parents of boys: how many years of cuddles do I have left?

(51 Posts)
drwitch Mon 25-Mar-13 10:43:28

DS is eight


oldest stopped cuddles at about 8ish

youngest still cuddling at age 11

oldest though non-cuddly DRAPES over us IYSWIM, all gangly teen arms and legs

No kisses though ''you can kiss me when I'm sleeping, Mama'' Bah!

lljkk Mon 25-Mar-13 11:24:57

My teenager was victim of a failed mugging last weekend and didn't reject cuddles when he told me about it.

Agree it depends on personality.

Beamur Mon 25-Mar-13 11:28:05

My colleague (male) has a humungous son now at Uni who will still sit on his lap for cuddles! (when no-one is looking) grin

Seeline Mon 25-Mar-13 11:30:35

My Ds is 11 and still comes for cuddles at home smile
BUT barely speaks to me if at school things or out and about grin

Ragwort Mon 25-Mar-13 11:32:32

Totally varies, my DS was always very 'non cuddly' even as a baby sad however now he is 12 he does tend to like a cuddle occasionally (obviously when no one else is around as Seeline says grin).

sydlexic Mon 25-Mar-13 11:32:41

DS 12 climbs in my bed for a cuddle every morning and I climb in his every night. Apparently as this is what we have always done it is what we will always do, even when he is 30.

Iamcountingto3 Mon 25-Mar-13 11:33:17

DS is still very cuddly at 9 - I've been waiting for it to stop since he stopped school. Both prompted and unprompted. I wouldn't push it in front of his mates, but suspect he'll happily blow me a kiss at drop off time in the morning, for example. him and his mates give each other big bear and cheery arm pats too - they're a physical bunch.

As lljkk says, suspect it's personality.

MRSJWRTWR Mon 25-Mar-13 11:34:47

DS1 at nearly 14 is still very cuddly. As he is now bigger than me, I am in danger of getting squashed when he cuddles up on the sofa to watch TV. Still have good night / good bye kisses and hugs and 'I love you's'. However, when I drop him off at school and he is wandering in with his mates, I get an almost 'secret wave' as he looks back!

DS2, 7 in June, just snuggles at every opportunity. Sitting on my knee is getting to be a bit more of a challenge though!

AnisotropicWeetabixFTW Mon 25-Mar-13 11:36:21

I genuinely don't understand the question. Is there a universal limit? Is it an age thing or a saturation point. Cuddle less now and they cuddle for longer?

DH is 31 and still cuddles his parents. And kisses them. And says I love you to them. And needs them. And respects them. And enjoys their company.

DS is 18mo. I don't even want to imagine a world where cuddles are capped at a certain age.

It depends on the boy. Mine are really cuddly - even though the odest is in his twenties, he is still very huggy. Youngest is nine, and hugs and kisses me before and after school, with no embarrassmentat all. And holds hands when we walk up the road.

Lots of his little friends never touch their parents, which seems really sad.

drwitch Mon 25-Mar-13 11:42:47

i think you may understand the question when your ds gets a bit older Anisotropic, last summer ds would regularly sit on my knee while he was at the skate park and eat his snack just before leaping off to do a trick, now he just picks up his snack and eats it far away from me, last year he would always give me a cuddle when i dropped him off at school, now i am lucky if he even looks back. Its not me pushing him away its just them becoming more independent and worried about what other people think.

Beamur Mon 25-Mar-13 11:44:13

DSD has never done cuddles. He used to lean on DP occasionally which was his way of enjoying contact. DP is not a cuddler either.
Us girls in the house, me, DD and DSD have to make do with each other grin

TheNebulousBoojum Mon 25-Mar-13 11:47:42

Mine still cuddles at 18, DB still cuddles at 48.
DS doesn't like an audience.

clam Mon 25-Mar-13 11:51:33

Depends on personality- theirs and yours. My ds is nearly 17 and cuddles me and tells me he loves me all the time. DNs are 23 and are the same with DSis.
But my friend's ds has never cuddled her at all. It breaks her heart.

AnisotropicWeetabixFTW Mon 25-Mar-13 12:28:01

I understand independence. I have an older child too. But she is a girl. Does that make a difference? Or is it only boys that we put this cap on?

