Don't like my baby's name

(49 Posts)
nina01 Sun 21-Apr-13 09:51:10

I would really appreciate some reassurance - my little girl is 4 months old and I really don't like her name, it doesn't resonate with me at all. It was my husband's choice, and as I named our son I let him choose her name. I must have liked it at some stage, as i agreed to it a year earlier if we had a girl (sadly ended in a miscarriage when 3 months pregnant) but I felt pressured into it, and he wouldn't agree to any of the names I suggested. We needed an urgent birth certificate and passport, so she needed a name! My parents hate it, so I'm not sure whether that has changed my opinion. I am having anxiety attacks about it, and can't stop questioning myself! He said we could change it in a year if I'm still unhappy, but that's too late. I'm trying to call her by her name to get used to it, but keep calling her 'baby'. Friends have said it's a great name, but I'm really unsure. Her name is India, and I sometimes shorten it to indie

FlatsInDagenham Sun 21-Apr-13 09:56:16

I think it's a nice name, and quite popular these days so she won't stick out - yet still with that nice balance of unusual.

It's just the sort of name our parents' generation would hate too, so nothing strange about your parents' reaction. Very rude of them to comment at all, tbh.

Indie is a lovely nn.

Bowlersarm Sun 21-Apr-13 09:57:48

I love the name India, but then that doesn't exactly help you if you don't. Could you call her by her middle name?

Runningblue Sun 21-Apr-13 10:02:06

First of all congrats on your beautiful baby daughter! i really feel for you, it sounds a little like the name is coming in the way of you really enjoying your dd, after all, if you find it hard to 'bond with the name', its hard to get past that.
can i be honest with you? i look to my parents for a bit of subliminal go ahead, and it still sticks in my mind my dad saying 'where on earth did that name come from?' When i said we were calling our dd Imogen. It really got to me far more than if anyone else had said it.
You say you end up calling her 'baby' often well why not call her a nickname from that, baby waby?! I do call my dd by her proper name but we have so many nicknames for her. It might give you a break from India, and approach in a refreshed light.

Has she a middle name? Imogen's is rose, so she gets called Rosey Jim!
Lastly you could resort to an informal complete name change- my nana was christened Harriet Mary but was known as Molly all her lifeconfused

Laquila Sun 21-Apr-13 10:02:13

I think it's lovely! Unusual enough to be interesting, not so out-there that people are going to be raising eyebrows or mispronouncing it. My parents would probably balk if I suggested it to them, but I think it's a generational thing, and I guarantee they'll come round to it as she grows into it.

If you really really can't get used to it and rethink it's going to eh a problem longer-term, then I read somewhere on here the other day that you have a year to change a baby's name on their birth cert, but I don't know whether that's true.

Branleuse Sun 21-Apr-13 10:02:56

Gorgeous name.

Can you give her a nickname and use that, or use her middle name?

Laquila Sun 21-Apr-13 10:03:16

"rethink it's going to eh a problem" = "really think it's going to be a problem"....(obvs...)

xigris Sun 21-Apr-13 10:04:47

Sorry, this probably isn't helpful but I love both India and Indie too. My parents don't like my DS1's name or my DN's either!

Laquila Sun 21-Apr-13 10:05:19

Runningblue - "I look to my parents for a bit of subliminal go-ahead" - SO true! I do appreciate it will be hard to get used to if your parents are still being stubborn about it.

AnAirOfHope Sun 21-Apr-13 10:09:54

Whats wrong with calling her Indie, i like it and im sure your dd will like it too.

Congrats

dozily Sun 21-Apr-13 10:10:04

It took me ages to get used to dd2's name - I used to avoid using it whenever possible, just saying "she" instead. It just sounded wrong somehow. However she's now 3 and I can't imagine her being called anything else!

I'm sure it will grow on you smile I think it's a pretty name for a child which will also be a strong name for an adult.

crazy88 Sun 21-Apr-13 17:12:56

I changed ds2's name at 11 weeks and am so glad I did. It wasn't the right name for him. Better to change it now than leave it and always regret it. Seriously, in a few months no one will remember. My ds2 is 4 now and even his older brother has forgotten that he ever had another name, although we did get a couple of Xmas cards addressed wrongly the first year so we obviously forgot to tell a couple of people!! blush

Honestly, if it feels wrong, change it smile

nina01 Mon 22-Apr-13 11:36:10

Imogen was the name I really wanted for her, but my husband refused for some reason! I didn't push it as a friend's baby was also called Imogen, although she said she didn't mind. Her middle name is Rose, and while I like it as a middle name (it's pretty popular as a middle name) I'm not keen on it as her first name.

