How many children do you want? Ideally?

(108 Posts)
redplanet Mon 25-Mar-13 16:43:31

Are you having less than you would like to becuase of financial/ social/ practical restraints? Do you think you always regret not having the last one?

Ragwort Mon 25-Mar-13 16:45:41

I wanted one, I had one; I absolutely don't regret having any more. And nothing to do with financial or practical restraints, just didn't have a want/need for any more smile.

redplanet Mon 25-Mar-13 16:48:59

What sort of age were you when you had him/ her? How old is he or she now? Do you think you will ever change your mind?

Umlauf Mon 25-Mar-13 16:49:35

One. DH wants two. Currently pregnant with the first one. He is desperately hoping motherhood will change my mind! Who knows, perhaps it will!

intheshed Mon 25-Mar-13 16:51:54

I have two- age 3 and 5. Secretly I would like one more in a couple of years, once the 3yo is at school but I haven't even broached the subject with DH yet, he has made it very clear he is happy with two.

Wonderland121 Mon 25-Mar-13 16:52:36

Have 2 want 3 but who knows.

I used to want three. Still do - but it's taken me 'til now to meet someone suitable (I'm 35) so I'd be overjoyed with one if I'm honest. I've been broody since mid-20's so I feel like I've been waiting an age.

I'm hoping for twins or triplets! grin

redplanet Mon 25-Mar-13 16:55:57

Thanks for all your replies- I'm from a big family, so have always thought lots is 'normal' but it so much depends on so many other things. I also have several friends who only want one. Such a personal thing really.

PogoBob Mon 25-Mar-13 16:58:29

Have two, 2y7mo DD and 12 week old DS.

Would like 4, sticking with 2 for financial reasons, still play the lottery though so who knows!.

Dinosaurhunter Mon 25-Mar-13 16:59:32

I have 1 and don't intend to have any more . I'm really happy with my ds and feel content .

flossy101 Mon 25-Mar-13 16:59:36

I have one, would like four, but not sure can afford/have room.

redplanet Mon 25-Mar-13 17:03:35

I quite like odd numbers- would quite like three. But maybe four if 3 goes OK. If we are luck enough to.

redplanet Mon 25-Mar-13 17:05:04

In reality though we have 2 and I can't quite see how we could have more than this. I would just like more ideally.

ThedementedPenguin Mon 25-Mar-13 17:05:38

I wanted 6/7 growing up, now I have one ds I thinking two would be enough. It's tough work not sure I'd cope with 7 haha

Wishfulmakeupping Mon 25-Mar-13 17:08:04

I have 1 would love 4 but we would not be able to afford 4 so will try for a second and stop there

Have two, would love one more. But I'm 41, fat, generally unfit and don't want another pregnancy being so unfit. I don't think I can get into shape in time to squeeze out another one.

WillYouDoTheBunnyHop Mon 25-Mar-13 17:11:12

I'm 29 and I have one; he's only 14w. All through pregnancy I thought he'd be an only, but immediately after (as in in delivery suite) I knew I wanted at least another one and quite possibly more. As my hormones have settled down the urge to do it NOW has subsided but I (and DP) still want another fairly soon.

stickygingerbread Mon 25-Mar-13 17:31:13

Before I had children, I didn't know if I wanted any. Now we have 2 and would love to have 4; however at 42 I would be very lucky to have 1 more. We wish we had started sooner, but we didn't know how much we would love being parents. wish us luck for twins. grin

CheerfulYank Mon 25-Mar-13 17:34:33

I'd like 5.

Tailtwister Mon 25-Mar-13 17:37:18

If we had started earlier and money was no object, I would have liked 3. It took 8 years to conceive DS1 (IVF eventually) and DS2 arrived unassisted just over 2 years later when I was 39.

I couldn't cope with 3 under 5, so having a 3rd wasn't an option. We're actually very happy with 2 we have and having a 3rd would rule out a lot of things we want to give our existing children. So, in summary 3 would have been my fantasy number (reduced from the 5 I wanted in my 20's!), but we feel very lucky to have the lovely 2 we do.

redplanet Mon 25-Mar-13 17:38:02

How many do you have already Cheerful? Would you actually HAVE five?! I am one of four and it was great growing up, and still is now that we are adults actually. I'm not sure that another one would have made that much difference to us. But to actually have 5 would be very brave. But lovely....!