It sounds like I'm being disingenuous but really as others are pointing out to you, it's nothing to do with the sex of the child or the age. It's a personality thing. My dh, as I said, is 31 and endlessly affectionate with his parents. He says that neither he nor his brothers or sister ever started refusing to kiss/cuddle goodbye at school.

I just don't agree with the inevitability of it. And even if your child is one of those who moves away from physical affection or at least public demonstrations of affection, they share themselves with you in different ways as they get older.

It's like that crap people spout about a son is only yours until he gets a wife, as if a boy is on loan to you. Don't be disheartened. Embrace the changes. Find new ways.

starfishmummy Mon 25-Mar-13 12:37:01

DS is 14 and still wants cuddles. Its me who is usually about king off when he launches himself at me!!

starfishmummy Mon 25-Mar-13 12:37:25

Backing off. Obviously!!!! Oops

matana Mon 25-Mar-13 12:37:28

Isn't this less of an age/ gender thing and more a personality thing? Eldest sister isn't a cuddler and never has been. Middle sis cuddles at appropriate occasions. I cuddle/ kiss my parents (proper bear hugs) whenever i/ they feel like it, though peculiarly am not particularly tactile with friends, just close family.

DN isn't really a cuddler (she's 4 in July). DS is 2.4 and loves cuddles (providing he's not too busy for them) and will often approach close family members for cuddles. He just thrives on closeness and has done since he was tiny, though he isn't clingy and has bags of confidence. DH and I have never scrimped on kisses and cuddles with each other and with DS and DH says he will kiss/ cuddle DS for as long as DS is comfortable with it. DH's dad is a bear hugger and always says "That's the way we do it up north!" which makes me laugh.

JuneChurch Mon 25-Mar-13 12:40:04

DH is, erm, 52.

I agree, it's a personality issue more than anything else although I also concede that there is more pressure on boys to be 'manly' hmm.

FWIW, DS1 aged 10 gives fierce hugs still. Long may it continue.
I am not a hugger much to my mother's chagrin blush.

MoreBeta Mon 25-Mar-13 12:41:16


You are finished by their ninth birthday if you are a Dad and at age 10 they will only cuddle Mum if it is a dire emergency and no one is actually looking.

I think DSs would actually prefer me to be wearing an invisibility cloak when I go to meet them at school gate now.

matana Mon 25-Mar-13 12:43:54

I hear you Pacific. However, as role models go my DH can be quite, ahem, camp sometimes and isn't particularly macho - hence he was the one who suggested we buy my DS a hoover for Christmas grin

Almostfifty Mon 25-Mar-13 12:46:23

One of mine stopped for a few years, but is fine now. The other three have never stopped and they're all adults now.

OhChristHasRisenFENTON Mon 25-Mar-13 12:47:23

My PFB is eight and I'm making the most of the cuddles, - he still happily cuddles me at home but doesn't even like a quick shoulder hug when I'm seeing him off to school.

My Mum often tells the story of how my brother suddenly decided on his 8th birthday that he was too old for lap sitting and cuddles.


My DH is much more tactile than I am - maybe that has helped to 'allow' DS1 to still by quite demonstrative (even in public sometimes)?

Naw - DS2(9) will have me, or his dad, nowhere near him, DS3(5) has recently decided he 'does not like kisses'. DS4 otoh (3) is still a limped <sigh>

I love boy-cuddles; they are not lovey-dovey, they are fierce grin.
Disclaimer: I know nothing about girl-cuddles as I have none wink.

matana, we have a fine selection of toy buggies and kitchens in this house grin - your DH sounds lovely smile.

limpet, LIMPET - what on earth is a 'limped'?? blush

noddyholder Mon 25-Mar-13 12:51:04

Blimey my ds is 18 and still loves a cuddle

Fashionfail Mon 25-Mar-13 12:51:15

12 yo ds here - cuddles aplenty when no-one looking.

DS1 is 6 and a very kissy cuddly boy, sometimes the kisses and cuddle are almost too much but I know one day, he may not want to do that so I make the most of it now!

insanityscratching Mon 25-Mar-13 13:04:51

My boys are 25,24 and 18 and I get a hug every day I see them. Usually when they arrive and when they leave and don't imagine it will stop any time soon tbh. Dd 1, who is 19, on the other hand isn't one for hugs at all and never has been but gives a peck on the cheek when she goes out. Dd2 can't get enough hugs.