The thought of changing it also makes me feel incredibly anxious, almost a bit sad. I do call her Indie, but that doesn't sit that well with me either

Runningblue Mon 22-Apr-13 20:00:22

Oh dear nina, i feel bad! At least we're in agreement that imogen is a lovely name ...
I am not sure how you resolve this, because i would imagine your husband is fine with dd's name? I think crazy88's advice is very sensible but i bet much harder if one partner is happy with the name, and the other not.
And, if you have one specific name you couldn't have for your dd, its almost like grieving i suppose. Because i would imagine that even if dh agreed to change name, he wouldnt fancy imogen as a new name?

newtonupontheheath Mon 22-Apr-13 20:05:44

Hi nina, my dd is called indie smile

Indira, rather than India, but we always call her indie for short. I don't find it rolls off the tongue as easy as my ds's name does, however I do like it and think that we picked this name for her as a child/adult rather than a baby, if that's makes sense?

I'm not judging, by the way, just adding my two-penneth!

newtonupontheheath Mon 22-Apr-13 20:07:01

Fwiw I think Indie Rose (have just re-read to find her middle name) is beautiful smile

Startail Mon 22-Apr-13 20:16:43

India isn't a cute baby name, but wait until she's a feisty 6,7,8 year old or a tall elegant teen. Suddenly it will fit perfectly and you'll be delighted you didn't call her something else.

QueenFuri Mon 22-Apr-13 20:55:26

My DP named our 2nd son as I choose DS1 name. He is 3 now and although I don't like his name it's grown on me and it suits him. India is a beautiful name.

Notsoyummymummy1 Tue 23-Apr-13 22:20:44

It's natural to get anxiety if you feel an important decision has been rushed or taken away from you and perhaps a part of you feels it belongs to the baby you lost. It doesn't help that your parents have declared they hate it as you now feel you have to justify something you're not sure of. I personally think the name India is stronger and more interesting than Imogen but the personal opinions of other mums probably won't mean a lot. My advice would be to keep the name she has been given - it has been chosen by her father and he had his reasons for wanting it. If you change it she might turn around one day and say she wishes she had kept her original name! You will get used to it and the more you use it the more she will grow into it and she will be your little Indie x

Cravingdairy Tue 23-Apr-13 22:30:17

How about Dee (Dee Dee while she's tiny!) or Dia as alternative nicknames - they have a different 'feel' to India IYSWIM.

LittleBearPad Tue 23-Apr-13 22:34:25

I think it's a lovely name but that doesn't help you, does it. Can you come up with a nickname that isn't name-based and see how you get on with that?

Would Dee or deedee work better for you.

MrsEricBana Tue 23-Apr-13 22:45:37

I love the name India too and spookily wanted to call dd India Rose. My parents didn't like it as thought was akin to calling her France, Africa, China etc - daft IMO. We decided against it only because our surname begins with P and went for a pretty but safer name which, it transpires, half of the other parents in our town went for, and I still hanker after India/Indie. IMO there are no worries at all re the name itself but can you put your finger on why you don't like it?

MrsEricBana Tue 23-Apr-13 22:51:30

If you really really hate it I think you should push to change it asap though as leaving it will only make it worse. This is not at all the same but we have a pet with a name I was not bought into at all and it always feels wrong when I say it to him or anyone enquiring about him as and feel I have to justify it every time.

Minoan Tue 23-Apr-13 22:57:41

Sorry I like the name too!
But is it really about the name or about it being her, do you feel you have been rushed on by your husband generally and do you feel her really fully acknowledged your miscarriage?

Minoan Tue 23-Apr-13 22:58:20

Sorry, did your husband acknowledge your miscarriage I mean?

TheCraicDealer Tue 23-Apr-13 23:07:47

I think it's a beautiful name, and the poster who said she'll grow into it as a teenager is right. I imagine a gorgeous dark haired gazelle of girl! And Dee Dee is a cute nickname for the baba now.

However, us all pilling in and saying we think it's lovely will only help so much. Reading your OP I also thought about whether this is connected to the miscarriage and whether perhaps you feel you're somehow using the same name that was meant for that baby, rather than a name of her own.

