy because she's breastfed (i didn't know anyone IRL who had until i started going to when I was PG) and now all I'm getting is basically i told you so but in a less direct way i.e my mum telling DD she was glad she didn't have to be attached to us 24/7 because we were happy with a bottle a babies hmm

I guess i feel kind of like we're proving then right and its always going to be painted as a negative thing. I realise that sounds pathetic blush

Poor DP comes in from work and does some housework too whilst I'm feeding or whatever and i feel like I'm falling behind there too.

But heyho dinners in the slow cooker and there's a washing on the line so that's a start lol

Rockchick i have a Smith Firm wrap but I've tried to use it around the house and ventured to the park with DS and she just screamed (maybe my dodgy wrapping though as I've only done it twice. i put her in a generic carrier thing earlier it if desperation whilst i hung out washing but she screamed then too. I'm on the list to borrow a Connecta and Manduca from my local sling library so who knows.

She dies like the pram though but the bugger broke yesterday so we're waiting on a new one.

Sorry I've just vented fir ages.

HPsauceonbaconbuttiesmmm Thu 16-May-13 15:14:37

Agree, try another sling, I use a beco, but there are other good makes, such as ergo.

Also, my Velcro baby loved his babysitter balance chair which is expensive but so worth it.

Sympathies, it's hugely hard work. It will get better. 15 mins is a long time to scream regularly, these babies just need to be held, so agree with above that to some extent you do have to suck it up!

Lottapianos Thu 16-May-13 15:16:32

Poor you OP. Please ignore the unhelpful breastfeeding comments- some people just love to play 'I told you so' even if they are talking out of their arses. It's not what you need right now so I hope they shut up. There is nothing wrong with breastfeeding so I hope you can see this as their issue and not yours thanks

HPsauceonbaconbuttiesmmm Thu 16-May-13 15:19:02

Xpost. Just to reassure you, DS was bf and was velcroed from day 1. DD is 3 weeks old, also ebf, and not clingy in the same way at all! It's really not the bf. Really not.

Probably not super helpful but D's was like this so - I just didn't put him down! If I couldn't handle it (crying etc) I put him in his cot and shut the door for 5 mins to clear my head.
Babies are meant to be clingy! DS never had a nap anywhere but on me/DP until he was at least one.

I didn't do any housework really for the first year though!

Loveleopardprint Thu 16-May-13 15:22:03

I had screaming colicky baby like this who was bottle fed. The only respite was when she was in her graco rocking chair. It had a big swing motion and she liked that. (10 yrs ago) so don't know what available now. She is lovely at 13 though if that helps. smile

peanutMD Thu 16-May-13 15:22:39

Oh can i just point out i don't regularly leave her to cry for 15 minutes, i meant it as in if i need to go for a shower/get ready/hang washing etc then she will scream the whole time until I'm back so its like i have less than that to do anything if that makes sense.

I'd feel horrible if i left her in the state she gets in!

Rockchick1984 Thu 16-May-13 15:49:58

Did you get any help from the sling library with how to wrap her? I tried to learn from YouTube but there's really no substitute for being taught by someone experienced, at least for the first few carries you learn.

Is she ok when being held, not unsettled or anything? The only other place my DS was completely happy was in a vibrating bouncy chair - I used to take it from room to room so that I could put him down whenever I needed to smile

Nevercan Thu 16-May-13 16:29:19

Mine loved the rucksack carrier on my back. I would put her I there just to get a few things done grin

Panzee Thu 16-May-13 16:39:16

I have a similar baby in the daytime, and he is bottle fed so that has nothing to do with it (which you know but I thought I'd try to help!) the problem with my sling is that it's not his preferred sleeping position (on my shoulder or nuzzled into my neck) I keep trying a nicer version of pick up/ put down which occasionally works for half an hour or so. So no advice but masses of sympathy. smile

Sparklingbrook Thu 16-May-13 16:42:26

Get one of these. DS1 is 14 now and they weren't that posh in 1999. He and DS2 loved it.