My dses are nearly 16, nearly 18 and nearly 20, and I still get plenty of hugs and cuddles. In some ways they are even better now, because all the boys are taller than me, which makes for a very good hug, imo.

Nearly 10 here

Lovely cuddles
Still holds my hand
Snuggles his Little sister

He and his mates are quite huggy too.

My male friend has no children, and Loves cuddles with my Ds smile

WildThong Mon 25-Mar-13 13:44:46

I don't want it to stop ever! My DS 14 will still hug even though he's bigger than me but usually because I instigate it. He still likes to share the sofa though, snuggling in to watch tv.

MerryMarigold Mon 25-Mar-13 13:45:07

My ds1 is 7 and extremely cuddly. It hasn't worn off at all, though less in public. My friend's ds is 15 and still jumps into bed between her and her dh for cuddles in the morning!!! It does depend on the kid I think. My ds and hers are both what you'd describe as 'sweet' and quite sensitive.

MrsTomHardy Mon 25-Mar-13 13:56:17

My youngest just turned 11 and I still get cuddles.
DS2 will rarely give any but very occasionally DS1 (15) will give me a hug if I ask...although he is 6ft now grin

BitchyHen Mon 25-Mar-13 13:57:11

DS is 12 and still cuddles me and sits on my lap even though he is as tall as me. I was going to say he doesn't cuddle me in public, but while I was in hospital a couple of weeks ago he was very cuddly.

drwitch Mon 25-Mar-13 14:06:39

so cuddles in public will disappear completly but the kind of cuddles i get last thing before he goes to sleep where we read together and chat about the day may last for ever

noddyholder Mon 25-Mar-13 14:17:23

When my ds got accepted for university last week he came to meet me and his dad at the pub and he hugged both of us in a full bar with one of his mates behind the bar smile

MrsTomHardy Mon 25-Mar-13 16:04:31

Mine would never hug me infront of anyone.... Only in private smile

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Mon 25-Mar-13 17:05:43

DS is just over 6' and was taller than me by about 15, he pats me on the head and hugs me and isn't one for PDA but doesn't seem to mind a quick hug in public. Home from uni for Easter and will I hug him at the railway station, oh yes. Years to go OP!

MsDeerheart Mon 25-Mar-13 20:50:34

my DS is 7 - not been allowed to cuddle in public especially at school for over a year but in private still loads of hugs - tells me how much he loves me etc -

BertieBotts Mon 25-Mar-13 20:57:03

But they probably wouldn't with a girl either - I don't cuddle my mum the way I did when I was a child having a bedtime story any more, but we are very close and often have squeezy hugs/long cuddles, kiss, etc.

DP is more likely to hug my mum than he is his own blush

thegreylady Mon 25-Mar-13 21:00:43

My 10 year old dgs is still very cuddly.I can't remember with ds though now-he will be 43 next month grin he will offer the occasional hug grin

Theas18 Mon 25-Mar-13 21:03:36

I do hope I never run out if cuddles with any if my kids, though the youngest is annoyingly teenaged about it all at the moment.

Ds is 17, well over 6 feet tall and towers over me. Sometimes get a hug when I stand on the stairs to match him, or a ruck under his arm "my Diddy mum"hug!

rubyrubyruby Mon 25-Mar-13 21:06:00

Had a hug with DS1 last week - he's 26,

PrideOfChanur Tue 26-Mar-13 21:50:06

Ds is 13 and still huggy - he has always been the cuddly type,much more so than DD.
I am waiting with trepidition to see when it will all stop1

chartreuse Tue 26-Mar-13 21:54:33

Lots of cuddles, hugs, kisses, 'I love you's from my 15 and 13 yr old boys

Ds1&2 are 18 and 10, I still get hugs and kisses from both of them. In public it tends to be a quick kiss on the cheek

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Wed 27-Mar-13 07:31:11

mine are 12 and 13 and still love a cuddle. Still need one sometimes.

My eldest isn't that keen on cuddles in public but my youngest doesn't care. If he wants a hug, he grabs one.

I think it's good. I would like to see an end to this idea that boys shouldn't be cuddly or show emotion. It's not good for them.

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