RhondaJean Tue 23-Apr-13 23:10:59

Oh India is a gorgeous name!

I know a baby indie and she is gorgeous too.

India Rose is lovely. She shares her name with the daughter of a Spanish actress!

nina01 Wed 24-Apr-13 11:42:21

So many wise comments from everyone! I really appreciate it! Ou're right, runningblue, he would not accept Imogen and it does almost feel a little like grieving. It's hard when one is tired and hormonal post birth, as well as stressed moving house and renovating, that I doubted myself for feeling unsure and thought he might be right with the name as I didn't feel of very sound mind! And that's another thing I thought of, Startail, that it may suit her as an older child, and that she may not be happy that I changed it! I spoke to my mother again today, and she said again how she couldn't see her as India, particularly with the horrible things happening in the country India at the moment, ie rape of 5 year old girls.

I just think I won't be able to feel confident changing her name, and just accept I had my opportunity at birth and didn't push it, so I have to just lump it!

MrRected Wed 24-Apr-13 11:53:40

Love the name India Rose. It's strong but feminine. I immediately think of a beautiful, independent child/woman when I hear it.

The suggestion of Dee or Didi or using her middle name/Rosie is a good one.

Molehillmountain Wed 24-Apr-13 13:01:47

We had decided on ds name if he was a boy and both dh and I agreed although it had taken some thought. Still, when the midwife said "and does he have a name?" And dh said "yes it's x" I had a sudden panic. I think I felt rushed and not ready and for some months I felt we'd chosen the wrong name. I still have the odd panic about it, I'm sure it's not uncommon. But he is x now and I love him. I use shortenings mostly and I can't say I feel deep pain about it, just the occasional ouch. I had miscarriages too and then I'm not sure I was ready for a boy at all-my gut said that we'd lost a girl after our later miscarriage although there was no reason. So I assume its one of the brains weird tricks it plays on you sometimes-making you feel unsettled about one thing when actually it's another. Does that make any sense? A bit of displaced grief.
Hope all turns out well for you op-and as others have said I, unhelpfully think India is a beautiful name too,

PleaseDontEatMyShoe Thu 25-Apr-13 11:35:42

It's a lovely name, and people do seem to 'become' their names, iykwim. I agree that picking a nickname you love for her could help-if I had a DD called India, she'd probably end up being Dilly 'for short' because nicknames get picked at random in my family

NatashaBee Thu 25-Apr-13 11:43:46

I agree that it's a lovely name, definitely one that she'll grow into. It took me ages to feel comfortable calling DS by his name - I wondered for a long time if we'd made the wrong choice. But then he started walking and climbing and I had to yell it at least 20 times an hour, which helped grin

BergholtStuttleyJohnson Thu 25-Apr-13 11:54:02

I think it's a beautiful name and one she'll probably grow into. I love both my sons names but didnt think either of them suited a baby so called them by a nickname. They really suited the embarrassing nicknames I gave them. ds1 is nearly 3 now and I find myself using his actual name most of the time now as he seems to have grown into it. If you're having anxiety attacks that's probably more to do with hormones than her name and you should maybe see your gp or healthvisitor.

starfield Thu 25-Apr-13 12:08:45

I love India. But ended up choosing Imogen! They're both beautiful names but India is a bit more elegant! Indy is a lot nicer than Immy, which is what my daughter gets (or Ima).

Could I suggest that you could be feeling very anxious anyway and it's sort of stuck to the naming issue? Apologies if I'm on the wrong track, it just seems to be making you so very unhappy that I wondered if you might need some tlc generally.

TheCatInTheHairnet Thu 25-Apr-13 12:30:14

I agree with Starfield in gently suggesting that with a brand new baby andan impending move, the name thing is an easy place to lay your anxiety.

I also (gently!) suggest you ask your Mum to keep her opinion on the name to herself now, especially if you're not going to change it.

bedmonster Thu 25-Apr-13 21:41:17

I really love the name, it sounds strong and beautiful. Do you have any connections with the country? I only ask as I wanted to use it for my DDs name and my great grandparents were Indian, but my DP said it was a silly name as we aren't Indian. I still love the name now and was all set to call DS Indy but bloody DP stomped all over that name too!
Having said that, if YOU don't like the name and want to change it, I think it's be better to do it sooner rather than later. How old is she by the way in case i've missed it somewhere?