There are different speeds. Number 3 was a bit 'pirate boat' but number 2 was perfect. smile

RooneyMara Thu 16-May-13 16:46:38

Totally understand. I have a supportive family wrt BF so was way luckier in that sense or I'd have crumbled I think.

FWIW tell them to get knotted. ! (in your head anyway) I had an averagely tricky baby, who is now 9, and was BF till 16 months, and then a bloody easy baby who is now 5 and I breastfed him till he was at school. He cried twice in the first 6 months, I shit you not.

Now I have got another screecher smile
It's not the breastfeeding!!!!

RooneyMara Thu 16-May-13 17:09:17

Sparkling, we've got the fisher price version and I swear it's the only place he will sleep in the day. I'm not sure how great it is for his back etc at this age but it's that or no sleep! Brilliant invention, the baby swing.

Sparklingbrook Thu 16-May-13 17:11:02

I bet it puts my Graco 1999 version to shame Rooney. IIRC the one seat setting was laid fairly flat. I had to turn the tinkly tunes off. It was money well spent and has been round everyone that has had a baby since.

RooneyMara Thu 16-May-13 17:33:41

yunno, we got one for ds2 years ago and barely used it - but this time it's been a HIT smile

onlything is it takes up most of the living room. I am countingthe weeks till the swing part is no longer suitable and we can just use it as a chair!!

Sparklingbrook Thu 16-May-13 17:49:01

Oh yes I forgot how large it was. grin Still worth it though. What tunes do the new fangled ones play Rooney?

peanutMD Thu 16-May-13 18:42:15

we have a Fisher price take along swing (tenner second hand, prized posession) and she slept in there today for about 2 hours!

Again i do worry about her back but we have a lay flat pram and don't drive so she us literally lying down the rest of the time which gives be sine comfort lol

RooneyMara Thu 16-May-13 19:39:10

Peanut I think you're onto a winner. 2 hours is amazing!

Btw what pram do you have that broke? I am interested in prams so would be keen to know what the issues are and if I can help.

Sparkling, tinkly is right. It's no improvement this time round. Rock a bye baby alternated with Fur Elise and something else. with the wrong harmonies.

peanutMD Thu 16-May-13 20:05:29

Hopefully, she did that all the time at first but now its unusual for her to even sit in it without screaming so I'm quite pleased grin

I bought a second hand Babystyle Lux when i was pregnant because we were trying to save as much as possible, the suspension (stupid little black plastic bits that flap about) collapsed when i put her in it yesterday to do the school run so i took the carrycot off to check the chassis and the holding bracket came off with it, snapped rivets and all!

Needless to say the carrycot and seat are looking for a new home and the frame has found is way to the dump. I've splurged now and a shiny new Mutsy 4Rider should be here on Tuesday grin

RooneyMara Thu 16-May-13 20:14:03

Ooh! I have got one of those - very nice smile Sorry to hear about the babystyle, have you got any recourse to the seller still or is it too long ago? Sounds quite dangerous. I'm glad dd is Ok though.

Kafri Thu 16-May-13 21:45:17

oh the memories!

for the first 12 weeks of ds life, dh amd I literally did shifts with him. he also had awful reflux along with his screamy/colicky tantrums and tummy troubles so had it from all angles bless him

anyway - hes 5m now and is much much calmer apart from today it seems.

he's still, er, high maintenance. I have to be on him ALL the time keeping him on the right side of happy and he whines a lot but not screaming like he did in those early days.

I had a book recommended to me BABY BLISS by HARVEY KARP. in fact, a very lovely MNer sent it to me and it made me see ds differently - Google Harvey Karp and see what you think.

well, none of that essay helps you get anything done around dc and I have said many a time that im not sure how id cope in a couple of years if we have another who's as hard work and time consuming as ds???

id guess - as a pp said - do littke bits as and when. are u bf? that might be a time you could do something with other dc as well? I have friends with newborns who feed them while playing with toddler.

other than that - er, it won't last forever. helpful, aren't I? grin

MiaowTheCat Fri 17-May-13 10:17:28

I've got the same problem - rejected a moby, mei tai, connecta and I'm buggered if I'm buying anything else to try out.