Tailtwister Mon 25-Mar-13 17:40:57

My SIL had one (in her early 30's) and was absolutely adamant she was sticking to that. She is a fabulous mother, but very realistic and sensible (which I admire!) and I do respect her hugely. She has maintained her career through the early years (where I feel I have stagnated somewhat) and has made some really brave decisions recently which have really paid off (can't go into too much detail or I would out myself).

CandyCrushed Mon 25-Mar-13 17:42:45

I had three very close together but had always wanted four. DH wanted to stop at three so we did. I am very, very glad I stopped at three. I am sure I would have loved four but three is plenty smile

I have three, eldest is 6, 3 then 1. I would love four or five, but I'm a wreck during pregnancy, it just wouldn't be fair on my existing children to go through it again. I was sterilised after the last one and in many ways totally regret it, but having a fourth was simply not an option!

sjupes Mon 25-Mar-13 18:10:17

I desperately wanted a third as soon as the second was born. Ended up pregnant around dc2s first birthday by accident and now wish i had stuck with my 2.. i'm 20 weeks pregnant with dc3 now and very slowly coming round to it.

IrrelevantElephant Mon 25-Mar-13 18:13:45

I'd love five. Got none at the moment- TTC, so understand my views on children might change!! I'm one of 5, and so is DH, and all our parents/siblings have large families, so it's just the norm for us. I loved my childhood so much with my siblings, and we still get on fantastically as adults, and I want that support for my DC too.

ThedementedPenguin Mon 25-Mar-13 18:16:07

My auntie wanted 4. She now has 7.

Margie32 Mon 25-Mar-13 18:45:55

I've got 2 DSs (2.2 and 14 weeks) and have always wanted 3 DC (I'm one of 3). However, I think we'll have to stop here, mainly for financial reasons. When DS2 was born I remember feeling this lovely contentment that my family was complete but if I'm honest there is just a tiny lingering doubt in my mind about going for no.3.

HotCrossPun Mon 25-Mar-13 18:50:49

I would love a big family, 4 dc's would be perfect. Currently ttc for the first time. DP is 40, so unless we get really busy over the next few years I think I'm going to have to accept that our family is likely to be smaller.

perplexedpirate Mon 25-Mar-13 19:01:51

Always wanted one. Have DS now and no plans for any more.
I'm 35 and DS is 5.

redwellybluewelly Mon 25-Mar-13 19:13:32

I'm 35. Would have liked 3 but with one toddler and another due in June we'll stop there. DH has agreed to a vasectomy when younger child is two.

I would have been over the moon had this single bump turned out to be twins but I also quite selfishly! have one eye on our future. I've an exciting career, we'd like to give our children lifetime experiences which we never had and we want a good nest egg for them both.

Bluemonkeyspots Mon 25-Mar-13 19:17:47

Dc4 due any day now. Think we are very lucky that we are able (physically and financially) to have 4.

We are by no means rich, dh works his arse off and I'm self employed from home to give us a "good" standard of living but I do worry about when they all get older and more expensive.

fieldfare Mon 25-Mar-13 19:19:03

I have dd but dh and I would like more together. Another 3 would have been great but I feel we're running out of time now dd is older.

Floralnomad Mon 25-Mar-13 19:20:03

I have 2 and I really only want 1 , not sure which one to get rid of though as they've been here quite a while and both have good and bad points !

oooggs Mon 25-Mar-13 19:21:29

I just 'wanted' an even number

Had one and went for a second and ended up with twins so went for one more to even it up!!!

TheCatInTheHairnet Mon 25-Mar-13 19:29:22

I have 4 and, right now listening to WW68 going on, I'd say none! grin

elQuintoConyo Mon 25-Mar-13 19:36:45

I'd like a big family, say 5 or 6, but just not give birth to them all. I have one DS who's 15mo and I'm still reeling from the birth. I'd like to take in strays.

