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Love my children but can't stand being with them - counting the hours till bedtime

(49 Posts)
PolyesterBride Sat 27-Apr-13 10:49:38

I've posted about this before and I feel really pathetic but I just can't cope with my two DDs anymore. All they do is scream and whinge and its just wearing me down. No, it has worn me down and I am past the end of my tether. I really can't face it anymore and yet I have no choice.

The older one (5) is upstairs screaming the house down in her bedroom having one of her epic tantrums. I lost the plot with her earlier and slapped her round the face. Feel totally shit about it but I just could not take the noise anymore. The younger one (2) is just constantly whining and obstructive in a typical two year old way.

Feel like our lives are just miserable. I try to plan nice things to do but we don't get to do them because tantrums stop us leaving the house.

It is just me. Partner works 12 hours a day, 7 days a week. No family. No friends I could ask round or something to take off the pressure.

Other people world cope with this , why can't i? I spend all week moaning about the fact that I don't get to see them because I work full time and when we do spend time together I hate every minute of it and can't wait for Monday. All they do is cry for their daddy. I can't stand it and I hate myself.

Don't really know what I expect people to say. Just want a way to live being with my kids cos I know I'll totally regret all of this later. And of course do really regret lots of it already.

FadedSapphire Sat 27-Apr-13 12:39:52

Are you feeling alright now polyester?
Hope things have calmed down. 5 and 2 can both be awkward ages.
Ok the slapping is bad but take some deep breaths.
Leave them veg for a bit in front of the TV while you try and relax.

overtheseatocalais Sat 27-Apr-13 12:46:24

I feel for you & the situation you are all in. My best advice is to take them out, even if the weather is awful. Take them somewhere like the park or the woods where they can have a bit of freedom to run around and then if possible go to a café or supermarket and all have a drink and something to eat. Everyone will feel better after a change of scenery, fresh air and a little treat.

overtheseatocalais Sat 27-Apr-13 12:49:57

I feel for you & the situation you are all in. My best advice is to take them out, even if the weather is awful. Take them somewhere like the park or the woods where they can have a bit of freedom to run around and then if possible go to a café or supermarket and all have a drink and something to eat. Everyone will feel better after a change of scenery, fresh air and a little treat.

overtheseatocalais Sat 27-Apr-13 12:50:15

Sorry!

Polyester This can't go on love, slapping a 5 year olds face is a bad sign.

My advice would be to strap them in tantrums and all and get them out of the house, they can't scream forever, and the break really will do you all the world of good. I notice the difference in my 2 (same ages) when we're cooped up and when we're out.

Just bite the bullet and do something with them that lasts a good few hours, have some good times together, and things will improve.

Is there anything they like doing? swimming? soft play? Is your OH with you at weekends to help?

Really hope you get back on track it sounds miserable all round. Good luck

DolomitesDonkey Sat 27-Apr-13 12:57:08

What do you do for work and hobbies? Who are you when you take "child-minder" out of the equation?

PolyesterBride Sat 27-Apr-13 12:58:32

Thank you everyone.

I know the slapping is bad. I never smack them usually, this is only the second time I have ever done it. But I did it in anger and I properly slapped her, not just a tap, so that's actually worse than pe

Polyester, that sounds really really hard going. When you say that other people cope, they're coping largely with support. You don't have any! Is there any chance your dp can have one day off a week, is it financial reasons he works that much?
Assuming your older dd is at school, could you put your younger dd in nursery or a crèche for a couple of mornings a week? You desperately sound in need of a break every week, a few hours will help break the cycle for you. Even if you could go for walks in the evenings when they're in bed, that would help.
I have 4 yo dts and one of them has the most awful tantrums. At times I have totally lost it, but it makes you feel worse and makes the situation escalate. I find it hard to stay calm when one or more of my dc are kicking off and I go to work and have family nearby so can only imagine how hard you're finding it .

Sorry poly forgot you said DP works so much.

tethersend Sat 27-Apr-13 13:08:07

12 hours a day 7 days a week is unsustainable, for both of you.