KatKyn Thu 25-Apr-13 23:49:03

It is a lovely name and very grown up which is a good thing, my dh ruled out lots of flowery names and so forth as he couldn't imagine her being taken seriously in a board meeting. In that respect India will be a great name. We changed ds name after a couple of days and never regretted it. My dd is 15 weeks and I'm still getting used to the name we chose, I don't think it suits her yet. You have a year to change it and is apparently more common than you'd think.

tallulah Fri 26-Apr-13 17:31:39

We gave our DD1 a beautiful name that I'd always planned to use for a DD. Despite that it felt odd calling her that - it was such a grown up name for a little tiny baby. We both were calling her other things instead - sweetie, darling etc instead of her name, and DH started calling her pumpkin. That got shortened still further and we called her a contraction of pumpkin for the next few years until she grew into her proper name grin

(her real name is nothing at all like pumpkin btw)

PicardyThird Fri 26-Apr-13 17:40:36

India Rose is a lovely, elegant name - it's not one I would choose myself, but I can see it's a lovely name with both beauty and gravitas -, and Didi would be a fab nickname while she's little.

Do you and dh have an alternative name on which you both agree? That said, as your dd has a lovely name already, iyswim, I would only be thinking of changing it if you both really loved the name you intend to change it to.

MrsLettuce Fri 26-Apr-13 17:43:09

How about shortening it to Dia (Dee-a)? Could you hack that?

Claphammama Sat 27-Apr-13 18:39:27

Hi nina. I'm 15 weeks pregnant and thinking about names. I love the name India and would love to choose it if it's a girl :-) Just searched for it on mumsnet to see what people thought and this thread came up! I think it's very delicate and elegant and for me it has an extra special meaning as I love India as the country and have spent a lot of time there over the last 10 years. Just trying to convince DP now :-)

Nerfmother Sat 27-Apr-13 18:54:23

I am going to go against the grain here, sorry. I don't think it matters if other people like it although it is reassuring.
I have four dcs and I hate ds' name six years later. I really wish I had changed it when I had a chance and when do might have come round. I sat and sobbed my way though the registration and the registrar told me we could change his name later it was so obvious!
Can you talk to dh and get his view? I hate all this I named dd so he gets ds stuff.

Wishfulmakeupping Sat 27-Apr-13 19:16:02

As lovely as the name is if you don't like it you need to change it sooner rather than later if you are sure that YOU don't like it forget about your parents views- do you like it?

cooper44 Sun 28-Apr-13 19:28:41

My dad chose my name and my mum always disliked it so she just called me something else and always did. No-one but my mum ever called me it. And it's so much nicer than the boring name my dad chose.
Not sure what my point is. I think India is beautiful but you absolutely need to feel comfortable with your children's names so i would address it now.

chrome100 Sun 28-Apr-13 19:32:11

I know quite a few Indias, most of them my age (late 20s/30s). Although it wouldn't necessarily be my first choice, it is a nice name and one that is perfectly acceptable. That said, if you are not happy with it then I think you should change it. Maybe give it a little more time to see if you can grow used to it, but otherwise I think do it now whilst she is still little.

sarahtigh Tue 30-Apr-13 19:51:29

maybe you need to talk to DH again you can change before age 1 without too much trouble; however Imogen is out of the question as DH does not like it, you agreed he could choose as you choose DS's name so I think it would have to be a choice that he could veto as fair is fair, or maybe you could ask him for a couple of alternatives for you to choose between, you really both need to be happy with choice which is why I do not think the you choose one and I choose the other name works

ghosteditor Tue 30-Apr-13 19:57:16

Sorry that you dislike it - nothing we say can change that!

But I love it and wanted it for DD, but DH wasn't so taken with it.

Hope you find a solution you're happy with!

zxcv123 Tue 30-Apr-13 20:46:42

I'm going to go a bit against the grain and say that four months is long enough for you to have reconciled yourself to the name - and if you haven't and you are still unhappy about it, then you need to discuss with your DH changing it now before she is old enough to know/care and whilst legally you can change her birth certificate (12 months I think).

I was forced into calling my two DCs names I dislike. I've never called either of them by their first names, always their second names and so the DCs have always called themselves by their second names too. It has caused no end of grief with schools/doctors/hospitals/passports/official certificates etc and it still makes me unhappy every time I hear their real first names mentioned. I should have changed their names when they were tiny.

(PS An "Indie" I know is actually Indigo - would that be better?)

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