DH is one of 6, his oldest brother has 5, his dad is one of 8 and his mum one of 15 - yes 15! My own dad is one of 9 (8 boys, last one a girl), his parents were one of 9 (grandma), one of 13 (granddad). So big families, er, 'run in the family'!

I'm 38, and we're going to stop at one. I'd like to have an open house to DS's friends when he starts school. We often have the 5 from my BIL over to give the parents a break, they're delighted as no one else will tackle them as a group, they can be a handful.

2aminthemorning Mon 25-Mar-13 19:37:13

I'd like six. I have one. DH would like a tribe...don't think he would ever want to stop. However I can't carry another pregnancy so we're thinking of surrogacy, then adoption in the future (always a dream in any case).

2aminthemorning Mon 25-Mar-13 19:37:57

elquintoconyo we're kindred spirits smile

I wanted 4 and have 4 . There are days when I question my sanity smile

CognitiveOverload Mon 25-Mar-13 19:41:42

I have one. Would like another one.

wigglesrock Mon 25-Mar-13 19:41:47

I have 3, I always wanted 3 or 4. But to be honest after I had dd3 I just felt that was that, had no desire, not even a little twinge for one more.

We made decisions in respect of wanting 3, we moved our of town to a bigger, cheaper new build. If our kids want to go to University they will need to self fund it, but so did my husband

dashoflime Mon 25-Mar-13 19:42:42

I have one and would ideally like two. I'm talking to DH about three, with a view to "compromising" there wink

TidyDancer Mon 25-Mar-13 19:44:14

I have two, currently TTC a third. It's a possibility we would think about a fourth as well.

KoalaFace Mon 25-Mar-13 19:46:38

Got 1DS 2.8 and another due in October. Finances permitting I'd like 4. But we'll wait and see!

Bakingtins Mon 25-Mar-13 19:47:54

I always wanted 3 or 4. I have 2 DCs, spaced 3.5yrs apart, youngest is nearly 3 and I'm 38. I've had 3 MCs and have nearly but not quite given up on having DC3 and DC4 looks out of the question. I had my first child at 31 so didn't at the time feel I'd left it too late, but things have not gone to plan.
I think if we are not successful I will always feel my family is incomplete. We're having testing to see if we can find a reason for the MC, mainly because if we don't I'll always wonder if there was something I could have done. I was very naive to think that simply wanting four children would mean that's how it would work out.

foxrivereight Mon 25-Mar-13 19:48:13

I would like 3 . I currently have 2 (dd 8 and ds 5mo)

Dh would like to start trying for no3 soon - we can barely scrape by as it is hmm

I told him if we win the euromillions we can start ttc soon as the cheque clears gringrin

foxrivereight Mon 25-Mar-13 19:49:28

wiggles I hope that happens to me I hate baby envy it's the worst kind . It turns me into a raging bitch blushblush

PolkaDotCups Mon 25-Mar-13 19:50:41

If I win the lottery then 4 (I'm 36 though so to fit in another 3 might be pushing it). If I don't win the lottery then 2 if I am lucky. I want to be able to provide for them and it would be too much of a struggle with more than 2.

WinkyWinkola Mon 25-Mar-13 19:54:48

Got 4. Want 5.

RealityQuake Mon 25-Mar-13 20:20:44

I have 4. Originally planned 5 or 6, and still think of it, but pregnancy/birth is too risky for me at this point, I don't think I could handle it and don't want to risk not so DH has had the snip. We're hoping to be in a place to foster or adopt in a few years.

However, my friends are wanting 2 or less, most want none. Same with family - my kids make up over half the grandkids on both sides (and DH is from a family with 5 kids, I'm 1 of 3). Very personal, no right answers.

CheerfulYank Mon 25-Mar-13 20:30:07

Yes OP, I think I'll end up with 5-ish. smile I have one right now and one coming in May.

I doubt they will all be biological though, DH and I would really like to adopt.

CheerfulYank Mon 25-Mar-13 20:33:46

Agree with "no right answers". My dad has two, his brother has one, his other brother has three, and their "baby" sister has six. She and her DH didn't plan on all of them certainly, but it happened and my cousins are all amazing. She's a fantastic mom.