Can this change?

PolyesterBride Sat 27-Apr-13 13:13:07

Sorry sent it by mistake.

I meant I think I'm worse than people who smack their kids even though I am against smacking. Feel awful about it. And she will always remember it won't she?

Just have no energy for doing anything with them unless I go to bed at 9pm.

They are now watching tv and I'm feeling shit about that too. I feel like I'm really damaging them but they don't have anyone else. My DP is not around. Can't do swimming cos of parent child ratio rules and have got no money for soft play. I should take them to the park but I just can't face it today. Just want to sleep.

Need to start afresh but every time I give myself a good talking to I just go back to the way I was.

I get exactly what you're saying (DSs are 6 & 2 and starting to battle, scream, tantrum). If anything it sounds like you really, really need a break - can your DH change his working pattern, can he take a few days leave to give you a break soon so you can go and see friends /be somewhere where children are not?

FadedSapphire Sat 27-Apr-13 13:15:57

Hell a bit of Cbeebies or the like will be educational!
A walk to the paper shop and back?
Any ducks to feed?
A garden?

FadedSapphire Sat 27-Apr-13 13:16:42

A cd to dance to for them to let off steam?

PolyesterBride Sat 27-Apr-13 13:18:06

Yes the 12 hours a day thing is hopefully only until July. So it's only a few months to go but I don't know if I can get through till then. Also DP keeps warning that it might be longer than that eg September and I feel lije I'm going to crack.

Kids in school / full time nursery so probably one of the reasons they're so difficult at the weekend is that they're craving my attention. Just don't feel I have it to give them at the moment.

This isn't how I imagined being a mum would be. I thought I'd be teaching them to sew, planting flowers together, making cakes and walking along the beach. Instead I'm screaming at them, being screamed at, plonking them in front of the tv and wishing their choldh

PolyesterBride Sat 27-Apr-13 13:18:46

Sorry - keep doing that

Wishing their childhoods away

dogsandcats Sat 27-Apr-13 13:20:30

I think this is more a case of the situaion you are in.
It would be the end of the tether for most of us.

I think the situation needs to change.
When you say "no family", do you literally mean you and dp have no family members at all? Or are they far away, or wouldnt come anywhere near you both?

And when you say "no friends", do you mean they do not live local to you, or again, neither of you have any friends at all?

You sound knackered TBH. I know the feeling really well! Get a few really early nights in, and see if that makes you more motivated at the weekends.

What about craft stuff? big bits of paper and poster paints? do you have a garden? Sit out there with them and let them play, or take the paints outside.

Oh, and cbeebies occasionally is fine smile

quietlysuggests Sat 27-Apr-13 13:22:59

Have you apologised to your daughter yet?

How about, if you work full time, could you take the odd Friday off so you get a day to yourself to chill and recharge so you can enjoy the weekend with your kids a bit more? Would that work?

Thing is, it's a vicious circle, they battle and wear you down, you end up feeling like you CBA to try and so it goes on.

Buy in a muffin mix and bake together, it doesn't take long and it's really enjoyable, like most things once you get going. Only you can change this cycle.

PolyesterBride Sat 27-Apr-13 13:23:11

Family are about 200 miles away - we are both from the south but live in the north

Friends - most are down south but I have a couple here. Things are ok when I can see one of them but it can't be every weekend - they have their own lives.

I had a shot childh

PolyesterBride Sat 27-Apr-13 13:24:59

Am officially an iPhone idiot

Was going to say I had a crap childhood and am now inflicting the same on my girls. They deserve much better.

Feel like giving up my job would help a lot but we couldn't pay rent or bills

PolyesterBride Sat 27-Apr-13 13:28:13

Yes I said sorry to her straight away and have said it again.

I think the odd Friday off would certainly help. Always feel like I should keep all my holiday says for them but the odd one for me wouldn't hurt I guess. I think I'm so stressed though that I can imagine worrying about the time not being enough ad soon as I got back from dropping them off. That sounds bonkers I know.

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