Swingy chair seems to work OK for us (the kiddicare £25 jobs are fab), apart from the great big galumphing one year old trying to learn to pull up to stand who tries to bellyflop the bloody swing chair or steal her sibling's socks. I end up pinned to the floor instead of the sofa running interference between the pair of them!

cakesonatrain Sat 18-May-13 08:23:54

If she screams when you're off having a shower etc, then just take her with you.
Weekdays I shower with an audience of one toddler and one baby (in bouncy chair). If you're hanging washing out, take her out with you. Makes everything a bit more faffy as you have multiple trips with baby in bouncy chair, but stops the screaming.
Only works if your baby likes the bouncy chair, I suppose.

cakesonatrain Sat 18-May-13 08:25:59

...or take her with you and lie her on a blanket (indoors)?

cakesonatrain Sat 18-May-13 08:27:02

Sorry, just reread the not liking being put down bit!

Kafri Sat 18-May-13 09:48:20

Sorry I forgot to put this in my original post...

If your family (can't remember which member you said, sorry) are adamant it's cos you're breastfeeding just tell them

'You can't spoil a newborn, they don't understand enough to be able to manipulate you. All they have known is being attached to you and rocked about as you got on with stuff while pg and some babies have more trouble adjusting to life outside and unattached'

i'm damned sure if someone picked me up and plonked me down in a completely different environment i'd have trouble readjusting and i'm 29! grin

Hemlet Sun 19-May-13 18:13:47

I have to say that white noise is a life saver for me. I downloaded it onto my phone and play it on a fairly low volume. It does the trick almost every time -worth a try? :-)

Hemlet Sun 19-May-13 18:14:26

My boy is 10 weeks old too :-)

Kafri Sun 19-May-13 20:21:55

White noise here too! DS now 5m and still sleeps with white noise. We figured out quite early on that the hoover soothed him a little so went with it. Downloaded an app to iPad/DH's iPhone/my phone and he sleeps with that going the whole time.
During naptimes, if I turn the app off, he's awake within minutes!

MamaBear17 Sun 19-May-13 21:18:30

Have you tried swaddling? I found it really helped me with my DD when she was tiny. She would not be put down but swaddling helped to extend her sleep times (as in, swaddle, let her fall to sleep on me and then lay her down in her carrycot or moses basket). I also found placing her on her side with a rolled up blanket behind her helped too. My dd had colic and cried a lot. Most of the time I just held her because it was all I could do, but for times when I needed to shower or eat the swaddle helped. BF has nothing to do with a baby being 'clingy'. I had primary lactation failure so had to bottlefeed after bf failed and she was still clingy. It is a newborns survival instinct to try and keep its mother close. Your baby is just doing what comes natural. The best piece of advice I was given during the hell that was colic was this: The more cuddles a baby has in the first 6 months of its life, the more emotionally secure the baby will grow up to be. Sure enough, I have a confident, outgoing and happy 21 month old who is happy to be left in the company of pretty much anyone. In fact, I was reminded of this yesterday when my mum babysat for a few hours so that hubby and I could go to the cinema. I took her to my mums house, bent down and explained to her that we were going and she was staying with nanny and she looked at me and said 'Bye mummy, DD stay nanny now'. Then fetched my car keys and handed them to me when I didn't leave quickly enough! Enjoy your cuddles now, it will pass quickly x

Chickpeas2 Sun 19-May-13 21:35:50

Hi op, just wondered if you'd considered whether your DD may have an underlying medical issue. Simply because my DC2 was as you described and it turned out to be largely down to silent reflux which once treated (osteopath had most success) changed her instantly to a baby who could settle for longer than 20 minutes if we were careful to keep her upright etc. I don't mean to worry you, just to make a suggestion as I kept blaming myself for being unable to stop the crying etc and although I sort of felt I knew something wasn't right I didn't act on it for the first few weeks which I feel terrible about now. Anyway you've had some good ideas above and I hope things improve for you soon.

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