I, as I said, want five and everyone I know thinks I'm insane. All of my friends plan on one, two, or none.

louisianablue2000 Mon 25-Mar-13 21:44:04

We wanted three and have three. Very lucky, we didn't have DD1 until I was nearly 37 and had DC3 when I was 42.

BertieBotts Mon 25-Mar-13 21:45:52

Zero. Too late grin

Nah, not really. I've always wanted a big family, I'd love to have four or five, I'd never cope though sad

I have one and would like one or two more so that DS has a sibling.

NotSoNervous Mon 25-Mar-13 21:46:50

I would like 3 ideally but as always it depends on finances ect...

Zatopek Mon 25-Mar-13 21:48:59

I have two. I love babies and would love to give birth again but I don't want any more children. Two is hard enough.

rubyrubyruby Mon 25-Mar-13 21:52:25

I planned to have 2 - I have 4 and then considered 5

Too late now

mrsjrob Mon 25-Mar-13 21:53:13

I have 4 would like 5/6 but can't afford anymore

Annunziata Mon 25-Mar-13 21:53:42

I wanted 6 and was lucky enough to have them.

We have 1. I would like 4...maybe even 5. OH only wants 2, at that is at a push.

For us, it's personal constraints. He wants less than me, so he wins.

(for now...!)

Velvetbee Mon 25-Mar-13 22:00:06

Wanted 2, have 4. Wasn't concentrating at pertinent moments.

chesticles Mon 25-Mar-13 22:01:53

I have 3, but only really wanted 2. (2nd preg was twins). Although I wouldn't change it now that they are here, I still think 2 would be easier so ideally would still only like 2.

Pregnant with dc2, would like three in total.

I wanted 2, I have 2. After dd1 I knew I wasn't done, but now I feel contented with what I have.

grin at Velvetbee. You need to pay attention!

ariane5 Mon 25-Mar-13 23:35:06

I would have LOVED 5. We have 4 but due to their health problems we just wouldn't manage with anymore sad

Ds2 is 11months and it is going too quick-I think Iam in danger of babying him forever!

If we won the lottery then I'd probably have another one !

SquidgyMummy Mon 25-Mar-13 23:47:57

I have one DS who is 2.5.
Would like another but DP says no, DS was / is too much hard work (true). Time is running out as I am 42.5
Also DP has 2 older D(S)C's who live abroad so DP obviously feels he has enough DCs.

Funnily enough I am one of 3 and not very close to my DSis or DB so actually wondering if siblings are all thery're cracked up to be and it would be better for me to help DS cultivate good friends instead....

TheSecondComing Mon 25-Mar-13 23:49:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AgathaPinchBottom Tue 26-Mar-13 07:35:43

I have one ds just turned 2.
Would love another one. DH is 30 years older than me with grown up children and doesn't want any more. It wouldn't be practical or financially astute to have another. But it doesn't stop me wanting one.

windywoo26 Tue 26-Mar-13 07:43:32

I have always wanted 2. I have one DS and am 9 wks pg with DC2. Not sure if this is another boy if DH would want to try for a girl. I would not be bothered at all. We'll find out in 7 months all being well

chickabilla Tue 26-Mar-13 07:48:52

Dc3 arrived 4 weeks ago and we are definitely done.

redplanet Tue 26-Mar-13 09:48:13

Thank you all for your replies!

duchesse Tue 26-Mar-13 09:58:51

Always wanted 4, even as a 21 yo. Had a massive unexpected gap before number 4 but they are all here now. I do not want any more.

duchesse Tue 26-Mar-13 09:59:31

Oh, and had the last one at 41 (not by choice but it's been absolutely fine).

Locketjuice Tue 26-Mar-13 10:19:07

I have 1, pregnant with no.2.

Not sure how many I want, maybe stop at 2 or if the moment takes me might carry on, I am still most likely one of the youngest on here through so plenty of time (I hope)

sheeplikessleep Tue 26-Mar-13 10:20:46

Have two, pregnant with very much wanted DC3, who will be our last.
Have always wanted 3, DH always wanted 2 or 3. We've spent the last two years umm-ing and ahh-ing over whether to go for DC3 or not. So happy we've gone for it. Going for 3 seems a much more indulgent decision, but we are so excited and happy (and I was relieved DC3 wasn't DC3 and DC4).

Itsallabout Tue 26-Mar-13 10:47:37

I have 1 but always imagined I would have 4.
But nature had a different path in store for me and I cannot have anymore children.

Im happy and blessed with the 1 I have.

MamaBlue4 Tue 26-Mar-13 17:20:32

I have 4 and I'm expecting my 5th. I'm 23 and have been working since I left school, my DH has a job that earns very well, and mine pays well too, which has allowed me to save well over the years. My job is stable and steady and are allowing me to go part-time, if I wish. Dh works very hard and long hours but it works for us.

We're very, very lucky to be able to live securely and stable financially wise to raise our dc. It's still very difficult and even stressful, but luckily money hasn't hindered us wanting children. Ideally we settled on 5 and so this will be our last baby. We're very happy.

Ragwort Tue 26-Mar-13 17:42:55

redplanet - sorry, only just noticed you asked me a question. smile

No, I won't change my mind - I had my first (and last), child at 42, I am 55 this year, been through the menopause and certainly won't have anymore grin.

TallyGrenshall Tue 26-Mar-13 17:48:20

To start with I wanted none and OH wanted 2 or 3

We have 1, and now I want another and OH wants to stick with 1 grin

scarlettsmummy2 Tue 26-Mar-13 17:53:26

Have two, if money was no option I would have another one or two!

juneau Tue 26-Mar-13 18:14:44

Wanted two and have two. Definitely won't be having any more. I'm at the limit of my tolerance and exhaustion. Cannot, for the life of me, imagine how people cope with more and manage to enjoy it!

Still18atheart Tue 26-Mar-13 18:22:53

want 3 but would settle for 2

I want two, but I don't have the room for another one sad
Hopefully I'll manage to move eventually as I'm already regretting how big the age gap will be.

Beatrixpotty Tue 26-Mar-13 19:54:01

Just had my 3rd and this will be my last.If it wasn't for age (39,DH 43) might be tempted to have another..

Bowlersarm Tue 26-Mar-13 20:03:30

I wanted 4. DH wanted 2. We have 3 smile. Now they are all just about teens, and the terrible broodiness sibsided a few years ago I am so so glad we didn't have the 4 i originally wanted. I am knackered and not sure i could have coped with that fourth! They are all lovely, and we have a great relationship, but it's full on. I am in awe of those with more than three

lightsandshapes Tue 26-Mar-13 20:44:58

I have one. I would like another 1 or 2. I am 36 so I'd better get a move on.

rrreow Wed 27-Mar-13 13:49:27

I have one DS, and am pregnant with DS2. I initially wanted two and be done having kids by 30 (I'll be 28 when DS2 is born), but I'd also really like a girl (and so does DH). I really hate being pregnant though and not sure I want to do it a 3rd time. I'm not ruling out a 3rd though! And if we have 3 we might well go for 4... I don't know, I think it will come down to practicalities/finances in the end.

willyoulistentome Wed 27-Mar-13 13:52:34

I'd have loved to have 3. Got 2. DH had a vasectomy after number 2. Fair enough he already had 3 others - so that made 5 for him. Do feel quite sad about my mising number 3 though.

PearlyWhites Wed 27-Mar-13 13:57:08

I have four, I would like at least two more maybe three.

Chiggers Wed 27-Mar-13 19:40:00

I have 2 although DH had talked about having 3 or 4. As soon as he made it clear that he wanted more than 2, I spoke to my GP about getting referred for sterilisation.

I got really excited when the date for the op came through as I couldn't wait to put an end to having more DC. I just didn't want to be pregnant ever again even though the pregnancies and births were fine.

GraceSpeaker Wed 27-Mar-13 19:54:57

One. Wasn't massively keen on pregnancy, birth was messy and I've found I'm not suited to sleep deprivation and baby-induced monotony! One perfect little thing is fine by me.

equiliteral Wed 27-Mar-13 20:28:28

Pre-children I wanted 3 or 4; I have 2 (aged 4 and 2) and it's perfect! No more babies for me smile. My 2 are great pals, I can just about manage to find enough time for each of them, and I still have a (little bit of a!) life myself - all fairly civilised (I will live to regret saying that, I am sure). I don't know how people manage with any more. I also far prefer being a mum of toddlers / children to the baby days, couldn't go back there now.

sjupes Thu 28-Mar-13 18:22:42

For my expecting dc3 and saying i wasn't sure about it - we found out yesterday dc3 is a second dd and it's starting to feel like my family is complete - i know i don't want more but after not being sure about dc3 i know she is just right.

No more no less i think 3 will be my magic number smile

Neiffer Thu 28-Mar-13 18:30:44

I always wanted 3 or 4, currently pregnant with dc2 and suspect this will be our last sad We struggle with money as it is and double childcare costs etc make it harder. And dh only ever wanted 2...who knows, maybe one day we'll have a third z

Jayne266 Thu 28-Mar-13 18:45:40

I want 2 and I have one waiting until DS starts school before another.

AnameIcouldnotthinkof Thu 28-Mar-13 19:13:46

I have 4 DCs. I wanted 5, DH wanted 5 or 6. We started young (though not by choice) and hoped we could have all the DCs we wanted.
3 biological, 1 adopted.
I an ideal world I would have one more but I cannot have anymore DCs. However I am greatful for the DCs that I have and we would love to adopt more in the future.

doublecakeplease Thu 28-Mar-13 19:20:17

We have 1. We'd dearly love another but i had a rubbish pregnancy and my bp (not pre eclampsia, just ridiculously high) put me at risk, meant our DS had to be born early by emcs and was really ill for a while. We hate that DS is going to be an only child, we love being parents and would have liked at least another. But i don't think i could face it all again. Makes me sad BUT we're lucky to have DS...

mysweetie Sun 31-Mar-13 14:41:43

I ideally want 3-4,. but change it to I have 1 as of now and DH is away so I think things will be as planned.

jellybeans Sun 31-Mar-13 14:48:52

I always wanted 3 or 4. However once I had 4 (3 & 4 were twins) I wanted a 5th. Always wanted big family. Don't want more though feel complete smile

Essexgirlupnorth Sun 31-Mar-13 16:25:46

I'm 13 weeks pregnant with my first and would like two in total as would DH.
One of my friends has two boys and wants a third mainly because she is desperate for a girl. She had such a bad pregnancy with number two she said no more but as soon as she had said she would like another.

leonardofquirm Sun 31-Mar-13 17:59:00

I always thought I wanted 2, DS2's birth was a lot easier than his big brother's though and I remember thinking "I could totally do that again" blush

If we had the lottery win and big house I'd have one or 2 more I think, I really want another squishy new baby (and cool little person). grin If we had one now with me working full time and DH as SAHD I think we'd fall out every day though as i am too sleepy and busy. zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

MummyPig24 Mon 01-Apr-13 20:10:38

I want 4. We have 2 and will definitely have a 3rd but almost certainly not a 4th, that would just tip us over the edge financially, space wise and everything else. 3 seems like the magic number for our family, 4 would be nice but not doable.

stopprocrastinating Mon 01-Apr-13 21:15:24

We have one, and I'd happily stop at one. However DH wants two or three.

MyBaby1day Tue 02-Apr-13 04:31:47

I have always dreamed of just having the one, I'm an only child myself and so know what the experience is like-bloody GREAT!! grin

TreeLuLa Tue 02-Apr-13 05:00:32

I wanted 4. But was infertile. 7 years of trying.

Went all out for fertility treatment - could only afford one go.

Had twins! Feel so blessed to have 2 - so we'll be sticking with that! grin

MakeNoResolutions Tue 02-Apr-13 05:32:46

We have 2 fabulous children, currently 6 and 9. I would love another one (or two if I'm honest) but financial and time (i.e. not enough hours in the day) constraints mean we have decided our family is complete. It's something I struggle with all the time but I'm sure as time goes by I'll make my peace with the situation.

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